Wandering Star
by Gina.N.B
Summary: Renesmee is out on her own in the big bad world of vampires. Can the littlest Cullen survive alone or will she always need someone to save her?
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Renesmee Cullen is dead_. Unfortunately for me, my body hasn't gotten the message yet.

For the first time in my life, I envied those who live without a beating heart. Mine was broken, and because my half-human self needed it to keep going, every pump of blood sent clenches of agony throughout my entire body.

I lay on the strange bed, my whole right side was aching from remaining in the same position for so long, and the pillow was soaked with my tears. My temples were throbbing from the tension my weeping caused, the skin around my eyes was sore, and my throat ached from the wailing. All this pain was trivial in comparison to the internal torture I was suffering through. All I had ever known was a lie, everything. Everyone I loved had deceived me, and those who hadn't, I'd left behind. I began to sob again as the familiar faces came to my mind, I was sure the three vampires sitting just a few feet on the other side of the wall could hear me, but I didn't care. I was too numb to care about anything right now.

I watched the sun rise for the third time. Days were passing around me, the world was moving _around me_, the world I had no part in. So what now? Who am I? My stomach rumbled, it had been doing so since the second sunrise, and it was now more violent; a sign that my body required fuel to keep going. But I didn't want to keep going, I didn't want to live.


	2. Fully Grown

**Chapter One: Fully Grown**

Today is my seventh birthday, yet the countless balloons and banners spread throughout my house state otherwise. In preparation for tonight's party, Aunt Alice had imported a mass of "16th Birthday" paraphernalia into every crevice of our home. I awoke with excitement bubbling through my stomach. I was not like my mother, I enjoyed my birthday. I liked attention and gifts, though not in a self centred way, I just enjoyed the fun of it all. I squealed into my duvet cover, which muffled the sound only slightly. My bedroom door was left ajar, and through it I heard the unmistakable roar of my Uncle Emmett's laughter as he cried,  
"The birthday girl's awake!". I propped myself up against my headboard, only to be crushed back down when a pair of thin arms rapped around me, and their owner rolled onto my chest.  
"Happy Birthday Nessie!" I tried to let out a muffled thank you as Alice planted kiss after kiss on my cheek. When she threw herself over to lie beside me, I saw that my large room was now filled with the smiling faces of my entire family. Each of them took turns in wishing me a Happy Birthday, bombarding me with kisses, and hugs that caused my breathing to be limited. My mother was last; she came and sat at my side, and placed the tray she was holding on my lap. Food had grown on me with age, when I was younger I had a worrying thirst for human blood, which of course was not allowed. I was raised as a "vegetarian", and would compete with Jacob for the biggest animals. But Jake hated eating like that, and long days spent in the kitchens of Billy Black, and my Grandpa Charlie introduced me to some of the wonders of normal food. I now drank only occasionally, more so for the enjoyment of hunting with my family than the actual taste. Fortunately, my mother had retained the cooking skills she'd had in her human life, and the tray she had just presented me with was piled high with a delicious looking breakfast.  
"Woah, Mom, thanks. This looks great. Where's Jacob, I think I'm gonna need his help to tackle all this?"  
"He went to meet our guest's sweetie, he'll be back soon"  
"Oh ok. Any other offers then, Uncle Jazz, you wanna help me eat this?"  
I waved a forkful of bacon in the direction of my uncle, and laughed when he stuck out his tongue and made gagging sounds.  
"Ugh Ness, Pig is _nasty. _Jazz bet me I wouldn't have one once."  
"Em, I _still _can't believe you did that!" Jasper was laughing hard as he clapped his brother on the back.  
"Whatever dude, you lost the bet."

I worked my way slowly through my meal as my family discussed tonight's preparations. I wasn't really paying much attention, this party had been in the works for months, and whatever was being discussed, I'd probably already heard about. I was done talking about it; I just wanted it to be here. I wanted to open my presents, and laugh with my friends. I wanted to see my Grandpa Charlie, and Nanna Sue. I wanted to wrestle with Seth like I'd done so often in Forks, and I wanted to meet his fiancée, Louise. I'd learned very little about her from Jacob, apart from that when he first met her "she still seemed a lil' weirded out, but then you would be, if you had _Seth _following you round all the time."

Leaving Forks had been difficult. We had remained there until I was just over four, but by then it was getting too hard for Grandpa to maintain his age at work. The rest of the family remained a quiet mystery the years we stayed there; I was just a little orphan who'd been added into Carlisle and Esme's unusually large brood. But Grandpa was devoted to his profession, and I was desperate to start a real life, so we had to move on. Packing up was hard for all of us. The Cullen family had been drastically changed in that small town, most notably due to the addition of me and my mother. Leaving the little cottage that had become my sanctuary really hurt, leaving Jake hurt more.

It had been decided that he would stay in Forks. He had responsibilities to his father and his pack (though I was never sure what all the werewolves would have to do after all the vampires in town up and left). I'd wept uncontrollably when I was told, placing my hands on everyone around me so that I could us my ability to convey to them the depth of my grief, everyone but Jacob, whose grief was possibly greater than even mine. I begged him to change his mind, but he'd decided it was best for me. He'd keep saying "Time apart will be good for you Ness. I need to know that I'm really the one for you."  
" Good for _you"_, all Jacob cared about was what was good for _me; _I wished he'd be more selfish sometimes.

Then just after New Years, we were gone. The plan was to travel first, then settle somewhere new. After weeping buckets onto Jacob, Charlie, Seth, Sue and Billy at the airport, my Dad carried me onto the plane headed for Chicago. When we were there Grandpa took us to see where he had worked, and where he had changed my Dad. We even went to see the grave Grandpa had personally paid for, for my Dad's parents, who died of Spanish Influenza in 1918. Through the numbness of missing Jake, I remember feeling strange when faced with the thought that anyone but Carlisle and Esme could be my paternal grandparents.

I would spend the days wandering behind my family as Grandpa guided us round the city. Emmett would always be beside me, half out of sympathy, and half out of his own sheer boredom. While Dad, Mom, Jasper and Grandma found the tour fascinating, Alice and Rosalie would just tag along so they could pass through every little shop they came across. Uncle Emmett would just stroll beside me, jokingly mimicking Grandpa as he pointed out every boring building. He made me laugh, which made him happy. But inside my little heart was still broken. My Mom would sit and comfort me at night, stroking my hair while I cried silently into my pillow.

After three months spent in and around Chicago we split up. The single strangest experience of my life was watching my family disband itself. I'd always thought of us as one inseparable unit. But that day I watched them all fly away. Emmett and Rosalie left first. They were off to Africa, so that Emmett could wrestle with things bigger than grizzlies, and Rose could wander the sunny, empty planes without a care. They were staying in a little house, miles from anything or anyone else. Every time this house came up in conversation, a mischievous look came across Uncle Emmett's face, and just as he was about to say something my Dad would cut him off, "Emmett please, not around Nessie." Aunt Rose held my hand as we waited for her boarding call, I lost count of the times she'd told me she was going to miss me, and just sighed each time she told me to take care of myself while she was gone. Uncle Emmett had to physically pry her hand away from mine so they could leave.

Alice and Jasper went next. They were going to Paris. Aunt Alice adored Paris, and she'd promised to take Uncle Jasper to every war museum and scholarly place of interest she could find. Alice had left me with the playful warning that she would cause me serious damage if she came back to discover I had grown even taller than her. Despite the fact that my growth had not yet stopped then, she still had to raise herself a bit to wrap her arms around my neck at the airport. Jasper just gave me a kiss on the forehead and stared deep into my eyes. Watching him leave was like watching my antidote be taken away. Unlike the other members of my family, I welcomed and encouraged my Uncle's gift; it had made the pain of my separation from Jacob slightly easier to bear.

Then came the boarding call for the flight to Brazil. My parents were off to an Island owned by my grandmother, and I wasn't going with them. I was sad to see them go, but my family was such a close unit, that it wouldn't feel much different to be with Grandma and Grandpa. My Mom got a little upset, and just kept asking if I was ok. I couldn't really feel much at that point, so I'd just nod and hug her. My Dad wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear,  
"It'll be ok Ness. If he really is the one, it'll be ok." I thought about his words long after they left. They were very similar to what Jacob had kept saying "if he was the one". Of course he was the one. To everyone around me I might have appeared only around thirteen years old, but in my head, and in my heart I knew, I would never want anyone in the world except Jacob Black.

Grandpa, Grandma and I were going to London. Somewhere behind my pain lay excitement. When I was younger, Grandpa had told me stories of how he had discovered a vampire coven in the sewers of the city, and how a confrontation with them had led to him, and consequently, the majority of my family, becoming vampires. I slept through most of the flight, resting my head on Grandma's shoulder. When I woke I was in a bed, a huge bed. Rain was splashing against my window, and for a split second I thought I was in Forks. I spent my days wandering the city, hand in hand with my grandparents. I loved looking at all the statues and old, grey buildings. Grandma and I would giggle each time we passed a manhole and Grandpa would stand on top of it, point down and bite his hand in fake fear of the creatures lurking in the sewers.

After two months, it was time for the Cullen's to reassemble. Grandma, Grandpa and I were the first to arrive in Denali. We received warm welcomes from the coven we were staying with, and each of them expressed there delightful surprise at how I had grown since they saw me last. I did not talk much during the visit and this concerned Carmen in particular, who would sit in silence with me, appreciating that I did not wish to speak. Alice and Jasper came back first. Alice's cheerfulness and Jaspers soothing were a little relief. I watched Alice as she paraded before me the many outfits she had purchased on her trip, and I was not shocked to see the mass of clothes she had brought back for me. Jasper replaced Carmen after returning, and I felt more comfortable talking with him. He'd tell me all about the things he'd seen while he was away, and I told him about the London Statues and the manholes. I didn't even know Rose had returned when the door to my bedroom flew open and she ran towards me,  
"On Nessie, I've missed you." Aunt Rose's sent filled my nostrils as she held me tight, my family was coming back together, at least I had that. When my parents returned, Mom was so shocked by how much I had apparently grown, she vowed never again to leave me until I had finished developing. We stayed with the Denali's for a few more weeks, and I would just spend my time sitting and staring into space, thinking of Jacob. Mom would cook for me and I would eat. Jasper and Emmett would beg me to hunt with them, but I never did. Dad watched me a lot too, reading my thoughts I guess.

I was wandering through the large house one day when I saw Grandma, Grandpa, Rose and Mom hovering over a map, while my father and Uncle's sat at the table around them.  
"So it's Juneau then, we all agree?" Grandpa looked up at me after saying this. "All of us?" I just raised one eyebrow in confusion, and he beckoned me over to the map. There was a little red star over the city of Juneau in Alaska, not too far from where we were now. "Our next home Ness, what do you say?"  
"Yeah, sure whatever." I just shrugged and began walking away, at least now a decision had been made and I could start a proper life.  
"That still isn't everyone Carlisle." Dad's face was smug as he leaned back on the chair he was sat on. Jasper and Emmett snickered and glared at me. Grandpa's face was filled with smugness too as he said,  
"Oh yes, I forgot. Well Alice shouldn't be too long now so I guess we'll just have to wait a bit, not that he'll need much convincing."  
"Grandpa, what are you talking about? Where is everybody, Tanya, Kate, Eleazar, they're all gone"  
"Yes Renesmee, I fell a little guilty we've had to drive them all out of their own home." Grandpa didn't _look _guilty, not at all. I looked round the room, desperate for someone to explain. My oblivious gaze fell on Emmett,  
"Come on Ness, we put up with the Werewolf smell because we have to, we can't expect the Denali's to do the same."  
My whole body froze and my eyes widened, my heart was racing a mile a minute and everyone at the table laughed. I couldn't speak but my mind was demanding an explanation, thankfully my telepathic father heard my pleas.  
"We figured it would be best if Jacob came to join us in Juneau, permanently." Everyone covered their ears as I let out a long, high pitched scream of joy.  
I waited two hours on the steps of the Denali's mansion; Alice arrived first, saying she'd left Jacob in the trees to phase back and get dressed. I didn't wait though. I just ran as fast as I could in the direction she had come from. And when I saw him I leapt in to his arms and squeezed him as tight as I could.  
"You never leave me again Jacob Black, never".

I pushed the tray off my lap, half of the breakfast still lay piled on the plate, but I couldn't finish it. Before I knew it Alice was dragging me from beneath the covers,  
"Thank God, I thought you'd never finish. They'll be here soon and we have to get you dressed Birthday Girl"


	3. Gifts Bestowed & Blocked

**I feel I have to apologize, I feel like I'm dragging out this long intro to the story but I can't help it. We hardly get to know Renesmee in Breaking Dawn so I can't help but write a lot about her and her family, in preparation for the many things I have planned for her in this story *evil grin*. This chapter is just the story settling in, I promise things will start happening in the next one, but until then, I hope you'll just enjoy this little piece of fluff; I could not help myself.  
Twilight, Chanel, Jacob's Adorableness and Rose's wit are not owned my moi.**

**

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Chapter Two: Gifts**

We were in my closet when Alice froze, only momentarily, then she blinked and shook her head like she was trying to clear her eyes.  
"Aunt Alice, you ok?"  
But she was just looking up at me and grinning like nothing had happened, skipping around me as she helped me dress. The day outfit had been decided for a while now. It was an advantage of living with a style crazed vampire who didn't require sleep, I never needed to fumble around, throwing an outfit together, as each day Alice had my clothes planned and set out ready. Simple dark navy jeans sat over a pair of shimmering brown pumps. I wore a white vest over the very expensive sweater my Mom had chastised Aunt Alice for buying me last week. It was a chocolate brown and had delicate little buttons lined down the front, and a dirty pink, folded-cotton flower sewn onto the area just below my right shoulder.

I stood before the full length mirror and watched as Alice stood on her tiptoes so she could sweep my hair back into a ponytail. It had been a few months since my regular check-ups and measurings had brought Grandpa to the decision that I was finished growing. So now, as I looked in the mirror I was looking at the person I would remain for all eternity.

Downstairs, everyone had gathered in the huge living room, and Alice squealed beside me exclaiming,  
"Time for Presents!" Before Grandma could finish asking if we should wait for Jacob, Alice had barked a simple "No" at her, grabbed Jasper's hand and returned to stand before me, holding a package wrapped in shiny pink paper. "Oh Ness, you're gonna love it I know you are. Every girl should have one, well I think so anyway. Your mom won't let me buy her.." A simple squeeze of Alice's shoulder from Jasper, told her she was rambling. I gave my Uncle a grateful glance and carefully pulled apart the wrapping paper. Before I could properly get a look at the gift, Alice was off again. "It's vintage, I saw it and thought of you, it would go so well with your style Ness." I just gazed at the purse in my hands. It was black leather, and the flip-top was embossed with the Chanel logo. I shrieked a thank you, threw the chain handle over my shoulder, and my arms around my Aunt and Uncle.

My Grandparents made little ceremonial fuss when handing over their box, wrapped in a cream patterned paper. Inside the plain cardboard box that was covered up, was a jewellery box. The outside was white enamel, with pink and silver swirls and flowers all round it. When I lifted the lid, a familiar song began chiming out. It was beautiful, I thanked my grandparents as the song continued to play in the background and my parents hummed along. It was the song my Dad had composed for my Mom before I was born, when she was still human. Uncle Emmett flicked the lid of the box back down before saying something about everyone getting too cheesy. Then he grabbed me by the arm, threw me over his back and raced through the front door. My mouth fell open when I saw the silver convertible in the driveway. This family had a ridiculous number of cars, but I'd never seen this one, this one was new.  
"What 'dya think Ness? Better than some bag or singing box huh?" There were growls from the steps behind me where everyone else had gathered. I could see Rose at our side, but my eyes wouldn't move off the car. From the steps, my Mom took a break from telling my Dad off for allowing such a big gift and said,  
"Renesmee, manners please. What do you say to your aunt and uncle?". Emmett's whole body shook with laughter beneath me when I said all I could think of,  
"Wow."

Rose was giving me the expert tour of my new car when Jacob ran up the driveway. I leaped into his arms, wrapping my legs tightly around his waist, letting him plant a kiss on my cheek.  
"Happy Birthday Ness, sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." I just shrugged and leaned in for another kiss, going for the lips this time. As usual though, Jacob shrugged away pretty quickly. Our relationship remained very innocent, and to the complete irritation of myself, and my mind-reading father, this was not at all my decision. Jake was always using our age gap as an excuse, saying that to him I was still young. He'd only shrug when I brought up the eighty-six year age gap that my parents had, and just roll his eyes whenever I'd say "We're immortal Jacob, normal social rules don't apply to us." Rosalie honked the car horn impatiently, breaking us out of our little embrace.  
"Morning Blondie, new car?" Despite their exchanges, I was sure that somewhere way, way deep down, Jake and my Aunt liked each other. Though from what little I'd been told about my family before I arrived, this had not always been the case.  
"Actually dog, it's hers. Nothing's too good for Nessie on her special day. What did you get her, a flea collar?" I thanked Rose again and dragged Jake inside; the pair of them could go on like that forever.

When we walked through the door my Mom rushed over to us, and my Dad followed behind reluctantly, not looking too pleased with her at all.  
"Ok, Jake I'm glad you're here, that means we can give Renesmee her gift." I squeezed Jake's hand enquiringly, but he just shrugged, he didn't know what was going on either. "I just want to let you know, this can be taken away at anytime, so don't abuse it." If I looked as confused as Jacob did, then the two of us must have been quite a picture. Mom glanced between us both for a second, and then turned to my Dad, who was stood in the corner with his arms folded. It looked to me like he was sulking. "Hear anything?" Dad let out a deep sigh and said through gritted teeth,  
"Not a thing." As I was used to doing all my life, I poked questions at my Father without opening my mouth, but for the first time, they went unanswered. Then Mom was gone, running out of the side door of the living room into the woods surrounding our house. The three of us stood in complete silence, my Dad's angry eyes burning into Jacob's skull. After what seemed like an eternity, Mom reappeared at the back door, and returned to where she had been standing before.  
"Edward, I went about three miles, anything?"  
"No." Jacob let out a nervous laugh, then covered his mouth quickly.  
"Bells, seriously? You can do that, is it like, permanent?"  
"I think so; we only have one real way of finding out though." As my Mom pointed towards her sulking husband, I was still none the wiser. _Dad, explain, I have NO idea what's going on. _His eyes didn't move, no part of him moved. He was either ignoring me, which he never did…. Or he couldn't hear me. If he could, he would have heard the gentle clatter of the pin finally dropping. The gift from my parents; Privacy.

Mom explained to us both it had been something she'd been practicing, and she was now sure she could throw her shield over people, and keep it there, even when she wasn't around. I was sure my Dad was about to make some "Abuse of Privileges/ Conduct around my Little Girl" speech when Mom towed him away.

I dragged Jake off into the woods, _dragged _not being an understatement, as he begged and pleaded for us to take my brand new car, but I wanted to run. Just as we got into the trees we heard a window from the top floor of the house be shoved open, and from it Alice yelled,  
"I swear to God Jacob Black, if you don't have her back here in time for me to get her all dressed and ready I'll…" Thankfully, I'd run far enough so that not even my heightened sense of hearing could pick up the end of that no doubt, unladylike sentence. Jake had vanished from sight, but I could hear him. I could here all the changes that were taking place as he went from "The Boy to the Beast" as I called it. Jacob was faster than me after he phased, which I would always hate. I could hear him bounding ahead of me. Since I was just a few weeks old, my favourite things to do were run with, hunt with, and bite Jacob Black. Though the biting had stopped, we would still run, and instead of hunting animals, we'd hunt each other. I stopped my running and lifted myself up the nearest tree. Jake always said I made things too easy for him, every time he'd drag me from where I'd been hiding he'd phase back and say, "Wherever you go Ness, I'll find you eventually." I hated that even more than the fact he was faster than me, but I was half human, and my weaknesses were his strengths. The fact my lungs needed to be supplied meant he could hear me breathe, the fact my heart beat faster than a normal human meant there was an easy pace for him to detect, and the fact that I had the natural smell of a werewolf's natural target, meant I could never hide from him for very long.

"Two minutes Jake, you could of just let me have two minutes up there, thinking that today of all days….I might have got you." I was still picking leaves from my hair after Jacob had dived into the branch I sat on, throwing me from it. My prefect agility meant I landed fine, but the wolf stayed on the branch, shaking its leaves all over me. After I'd finished my rant the big brown animal just smirked and wrestled me to the ground, burying his nose into my stomach. I pushed him away, and we just rolled around as I tugged at his fur, my stomach cramping with laughter. We stopped, and I just lay with my head on his warm, furry back. I looked up into the dirty grey clouds, my hand was just above Jacobs forehead so I lowered it, so I could show him I thought it would rain soon. There was no reaction, he just raised his black eyes and showed a little confusion,  
"Oh right, I guess the shield means that won't work either, that kinda sucks." I loved using my gift on Jacob, especially when he was the way he is now, then he could not talk back or cut me off when I was showing him how much he meant to me, how much I loved him.

I must have dozed off to the rhythm of Jakes gentle breathing below my head, because I was awoken by a cold drop of water on my eyelid.  
"Ugh, Jake, rain. We better go." I staggered to my feet, but Jake just whimpered and then ran into the trees. I rubbed my eyes, yawned, stretched and re-did my hair. Then Jake reappeared, boy Jake, fully clothed. _Spoilsport. (_It was thoughts like that that made me surprised my father had had such a bad response to my mind being barred.) Jacob's steps towards me were slow, almost awkward. His eyes were darting around the floor and his hand fidgeted in his trouser pocket.  
"I should've given you this before I phased, would've been less awkward." I'd never in my life felt awkward around Jake, I said what I felt, when I felt it.  
"I'm sure I can handle it" My smirk was ridiculous, but I couldn't help it, he was too cute when he was nervous. His hand came out of his pocket, and in between his huge fist lay a little wooden heart, as I took it gently, Jacob pulled the long chain I never took off from round my neck. I flipped the little heart over in my hands and on the other side was an inscription; Jake was still fiddling with the clasp on my chain when he said,  
"It says "My Whole Heart, My Whole Life", I know this one…" He jingled the locket that hung on the chain, "is in French or whatever, but I figured cos _I'm_ not French, I'd just put it in English."  
"Wait, you made this?"  
"With my own hands." These same two hands now slid the heart onto the chain, beside the locket my mother had given me when she thought she might lose me forever. Of course he made it, it was just like the one he had given my Mother, his best friend, it was just like the little wolf charm she still wore today. The gesture brought tears to my eyes, I didn't notice the pouring rain until droplets started sliding down Jakes forehead. He put the chain back over my head leaving his arms round my neck,  
"I love you, Ness"  
"I love you too." I leaned in and kissed him, I could feel his reluctance but I wasn't taking no for an answer. So there, in the stupid Alaskan rain, I got the best birthday present.

Rosalie and Alice stood side by side in the entrance of the house, their feet tapping impatiently, arms firmly crossed, and expressions that would make the devil uneasy across their pretty faces. I couldn't help but giggle as Jake and I entered, both of us were soaking wet. Alice's mouth just fell open at the sight of me, but Rose wasn't one for silence  
"Jacob, look at her. She's drenched, and the party's only an hour away, we told you to have her home earlier. If it wasn't for Esme and Bella, I'd have hunted you down hours ago." Had it really been hours? I must have lost track sleeping under the clouds.  
"Aunt Rose, it was my fault, please don't be made at Jacob." Alice grabbed my arm as Jacob held down his laughter. The "Aunt Rose" card was something everyone in the house was aware of….except Aunt Rose. As Alice dragged me up the stairs, Rosalie followed behind and shouted back,  
"Go shake yourself off doggy, everyone will be here soon"


	4. Headaches

Just to let you know, updates won't be as fast anymore. I've had a couple of snow days this week so I've had time to write. However if there are **lot's of reviews**, I always feel I need to update quicker, so I do.  
I'm gonna post the links to the dresses in this chapter on my profile so you can all see how pretty they are.

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**Chapter Three: Headaches**

It's amazing what one hour, two aunts, a Mom and a Grandma can do. My hair had been washed and dried, and Rosalie had clipped the top section back, letting my light brown ringlets hang loosely below my shoulders. I never wore make up, and as both myself and everyone around me had a highly sensitive sense of smell, perfumes and lotions were a no-no. Alice fussed while Mom and Grandma stood in the corner looking all maternal, and cooing over Jacob's gift. I was used to a fuss. Up until now I was the only Cullen who aged, therefore the only one whose birthday's actually had much meaning. This was the last time I would appear different than I did the year before, and everyone knew it.

The five of us slipped into our dresses, each of us had chosen our own, though that was little freedom when Alice would see any of our intentions, and correct us if she didn't approve. We had all agreed not to go for pink, as it had been the bridesmaids theme at Emmett and Rose's wedding back in Forks, (This rule was mainly enforced so my Mom would have no excuse to re-use her dress.) I was glad, because what she wore now was stunning; it was black chiffon and hung loose everywhere but the waist. Where the neckline was, there was a clear layer of material that was decorated in a cascade of beads and sequins. Alice was dressed first and helping Grandma with her zip. Alice's dress was very Alice. It was the shiniest Black silk, and in the flapper style of the 20's with beaded details on the shoulders. My Grandmother's green dress brought out the red tinge in her hair and made her golden eyes sparkle. The neckline was high on her shoulders, and there were different shades of green silk sown onto the full skirt that made me think of leaves. Aunt Rose looked like a goddess. She had swept her golden hair to one side and was wearing a tight, red satin dress, which was overlaid with black silk, and had a train of red flowing down to the hem just above her ankles. All eyes were on me though; even Alice who'd probably seen this dress in her head a thousand times was staring. I knew this dress was for me as soon as I saw it. I'd taken my Dad with me; I figured he would see it in Alice's head anyway so there was no point trying to surprise him. He'd just fell silent when I came out of the dressing room, I didn't need his ability then to know he'd realised his little girl wasn't little anymore. The neckline was similar to my grandmother's, and the bodice was light blue with silver flowery patterns, and the skirt was white silk chiffon.

I was rescued from the barrage of emotional hugs and kisses and "I can't believe you're all grown up" by a knock on the door of my bedroom, that sent an angry growl through little Alice. On hearing this, Jasper laughed and pushed the door open.  
"Just thought I'd let you know ladies, everyone's arrived." Alice was at the door, wrestling Jasper back out of it before he could finish, but Jasper still craned his neck into see us all.  
"Oh yeah Jasper, and there's no way _I _could have known that." Jasper was grinning as Alice jabbed her fingers into his ribs to get him to leave,  
"You all look beautiful!"  
"Jasper get out!" Jasper swooped down and planted a kiss on Alice's nose before disappearing back behind the door.

Jasper had been right, _everyone _had arrived. I came down the stairs and took a second to take everybody in. There were around thirty of my friends from school here. Though there was a general rule that our family kept to themselves at school, my first educational year had been at middle school with Alice, so we were free to socialise all we liked. This got harder since we'd joined our "older siblings" at high school, but it was still nice to see them all. All the girls I'd invited had dressed up due to Alice's constant assurance that it was necessary, and the boys all looked quite uncomfortable in their starchy shirts and ties. My family was gathered round the two huge plant pots at either side of the staircase. We had invited the Denali's and spent months weaning Grandpa Charlie onto the idea that there would be "some other people… like us, at the Birthday Party." Jasper, who was tucked safely behind Emmett and my Dad, gave me a wink, letting me know my friends were safe I think. Towards the back of the room, far away from the gathering of vampires to my left, were the guests Jacob had gone to meet this morning. Charlie and Sue each leaned on a handle of Billy's wheelchair. According to Jake it had been hard to convince Billy to come tonight "What with all the Bloodsuckers", which probably explained the unease across his face. Jacob and Seth stood close by them, and Seth raised one hand to give me a little wave. His other was draped over the shoulder of a pretty girl in a pink dress; the poor thing just looked completely lost to find herself in this house of mythical creatures. Carlisle came to stand just a couple of steps before me, and handed me a champagne glass. One of my friends from school, who like everyone else, was holding a similar glass asked,  
"Are ours alcoholic?" He obviously didn't mean for anyone to hear, but Uncle Emmett laughed and yelled,  
"No, but find me later dude, and I'll hook you up." Esme elbowed Emmett in the ribs for even saying such a thing, and my Dad stifled a laugh. No doubt the boy's thoughts were as panicked as his face; _Did Nessie's creepy older brother just call me dude?_ Carlisle raised his glass and said,  
"To the Birthday Girl!", as everyone else repeated and knocked back there glasses, I suddenly witnessed why my family and the Denali's had gathered round the huge plants. When nobody else was looking, the mass of vampires threw the contents of their chutes into the mud, emerging without a giving any clue.

The party went better than I could have dreamed. Music raged in the dining room, from which Emmett had single handedly carried out the grand, antique dining table, showing off before everyone arrived. I danced with all the girls from school, then giggled at Jake's face when I danced with the boys, pulling the chain from beneath my dress and pointing to the heart on it when none of them were looking. I danced with my uncles and my Dad, standing on each of their feet as they spun me around the room. I danced with Jacob; trying to keep a straight face as he did his best to look like the "family friend" everyone in town had been told he was. It had been a long discussion, deciding how we would explain Jake to everyone in Alaska. Everyone had thrown in suggestions that someone else had a problem with. My father's suggestion of "Rosalie's twin brother" had resulted in my aunt launching four vases across the room; Two at my dad for saying it, one at each of my Uncles for laughing. In the end it was decided he was a "close family friend". Few questions were asked, as most people didn't become affiliated with the family enough to delve deeper. Then I danced with my Aunts, my Grandma and my Mom. Everyone in the room was watching us as we span each other around, laughing wildly, but we didn't care.

It was my Grandpa Charlie I danced with now. He wasn't much of a dancer, so we were just kind of swaying a little. Whenever we talked, my Grandpa couldn't look away from my eyes, they looked too much like my Moms had, and they entranced him. I noticed Seth sat on the couch with that girl I was yet to meet, so I passed Charlie on to Nanna Sue, and skipped over. There was a game of virtual tennis being played on the TV, and it was hard to talk over Uncle Emmett's constant whooping as he wiped the floor with each of my classmates.

Louise was nice, if not a little shy, and it was obvious Seth doted on her. Every time I tried to talk to him about himself he'd say something like  
"Yeah, I'm fine but Louise is……" or "Louise is going to….." or "Louise does….." It got a little exhausting, so I politely took my leave. I made my way through the crowds, stopping every so often to be social, but I was looking for my family. Apart from the noises I could still hear from Emmett, there was no trace of them, or the Denali's. I went back through the house and sunk into Charlie's lap who was sat with Billy and Sue.  
"You enjoying your party sweetheart?"  
"Yes thanks Grandpa, but have you seen Jake or Bella?" Despite the fact I was allowed to call Charlie Grandpa, Mom insisted I refer to her as Bella in his presence. "We don't wanna push his nerves too far Ness"  
"No, not for a while now." Charlie looked around to Billy and Sue, but they just returned shrugs and shaking heads.  
My search took me back out to the entrance hall, when both covens and Jacob came flowing down the stairs. Alice was at the front, and her arms were being held up by Jasper and my Dad, like she would collapse if they went away. She had that same look on her face that had passed in an instant in the closet this morning. In fact each of the vampires looked pained, so did Jacob, who came to my side, clamping his hand into mine. The Denali's moved straight for the front door. Carlisle exchanged a few brief words with them and they were gone. Alice slumped into a chair behind me, and everyone gathered around her.  
"Renesmee, the Denali's send their apologies but they had to leave, something came up." I couldn't reply to my Grandfather I was just staring at Alice. She sat perfectly still, her eyes were squinted and Jasper was stroking her arm as though trying to comfort her. As a rule, what worried Alice worried all of us. But of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and as usual this exception was Emmett. He was still stood before the TV yelling,  
"Yes, I totally killed you…again!"

When all the guests were gone I was exhausted. I'd only managed to say a few personal goodbyes, promising the visitors from Forks I would visit them all in their hotel before they left, and then I passed out on the couch. However hard he'd tried to avoid it, my Dad woke me up when he placed me into my bed. Mom was with him so I took my chance to find out what had happened to Alice.  
"What's going on?"  
"Nothing sweetheart, go to sleep" My eyes were heavy, and my mothers words chimed like a lullaby, so I had to fight to disobey them.  
"No, what was wrong with Alice? Is she ok?" Dad sighed and sat on the covers beside me, he'd been on the receiving end of my tenacity before, and knew he could not win.  
"She's fine Ness. Just some visions giving her a headache." I'd witnessed countless numbers of my Aunts visions, none of which had looked anything like tonight.  
"Why, what's wrong?"  
"We're not sure. It's very hazy." My father's eyes were far away now, whatever Alice had seen, he'd seen too, and was no doubt struggling to decipher it.  
"Hazy? Like when Alice tries to see me?" Suddenly my father's eyes were back in the room, and I understood. I understood why Jacob had grabbed my hand so protectively earlier, this was about me. Something in _my_ future was giving Alice headaches.

I woke up in the morning, remembering that my parents had left quite quickly after my revelation. This morning my door was wide open. There was not outfit set out for me by Alice, and I couldn't smell my Mom cooking me and Jake breakfast. I was still in my dress from last night, so I slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a vest, brushed my teeth and went downstairs. The house was empty, and there were still all the remnants of the party. This was strange; as I was sure Esme would have spent her night cleaning up. For the second time in less than a day, I stood in the dining room looking for my family.  
"Hello?"  
"I'm here Ness, I'm coming" It was Grandpa in his study. I could trace his steps as he sprinted down the stairs and came to me, giving me a hug. "Good morning. Sorry, I was concentrating on some stuff, didn't hear you wake up." Grandpa looked a little dishevelled and uneasy, I was worried by how fast he'd raced down to me.  
"It's ok. Where is everybody?"  
"Hunting."  
"Again? But they all went just before the party." He'd answered my question too quickly for me to fully believe him. "So, where's Jake?" Grandpa didn't answer. He'd turned his head and was staring out the open window in the hallway, his nose raised like he was sniffing the air. "Grandpa?" His head whipped back round to me, he appeared startled at first, then relaxed his face and took me by the hand, leading me into the kitchen.  
"Renesmee, I want you to wait right here ok, against this wall so I can see you." He was gone before I could question him, throwing open the front door. He stood sideways in the entrance, his body facing me, but his eyes fixed down the driveway. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest. I wasn't afraid, but this was all so strange. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the back door crashed open, and my father raced through it. He planted himself in front of me defensively, his eyes scouring every inch of the room. When he saw Carlisle, who still stood in the doorway, he spun round to face me and cupped my face in his hands.  
"It's ok Nessie. Everything's ok." His soothing voice had my heart beating steady again, only for it's pace to sky rocket, when a big brown werewolf crashed through the window with a deafening roar.

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Uh-oh, what has the Cullens all panicked?** PLEASE REVIEW: It brings faster updates ;) x**


	5. Visitors

**Taking a short break from Wandering Star to finish the follow up to One Fateful Night. Should be back writing this by the end of the weekend.**  
**Incase you didn't know, All the twilight things aren't mine. **

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**Chapter Four: Visitors**

A glance at my shocked face subsided his snarl. Jacob quickly looked around the room, just as my father had, before growling his way through the rest of the kitchen, sniffing everything.  
"What the hell is going on? Where is everybody, and why did Jake just dive through our Kitchen window?" Nobody was listening. My Dad just nodded at Jacob, who ran out of the room to investigate the rest of the house. I went to follow him but was stopped in my tracks by a shout,  
"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you stay right here where I can see you!" Nothing about that sentence was ordinary. My father's voice was raised like I'd never heard before. He called me by my full name, which had only ever happened on the rare occasion I'd only _thought _about misbehaving, which was the only opportunity he'd get to tell me off. Any other time, and I just had too many people defending me. Third; and probably most strange, was the order itself. Sure my parents were protective. But I'm not like most kids, and they knew that. I slumped against the wall, trying to figure out what was happening when the back door flew open, and the remaining members of my family blew in. They were all crouched, ready to pounce and looked panicked. Jasper was at the front, he looked over to my father who just nodded and shrugged.  
"So nothing, it just disappeared?" Emmett was frowning when he spoke to my dad, who took a deep breath and calmly replied.  
"It looks that way, there's nothing here. Jacob's gone to check, but I'm pretty sure." Jasper spoke next,  
"But that's not possible, Edward. We all caught the scent and it was heading right here."  
"But I think we all agree it didn't get here Jazz. Whatever it was, whatever Alice has seen, it didn't come here. It just….disappeared, like Emmett said." Grandpa was still frozen in the doorway when he spoke,  
"No, it was here." The whispers that everyone was exchanging were silenced by my Grandfathers comment. I moved closer to everyone to hear, and my mother took me, wrapping her cold arms around my shoulders while my grandfather continued. "It _was _here, I'm sure of it. I'm not sure how I know, but it was just now, before you came Edward."  
"So you saw something?"  
"No Rose, I didn't. I can't explain it. I didn't see, hear or smell anything. But there was something, right outside the house." That explained how intently Grandpa had stared down the driveway just minutes ago. I'd figured it out now. My family had been out looking for something, or someone but whatever trail they were following had vanished. So this panicked them, sending them all racing back to the house to protect the person who was in most danger. Me.

Alice was stood in the doorway as Carlisle had been. Her face was scrunched up again as she tried to figure out who or what was causing all this trouble. I'd lost track of the time as I watched my family members move about the house, mostly staring into space. By the time I looked at the clock it was almost 1:30.  
"Shoot, I have to get dressed."  
"Why? You're not going anywhere." My mothers hand was fixed around my wrist, and she stared right into my eyes.  
"Yeah, I'm going to the hotel. To see everybody before they leave."  
"No Renesmee. You have to stay here." I was getting a little fed-up. Nobody was explaining anything to me, everything I knew I'd had to figure out myself, and now I was under house arrest.  
"Mom, I'll be fine. It's like a ten minute run, what could happen?"  
I'd debated with my mother as I got dressed, but in the end I won. The whole family were running in and out of the woods anyway, searching for the scent, so they'd be able to keep track of mine too. I wished I could take my new car, but I hadn't a clue how to drive it, so I'd have to wait until everyone was less preoccupied. I took a slow walk down the driveway, smelling the air for myself. There was nothing unfamiliar, only my family and the visitors from last night. The shortcut into town took me through the woods, and that's where I first caught it. It was a scent I'd never encountered before, vampire definitely. But it was just one trace. Like whoever it belonged to had been standing there, then disappeared. I continued my running, and caught it again, but this time there were two. One new one added to the one from before, and they both disappeared in the same way.

Grandpa Charlie laughed when I pushed away my second plate of apple pie. Sue had brought it down from Forks especially for me; her homemade Apple Pie was to die for.  
"Well, you sure were hungry. They not feeding you up at the house?" Grandpa's question was in jest, he remembered all too well the skills my mother had in the kitchen, but the joke had a different meaning for Billy, whose wheelchair creaked beside me when he laughed.  
"Actually no. It's kinda crazy up there this morning, so I just forgot breakfast." Sue was wrapping the rest of the pie in foil for me to take home when she said,  
"Oh, is that why Seth went?"  
"Huh?"  
"Jake came over here a few hours ago, said he needed Seth's help so they both ran off." That probably explained why Louise was slumped on the couch behind me, flicking mindlessly through the TV channels. I should have known, if Jacob was involved then Seth sure as hell wasn't going to miss this.  
"So what's going on down there baby?"  
"I have no idea. They don't tell me anything"  
"Well that's 'cos they don't want you worrying your cute little self over nothin' " Nanna Sue gave my cheek a pinch and placed the pie in my hands. I said my goodbyes, and my heart winced having to leave Grandpa. But he just gave me a wink and told me to send Seth back when I saw him so they could leave.

I walked slowly through the woods, listening to the golden leaves crunching beneath my feet. I thought she was a ghost when I first saw her. I hadn't heard her approach, or smelled her in the evening breeze, but now she stood just a few feet before me, there was no denying she was real. Her scent was new; it wasn't either of the ones I had come across earlier. Her hair was light brown, and flowed freely down to her elbows with only a faint curl throughout. Her skin was brilliantly pale, though against her white dress there was a slightly noticeable tint to it. Her eyes were the deepest crimson, and she didn't blink, she just stared at me. I wasn't afraid though I knew I had reason to be, those red eyes meant that the blood coursing through me made me a target to her. She was so still, that I spoke just to try and provoke a reaction, and prove she wasn't inanimate.  
"Hello?" An innocent smile swept across her face and she glided towards me.  
"Hello." Her voice was deep and quite breathy. She moved closer and began to circle me. "You must forgive me for staring, but your eyes are so much more beautiful now I see them fixed on me."  
"My eyes?"  
"Yes. Eyes are wonderful things. The windows to the soul some say, and yours are extraordinary."  
"Thanks, I think"  
"You are welcome." It was only then, as she swept round to stand before my face that I got a good look at the windows into _her_ soul. The red was terrifying. The way it set against her beautiful face made her look angry. "But of course, you are extraordinary in your entirety Renesmee Cullen." My mouth fell open to ask how she knew my name, but her head snapped round and looked into the distance. She just rolled her eyes and then turned back to me, it was like she had been listening to someone, but nobody was there. "Of course, that is most rude of me. For me to know your name without giving you mine, I do apologize. I am Cora." She extended her delicate hand, and I placed mine into it, her icy fingers wrapped gently around my wrist. "You are very warm Renesmee, how interesting." Her eyes rolled again, like the silent voice was telling her off.  
"I guess I am."  
"And what is it you have in there?" Cora turned up her little nose as I raised a section of the foil,  
"Apple Pie, my Nanna made it."  
"Did she? Apples, how nice." It only now occurred to me that I was less than a mile from my home. I thought it very strange that nobody had come to stand beside me with this new guest, especially after that display this morning. I was glad though, Cora seemed nice enough, and any of my family members would just overreact and spoil this. "I have come far to see you Renesmee, to see if the stories were true."  
"What stories?"  
"The stories of the hybrid; Born to a human and a golden-eyed vampire. The child who halted the vicious Volturi in their tracks, and here you are."  
"Stories? About me?" Cora let out a gentle laugh at my shock.  
"You are quite the legend you know. But of course with legends, things get exaggerated as they pass on, so here I am, to see for myself."  
"You should come up to the house, and meet my family."  
"I'm afraid that will not be possible Renesmee. We would be very uncomfortable."  
"We? You mean the two others, the scents that disappeared in the woods?" Cora's laugh chimed through the trees again.  
"Disappeared. No, I'm afraid that's a little game I like to play. I let the guard slip every now and then, just for fun."  
"What guard?"  
"Some other time Renesmee, but now I must go. And I must ask that you keep our little meeting to yourself."  
"Why?"  
"Like I said, my companions and I, we are not too comfortable around your coven. But I know they would very much like to meet _you _Renesmee. Would that be alright?"  
"I guess. But it'll be hard, getting away from my family. I won't tell them about you, but they'll be able to tell you've been around." Cora laughed again, and brushed her hand against my cheek.  
"You let me worry about us going undetected Renesmee. We shall see each other soon." And then she was gone, vanishing into thin air.


	6. Undetected

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**Chapter Five: Undetected**

I walked the steps up to the house cautiously. No matter what she'd said, I knew my family; Cora didn't. There was no way I was getting away with this. I entered the living room slowly, waiting for someone to pounce after catching the unfamiliar scent that would be on me. Instead I found Jacob, Seth and Alice slumped on the couches. They heard me enter and each nodded a little hello.  
"Hey guys." Each of them mumbled an unenthusiastic greeting in return, staring blankly at the TV.  
I moved closer to them, Jacob started to sniff the air; _Here goes, I'm done for._  
"Ness, what's that smell?" _They can't get too mad, it's not like I invited her to come talk to me._  
"Is that what I think it is? It is! Sue's Apple Pie, Yes!" Jacob had jumped off the couch and grabbed the pie, leaving me with my mouth hanging open in shock. _Boy, when she said undetected she wasn't kidding._ Cool, so now my new vampire friend was my secret. I dropped down on the sofa besides Seth, digging me feet into his lap.  
"Jake drag you into this stupid wild goose chase too?" Jacob shouted something from the kitchen, but his mouth was so full of pie I couldn't make out what it was, but Seth obviously spoke slob, and understood perfectly.  
"He's right Ness, this isn't stupid." He waved his hand in Alice's direction, who looked in even more pain than she had before, but managed to force a gentle smile at me. "And he didn't drag me. It's been fun, I kinda miss all the trouble you vamps cause." Seth dug his knuckle into the top of my head, and Jacob came behind the sofa, his mouth still half full.  
"Hey, now that's not fair. She's only half-vamp!" They both laughed and I just rolled my eyes. I glanced over at Alice, who was still staring blankly into space. I grabbed Seth's arm and yanked him off the couch,  
"Come on you ignorant puppy, time to go home." Seth held his stomach and bent over in a fake laugh before straightening up, straight faced.  
"So not funny Ness." Jacob laughed and ran outside dragging Seth with him, and before I followed them I placed my hand on my stone-still Aunt's shoulder, leaning in front of her face with a reassuring grin. But a gentle, yet forced smile was all I received in return before I followed the boys out of the front door.

They were stood in the driveway, picking stones of the floor and throwing them at each other. One pinged off Jakes ears, and a playful growl broke from his chest, Seth mixed a whimper with a laugh as Jake prepared to throw a much larger stone at him. Seeing that Seth was cowering dangerously close to my new car, I leapt off the patio and grabbed Jake's wrist in my hand.  
"Drop the rock Jakey." I could hear Seth laughing behind me, and Jake growled again dropping it and snapping his fingers through mine, pulling me closer with his other arm around my waist. I giggled as he buried his face into my neck, lifting me off the ground. Seth sighed,  
"Ah come on guys, gimme a break. Let's go" Jacob laughed and kissed me gently on my cheek before throwing me over his back and walking down the driveway after Seth.

We reached the borders of the woods, and Seth span round on his heels, looking at us impatiently. I still had my arms wrapped round Jacob's neck so I felt his throat quake when he spoke,  
"What Seth?"  
"Dude, these are new pants, Louise got them me, so if I phase in them, I'm dead. And, I sure as hell ain't takin them off in front of Nessie." With that we both giggled and I climbed of Jake's back, skipping to wrap my arms round Seth for a Goodbye hug.  
"I suppose I better leave you boys for your last run together for a while. I'm gonna miss you Seth." I pulled away, jabbing him playfully in the ribs.  
"Of course you are. Just don't wait too long to come for a visit kay? Me and Lou can put you and Jacob up anytime when we move into our new place." Jake came round and clapped his hand on Seth's shoulder.  
"Dude, I've seen your new place, it sucks. Besides there's like one bedroom, which is smaller than Nessie's closet" I gave Jake's shoulder a shove.  
"Ignore him Seth. My closet's unnaturally large anyway, I'd love to stay with you. We can bunk up." I gave Seth a jokey wink and laughed when a playful growl came from Jake, and he wrapped his arms around my waist, tickling me and burying his face into my neck.  
"Bunk up with Seth, huh? You're gonna bunk up with Seth?" My knees buckled with laughter as Jacob tickled my stomach.  
"Jake…. I….c-can't ……br….eath"  
"Well we've never really tested if you actually need to. Beg for mercy Ness, beg." I gathered my breath in between laughs.  
"I'll never beg…you dumb mutt." Seth erupted in laughter and Jacob span me round to face him, finally releasing my now aching stomach.  
"Dumb mutt, eh?" I wrapped my arms around his neck running my fingers through his long hair.  
"Yup. _My _dumb mutt though." Jake nodded, smiling and moving his lips closer to mine. Seth groaned behind me,  
"Ugh, you guys are dis-gus-ting!" Jake unwrapped one arm from around my waist and moved it in Seth's direction, I didn't look up to see what gesture he made to him.

I returned to the living room and Alice hadn't moved.  
"Aunt Alice, are you ok?" I curled up beside her, throwing my legs across hers and resting my head on her shoulder.  
"I'm ok. It's just frustrating; not knowing what's going on, it's scary."  
"What's it like?"  
"At first it was just fuzzy, like when I try to see you. But it wasn't you, it was someone else, someone I didn't know."  
"But they're like me, you can't see them?"  
"No, it's not that. It's because all of their decisions, they're all about you Ness, that's why I can't see them." She turned her little face, and stared at me with her topaz eyes. "That's why were all so worried. That's why everyone's out there right now, trying to find whoever this is, to protect you."  
"But what if they don't wanna hurt me? They might just wanna meet me?" Alice rested her head against mine and let out a delicate sigh.  
"We just love you too much to take that risk Renesmee."

Alice and I had sat like that for over an hour, just snuggling into each other. I wanted to wait for Jacob to get back, or at least my parents. But one careless yawn was enough for Alice, and she marched me off to bed. My mind was racing with all my thoughts from today, but somehow I managed to slip into sleep, my thoughts followed me there though, and I woke up with a start only a couple of hours later.  
"Are you okay?" Had it been any other voice and I might have jumped, but my father's voice was so melodic, that it blended in with the silence of the night.  
"I'm fine, just a crazy dream I guess." He let out an uneasy laugh and came and sat beside me,  
"Well, since I can't see your dreams anymore, would you like to _tell _me about it?"  
"It was nothing, really. And I'm sorry; I know it's got to be weird for you, not being able to hear me. But hey, I can sympathise, no more showing people my thoughts anymore right."  
"Actually no. Haven't you thought about it? Renesmee, you can overcome shields, this one your mother has put over you is completely under your control."  
"But I tried to show Jacob something earlier and –"  
"Were you trying to overcome the shield?"  
"No, I didn't know I could."  
"Well try it now, show me anything." I placed my hand on my father's cool forehead, and thought of the gift I'd bought my mother for her upcoming birthday. My father laughed when I showed him the photo album. My mother never liked gifts, but I did so I'd tried to find her one she couldn't help but love.  
"You and your mother, alike in so many ways, but then again so different." We both laughed, and my hand was still pressed to his forehead when my thoughts switched. I couldn't help it; thinking of my mother often brought back the same memory. Of the first time I saw her, bleeding, broken, almost lifeless. Dad threw my hand off his head; snarls raging from behind his gritted teeth, he looked angry, terrifying. My voice came out panicked and breathy, I was scared.  
"Dad, I'm sorry I didn't mean to I –" He wrapped his arms around me before I could continue.  
"No, I'm sorry. I know you couldn't help it. It's just not nice to think about."  
"I know." He straightened back up composing himself, and I was desperate to change the subject. "Is everybody home now?"  
"No sweetheart, just me." I shook my head slowly.  
"I hate this. It's not right the house being empty. I'm not used to it. Usually there are never any more than four of you away if you go hunting, now everyone's running in and out, even Jake."  
"It's just because we're worried Renesmee."  
"Yes, over nothing. I want everyone to come back, this is silly." He just laughed, running his hand down my cheek.  
"You really are so like your mother, not wanting anyone to make a fuss."  
"I just want everyone back in the house."  
"Ness it's been one day. And you were with Charlie for most of it." My replying scowl showed no relief, so he scooped me into his arms, and lay back against the headboard. "I promise, tomorrow will be school as usual. Your, Uncles and father will be your brothers, and your Aunts and mother your sisters, is that okay?" We both laughed.  
"You forgot our Quileute family friend." My Dad laughed louder, and his chest shook beneath my head. His laughter settled to shushing, and he gently stroked my forehead.  
"Sleep now Renesmee, I promise I'll stay here, I won't leave you."

As promised, everything appeared as normal in the morning. Before I could properly open my eyes, Alice dragged me off my Dad's chest to get ready. Breakfast was served and I joked with Jacob as we ate. I sat, placing my hands on his head, making good use of having my gift back. Also as usual, I was the last one ready. I was in my room with my Grandma and Jake, whilst everyone else was outside ready to go, pipping their car horns and calling my name impatiently. I was kneeling on the floor, flipping through the photo album that was the gift for my mother's birthday tomorrow. Grandma was sat on the bed and running her fingers through my hair.  
"Renesmee sweetheart, it's wonderful. But you're going to be late for school, if you leave the photographs here Jacob and I can finish arranging them for you." When we first came to Alaska, Jake had gotten a job in a mechanics, purely because he refused to live in the Cullen house rent free, despite objections from both my Grandparents. But Alice had introduced him to the wonders of the stock-market and large scale gambling, all using her skills as an advantage of course, and Jake had been encouraged to stay home and keep Grandma company while we were at school and Grandpa was at work. Jacob just looked too old to pass for a high-school student, so he and my Grandmother had grown very close.  
"No Grandma, it's ok. I'm gonna take it with me and finish it at lunch or something." I threw the photos inside the album and placed it carefully into my bag, jumping up to plant kisses on Jacob and my grandmother before running outside.

As we couldn't all fit in one car, it usually meant I was on a cycle, each day changing who I drove with. Today, I didn't even need to think about which car I was going in. Emmett was revving the engine of my convertible, Rose sat in the passenger side looking smug, and Alice and Jasper were cuddled up on the back seat. Alice lifted her tiny frame to stand and she yelled,  
"Come on Ness, get in. We wanna see what your new car can do!" My dad was already spinning his car down the driveway, so I guessed we were about to engage in a race. I leapt into the seat beside Alice, not bothering to open the door, which really amused Emmett.  
"That's my girl!"

My car won, which surprised me because my Dad was a lunatic driver. A skilled driver, but still a lunatic. On Monday all my morning classes were with Alice. We sat in Spanish, before the lesson got in full swing Alice would always make a note of any questions the teacher would ask me and when, then she'd hand it to me, along with the answers so I could just sit and daydream like her. Every now and then I'd poke her, sending her images of something funny, or what I was thinking. Today it was plots for my Mother's birthday, each of which would force Alice to swallow down an evil giggle. All day everyone was commenting on my Birthday party, all those who had been there could not stop talking about it, and at lunch my father told me those who hadn't, couldn't stop wishing they had been. At lunch I sat with my family, they'd sit and talk whilst I worked my way around each of their untouched trays, eating the things that would otherwise go to waste. Today I did this especially fast, then announced I had to go to the library before running off. Everyone except my mother slipped me an understanding nod, thankfully she had no idea about her gift. I spent so much time flipping through each of the photos, enjoying the memories that I had to run to my next class so as not to be late.

My final class of the day was gym. It was hereditary; I was sure, because I shared my loathing for this class with both of my parents, though they both had different reasons for that hatred. Like his siblings, my father hated Gym because he had to hold back, never allowing himself to demonstrate his real speed or strength. Though my mother now shared the same opinion due to her own special strengths, I also knew she had also despised gym when she was human. I myself just found it boring as hell. I struggled to contain myself when our teacher, Coach Gibson almost threw up in front of us all, dismissing us twenty minute early due to his illness. I dressed and made my way out into the parking lot. I leaned myself onto the bonnet of my car and stared up to the school. From where I stood I made out three familiar figures at a window on the third floor. To any human they would have been hardly distinguishable blurs, but I could make out my Uncle Emmett's face as he stuck his tongue out at me, and Aunt Rose's as she gave me a loving smile. Uncle Jasper just stared at me, looking a little worried. I had no doubt that he hated the fact I was out here right now, in the currently abandoned parking lot. They probably all did, they were very protective.

"Hello Renesmee." My heart leapt, and a breathy squeal escaped from my lips as I span round to see who had greeted me from the other side of the car. I held my chest, feeling it heaving for air as I took in Cora, who now raised both her hands apologetically. "I am sorry. I did not mean to startle you."  
"It's ok. You just have a knack for creeping up on me." Cora threw her head back slightly and giggled, then she reached one of her pale arms across the silver bonnet to where I stood.  
"Would you like to come and meet my friends Renesmee?" I slowly turned my head back to the third floor window. The three figures who looked out of it only moments ago were now gone, no doubt chasing out to me right this second. I clapped my hand into Cora's and threw my bag over my shoulder,  
"Let's go!"

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**Was that a good decision for Renesmee to make?  
Maybe find out next chapter : Chapter Six - Shadows  
Please Review, just a lil one......please xx**


	7. Into the Shadows

**The first paragraph of this chapter goes out to _"lifetakestime"_.  
Special thanks to "_Saralg"_ whose kind words and encouragement made my day.  
And ALL REVIEWERS, because reviews make me feel warm and fuzzy whatever they say.  
(Didn't mean for the above to rhyme)**

**Sorry if this Chapter's too long, if it is just let me know and I'll keep future ones shorter.**

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Chapter Six: Shadows**

I'm pretty sure it's chapter one of The Good Parents Handbook: Teaching your child not to talk to strangers. My parents hardly deserved any blame though, I could've read that handbook myself by the time I was one. And how close could they ever expect any potentially dangerous strangers would get when I lived with eight vampires and a werewolf? But when Cora appeared behind me in the parking lot, I had a chance of freedom I'd never had before. A chance to be independent, reckless even, without getting stopped in my tracks by my overprotective family.

So here I was, running through the woods, my hand still in Cora's. She'd asked me to lower my shield for her so I did, luckily I'd been practising with Uncle Jasper earlier this morning, letting him toy with my emotions. I could tell she had the potential to run faster than me, but every time she felt my arm tugging behind her, she'd slow and shoot an apologetic glance over her shoulder. We veered out of the woods towards the main road. I came to a stop, dragging her back with me.

"Cora, the cars. People will notice if we run." She threw her head backwards and let out an impatient sigh.

"See Renesmee, here was me thinking you were smart. You should've figured by now that I have the ability to be very sneaky. Now come, we have to hurry." She shook my hand and turned to continue running, but stopped when I didn't follow.

"How? How will they not see us?"

"Renesmee please, there really is not the time right now. I'll tell you very soon I promise." Her big red eyes were less vibrant today, they had a gentle brown tint to them which made her pretty face less unsettling than when we had first met. I also noticed that there was a gentle panic behind them, which had shown through in her tone, so I complied, letting her pull me out from between the trees.

We ran on the very side of the road at an unmistakably inhuman speed, but nobody looked. Not one driver even raised their eyes towards us. At first I thought it may have been because we were going _too _fast, but Cora's white dress flowed behind her, and that would have definitely caught someone's attention. I giggled in the confusion, not knowing what was going on, but still finding it very amusing. Cora glanced over to me and winked, giggling as well. My pace faltered when I thought I heard a distant scream over the buzz of the traffic. It had come from the trees on the other side of the road, a woman's scream, and I could almost swear it was my name that was being screeched so desperately. But if Cora heard it, then she showed no acknowledgement, so I continued to run, putting it down to a trick of my often avid imagination.

After a while my human side began to show, and my breathing turned to gentle panting, so Cora slowed to a stroll. She wrapped her cool arm around my shoulder and I leaned in, using her cold skin to cool me down. It only then dawned on me that I'd spent all of five minutes with this woman, but it felt like I'd known her forever, and I _trusted_ her. I must have, otherwise why would have I come with her, apart from to exhibit some adolescent disobedience for once. We were still on the side of the road going completely unnoticed, so I decided to take Cora up on her promise.

"Ok. Now I am insanely curious. Nobody can see us, you can creep up on me, which nobody has ever been able to do before, and you've been sending my family insane by throwing your scent around. What's with you?" Cora's giggle chimed mischievously as the obvious confusion coloured my face.

"It's my gift Renesmee. As yours is to show people your thoughts, mine is to block myself from them." My eyebrows furrowed and I placed one hand on my hip in frustration. I was learning that Cora really enjoyed being cryptic. She giggled again; apparently she liked doing that too.

"I can take myself off the radar. Not just me, anyone I like. I can make it so nobody around me can see, hear, smell, feel or … taste me I guess. Though I'm not sure when I've ever given anyone the chance of the last one, apart from when I became this way of course, but that was a long time ago." She was diverting from the subject, but I didn't mind. I liked the way she bounced around as she spoke, swinging her arms like a child and flapping her hands. "But anyway, senses basically. I can make it so that myself and others just don't register on them. We're still there, as we're still on the side of this road, watching these people go by; they just aren't able to acknowledge us." She grinned triumphantly; clearly her gift gave her a lot of satisfaction.

"So the traces in the woods near my house, what was that?"

"Like I told you, my idea of fun. I can control each sense individually, so when the three of us were running I'd just expose a scent every so often." Another giggle escaped her, and she shrugged her shoulders innocently, before taking my hand back in hers. "Speaking of the three of us, we should get moving. I'm being unfair to keep them waiting to see you."

We'd moved back into the woods, heading deeper in when my mind started clicking together the pieces of conversations I'd had with Cora since we first met.

"How did you know about my gift?" She bit her lip, as if trying to decide what to tell me. For a girl with the ability to be invisible, Cora was extremely easy to read. All her thoughts were shown on her face in a very childlike way, which just made me like and trust her even more.

"My … friend told me. You'll understand how when you meet him."

"Ok, next question. When we first met you said you thought my eyes were prettier now you were seeing them fixed on you. What did you mean by that?" Cora's eyes twinkled as she laughed.

"I take back what I said about you not being smart. You don't miss things do you Renesmee. I suppose that's one of the advantages of what you are, perfect memory. It was because I had seen you before, a few times actually. I saw you in your birthday dress!" At this a childlike excitement filled her and she span round, taking both of my hands in hers. "Oh and Renesmee you looked beautiful!" Her eyes were closed as she remembered, so when she opened them my returning look of shock panicked her. "Oh, I've upset you. I'm sorry"

"N-no, it's .. it's okay, it's just … you were at my party?"

"Yes but not for very long, Victor just had some last things to see, then we left. I'm sorry."

"Victor?" The name snapped movement back into Cora, who skipped through the trees.

"Yes, Victor. Hurry."

The trees opened up slightly and Cora came to a stop, spinning herself slightly on her tiptoes, she was the most fidgety vampire I had ever met.

"What now?"

"We wait Renesmee. They'll smell you and they'll come." She wiggled her fingers like claws and made her voice sound deep and menacing.

"Won't they smell you too?"

"Nope" Flora popped the "p" and then placed her arm on my shoulder. "Nobody smells me, I usually cover my scent." She was right, as she leaned closer to me there was nothing, no smell at all. I would've asked why but doubted the answer would do much more than confuse me further. After a minute Cora slid my bag off my shoulder, "Let me take that, it's heavy. They'll be here any second." I followed where Cora's eyes fell, to a gap between a strip of trees in the distance. I couldn't hear or smell anything, though I supposed that was down to Cora.

When they both finally came into sight I took a moment to take them in. The man was well over six foot, and his shoulders were wide. Apart from that he looked thin, scrawny almost. His long black coat hung very loose over his wide frame, and his hair was a copper colour and hung to the base of his overly-defined cheekbones. The tiny, oriental woman beside him was breathtaking. Like him, her skin was almost a brilliant white, which was only exaggerated by the fact they both wore black. Her little face could not have come much higher than the mans elbow, and her long black hair was poker straight. Both of them fixed their rich, red eyes on me as they came to a synchronised stop just a few feet before me. These two were mates. From experience I could easily tell by the way they moved together, positioning themselves side-by-side perfectly. I couldn't help but grin a little when I considered what an odd couple they looked. The man's face was relaxed, whereas a fierce scowl was painted across his partner's. He inclined his head to Cora, and as if he had silently instructed her to speak, she jumped at my side.

"Erm, Renesmee, this is Victor and Francesca." As soon as she had announced his name Victor moved forward with an eager smile across his thin lips. Francesca still scowled, and slid to stand behind him.

"Renesmee. It is an absolute honour to make you acquaintance." He bowed down and placed a cold kiss on the back of my hand, which didn't lighten Francesca's expressions at all. When Victor stood back up his red eyes gazed over my left shoulder, even though he was talking to Cora.

"Cora, it would seem you have given Renesmee little information about us. Seeing fit to only really introduce yourself." He was still gazing over my shoulder, but when I looked there was nothing there. I felt Cora stiffen beside me, she wasn't fidgeting anymore.

"I thought I would let _you_ explain Victor." His eyes snapped to her when she barked her sentence, causing her to shudder slightly. But when his eyes met back with mine, the smile was back on his face.

"Well then Renesmee, it appears you are well aware of the fact we know so much about you. It only seems fair we should extend to you an equal opportunity. You may ask of me what you like." Oh great, a Q & A. Though I had many questions, I wasn't at ease enough to ask. But Cora nudged me reassuringly.

"You were at my party, why?" Cora grinned, either because the memory of my dress was amusing her again, or because my choice of question pleased her.

"Yes, I apologize for not stopping to wish you happy returns," I noticed a smirk creep across Francesca's face, "but I'm afraid I was there on …. Business. You see your family fascinates me immensely. Their diet, their choices of partners, their lifestyles and of course, their affiliation with Wolves." Francesca snarled behind him, as if the word disgusted her. I wanted to rip her throat out, but took a deep breath instead. Victor picked up on my agitation and raised his palms apologetically. "Forgive me, shape shifters." As if the terming was what angered me! I much preferred the term Werewolf; shape shifter sounded so unpredictable. As if Jake would just transform into a slug or a rabbit one day when he was phasing. "You see, I have a gift that allows me to learn a great deal about the things that interest me. I see history Renesmee. As you stand here now I can see everything you have ever done, every decision you have ever made." His eyes were over my shoulder again, gazing at something that wasn't there. Victor smiled when I turned back to face him. "It's all behind you, your _shadows_. I can see them all. And _you_ have quite a history Renesmee." I grunted at the statement. My life had been far from exciting since I had been a child. Apart from a mass of Royal Vampires travelling across the planet, hell-bent on destroying me, my life could easily be labelled uneventful. "But the histories of those you live with; well let's just say I was not expecting what I found. Would you like to see?" I nodded enthusiastically, by now I was eager to see these _shadows_. My enthusiasm faded however, when Victor beckoned Francesca and she glided to his side. "Renesmee, Francesca has a special gift. She can utilise the abilities of anyone around her, so she has seen all the things that I have. If you will allow her, she can use _your_ gift to show you what we saw." I nodded slowly and Cora gave my shoulders a squeeze.

Francesca was still glaring when she slapped her small hand onto my forehead. Slapped was not an exaggeration, as the force in which she touched me sent a protective hiss from Cora.

"Stop it both of you." Victor spoke through gritted teeth, but then relaxed when he spoke to me. "I'm sure you're well aware of how your own gift works Renesmee, Francesca will just show you exactly what she saw." After nodding to him I closed my eyes.

The picture that filled my mind was strange. Never before had I realised how vivid the images I transferred were, I felt like I was actually there. _There _was somewhere I easily recognised. This was my Grandfathers house, the one he now shared with Sue in La Push. I was looking at the comfy, little living room, its sole inhabitant a copper skinned young woman with long, glistening black hair. Leah. She was slumped in an armchair, staring at the TV, though her eyes were completely blank, like she wasn't taking in what she was seeing. I could see a fog appearing behind her, a dark fog that thickened over time. As it thickened I could see into it, see things. As I peered into the shadow, I had to remember that I was not in control of what was around me. I was not really here; these were just Francesca's memories. I watched as something in the mist became more vivid, a girl on the beach, she was crying. As the image became clearer, it filled out. Suddenly I was no longer looking at the beach in the shadows, I was there. I couldn't feel the sand beneath my feet, or the cool sea breeze, but I was there. I recognized the beach from all the La Push bonfires Jake took me to when I was a kid. With the clarity of the scene came the clarity of the girl, she was kneeling in the sand, with her face buried in her hands. Crying had been a misjudgement; the word barely conveyed the painful cries coming from her.

A man entered the picture then. He was very tall, with hair as dark as the night sky. As he moved forward the crying girl turned her head slowly. Her eyes were swollen from her relentless tears, her dark face was tinted red, and her long black hair was pushed roughly from her face. Leah was younger, it came across not only in her slightly chubby face, but it was in her eyes too. They were not the cold, aggressive eyes of the Leah I knew, these ones were so alive and lacking the anger of her future. The man, who I could now see was Sam Uley, had not changed. He was just as tall and muscular as he was the last time I saw him. I could hear the conversation between them, but those sounds were only in my head. My ears were picking up other things; I could hear the trees around me, and Cora beside me, breathing slowly. Leah gathered her breath in desperate pants, and Sam walked slowly over to her and dropped his hand on her shoulder, but she swiped it away quickly.

"_She's like my sister Sam! How could you?" _I could feel tears filling my eyes; Leah's voice was so full of heartbreak and desperation that I felt my heart wrenching. Sam remained silent, just staring down at her. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I wanted to scream at him to comfort the poor heartbroken Leah, to stop her from becoming the angry person I'm sure was caused by whatever I was seeing now. _"I love you so much Sam. I stood by you, despite all the secrets I know you've been keeping, I stood by you!." _She stopped then, to dry her eyes and gather her breath through a series of violent pants. _"And this is how you repay me; this is how much I mean to you. I introduce you to Emily and suddenly we're over." _Emily? Sam's wife Emily. Confusion ripped through me as Leah climbed to her feet barging past Sam. As she walked past I saw them, Leah's eyes, and the anger that would live in them from now on.

I snapped my shield back, and the vision stopped. Francesca removed her hand from my forehead, and Cora squeezed closer beside me.

"What was that?" I murmured the question, half to myself, but it was Victor who chose to answer.

"That was your friend, Leah I think her name was. We started our search for you in Washington, which is where we found her. I believe what you just saw took place after she found out the man she loved no longer cared for her, instead shifting all his attention and affection to her second cousin." I had never heard any of this. Not from Jacob or Seth, the fact that they'd kept me so in the dark angered me. I'd always believed Leah was just a cold person, and thus I'd never really liked her much, but now my heart bled for her, and what she'd been through.

"How could he do that to her?" I was so angry at Sam. How could he have just stood there and watched the person he was supposed to love destroy herself? How could he leave her for her cousin? Victor pressed his cold hand to my cheek, wiping away a tear I didn't notice had fallen.

"I'm afraid Renesmee, it's a cruel trick of nature. An evil phenomenon that leaves a person with a selfish fixation with only one person, and a disregard for any other." I was more confused now, what was he talking about, a trick of nature? I'd never heard any of this. "It's called imprinting Renesmee. It occurs in … shape shifters." He raised his palms slowly, as if asking me to notice he had adjusted his terming so as not to offend me. "It takes away their ability to love any other, takes away their freedom. They become like a prisoner." I couldn't doubt Victor's words. The image of Leah's desperate sobs still filled my mind, and Sam's heartless indifference to her seemed to account perfectly for what was being said. To me Sam had appeared brainwashed; "a prisoner" seemed to describe him perfectly.

"That's horrible." Victor nodded slowly in agreement, a look of sadness in his eyes. I turned then to Cora, whose bottom lip was shaking slightly, I was sure that if she could, she would be crying now. My heart leapt and quickened at their expressions. Why did they look so sad for me, for Leah? Why had they brought me here to show me this? "Jacob?" The question was an almost inaudible murmur, one I wasn't even sure I wanted answered. I squirmed in Cora's arms as Victor took my hands in his.

"I'm afraid he is _your _prisoner Renesmee."

My Jacob. Not really mine, but constrained to me. Bound to me by an uncontrollable force, the same force that had torn Sam from Leah so cold-heartedly. Victor still had my hands in his when Cora leaned in to me and whispered,

"Renesmee, I'm so very sorry. But I need you to take your shield back down, so I can hide you." I didn't question her, right now the thought of being hidden sounded perfect, so I just focused on letting her through. Cora bent her head onto my shoulder and let it rest there, "That's better." I could feel my body shaking and was sure I was only still standing due to Victor's grip on my hands and Cora's arms around my shoulders. Victor's voice was barely a whisper.

"I'm afraid there is more we feel you should know Renesmee, and you're going to have to be very brave."

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**Just to let you know: What Victor said is not _my_ opinion on imprinting, Victor's just really really mean and has some hidden motives for pulling Nessie away.**

**Leave a review telling me what you thought; I can't get better if you don't tell me what's wrong.**


	8. Home Truths

**I'm glad this Chapter's finally out. This chapter brings to an end the first part of this story, after this all the FUN can start. (By fun I mean trouble)  
Reviews = Love (And Goodies-See endnote)  
I'd love to hear what you're all thinking about what Nessie's doing, and about the gruesome twosome (V&F) and Cora too.  
**

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Chapter Seven: Home Truths**

Brave was the last thing I felt. I was terrified of what I'd just found out, and what was still to be discovered. I could feel my body shaking under Cora's cool grip, my legs were slacking, and my cheeks felt warm from the tears streaming down them. I hated myself for being the person who had taken away Jacob's freedom. What if I had been his Emily? What if he had a Leah? Somebody he'd loved truthfully and intentionally, someone who had lost him the same way Leah lost Sam, all because of me.

There was a little selfish part of me that was making its voice heard. The part that loved Jacob so unconditionally that it didn't care what bound him to me, as long as he was mine.

{--}

"Are you ready Renesmee?" Victor was so close that I felt his cold breath on my skin. Cora whimpered and gave his chest a shove, removing him from my personal space.

"No Victor, I think we've done enough." Francesca snarled again from her position hidden behind Victor. He straightened himself up, taking a deep, angry breath, his eyes burning into Cora's.

"Cora, we have come so far to visit Renesmee. We have each of us seen the wonderful person she is, how can we just ignore the wrongs that have been done to her by those who call themselves her _family?" _As Victor spat his words, Cora took her arm from my shoulder, and slid to position herself directly in front of me.

"I won't let you do this Victor." He took another deep breath ready to speak, but I cut in.

"Cora, it's okay. I want to know." She span quickly, placing her hands on my cheek. I could tell that the short time we'd known each other had taken a similar toll on her as it had me. Her eyes were filled with a caring concern, as she stroked my cheeks gently, before nodding and shifting back to her original position at my side. I gathered my strength through a series of shaky breaths. "I need to know. I need to know if there was someone before me, somebody he loved." I had to struggle to get the words out through the building sobs; I couldn't even bring myself to say his name. There was no answer so I raised my eyes to look around me. Cora's head was buried in my shoulder, and my words had caused her to start sobbing quietly. Victor was bent down to my level, one hand resting on my shoulder, a look of sympathy across his face. "There was, wasn't there. There was someone else."

He nodded slowly and I felt as Cora readjusted her arms to support me in place of my now increasingly weak legs. In my mind I ran through every memory I had of Jacob, trying desperately to recall anything that would pinpoint who she was. I ran through every face on the reservation, everyone he knew in Forks, but there was no sign of anything. Whoever she was, Jacob had shown no sign of missing her, left no clue to his previous feelings.

I felt dirty. I had caused this; my existence had caused some woman to be so callously shoved out of the way. I had taken her Jacob, and claimed him as my own.

"Show me." I looked to Francesca, who's wide, crimson eyes seemed to be glowing. She weaved past Victor and came to stand before me, placing her hand on my forehead once again, gently this time. I blocked out Cora's heavy breathing and closed my eyes as my stomach cramped, a sign of the many parts of me that did not want to see this.

{--}

There was no introduction this time; I'd already seen how the shadows built up. The scene appeared immediately. It was a clearing just on the edge of a mass of huge green trees. Just out of the image's peripheral vision I could make out what looked like a tent, shaking in the breeze. From somewhere not visible came a low growl, one I instantly recognized as a warning from a werewolf.

"_It's just us, Seth." _I felt my body shudder as Jacob's voice filled my mind. From behind the area to which my sight was limited came the sound of a human heart begin to race.

I was confused when my father emerged from the trees where Jacob's voice had come from, and even more confused when my clearly human mother walked towards him from the blind spot behind me. Seth approached him too, he was only a slightly smaller version of the wolf I knew, but I could still notice a difference My father spoke a few brief words to him about timing, Sam, Alice and schedules, all of which made no sense to me. I was too distracted by the boy facing the way he had just come. As my parents talked I kept my eyes on Jacob. I hardly even noticed when Seth and my Father left.

"_I'm in a hurry Bella, Why don't you get it over with?" _Hearing Jake's voice tugged at my heart, filling me with a wrenching need to be close to him.

"_I'm sorry I'm such a rotten person. I'm sorry I've been so selfish. I wish I'd never met you, so I couldn't hurt you the way I have." _My mother's voice was different; it lacked the melody I'd always known it to have, and her words sent an uncontrollable growl to rise up in my throat. The thought of _anybody _hurting Jacob, lit a fire of anger inside me. My concentration had wandered, and when it snapped back Jake was talking again.

"_What if I don't want you to go away? What if I'd rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don't I get any say, if you're trying to make things up to me?"_ I knew my Mom had always been great friends with Jacob; so I was struggling to understand what could have happened that would make her feel the need to get away from him. I watched as the rest of the scene folded out, my attention fixed on Jacob's altering expressions. I knew his face and his emotions so meticulously that I could almost read his thoughts. I could tell he was in pain. But he also appeared anxious; though there was somewhere else he really wanted to be. I could hear sobs being battled with behind my Mother's words, but all I wanted her to do was go and comfort Jacob for me.

"_There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don't think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture." _I felt my body jerk. I didn't understand the situation, but Jake's words combined with his frightening expression brought me to the brink of screaming his name, begging him to stop whatever he was planning to do. My Mother beat me to it though. She was frozen on the spot calling his name, begging him "_No!"_ Her pleas grew louder as Jacob's expression didn't seem to alter.

"_Jacob, I'm begging you, Stay with me!" _

"_And I can be your best man at the wedding?" _The way he spat his words made me wonder. Was this what they wanted me to see? Jake's disapproval of my Father? If so then I was sure their effort was wasted, even _humans _are aware of the not so civil relationships between Vampire and Werewolf.

"_I love you, Bella" _I felt my breath catch violently in my throat. The words should not have bothered me. I'd heard him say them to so many people. Seth, Billy, Sue, even some of the members of my family; when he was either in a particularly good mood, or a particularly sarcastic one.

It was the way he said it though. Every part of his face and his voice mirrored the way he said it to _me, _and the way I said it to him. He _loved _her. _She_ was his Leah.

{--}

The vision came to a dark end. I could feel a tugging under my arms, and realised that my legs had finally given in. I let Cora lift me up and leaned myself onto her, not trusting my feet to keep me horizontal anymore. My vision was blurred from the tears that swamped my eyes.

"Enough, Francesca! No more now, the rest can wait, right Victor?" _The rest! _What else could there possibly be? Nothing could be worse than this. My voice was little more than a shaky whisper.

"He was in love with her?" Victor bent down again, taking my chin gently between his fingers.

"Yes Renesmee, truly he was. And she was in love with him." I buckled further into Cora, who was snarling at Victor to stop, though he did not show any sign of noticing her. "After what you saw he kissed her for the second time, which was when she first came to realise the extent of her feelings for him" My temples began to throb. _He_ kissed _her_. I remembered each kiss I'd shared with Jacob, and how _I _was always the one to initiate it, never him.

"Then what?"

"Renesmee no, don't do this to yourself." I shook my head at Cora, gathering my voice to a more aggressive tone.

"Then what?!"

"She broke him. She told him of her feelings, but that she would not be with him, because she chose your father." After Victor finished whispering, Francesca scoffed and spoke for the first time.

"Even I felt sympathy for the beast when I saw her do it. He'd been brutally injured, in a fight to protect _her_, and your precious Mommy chooses to visit him on his sick bed and dump him. Yeah, that was cold." I leaned further into Cora's tense body.

"He must have been so hurt."

"Yes Renesmee, he was." Victor was speaking again, and I preferred his gentle tone to the harsher one of his mate. "He left. Phased into his animal form and ran far, far away, desperately trying to forget her. He returned for the wedding of your parents, because he knew it would make her happy, despite the torture it caused him" The hatred I now felt for my Mother was second only to the hatred I held for myself. Cora's cold hands wiped away my tears as Victor continued. "His agony was so intense, that he slipped up at the party afterwards; causing his Pack to drag him away as his body tore itself apart due to his internal anguish. This obviously caused … further friction between the boy and your Father. But on the newlywed's return from their honeymoon, it seemed the two male points of the love-triangle found themselves uniting under one common goal." Though Victor's expression remained blank, there was a slight grin on Francesca's who was hovering at his side.

"What goal?"

"Victor, no please. Think what it will do to her, doesn't she know enough?" Nobody seemed altered by Cora's desperate plea. My eyes remained just as inquiring, and Victor just leaned closer, so that when he spoke, his breath tickled my ears.

"To destroy you."

Francesca slid closer; pure enjoyment in her eyes.

"I can show you if you'd like. I can show you how they plotted to tear you from the womb and do whatever was necessary to halt your existence." At this my crutch fell away. Cora's support disappeared as she leapt past Victor, clawing violently at Francesca. After she landed on her with a violent crash, Victor clamped her in his arms, throwing her back towards me and holding her shoulders down.

"Stop it Cora, she has a right to know!" Francesca's eyes were black, her grin taunting.

"Stop it! Stop it, you evil witch! I won't let you hurt her!" I ducked under Victor's arms, crawling into Cora's lap, placing my palm on her forehead. _Calm Cora. I'm okay. Be Calm, I need you. _Her eyes switched to mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck, sobbing into my hair and rocking me slowly.

"It's ok, Renesmee. I'll take care of you. I'm so sorry you had to know all of this." I kept my forehead leaning against hers, unable to speak through the sobs that were squeezing at my lungs.

"_Is it true?" _Her head shook against mine as she nodded,

"Yes, he wouldn't lie. I know it's true, and I'm so sorry." My insides tugged and I doubled over in Cora's lap; forcing my words out through pants.

"What happened, for them to want to _kill_ me?" Cora began rocking me in her arms again, wiping the tear-soaked hair from my face. Her eyes were squeezed shut, her head shaking slowly. "Please Cora, tell me."

"I can't, I can't" Victor obviously didn't share her struggle, he came to kneel beside us, Francesca had vanished from the clearing. His voice was low as he placed one hand on Cora's shoulder, attempting to appease her protective anger.

"The pregnancy almost killed your Mother; I suppose you could say it actually _did_. As soon as your Father discovered her … condition, he had a discussion with his Father, and the two of them were set to remove you from your Mother before you had a chance to survive." My cries grew louder, and Cora pulled me closer to her. My Grandfather, my beloved Carlisle was in on it too. My head was shaking in disbelief as Victor continued. "They arrived home from their honeymoon, and you were protected by the two who wanted you to live, your Mother and your blonde Aunt." I didn't know why he wasn't using names. He either didn't know them, or was spearing me the pain of hearing them.

"Rose? Rose protected me?" Of course she did. Rose had been so fiercely protective of me since the day I was born, I was glad she was the same way beforehand.

"Yes, her plan was to take you as her own when your Mother died in childbirth." I coughed out another violent shriek. Was anybody in my family who I though they were, or were they all just _monsters?_

"As the pregnancy drew on your Mother grew more and more ill, as well as more insistent on the constant presence of the boy." It seemed there were there no limits to the torture my Mother felt the need to inflict on Jacob. "Your Father at this time was desperate. He was so worried he'd loose your Mother, he even asked Jacob to offer to Father her children if she would just give you up." An unfamiliar churning tore through my stomach. I'd never been sick before, but I was sure this is how it felt. That was _the _single most disturbing thing I had ever heard in my life.

Cora was growling again, though this time it was not at her companions. I could tell from the way she was looking down at me as she rocked me slowly in her arms that this new rage was directed at my family, and came from the anger she felt for everything I'd heard about them today.

My eyes were so fixed on Cora's that I jumped a little when Victor started to speak again. "When you were born, Jacob was present." This I remembered. The fact that Jacob Black was one of the first things I saw in this world used to warm me inside, now it triggered a very different feeling. "As your Aunt took you downstairs, setting her plan to keep you in motion, your Mother died. Her heart stopped and any hope of changing her vanished. Though your Father was only occupied by his desperate attempts to save her, the boy's intentions were fixed purely on revenge. Revenge for the death of the woman he loved." My insides clenched again, causing me to roll up tighter in Cora's arms.

I remembered my Father's face when the vision of my lifeless Mother had slipped through a few nights ago. The anger there had terrified me at the time, but now I understood where it had come from.

"You were with your Aunt when he came for you, his intentions set on killing anybody who stood in the way, anybody who would protect you."

"I wish he'd just done it." I truly did, every part of me was in agony, an agony I couldn't see ever going away. I'd brought such misery to everybody, I wasn't worth it. Cora lifted me higher in her arms.

"No Renesmee, you mustn't think like that. You are a wonderful, special girl. A legend, remember?" I did remember her calling me that. But the Cora then and the Cora now were two completely different people. The first one intrigued me; her clandestine presence meant she was an exciting mystery. This Cora, she was my rock, my protector. I could no longer imagine being without her.

"Why didn't he do it, Victor?"

"The imprint. When he saw you, it took over. Removing his free will, like I said."

"A prisoner." I could now only speak as a whisper. Everything was drained from me. I felt unable to think, to move, even to breathe, only able to recall what Victor had said earlier, _"He is your prisoner Renesmee." _"Not anymore. I can't go back there, not now."

Cora froze beneath me, her eyes fixed on Victor who was nodding slowly.

"Of course, Renesmee. I feel responsible. I am the one who put this on you; I feel I should be the one to care for you as you come to terms with it." I felt Cora's grip on me tighten, and Victor shot her a quick glance, the emotions behind it not clear. "Would you like to come with us, Renesmee? And we can take you far, far away from here." He ran his palm across my forehead; the cold soothed the throbbing pain caused by my tears.

"Yes."

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**Coming up: Chapter Eight: It will be as if I'd never existed** (hmm, ring any bells?)  
**That chapters almost done, soooo a PREVIEW FOR ALL REVIEWERS!**

**Yes, I'm a review whore, so what?**


	9. It Will Be As If I'd Never Existed

**The Next Three Chapters (8,9,10) may to some seem a little far-fetched. They are dedicated to and inspired by my closest of friends, Kelly. Last year her Mother up and left without a word and I watched her go through the pain I've put Nessie through in this Chapter, but then she just stopped feeling anything, and became a bit out of control. So if any of you feel that they way Nessie copes with all this is unrealistic, then I'm sorry, but you're wrong. Your understanding of what I'm talking about will grow (especially in the two chapters after this), but let's just say that in the dynamic I had with my friend Kelly, she was Nessie, I was Cora.  
Thanks to ALL REVIEWS. To NicoleV: Because I really DO love hearing criticism. It means your paying attention.**

**I don't like this Chapter, but that's probably because I know what the next few hold, and it's SO much more exciting than listening to Nessie hurt. But hurt she must, and hurt she does:**

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Chapter Eight: It will be as if I'd never existed.**

When Francesca returned from the trees, Victor exchanged a few words with her as Cora lifted me into her arms. She held me tight as the tears continued to roll down my cheeks. My sobbing had stopped, now I just stayed frozen; my eyes fixed in the distance. Victor came over to speak firmly to Cora.

"Two miles north, splitting off in all directions, we must go _now_." She just nodded, looking down at my frozen expression. Then we were gone.

{--}

I could see how fast we were moving, but Cora kept me so still it felt like I was just gliding through the woods. After a while Francesca came to a sudden stop before us.

"Cora, can't you cover her scent, it's driving me insane!" I felt Cora's growl vibrating in her chest.

"No, Francesca she needs to keep us all covered together for a while longer. We'll hunt, it should make it easier. Cora, are you coming?" Victor turned back over his shoulder to us.

"I'm not leaving her!"

"Fine, we'll be back soon." I didn't look up to watch them disappear, my eyes were still fixed in a daze, not even blinking as I thought of everything that had just happened, letting the pain burn through me. Cora sat down on the ground, never trying to release me from her arms. Everyone I had ever cared about was gone; left behind because I couldn't face the truth that they had hidden from me for so long. I'd never in my life been so exposed, so vulnerable. _That's _why I needed Cora; she was my surrogate, my guardian and my friend. She was all I had left.

"You could leave a note." I kept myself frozen, using my gift to communicate, too frightened of my own emotions to move.

"_What?"_

"It's entirely your decision, but I could leave a little of your scent and they would find it."

"_Wouldn't Victor and Francesca be mad?"_

"Why would they? If it's what you want then you should do it. It might be better that they know why you're gone." I whimpered a little as a few shreds of agony slipped through the daze in which I had imprisoned them.

"Ok." My words came out quieter than a whisper, I couldn't manage any more. Cora twisted her arms around, taking a scrap of paper and pen from the bag I'd forgotten she'd taken from me.

"Would you like some privacy?"

"No, no, please stay!"

"Ok, I won't go anywhere, don't worry." She placed the pen in my hand and put the paper on my lap, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I waited for a moment, planning what the hell to write. I forced my pen across the page as the words came to me, gasping every few minutes when the cramping inside me got too much.

_I know everything.  
I know about Jacob and Bella; that he loved her first. I know about the imprinting, and the fact that my birth was such a horror to some of you.  
I'm leaving; I want Jacob to be free. I want us all to be free.  
I don't blame any of you for trying to stop me ever existing, at the moment I wish you'd succeeded.  
Sorry if I've ever made any of you suffer.  
Forget me.  
It will be as if I'd never existed. _

The sentences were incomplete; it was more like a list of my thoughts than a structured goodbye. I didn't sign my name at the end, it seemed pointless, and a few tears that Cora had not wiped away had dripped onto the sheet. But it was what I wanted to say. I couldn't scramble my thoughts well enough to write anything more comprehensive, so it would have to do.

"Come, we'll spread your scent a little." Cora placed me gently on my feet, keeping a hold of my hand as we walked slowly through the trees. After a few minutes she stopped. "We should get a rock or something, to hold it down." I released her hand, and took the long chain from around my neck, not allowing myself to look down at the trinkets dangling from it.

"Will this do?"

"Renesmee, are you sure?"

"Yes. I can't keep it, not now." Cora bent down, placing the chain on top of the paper, and a small rock beside it to be sure.

She scooped me back into her arms and I just sat in my daze. Not flinching when Francesca and Victor returned.

{--}

My eyes shot open and I bolted upright. As my fingers dug into the pillow my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room.

"It was dream, just a dream!" A moment of euphoric relief filled me before my heart leapt when a cool hand touched mine.

"Renesmee." My chest rose and fell quickly. The painful sobs returned as I recognised the voice.

"Cora?" She came to kneel beside me, wrapping me in her arms as I started to shake.

"I'm so sorry, but it wasn't a dream." I whimpered as my stomach clenched. Cora's hushing sounds floated through the darkness of the room as she stroked my hair. My breath kept catching in violent shudders as I inhaled.

"I thi- I think I nee- I need to be a-alone." She pulled back and nodded.

"I'll be right on the other side of that door; you need me you just call. The three us will be out there, we won't leave you." I just nodded as she kissed my forehead, dropping back down on the pillow as Cora slipped silently through the door. I lay on my side, staring at the window on the other side of the unfamiliar room. I could hear Francesca, Victor and Cora's voices through the wall behind me so I folded my pillow over my ears, desperate to block them out. I clenched my teeth, grinding them as wave after wave of grief passed over me.

{--}

_Sleep Renesmee, Please sleep! _My entire body was in agony, and my mind was throwing up all the memories of today. I just wanted to sleep, to slip into unconsciousness and be numbed. I'd happily never wake up.

Sleep did not come quickly. I'd rocked myself slowly, feeling the hot tears flowing down my cheeks as the pain continued to stab all over.

{--}

When I woke up a strong light streamed through the window, burning my eyes. There was a curtain, but I didn't move to draw it, I just stayed on my side, willing the pain to go away. There were no tears for a while. Just silence as my thoughts set about torturing me.

_What have you done? You think this is smart, that you leaving won't cause them any pain?_ Perhaps I was stupid, but I couldn't go back. I couldn't carry on being a Cullen. Thinking that name triggered a feeling like getting hit in the stomach with a wrecking ball. I rolled up tighter as I started to sob, louder and louder. On the other side of the wall behind me I heard a loud crash, and hushed but firm voices.

{--}

The sun set then rose again. My body and my mind ached in an inescapable agony. I wished I could escape, escape this body, this life. _  
_

_You have no life Renesmee; you've left it all behind._ A pathetic laugh escaped my lips as I considered the fact I was probably going insane; the voices in my head seemed to be getting louder. It was as though my agony was slowly chipping away at my state of mind, butchering my sanity.

Sleep was of little relief. I dreamt of the scene Francesca showed me, of the kiss I didn't see.

My dreams would replay for me events in my life in agonisingly intricate detail;

Conversations with Jasper, my life-long confidant, that I cherished so deeply,

How Emmett would teach me to fight, but just end up rolling around with me, tickling me until I begged for mercy,

Playing dress-up with Alice,

I could _feel_ Rose's fingers as I dreamt of how she used to run them through my hair.

And when my imagination created for me my incensed Father, and his desperate want to have me dead, I was thrown from my sleep with as shudder, gasping for breath.

I dreamt of Leah. I dreamt of all of them; of Esme's kisses, Carlisle's hugs and running from Jacob as he hunted me in the woods, and when I woke the pain would be excruciating.

{--}

I thought of My Jacob constantly, each time I did this I'd sink my nails into my flesh in an attempt to hammer home that he wasn't _mine _anymore. I'd set him free. But there was no denying that whatever happened, I would always be _his_. While this turmoil ripped through me, which I knew it would for all eternity, there would be no room for anything else, no room for any other but him. Since the day I was born there had been one end of an elastic band wrapped around my heart, the other end of it was attached to Jacob Black. The further he was from me the tighter it pulled. I thought it had hurt when I left him in Forks, but the band was now so tight it felt as though it were ripping through the organ; puncturing the key to my existence.

I thought of my mother, and the birthday I had missed. Thinking of her sent anger ripping through me, anger that seemed to remove all the other pain. She had been so selfish. So heartlessly selfish, I hated her for hurting Jacob. I hated my Father for wanting me dead so badly. I hated them all for keeping this from me. I hated myself for causing so much grief. And I hated Jake because he escaped all the anger. I felt bitter towards them all; Rose, Jasper, Esme even Emmett, but never Jake. When I thought of the others the anger was a relief, it was a vast improvement on the pain that thinking of him brought back. I'd ruined his life. Kept him _prisoner._ But I loved him, and I missed him and I needed him. But I wouldn't, I couldn't, I loved him too much to go back. Whatever the consequences and however much it hurt, I had set him free.

{--}

The light of a new day filled the room for a third time. My stomach now burned with hunger as well as the cramping agony I'd suffered through for the past three days. My body ached all over. I didn't want to live, but I knew that I didn't want to die.

_Live your life Renesmee, forget your past and fight. _I wanted to get up and go on, but it didn't feel physically possible. My life was a lie, my entire existence felt fraudulent._  
Then start a new existence, start over Renesmee. _Hearing my own name, even in my head hurt. I hated my name now. Every single syllable of it was representative of someone else, building me an identity based purely on_ family_. I scoffed at the word now, and rolled onto my back, feeling the aches on my body as it moved for the first time in days. Changing my name would be too dramatic, even for someone who'd just run away from home. I giggled, sure now that the three I knew still waited outside the room would think I'd lost my mind, I was half convinced I actually had myself. But my name took away my identity, _Renesmee_ was not a person; she was just a daughter and a granddaughter; a possession.

"Rene-esmee Carl-ie." Charlie, my Grandpa. I felt a new wave of pain wash over me. Guilt for leaving him, when he could have had nothing to do with this. I clenched my eyes together, not prepared to spiral back down the black hole I'd just spent days dragging myself out of.

_Shut yourself down. Turn everything off. The new you feels nothing, the new you is stronger. _I was done being a weak, emotional little girl. I was done being trampled on, protected and deceived.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen is dead." I breathed in deep after the words passed my lips, letting the thought settle. I let my mind shut down, blocking out all emotion. As I exhaled I threw myself off the bed and launched myself through the door.

{--}

I didn't open my eyes for a few seconds, and when I did I was met with three shocked, beautiful faces. Each of them were spread about the small living room, staring at me in wonder. Victor laughed and rose, walking towards me.

"And on this, the third day, you rise anew, all pain washed away." The way he spoke those words as he came towards me, his arms outstretched, I knew he was quoting somebody, or something. "Forgive me; it's just that those are the first words I heard after _I_ spent three days going through a change, many, many years ago." Three days? My smile matched Victor's as the irony of the duration of my confinement sank in. Cora approached me cautiously after Victor released me from his stony embrace.

"Are you alright, Renesmee?" I breathed in sharply through my teeth, but no pain came from hearing that name. It had worked.

"I'm fine. And please, just call me Nessie. After all, I did come from monsters, right?" Victor laughed, and whispered to Francesca who just looked puzzled,

"Loch Ness." She just rolled her eyes before turning to Cora whose expression brought her a sinister smile. Cora looked shocked, pained even; she just stood gawping at me before forcing a faint smile. I thought back to the note I'd left in the woods, vowing to make good on my own words.

It_ will_ be as though Renesmee Carlie Cullen had never existed

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**Chapter 9: The Burning **- **Coming Soon. A New Nessie? How will that go down? I'm really excited for the next Chapter, I think it's my favourite so far. It's got a nice lil cliffy too.**

**REVEIEW FOR A PREVIEW!!!**

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	10. The Burning

**Wow, Two Updates in as many days! It was a toss-up between doing this, and my English homework. But then I figured I liked YOU guys way more than my English tutor!  
Not much to say about this Chapter, apart from I love the ending. This is kinda the first time you're _really _gonna see Francesca, before now she was being _nice!_**

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**Chapter Nine: The Burning**

For a while we hardly stopped moving. Just minutes after I'd stepped out of that bedroom Victor had announced we had to leave. Cora was unusually distant as she beckoned me to climb on her back, and then we left. The sun was bright as we ran from what I found to be a Motel, so Cora's skin sparkled beneath me as we raced through the woods. It wasn't long before my stomach began to growl and we were forced to stop. I slid from Cora and giggled, rubbing my belly.

"Sorry, half-human, haven't eaten in a while." Victor grinned and nodded understandingly, but Cora looked at me very uneasily. My questioning gaze caught a brief look of disgust pass across her before she wiped it away and curled her lips quickly in a smile.

"I must ask you to call on the vampire side of you nature Nessie. We are far from a source of human food, and it may be easier for you if you adapt to our diet as you are to remain with us." Cora wrapped her arm around me quickly, pulling me towards her and away from Victor who was approaching slowly.

"You know that is not what she is Victor, she was raised differently. She was raised by golden-eyes." Francesca scoffed and sauntered towards us, her arms swinging in a hypnotizing motion as she moved.

"Oh yes Cora, and what a fine job they did of that task, of raising Nessie, bringing her into all of their twisted little messes." Cora's arm wrapped tighter around me, whatever was plaguing her mind, causing her to act so strangely around me today, it clearly didn't affect her will to protect me, even from her own coven.

"Francesca, leave it alone. Nessie will hunt whatever she chooses." Francesca had just bowed an acceptance, a menacing grin plastered across her face before she disappeared into the trees with her mate. Cora released me from her hold quickly and slid to stand further away, not looking into my eyes. Mine were fixed on hers however, and I now noticed that they were the deepest, thirsty black.

"Cora, you should go with them and hunt. I will be fine by myself, I've done this before."

Her face rose slowly and she took a deep breath, biting her lower lips as though looking for the right words to speak.

"Before I met you, before I saw where you came from, I never thought it was possible. I'd heard stories, but I'd never actually seen a golden-eye before." Her eyes darted around briefly before finally meeting mine. "I don't want to take human life anymore Nessie. I can no longer roam this earth remembering the faces of all those I have killed. I feel I now have a choice, and I am choosing to be good, and live my immortality with compassion for humans. That is after all, partly what you are. You are my link to both humans and golden-eyes Ness, will you help me?"

{--}

At first Cora found the taste of the animals we hunted repulsive, but she held fast in her ambition. Victor had shown little interest when she announced her choice and Francesca made it known she thought she was insane, that going against her nature was foolish. As we travelled all the time, Cora got to taste a wider selection and discover what she favoured. Victor had tried once, as Francesca looked on in disgust. His face matched hers however, as he emerged from the just-dead deer after barely taking a bite, vowing never again to try it. As time went on Cora would gleam with excitement as her irises changed from their crimson, to the gold she now rejoiced in. I noticed changes too. I felt stronger, and was now able to run longer. Despite this, I missed food. And the burning that was growing deep in my throat, the burning that yearned for more than the blood of animals, terrified me.

After what could have been just over a month since I left Juneau, and what felt like a million miles of travel, Victor left. His departure set in motion a new system, one which I managed to adapt to quickly. Victor and Francesca would leave for a couple of days. Cora had told me it was to do "mate-ish things" so I had never questioned further, living with a coven of blissfully paired-up vampires my whole life had scarred me enough. Then Francesca would return alone, and we would move on. After spending a few days travelling, the three of us would take up a place to stay. Be it a motel room, a hotel room or a little cottage in the middle of nowhere. After a couple of days, Cora would leave. This part of the cycle was disputed for a while; mostly by Cora, who was reluctant to be away from me. But I had told her that she was more vampire than I, and thus needed to go farther and hunt more. After never more than two days, she would return, and Francesca would leave, to hunt a very different prey. When she returned we would stay together until it came time for them to hunt again, or Victor came back. When he was to return we would always have to call the cell phone Francesca kept stashed down one of her leather boots. I'd always found this to be very un-vampire, but then Cora had pointed out that there was no other way for him to find us, because she kept us invisible. When he rejoined us, he'd stay a few days, and the cycle would begin again.

{--}

It was day seven of the fourth rotation. Francesca had been with Victor, returned alone, and for three days we had travelled before coming to stop in a cosy, brick cottage which was wrapped in an overgrown mass of woodland. I never asked how the places we stayed in were obtained, I thought it best not to. This was my _least _favourite part of the cycle; the settling in. There was very little to do. I'd always hunt as we travelled so by the time we arrived at our lodgings my stomach couldn't take anymore. The places we stayed were always furnished but the one now didn't have electricity or even any books, so there was nothing at all to amuse myself with. After Cora would return from her first hunt she would always bring with her what she called _"Nessie's human maintenances." _This included toiletries, clothes and little sources of entertainment. Without a computer or my mp3 player I'd reverted to a technology unbeknownst to me before now; a personal CD player. When Cora first hunted I'd provided her a long list of my desired listening material, which she had complied with perfectly. Unfortunately, batteries go dead, and I'd worked my way through my entire pack, so now sat in the small living room in silence. Cora and Francesca were seated around me, each of them zooming through books I'd already exhausted.

I was draped across one of the armchairs; its upholstering the same generic, floral design as the love seat Cora was seated in directly opposite me, and the longer couch which Francesca was sat on. I watched them, both sitting magnificently still and upright, only their fingers moved as they each flipped the pages every few seconds. The similarities of the two women ended there. Francesca was petite, her small frame seemed barely able to contain the raging ball of attitude I'd come to know. Cora was taller, probably around 5"9. Her skin, though still pale, had a dark tinge to it that was only accentuated when she stood beside Victor and Francesca, both of whom had skin like milk. Cora was curvier too; her entire body was built strong and beautiful, like the statues of Goddesses seen in Ancient Italian cities. From the very first time I saw her stood beside her companions, it seemed to me she would easily be stronger than tiny Francesca or skinny Victor. Francesca's voice was as icy as every other aspect of her persona, she spoke with a little twang to her words I assumed came from her Oriental routes. Cora's voice was soft and playful, and at times deep and breathy, blending in with her rolling giggle. Cora spoke with a British accent, though I'd never actually asked either of them about how they came to speak as they did.

They were both undeniably beautiful, but so extraordinarily different in the way they presented that beauty. Francesca always wore her jet-black hair pulled back from her face in a high ponytail, whereas Cora let her thick-brunette locks hang freely. Francesca wore black, always. If it was black and tight fitting, she would wear it, only ever making allowances for a little red, or even a tad of grey. Cora was the polar opposite. In the time I had known her I had never seen her in anything but white dresses. She would change often of course, some short, some long, some sleeved, some strappy, but _always _white. Their footwear did have some similarities however. Boots; never anything else for either of them. Francesca's were always black, leather, high and pointy. Cora's were always round and earthy toned, and she liked to experiment with the length on the leg and the heel. Two days after we left the first motel, Cora had angrily discarded the flats I was wearing into a bush after they began to fall apart. It had been one of the few times I'd seen her and Francesca appear united; as they chastised me for wearing something so pathetic, after all I was a _vampire._ They'd run into the local town and retuned with a pair of calf length, flat, black, biker boots, which I had fallen in love with and rarely removed. Cora had since presented me with a selection of similar footwear, the last being one she had given me with the message of "Merry Christmas" written on the box. This had shocked me to silence, the mere recognition that so much time had passed meant it took me several minutes to finally open it. The navy suede boots inside were the solitary indication of the holidays, and came second only to the biker boots in my favourite shoes.

"Stop. Staring. At. Me." I giggled from my armchair as Francesca hissed through gritted teeth, not moving her eyes from her book.

"I was just comparing the two of you." Cora scoffed and Francesca just rolled her eyes.

"Well stop, you're getting on my nerves." I giggled again; glad there was finally a glint of entertainment in my otherwise tedious day. I'd been bitten by the boredom bug, and was now going to use Francesca's easily provoked frustration to shake it off.

"Where does Victor go, when he leaves?" Cora's eyes shot up briefly to Francesca, then returned to her book, she wouldn't have thought I noticed, but I did.

"He goes on business."

"What kind of business?" Cora lowered her book slightly and turned her face to me,

"Nessie, don't pester Francesca." Her book shot back upright and she gave me a gentle wink, the wide grin across her face hidden behind her chunky novel. Though the moments of distance, or even aversion Cora unexplainably exhibited towards me still occurred, they were becoming more and more infrequent.

"So where does he go _Franny?" _Cora's book drew closer to her face to cover her giggles, and Francesca's rich crimson eyes widened. "Is he ... off sabotaging pitchfork factories for fear the old days are returning? Or is he overseeing the construction of Castle Victor and spreading the word he wants _Count _added to his name. Or maybe he's really a coffin salesman, or perhaps he enjoys bat-watching? Tell me Franny, am I close?" Cora was coughing to disguise her laughter, and Francesca took a deep breath before sliding her eyes in my direction.

"No, you little half-breed! He's off rescuing another freak whose family mix in with the moon-worshippers and like to go around plotting to kill each other, before changing their minds and pining for the child of their former lover; the afore mentioned freak." Cora's book was across the room, she'd tossed it with quite a force as she jumped to her feet, growling at Francesca; whose volume remained positioned before her face, though her eyes were on me. No pain came, I didn't even expect any. I just threw my head back and laughed a sincere and stomach-clenching laugh. When my head rose back up, a few tears rolling from my eyes in amusement, Cora had straightened from her threatening stance and her growl had subsided. She was now stood with her mouth dropped open, staring at me. She huffed a short, aggressive snarl before leaping from the room, and from the house.

"What's with her?" Francesca's eyes were back to the book, a wide grin on her lips as she responded.

"You disgust her." She said the words almost cheerfully, her grin widening.

"I- I… What?" Her head snapped up, her lips pursed and her stare sincere.

"You _disgust _her. She finds the way you've moved on so quickly from everything so very wrong. I, on the other hand, think it admirable. Why should you _feel _anything for those people? But Cora, she perceives what you've achieved as heartless." I swallowed hard as Francesca's glare slid back to her book. Cora was wrong, she just didn't understand. She didn't know that I simply couldn't let myself be that person anymore. "She is a fickle girl however; she'll get over it eventually. She just can't help but hope you are something you're not."

{--}

The burning when I was a child, the burning that fed my hunger for human blood, had for a long time been but a distant memory. Now it was back, and the pain of it was nothing like I remembered. To me, it resembled what it might feel like to swallow hot ash. I yearned for the blood of humans both to put out the burning, and wash over the insufferable thirst caused by the ash's density. I lay in bed that night letting it ravage me. It had been three days since my last hunt, not such a long time, but the burning seemed to prove otherwise. Cora had not returned, and I had sat in silence with Francesca, waiting, until the sky grew dark and my eyelids heavy. Now I waited for sleep, to ease the fire inside me. I tossed and turned, despite me feeling dreary from hardly moving all day; my mind would not slip into slumber.

The bedroom door creaked teasingly as I slowly pulled it open. Francesca had gone, and thanks to Cora's absence, I was able to trace her scent to establish she had recently left the cottage. I ran as fast as possible, praying for exhaustion to come so that I may finally rest. I kept only a short distance from Francesca's scent as I raced through the trees. She was easy to keep track of as she could only use a gift if the person who possesses it is close to her, so hiding herself was never possible unless Cora was around. The cold night air was refreshing on my skin, but it did nothing to budge my warm interior temperature.

It was like a magnet. That's the only way I can describe it. As soon as I caught that scent, I had no choice, no control. My thoughts began to race, and the sensation in my throat erupted in a volcano of fiery desire. I had to follow, my mind was no longer my own and my legs were putty in the hands of their new controller; my frenzy. I could hear my own breath, panting and violent, but all else was silent. Nothing mattered but that scent, that intoxicating aroma.

My feet rolled to a stop as I finally met the source. Francesca stood with her legs positioned over a lifeless male body, but in her arms was a female whose heart was racing. The scent had been the males, but he was gone. I growled uncontrollably and violently at Francesca who had the female's neck firmly in her hands. She had taken my prey; the scent I had followed had disappeared down her greedy throat. She smiled at me wickedly, her eyes menacing as she shook her head and whispered.

"Naughty Nessie, come to taste the forbidden fruit?" The scent was gone and the frenzy receded, but I was almost choking from the dry fire still ripping inside of me.

Francesca's pale fingers lifted in the moonlight, and swooped down, tearing into the female's neck. In the split-second it took for the scent to reach me and my legs to spring me towards the flow of liquid, I could make out a satisfied laugh from Francesca, as she licked the blood from her fingers.

* * *

**So yeah, how dya like them eggs? I've loved hearing some of you theorise over whether or not Francesca is misunderstood, maybe like Rose, tough on the outside but nice underneath.  
Well, what dya think now?  
Next Chapter: To Exist is Not Always to Live**

**PREVIEW FOR REVIEWERS!**


	11. To Exist is Not always to Live

_"Control your emotion or it will control you"_

_Unknown  
_

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* * *

Chapter Ten: To Exist is Not always to Live**

She was gagging as the blood drained from her, but I couldn't hear her.

She writhed beneath my steadfast grip, but I didn't feel her.

And the voices in my head that screeched at me to stop, went disobeyed.

{--}

Looking down on the lifeless body in my arms I felt sick.

My breathing was hollow and quick, and my eyes were wide in shock.

I knelt on the muddy woodland floor, waiting to wake up, waiting for this all to be a horrible dream.

But if I were to wake up, what would it be to?

Would it be like the time I'd had a nightmare whilst staying with Sue and Charlie? When my childish squeal as I was thrown into consciousness awoke Sue, who carried me downstairs and made me hot milk, rocking me until the terror went away.

Or would it be like all the nightmares I'd had after we left Forks? The painful, desperate ones that echoed the internal torture of my separation from Jacob. Would Esme, Rose or even my Mother be there to soothe be back into slumber?

I wondered if it would be Cora. If she'd come and take care of me. After what I'd learned today I was sure a nightmare would demonstrate to her that I still _felt, _that I still suffered.

Everything was silent and still, but I knew this was no dream.

{--}

Painful twinges began coursing through me, reigniting an all too familiar agony. I clenched my eyelids shut as I felt tears rising upwards, forcing the feelings and the memories to go away. I could not think of _them, _or how disappointed they would be with me for what I had just done. I blocked the very thought, and focused on suppressing the voices in my head. The night-time silence was broken only by my uneasy breathing, the rustling of the trees, and above me, a clapping. Francesca's hands smacked slowly together as her gleaming eyes bore down into mine.

"Well done! For your first human snack, that was impressive. So heartless, so unhesitant, the perfect predator."

Suddenly the pain and guilt stopped picking up momentum and all I could feel was anger. My body flexed into an aggressive stance and low hiss escaped my clenched teeth. She had done this, this was her fault. Francesca's posture remained upright, though all the satisfaction disappeared from her face as it dropped into a threatening glare.

"Don't you hiss at me, little girl."

"This is your fault." My head ushered quickly to the body still lying at my feet.

"I think not, Nessie. You are weak; you think you have never killed before because of your diet, or your strong restraint. I think it's because you've spent your whole life caged up, protected. Now you're free in this big bad world, you've shown yourself for what you really are," She leaned in closer, coming to whisper just beside my ear " a murderer."

I had her shoulders in my iron grip as I rammed her body into the thick trunk of a nearby tree. I felt dizzy with the speed I had moved her, I had never felt so in touch with every muscle, every limb. It felt like the power of a hundred of my former selves was now at my disposal. As the tree groaned from the force of the impact, my breathing began to seethe. Francesca's expression fell blank.

"It would be wise to stop now. Killing you would spoil things, but I would have no problem with administering the type of pain you could never have even dreamt of in your sheltered little life." I leaned in closer to her, snarling inches from her face. Francesca's eyes rolled before her lips drew back over her teeth and she raised her hands, throwing my body away from hers. I landed just a few feet away, but when I looked up she was gone. Completely vanished, with no scent to follow. I scoffed at her departure, before my attention drew to what she had left me with, the two bodies, one of which lay lifeless and empty because of me. The liquid that had once fuelled her existence now ran through me, setting my body on a fiery high.

A frightening twinge came from deep inside me as I surveyed them, sending me fleeing back to the cottage. My legs caught me by surprise; they had never moved so fast before. I pushed them; my head spinning with the ecstasy of the speed I was moving, and a blissful cool still replaced the fire in my throat. I was at the cottage in seconds and just stood, shaking in the doorway of my bedroom. My entire body was abuzz. I seated myself slowly on the edge of the bed, attempting to come to terms with the sensations running through me.

I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes, begging my thoughts to stay silent. I thought of Francesca's words. Never before had I struggled to resist, no human had ever really tempted me. I'd barely even thought about it. But had I ever really had the chance? Two years ago at school, I watched as Richard Sullivan climbed a tree in order to retrieve a soccer ball he and his friends had been playing with. From what I heard the next day, there was a bone clearly visible protruding through the flesh of his leg after he fell. I never saw of course, my Dad had arrived too fast after seeing something in Alice's head and carried me away. That was the closest I ever got to real temptation, well before tonight at least.

{--}

"How could you be so irresponsible?" The violent screech sent shudders through my newly highly-tuned body. Cora's voice grew closer as she sped through the woods towards me, at first I though it was me she was addressing, but then Francesca replied in her calm tone, so often used in malice.

"Her diet is not my responsibility; nothing of hers is my responsibility."

"What was she even doing out here? Nessie has never once drank a human's blood. Do you honestly expect me to believe she went after them for no reason, that you couldn't have stopped her?"

"I don't care what you think, Cora. I only know she liked it, very much." Cora's roar was terrifying as the door slammed; it resembled a lioness furiously protecting one of her cubs.

I listened as she approached the bedroom door slowly, before knocking gently.

"Ness, can I come in?" I couldn't help but smile. Never before had I had privacy, and never before had anybody ever asked permission before entering my bedroom.

"Yeah." She poked her head in slowly as the door creaked open, and looked very uneasy as she whispered,

"Are you okay?" I didn't know what to say, I didn't even know the answer. I wasn't good, I wasn't bad, I felt … numb. My mouth moved, searching for words but none came and Cora slipped through the door and closed it gently behind her. "What happened? Ness, how could you do such a thing, that's not who you are." The numbness faded away again. Just as it had in the woods, anger washed over me as Cora's look of disgust filled me with rage.

"Well aren't we the little hypocrite!" Cora's expression fell to shock at my hostile tone. "How many people have you fed on Cora? How many people have died so that you would not go hungry? You've only lived off animals for a couple of months, now I take one measly woman and you have the nerve to condemn me for it!" Cora leapt forward, pressing my shoulders down onto the bed with her hands. Before she could open her mouth to speak I'd shot back up and pushed her away, launching her body to the other side of the room where she hit the wall with a deep rumble, the brickwork crumbling around her.

My mouth dropped open in a gasp. As she picked herself up, the anger was gone; fear seemed to lie in its place.

"I'm sorry Cora, I guess I don't know my strength now." She just stood, wrapping her arms around herself, staring at me.

"I'm nothing like you!" The way she said those words scared me. She spoke them like Francesca; angry, cold and indifferent. "You don't know what it was like for me. Every life I took, I mourned. I _still _mourn. Each one of their faces is scorched into my memory and they will never, ever go away. I deserve no less. I took life, to continue my own existence, which is a selfish, unforgivable crime, but I pay. Everyday I pay, as the thoughts of those I have murdered follow me everywhere I go, in everything I do. And you, you have the _nerve _to refer to that woman, that woman _you _just _killed _as "measly"! I find that sickening Nessie, and it breaks my heart that you have just confirmed what has been so terrifying me since you came out of that bedroom after those three days. You've just shown me that you don't care, not about me, or that woman or even the people who raised you not to do what you just did!" I clamped my eyes shut again, praying for the numbness to return as pangs of guilt started battering down the wall I'd erected around my conscience.

I couldn't me a murderer, I couldn't.

"It wasn't my fault. It was Francesca she.."

"Stop it, Ness. This isn't a little game. A woman is dead because of you." The frustration won as I rammed my palm against Cora's forehead, causing her body to stagger backwards. I showed her everything, from the second I left the cottage to when I returned, and all that occurred in-between.

When I pulled away I felt my face crumpled in a furious scowl, Cora's similar expression relaxed slightly as the vision settled into her conscious.

"You see now, you see what she did?" Cora nodded slowly, and I stood with my arms crossed, awaiting my apology.

"Did you even try to resist?" Her words were barely a whisper but they hit me like a freight train. She was still blaming me? "You didn't did you, not at all." Her head shook a little, revulsion clouding her eyes. I had tried, hadn't I?

"I- I couldn't- it, you don't understand!" I hated that I stuttered, but my thoughts were still too frantic to be properly forming sentences right now. Cora scoffed,

"Tell me what I don't understand. So the man, the first scent was a draw to you, but he was already gone when you got there, why didn't you just fight it?" That first scent hadn't been a draw; it'd been a compulsion, the most blissful temptation anybody could ever experience. But Cora was right, I'd got there too late, and that woman, could I have resisted?

"You saw what she did; she ripped her throat open right before me."

"And that's who _she _is Ness. It's what she does, she kills people. Is that what you are now? So not only are you dead inside but you're a murder too?"

Dead on the inside? Was that what she though I was? I ran through the thoughts in my head, it seemed that all that was left at my disposal was anger and numbness. Perhaps she was right. I averted my eyes from Cora's sorrowful glance. She shook her head slowly and took a deep breath, pushing her hair from her face.

"When I first met you, I felt so protective of you. I couldn't help it. Whether it was your beauty, your innocence, or the sympathy of knowing what I was about to expose you to, I just wanted to take care of you. My heart tore itself to pieces as I watched yours do the same over what you learned that day, and I swore I would do whatever it took to keep you safe, to one day bring you peace again." She exhaled slowly, her expression and tone injured, "You were supposed to be my penance. Some part of me thought that if I helped you, if I protected one life other than my own, it would be some small absolution for all the terrible things I have done in my time. But I have failed, I didn't save you."

"You did." My voice was no longer strong and powerful, but broken. I shook my head slowly, I would not be weak. "You took me away from them, you saved me and you saved them too. You saved them from me." Those words appeared to sting Cora, though I wasn't sure why. "I could no longer be that weak, pathetic little girl, the one who always needed protecting, and ruined so many lives. I started a new life."

"This is not a life. A life without feeling, without emotion is just an _existence._ Is that what you want? To merely exist in this beautiful world?" I'm not sure what world Cora was referring to, but it definitely wasn't the one I was living in. .

" Maybe you're right, maybe this is who you need to be." She tried to smile, but it turned quickly to a grimace which matched the intense sadness in her eyes. "Francesca's the same." I was shocked by the way she spoke her name then. To me their relationship had always been pretty rocky, downright hostile at times. But as she spoke of her now it was with a reflective compassion. "She shut herself down a long time ago, and now she … well she's …."

"A bitch?" Cora's responding smile sent a stab of relief through me , but it wasn't as sincere as usual. Her face was so sad, and her sorrowful eyes drifted from mine to the door as she spoke of Francesca, in a tone too kind for my liking.

"She has her moments, yes." Cora's expression darkened and her fists clenched. "Like tonight. Ness that … that was unforgivable what she did, she should not have tempted you. But you must remember that you're not a child now, you've chosen freedom and independence, so you must take responsibility for your own actions."

{--}

My body was shaking, and the human blood I had just consumed made it feel so alien. It wasn't like my body was just quaking a little; it was like the entire planet was pulsating into me. Cora just watched me now, her arms still wrapped around herself. I wanted to cry, I knew she would never leave me to cry without comfort. But no tears came, perhaps she had been right. Maybe being dead on the inside was not such a good thing.

"What do you want me to do?" Cora ran the fingers of one hand through her hair before bringing them to rest over her lips. She stared away from me and shrugged.

"I don't know Ness. I thought you'd get better. I kept telling myself you just needed time, that you'd adjust and come back." Her breath caught and she threw her head back slightly, composing herself "Perhaps I'm being too hard on you." Those words should have assured me, but Cora's voice was faint, broken and distraught. "Maybe this _is _what you are. I mean, you're half vampire of course this is what you are, and we all make mistakes. But I just, I can't accept your indifference to everything anymore. It breaks my heart."

"So you can accept Francesca's cruelty but not my little mistake. You can't accept that I can't bare to feel all that pain?"

"No I can't. Francesca feels. She's loves Victor so intensely I could never even begin to understand it, and she saved me. But you… there's only anger left." I wanted to ask what she meant about Francesca saving her, but I was in shock. She really thought Francesca was better than me?

{--}

Cora moved towards the door but I lunged, seizing her wrist in my hand.

"Cora no, please don't go. Don't give up on me." She didn't turn to look at me she just shook herself free from my grip and spoke quietly before opening the door.

"You need to sleep, and I need to think."

"Think about what? You're not going to leave me are you?" My body was still shaking with the desperation that was so clear in my voice.

"I don't know Ness, I don't know." A shot of light flowed through the door when she opened it, and then she was gone, leaving me in the darkness.

{--}

I didn't wake up, I hadn't even been dreaming.

I was alone in the darkness; I was alone in the world.

I couldn't have Cora hate me, she was all I had. But I couldn't be pathetic, helpless Renesmee Cullen, the piece of property, the destroyer of lives.

I dropped myself down on the bed. If I couldn't be her, then what could I be, who was I?

The answer made my insides wrench, and the first tears in months flowed from my eyes.

I was a murderer.

* * *

**I know some of you REALLY didn't like what Nessie did. So I hope you felt Cora gave Nessie what she deserved in this Chapter, and I hope you kinda got my explanations of why she lost control.  
This chapter was re-written like a gazillion times so, in my frustration I got a lot of work done on the next one, so for a preview of:  
Chapter Eleven: A Different Kind of Burning.  
You're gonna have to review. Like this Chapter? Hate It? Wish Nessie would tear Francesca apart?  
Let me know.**

**x  
**


	12. A Different Kind Of Burning

"Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down."

**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: A Different Kind of Burning**

_The driveway was longer and darker than I remembered. The trees that lined its sides loomed wider, blending together to block out any flickers of the moonlight. Even the few lanterns dotted up the gravelly path seemed to contribute nothing to the dense night. The house that lay before me was clearly distinguishable though; a few of its windows glowed from the gentle lights behind them. I knew that this was my old home; this was the house where I was born. I was suddenly terrified at the sight of it, and it felt as though a great weight was strapped to my chest, making my breathing difficult. _

_I knew I had to go in, somebody was waiting for me, and I had to go. _

_The silence of the night exploded into a mass of terrifying screams. The screeches and roars that came from the house were only magnified when its front door crashed open, and three very familiar vampires raced out of it. Victor crashed out first, racing from the screams still coming from inside with his hand pressed into Francesca's. Cora raced behind, but she did not follow them as they ran into the trees, instead she came to me. _

"_I'm sorry Ness, I had no choice!" She was crying, not a dry, vampire-sob, but there were actual tears streaming down her gentle face. "It's over now, I promise!" I could hardly make out her words over the painful commotion still leaking from every room of the Cullen house. Victor and Francesca were shouting from the trees, calling the two of us to them. From everywhere came sounds of pain, but the only pain that bothered me was Cora's, as her sad, desperate eyes looked into mine. _

_The eye-contact between us was shattered when Cora's body was launched across the driveway. The impact of Francesca colliding into her sent them both rocketing into the trees, snarling wildly at each other. I tried to follow them, desperate to drag Francesca from Cora, desperate for us both to be away from the torturous sounds still filling the night sky. But a pair of cold, vice-like arms came around me, dragging me from Cora's screams, back into the silence of the woods. _

{--}

Achieving sleep had been torment. And now, as I looked down on the tiny, battery powered clock beside my bed, I found I'd only managed just over an hour of rest before being thrown awake by the most vivid dream I had ever had.

I felt disturbingly refreshed for saying it was five AM, and I'd had barely an hours sleep. I didn't let my thoughts linger over the reasons for my maximised energy; I'd done more than enough of that last night.

The living room was empty. I crept out from my room, my eyes taking everything in despite the lack of any light. A big paper bag on the coffee table caught my attention. Inside were my_ human maintenances_, the ones Cora always brought to me without fail. I leaned inside, fishing out the contents as my childlike excitement crashed against my very adult emotional brick-wall. Batteries; about thirty of them, I smiled as I remembered how the number had increased with each package. An individual bag crammed with underwear; Cora and Francesca didn't _do _laundry. A few new pairs of pyjamas, a stack of magazines, three books, four CD's (Cora had come to know my taste well and now felt confident enough to choose herself), and a vast selection of toiletries. I flipped open a bottle of the shampoo and breathed it in; it was organic so that it the chemical smell wouldn't bother any of the sensitive noses around the place, but there was a hidden scent of cherries. The package made my stomach twinge and my eyes water as I remembered what had transpired between Cora and I last night. I scooped the bag back up and hurled it onto my bed, grabbing all the toiletries, a towel and change of clothes before heading to the bathroom to shower.

{--}

A lack of hot water's not such a problem when your internal body temperature's inhumanly high. Ok, so it's not ideal, but it's not uncomfortable. After drying myself off I dressed. It was hard not to think of Cora as I slipped on the garments, each of which she had got for me. I threw on pale denim shorts, a loose black cami and a long grey cardigan; I then slid the navy suede boots I got for Christmas over some high black socks. I stared at my feet for a second, hoping with all I had that Cora would be there when I threw open the bathroom door.

No such luck, the only face that I encountered was Francesca's; looming outside the bathroom, that sickening grin of hers out in all its glory.

"Mmmm, you smell delicious!" I shoved past her and went straight to my room to retrieve my CD player; I was definitely going to need to block her out if I was to refrain from launching an attack on that smug little face of hers. When I turned from my bed she was there again, a pathetically false frown on her face. "Aww, Poor Nessie. Did Cora tell you off last night?"

"I suggest you leave me alone, human blood's had a funny effect on me." She just laughed, moving her face closer to mine.

"You couldn't hurt me little girl. You have no idea what you're messing with, do you? It really would be sad if it wasn't so funny!" I shoved her arm from the doorframe it leaned on and pushed through the space, dropping down onto the couch. "How about next time, you find your own food though. I _really _don't like sharing."

"There won't be a next time. I'm never doing that again." I hated that her laugh was so innocent, it should be an evil, menacing cackle.

"Like you have a choice! You really did make it too easy last night; I thought there'd be a little resistance. But no, you sucked her dry without so much as an ounce of hesitation." My breathing was deep and quick as she dropped herself on the couch opposite me. I clenched my jaw to speak, not prepared to snap and stoop to her level.

"You planned that?" She threw her feet onto the coffee table, connecting her hands across her stomach.

"Sort of. But it was in your best interests Nessie, I assure you. You're going to need all the strength you can get pretty soon." My eyebrows furrowed and my lips pursed to question her when the front door creaked open.

Cora seemed shocked by my increased speed as I leapt into her arms, she dropped the bag she was holding and I felt so relieved when she wrapped her arms around me in return.

"Oh Cora, I thought you'd left me. I'm so sorry, I'll be better I promise."

"No Ness, I'm sorry. I should never have yelled, I addressed the situation all wrong." Her hand came to lift my head from her shoulder to connect her eyes with mine. "I'm so sorry I was so hard on you. I was just worried about you Ness." Francesca slid behind us.

"Well this is truly touching. But I'm off to hunt for a few days, I'm famished. I didn't get my fill last night; someone stole my desert!" I growled at her as she slid past me, shooting me a wink. "Try not to miss me too much."

I inclined my head down to Cora's feet.

"What's in the bag?" She retrieved the paper bag, similar to the one I'd found this morning and pulled me over to the couches, setting it on the coffee table before me. "It smells … familiar."

"So it should. Seriously you should have seen me in there this morning. I was completely lost, so I just followed this man around and got everything he did." I peered into the bag, and as the aromas inside hit me stronger I pulled my head back and wrinkled my nose. Cora looked disappointed.

"I thought it would be a good idea, you know, after last night."

"No, yeah it is. Its just been a while … I guess I'm more vampire than I used to be, huh." Cora just giggled her giggle and stuck her hands in the bag, pulling out a mass of items and dropping them in my lap. I'd never rejoiced in a sound more than I did in that giggle.

"So, are these any good?" I smiled, sifting through the pile.

"Well let's see. Raisins, Pasta, Jelly, Chicken Soup, Peanut Butter, Ketchup and an Onion. Um, I suppose I could make _something _out of this. What else you got?"

"Uhhh, just this." Cora's wrist dashed into the bag and pulled out a foil wrapped rectangle.

"Oh. My. God. Chocolate!" She smiled as I snatched the alien object from her. "I swear to God, so long as you bring me candy of any sorts, I'll be no threat to _any _human." Cora gave me a gentle but disapproving glare. "Sorry, bad joke. Are we okay?"

"Sure, just don't make anymore."

"I meant, are we _okay?"_ She exhaled deeply and bit her bottom lip before speaking.

"Yeah, we are. I thought about it last night, and I decided I'm not giving up on you. Hence the bag of … _food."_

"I can get better. I figured that, I can never go back. I can't be the person I was anymore, the pain of thinking about my … past, it would kill me. But the new me doesn't have to be heartless. I am slowly but surely going to reintroduce emotion into my life, I promise."

"Well, your promise is good enough for me." She placed her hand on my cheek and smiled.

"Cora, will you make me a promise in return?"

"Sure."

"Next time you go food shopping, you take me with you, okay?"

{--}

Francesca was gone for a total of three days, and in that time the Cora that had dragged me away from high school returned. The one who fidgeted, giggled and got excited by everything. She'd take me into the nearest town and we could both walk in the sun without anyone seeing us sparkle and glow. When possible she'd hide human scents from me, though it wasn't necessary, there was no temptation at all. What surprised me most, though I never mentioned it to Cora, was that my shield never went away. I was sure that it would disappear as soon as my parents realised I was gone, but here I was, months later, still having to lower my shield so that Cora could "hide" me. She'd make us visible as she dragged me into bakeries and café's, picking out the cakes and sandwiches she thought were "prettiest" and giggling excitedly as I ate them. The returning trait that I'd missed least was her mystery. Once, in passing, I'd politely inquired where she got her money from. She muttered something about "not needing it, but saving for a rainy day" before quickly changing the subject.

{--}

I still didn't feel things about my past, it didn't hurt, it didn't make me angry, and I rarely thought about it much. But I did feel changes, the first being my affection for Cora. I didn't realise it hadn't been there until she danced into my bedroom one day. My head flew up when an unfamiliar scent filled the room, fanned around as Cora span around in her sleeved white dress.

"Cora, I can smell you!" She just smiled, still spinning.

"I know, I'm letting you remember it."

"Why?"

"In case you ever need to find me." She giggled and stopped spinning. "Of course, I'd have to _want _you to find me first, but you never know." I wanted to clamp my hand into hers. Tell her this wasn't necessary, because she was never to leave me, she couldn't. But that would have been weak, and I wasn't ready to be weak yet, or even ever. So instead I took several deep, desperate breaths, letting Cora's sweet scent burn itself into my memory.

{--}

When Francesca returned, I felt my second feeling. The hatred hit me like a freight train when she waltzed over the threshold of the cottage. Cora stayed around for another couple of weeks, despite the thirst creeping into her irises. I wanted her to hunt, but I was still a little apprehensive about what Francesca had said _"You're going to need all the strength you can get pretty soon."_

I was flipping through a magazine with Cora as Francesca stared idly into space across the room from us. The magazine was one of those saturated with clothes, and Cora would watch us I pointed out what I liked, always coming back with things wonderfully similar next time it came for me to get new clothes. It was only then the question first bugged me.

"So Cora, what is it with you and white dresses?" Francesca's gaze wasn't idle anymore; it was intense as she snapped.

"She just likes white, right Cora?" Cora raised her eyes to Francesca and nodded slowly. It was such a strange sight to behold; Francesca's expression was screaming _Play along, Cora! _"It's pretty much our thing anyway, her white, me black. Her good, me bad." My mouth was hanging open; my brain scrambling to work out what strange thing was going on here that I didn't know about. When Cora didn't respond Francesca grabbed her hand, lifting her seemingly frozen body from the couch. "Cora, when was the last time you hunted? You should go, grab a nice, juicy wildebeest or whatever. Nessie and I will be fine." Either Francesca's knowledge of wildlife was non-existent, or we were in _Africa. _After following her as she dragged Cora out of the cottage and through the green forest that shook in the cool breeze, I decided it couldn't be the latter. Cora's composure returned slightly as she twisted around to me.

"No, no I should stay with Ness." She _did _look thirsty, and I felt guilty for keeping her so long … hmm another emotion, fun!

"No Cora. You should go. I'll be fine." I wrapped my arms around her and Francesca grinned menacingly as I whispered into her hair. "Just, don't be gone too long, okay?"

{--}

It was still light out so despite me wanting to, I couldn't just crawl into bed and sleep until Cora returned, thus avoiding Francesca completely. So I rolled onto the couch, cranked up my headphones and buried my face into my magazine. When Francesca's hand fell into her long boot, from which she pulled her flashing cell phone, I paused my music. Francesca's glance quickly fell on me as she answered, but she just smirked, making no move to get the conversation out of my ear-shot.

"Hello, my love." She was too far away, even for me, to catch what was being said on the other end, so all I had to go by were Francesca's responses.

"Oh yes, all is well. We have so much to tell you when you return." She shot me a teasing wink, and I snarled involuntarily, knowing full well what she was referring to. She giggled quietly, listening intently to the voice coming through the speakers. "Are you making good progress?" I couldn't help but feel uneasy as Francesca's eyes travelled me as she spoke. "I understand, my darling, and the cottage we are in is in just the right location to visit your … old friends." Francesca's menacing grin showed all her teeth as she spoke. It made me feel very sorry for anybody who would receive a "visit" from her and Victor. "No, it would be a day's journey. Though I cannot be sure, I had to be careful not to be detected of course, and you know I could not have taken Cora!" Francesca's laugh as she mentioned Cora made my nostrils flare and my fists clench. "It really is a miracle we found them, though I suppose miracle is not the right word given the time we have been looking." She laughed again, and spoke a few, slow words before racing from the house so I could not hear. "I know darling, first Nessie, now this, it seems all things are coming together."

With Francesca gone I took the opportunity to jump in the shower. When I came out I was frustrated that it was still stupidly bright outside, so I redressed; making sure to put on the biker boots, they were pretty hefty in case I should have the inclination to give Francesca a good kicking.

{--}

My diet was no longer blood, so I couldn't run as fast or for as long. My speed was a crawl in comparison to the last time I had run through these woods while Cora had been away. I shuddered, pushing the memory of that night, that scent, that taste to the back of my mind. The sun was still high in the sky so my skin shimmered as I came to a stop, dropping into the thick grass and lying back on my shoulders, sticking the headphones into my ears. It was a pain transporting the stupid stone-age technology, CD's and batteries too, but it was worth it. Without anything else to do I just lay in the grass, staring up at the bright blue sky. I watched as a few faint clouds drifted overhead before letting my eyelids close and relaxing to the music.

I thought I knew what instincts were. Simple little things that made me partly human, things I was born knowing. Like how to breathe, how to swallow, how to blink when something came too close. Then there were the instincts that came from the other side of my nature. The ones that dragged me through the woods towards the scent of that human blood, the one that had initially caused me to turn my nose up at the food Cora had bought for me. But they all paled in comparison the primal instinct that threw my body upright from its position in the grass. My feet turned into dead weights anchoring me to the spot, but the rest of my body felt light as a feather, ready to take flight in the opposite direction of what had triggered this whole reaction. It was a scent, no more than a couple of miles away. A scent I had never experienced before but one my senses instantly recognised. An undeniable scent that triggered alarm bells in my head. It was the scent of a burning vampire.

* * *

**So yeah, there's a vampire BBQ going on and you're all invited! :P  
Next chapter I'll be giving what a lot of you have been asking for; we'll be doing the time-warp people.  
Until then, what the heck do you think is going on??**


	13. Our Nessie

**Ok, so things are getting a little ... crazy in NessieLand, so I figured now would be a good opportunity to step back in time and see how her departure affected her nearest and dearest.  
So take a step inside my Literary Deloreon; your drivers today are Jasper, Jacob and Bella.  
:P**

**

* * *

**

**Interlude: Our Nessie**

**Jasper**

Last period on a Monday, History. Despite my love for the subject, this was … torturous, to say the least. Our teacher; Mr Bayett spoke in a monotonous drawl, showing little to no interest in the Text-book nonsense he was feeding us. I could hardly blame the man; some of this stuff was ridiculous.

I stared mindlessly out of the window, feeling the emotions of everyone in the room. All were filled with complete boredom, but for two. One was filled with excitement, a mischievous apprehension. The other was pretty mellow, quite calm with a feeling of self-fulfilment, self-adoration even. It was quite clear that these emotions belonged to the couple seated directly behind me. From the corner of my eye, I could see Rosalie running her fingers through her hair, and from what I could tell, Emmett's excitement came from the balls of paper he was rolling beneath his desk. Ready to launch at anyone, and everyone when Mr Bayett's back was turned. Emmett didn't avoid being caught out of fear; it was that it was just half the game for him.

My eyes remained fixed out of the window, just watching the trees blowing in the distance, until a familiar figure walked onto the scene. Renesmee. My mind filled with the unconditional love that had changed everything for me. For everyone else, even those sat in this room, I still had to struggle. I had to struggle against the temptation of their beating hearts, their flowing blood, their delicious scents. But not my Nessie. From the second I first saw her, I understood how Bella had survived through her human relationship with my brother. Any temptation that could possibly exist in my mind for Renesmee's blood was so violently overshadowed by my protective and powerful affection for her.

I felt the emotion's behind me altering as they noticed her too. Emmett was just consumed by blind-sighted joy and amusement. Rosalie's feelings were of pure adoration, and a little unease. The same unease that crept into my mind as our little Nessie perched against Rosalie's car. She was down there alone, in the empty parking lot. Even if the events of the past couple of days had not caused us all to feel an unfathomable panic for her safety, I wouldn't have liked to know she was down there by herself. Stupid school. Damn them for not giving Alice the same schedule as her. I could see Renesmee gazing up at the window the three of us were now staring so intently out of, and I saw her giggle as Emmett started pulling faces. My eyes were fixed on her, and I wasn't blinking, so of what I saw next, I am absolutely positive. The figure that came behind her did not walk there, or run, it did not even fall out of the sky. It just appeared, directly on the other side of the bonnet on which Nessie was leaning.

In barely the time it would take for a human heart to beat, I had taken in the figure behind Nessie. Pale Skin and red eyes. _Red Eyes. _My thoughts were fixed on one thing and one thing only, and that was getting to Renesmee. I threw my desk away from me, sending my textbooks crashing to the ground, and raced out of the room. It took all my inner strength to remember to keep at a human pace, but when I was in the empty corridor, I had nothing to hide. I ran down the hall with everything my legs could manage. In my mind I was screaming _Edward! Nessie needs us, Parking lot, now! _I was sure he could've heard me, but I had no time to wonder as I leapt down each flight of stairs. Behind me I could hear Emmett crushing the steel banisters as the swung himself over them. His emotions filled with a deep, protective aggression. Behind him, Rosalie's heels smashed into the ground as the panic exuberated from her and mixed in with the anger this intruder made her feel. When I reached the exit doors I crashed through them, sending one flying off its hinges. In the courtyard the three of us were forced to slow our pace, positive that Mr Bayett's class would be staring out of the windows to see what had spooked the three, strange Cullen kids.

Nessie was gone, but I didn't stop to wonder where or why. Instead the three of us raced past our cars, Emmett leaping over the bonnet where Nessie had just been. We ran in a line into the woods, all sniffing wildly at the air, desperate to catch her sent. When it wasn't to be found Rosalie's despair became overpowering. She started screaming Renesmee's name as she pushed to try and run faster. Anger was beginning to consume Emmett as his breathing became more of a restrained scream. I felt numb with desperation to find her. After a few minutes I stopped, as did my siblings. We stood together sharing the same emotions; Anger, Fear, Sorrow, Desperation. We stood in silence; sure the rest of our family would soon join us. Rosalie's Anger and Sadness were battling against each other, until the latter won, and she crumbled to the mossy ground. The sobs that came from her were a sign of the despair we all felt for what we now knew. Somebody had taken our Nessie.

**Jacob**

"Esme, stop! ….. No, seriously Esme, stop it!" She just stayed completely frozen, the only part of her that moved were her fingers, roaming around the keypad at her inhuman speed. I hated how she did that, whenever she'd play a videogame with me she wouldn't flinch, she wouldn't even taunt me. She'd just sit there, and kick my ass.

When the big _GAME OVER _flashed across the TV I dropped my controller on the coffee table and threw myself backwards on the couch.

"I'm sorry Jacob, but Emmett told me to stop letting you win."

"What! You've never _let_ me win." She just smiled at me with a look of sympathy.

"Ok sweetheart, you're right. I apologize." Her words were frustratingly sincere, but I knew she was just trying to make me feel better.

"Dammit Momma Leech, I wish I never taught you how to play this." She just giggled and ruffled my hair playfully before rising to her feet. "What time is it?" As she entered the kitchen she glanced at the large clock on the wall.

"Just gone three, where's that watch, Jacob?" Esme had bought me so many watches recently. She got tired of me asking her what time it was every five minutes each day we were at home. It's not my fault; time just drags when Nessie isn't around.

"In the woods, in pieces. I phased with it on the other day, sorry." She sighed the sigh I'd noticed ever since Ness pointed it out to me. It was the way she sighed when Alice's credit card bill arrived, or when Eddie and Bella broke another piece of furniture (I don't ever like thinking too much about how those two go through so many beds.). It was the way she sighed when Blondie bought a new car, or when Nessie said one of the not so suitable jokes her Uncle's taught her. It was the sigh that said she was pissed, but that she wouldn't have it any other way. Because she relished in the mess this family made, because she was the Momma.

"I forgive you I suppose. What would you like for dinner?" We'd been to the store just hours before, and bought a tonne of food to serve the only two people in the house who'd touch it.

"Not sure, I'm gonna have something now, then eat with Ness later." Nessie was _never _hungry when she got back from school. She had six untouched trays to tuck into at lunchtime, and that would last her 'til late evening.

{--}

I was perched on one of the stools at the counter in the kitchen, spinning myself mindlessly with my hand hanging in a bag of pretzels. Esme was leaning over some magazines, making notes on plans for the cottages she was refurbishing nearby. When the phone rang I didn't even interrupt my spinning, Esme just glided over and lifted it, answering in her breathy telephone voice.

"Cullen residence." Blondie had recently tried to get her to say _"Cullen-Hale residence." _But when I'd insisted on Black being added to that list, she'd just growled and said that Cullen was fine. Blondie was just too easy to annoy! The smirk on my face that memory caused was wiped away when Esme's expression fell to panic. I jumped from the stool towards her.

"Alice, sweetheart slow down, I just can't understand you." She was right. The pixie's voice was screeching down the phone like you hear in cartoons when the person on the other ends is seriously angry. I slid my head beside Esme's and she pulled the phone away slightly so we could both hear. A few sobs were clear through the speaker, and then there was a snarling sound in the background.

"Alice, what's going on?" I could feel the panic inside me, but my voice held firm. Another whimper came through the phone before Alice managed to string a few words together.

"She's gone. We- we- can't find her anywhere. N-ness, somebody took Nessie." Esme gasped and turned to me, but I was already outta there. Crashing through the front door, my body was already breaking out. I was barely off the porch when I was down on all fours, thrusting my legs into the driveway, never moving fast enough.

{--}

As I pushed through the woods towards Nessie's school, the telephone conversation played over and over in my head. Alice's panic, the angry snarls in the background. "_Somebody took Nessie."_ My Nessie! I was growling violently at the thought of it, whoever they were I was already preparing myself to rip them apart. I kept going over the events of the past few days in my head. How we'd all sat in Carlisle's study during Nessie's party, as Alice held her head in agony, as she told us that _somebody _was thinking of Nessie. All the time, they were thinking of her, planning and plotting. That night we'd all raced off, scouring every inch of the surrounding area, hunting for whoever would dare come to see our girl so mysteriously. I remember how I felt when we caught the first scent. Big Em found it and just stood where it was, yelling for us all to come and smell it for ourselves. The disappearing scent. Bells found the next one, the one that was even closer to the house, and Jazzy said what we were all thinking "_They're heading for the house, for Nessie." _I took one look at Eddy before he disappeared, each one of us hot on his heels. I'd launched myself through the kitchen window, as ready to rip apart any intruder as I was now. There was no intruder, but I did get a 'lil hell from Esme for the window.

{--}

My thoughts stopped when I caught the scent of the vamps and threw myself in its direction. They were all just gathered around when I came to a stop before them, firing my questions at Edward.

"_What the hell is going on? Where is she? You're all just sat here lets go find her. NOW!" _He just stared at me blankly, so I shook my head violently in Bella's direction, vicious growls rising up my throat.

"Bella, the shield, I can't hear him." The tone Edward used was never one I'd heard him use towards his wife before, it was firm and harsh. She just glanced up from where she was sat, hovering over Alice who was slumped on the ground rocking back and forth. Blondie was there too, her face crumpled in her hands. All three of them were sobbing and the sound made my stomach churn. The brothers were a few feet away, both of them stood as still as statues but I could see in their eyes they were shaking inside. Every inch of them was as desperate as I was to tear through the woods and take back Nessie from whoever had her.

"I need you to listen to me, there's no scent, none. We've searched the entire surrounding area and there's nothing. Did you catch anything as you came?" Eddie was speaking through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with rage.

"_No, nothing." _That obviously wasn't the answer he wanted. No sooner than I'd thought it did Eddie drop to his knees, his hands clenched together round the back of his neck. Emmett and Jasper were at his side in an instant and Bella was shrieking.

"What, Edward what?"

"He can't find her either. There's no scent anywhere." The women were shrieking again, no words, just pain. I hated how they were all so still.

"_What are you all doing, get up! She can't be far, we have to find her!"_

"How Jacob? There's no trail for us to follow. Someone came and took her, and then they disappeared. Jasper, Rose and Emmett all saw. They gave chase but there was nothing to follow."

"_That's not possible!" _I was snarling inches from Edward's face, but he didn't flinch, and nobody tried to calm me down. His brothers were just stood like stone, both of them with their fists clenched, anger so obvious in their faces. _"Then we look, we split up and we FIND her Edward!" _He nodded and rose to instruct everyone to split up and search, but I was already gone, heading into the trees, scrutinizing every inch. Positive that I wouldn't stop until I had my Nessie back.

**Bella**

Emmett and Jasper didn't need telling twice. As soon as Edward had pointed them off in the directions they were to head, they were gone. When they split, Emmet let out a deep roar of aggression, and I could hear Jasper's seething snarl as he raced through the trees, it shook me to see them both so uncollected. What shook me more were the screeches and cries coming from the women beside me, my two pillars of strength, crumbling before my very eyes. Both of them had been impervious to the desperate attempts at consolation their partners had made. It had been Rose's crying I'd heard first. Before then I had only been slightly panicked by Edward dragging me from our Biology class, Alice hot on our heels, but when I heard her through the trees, I was petrified. Anything that could provoke such a reaction from Rose could be nothing short of horrific, Rosalie didn't get upset, she got angry.

{--}

I was numb to the familiar arms that lifted me to my feet, only snapping from my revere when the warm hands enveloped my face and I stared into the desperate eyes of the one I loved.

"Bella, we have to split up." I nodded slowly. We _had _to find her, there was no other option. His hands dropped from my face as he quickly lifted his sisters to stand. His instructions were quick and he spoke them in a firm voice. I could see the agony in his eyes as he pointed in the directions each of us was to head. Rose and Alice disappeared in silence, their cries evaporating into desperate speed as they flew into the distance. Edward's hands were around my face again, and his forehead was against mine. "We _will _find her, Bella. Everything will be alright my love." He kissed me briefly before tearing into the woods, after our daughter. For a second I stood and watched the various places they had all vanished into, each of them exhibiting their own personal type of desperation. And for that one second I considered the dire consequences that would befall whoever had Nessie now.

{--}

Running had never been an effort, not like this. My footing continued to falter as my desperation increased. I searched wildly for the scent I knew so well, every fibre of my being feeling the wrench as it yearned to hold her, to have my daughter safely in my arms.

It may have been hours, or maybe just minutes. I half-wanted to turn back, to see if anyone else had found her, but I was too terrified of the possibility that they hadn't to head back now. When I caught it, my insides erupted. I felt my stomach leap as if I was going to be sick and a feeling of impossible tears crept up my eyes. Her scent, my baby. I was screaming her name, pleading with my legs to carry me faster towards that aroma, towards the piece of me that was missing.

It started near a clearing, her scent made my insides clench in a mixture of joy and the anxiety that wouldn't go away until I _saw _her, _held _her, knew she was safe. It could have been no more than thirty minutes old. I could almost tell the seconds that had eroded her trace, her scent was one I'd lived with, adored and relished in all her seven years, it was as familiar to me as anything on this earth could be. I followed it as it went back into the trees, deeper and deeper, until it stopped. It just stopped. I ran a few desperate circles, going back to the clearing and through the tress again, nothing. At last I fell to my knees, sobbing uncontrollable, painful screeches. My body was shaking, never in my life had I been so immensely terrified. I just wanted her; I didn't care what it took. I'd focused on keeping her shield up. Jacob's was gone, Edward needed his thoughts now. But whoever had my Renesmee, whatever had her, she would be protected. I wouldn't let them use their evil powers on her.

A powerful shudder rocketed through me that sent me deeper into the ground as it dawned on me. Her scent had disappeared. Neither I, nor Edward, or even Jacob could smell her anywhere, how was that possible without the use of some ability? It wasn't, Nessie must have _let _them do it. Edward had told her just last night of her control over my gift to her, she'd been practicing it this morning. Another wrenching sob tore through me as I recalled her beautiful face. The last time I saw her she was skipping of the library to complete some "assignment". I was her mother, and she honestly expected me to believe that! But in our home, secrets are privileges, rare ones at that, so I had swallowed her excuse, and waved her off as she glided out of the cafeteria, all eyes on her, as usual.

If she was letting someone hide her scent, why? And why was it exposed here now as I slumped in the ground, breathing it in desperately? My eyes had been closed since my knees had buckled, but I peeled them open, letting my irises ravage everything before me, scouring every single detail. My stare fell on a slight glint a few feet away from me, at the base of a little rock. I crawled towards it quickly, but felt myself freeze when it came into full view. I'd recognise this if it had been smashed into a thousand tiny pieces and scattered across the grassy surface, but it wasn't. It was lying there; face up beside the rock, atop a piece of torn, lined paper. _'Plus que ma propre vie'. _My hand stretched out for it slowly, my breathing was frozen and everything inside me ached. As I dragged it into my hands I fell back on my knees. This was hers. She never took it off, ever. Beside the locket that couldn't even begin to illustrate my love for her hung the wooden heart, the symbol she'd received only days earlier. The symbol that in a similar fashion to the locket, bore only a faint indication of Jacob's worship of Renesmee, his undying adoration of her.

Never would she remove this voluntarily. Never. She'd worn this locket since she had received it, and since she was a child she'd had an overpowering need to keep Jacob close, surely now, his heart would be no exception.

The sheet bent in the breeze, complaining after I'd removed what was partly keeping it weighed down. I leaned forward slowly, the locket still between my fingers. Would this be a ransom note? I felt no pity for the doomed fool who would dare to take her in order to use her as leverage in the want of something else. But whatever they wanted, we would give. Then when Nessie was home safe, we would hunt them down, and there would be no mercy, none at all.

My stomach crumpled as I lifted the sheet, bringing the text to face me. The writing was hers. Her calligraphy was the most wonderful combination of all those who had taught her to write. It looped like Edward's, slanted like Rosalie's, and she had the same swift width to her lettering as Jasper. But the little decorations she had inherited from Alice and Esme weren't there, neither was the deep force she applied to the pen in the same way Emmett did. These scrawlings were faint, like she could hardly keep her pen on the paper. My eyes passed quickly over the text, line by line, my insides rupturing.

_I know everything. _

_I know about Jacob and Bella; that he loved her first._

I'd never wanted her to know. I wanted to protect her from it; I was terrified she wouldn't understand. Her love for Jacob was so all powerful; I'd been so scared of what such a revelation would mean for me. _Bella, _she only ever called me that when she had to. Why did she not write _Momma? _Had the damage already been done, did she already hate me?

_I know about the imprinting, and the fact that my birth was such a horror to some of you._

_A horror? _Her birth; the defining moment of my existence, my miracle. She called it a horror.

_I'm leaving; I want Jacob to be free. I want us all to be free._

What could have made her feel she needed to set Jacob free? My eyes skimmed back to the previous line, the imprinting. She knew. A deep growl rose through my sobs as I felt a violent anger to whoever had told her all this, whoever had laced her mind with this poison. _I'm leaving, _she had not been taken? She had … left, voluntarily?

_I don't blame any of you for trying to stop me ever existing, at the moment I wish you'd succeeded._

Her words cut through my insides. Not only did she know of the arguments over her fate whilst carrying her put me in such danger, but she wished she _had_ been killed.

_Sorry if I've ever made any of you suffer. _

_Forget me._

_It will be as if I'd never existed. _

Those words, exactly what he had said. The old wounds tore open again, just as if it had been Edward saying them to me again, like he had in those woods in Forks years ago. It felt like my insides were bleeding, burning and the agony was overpowering.

Gone.

It wasn't possible, it couldn't be. It couldn't be real. She couldn't be gone.

I staggered to my feet, the note and chain still clamped between my fingers.

_It will be as if I'd never existed. _

That's what Edward had promised, her father, and it had been a painful and unrealistic lie.

It would be the same now.

It wasn't possible; I could not imagine going back to our home and her not being there.

I raced back through the trees, my insides pulsing with and electric agony that cramped me from top to toe.

I prayed Edward would be waiting for me, I needed him now.

I needed his arms, his eyes, his assurance.

I would have to tell him, I'd have to tell them all. Show them the letter, those preposterous words. They'd all have to see Nessie's tears dotted across the page.

Jacob's suffering would be incomprehensible.

Everyone's would be, because we all adored Renesmee without hesitation or fail.

She had changed us all, she was our centre.

And now she was gone.

Our Nessie, My baby.

* * *

**We'll be hearing more from the Cullen Clan in the not too distant future.  
Next chapters back to Renesmee though,  
Next update could be a while away, maybe a week.  
BUT; I promise a preview to all reviewers,  
Cos you all know you're anxious to know who's on that fire, and who the heck put them there??**


	14. Secrets and Lies

**Yey, I got this Chapter done quicker than I expected. This is the longest chapter I've ever written. I was going to split it up but then I figured I didn't want to be like Lost (The TV Show). I stopped watching that crap because they never ever answered any questions, just kept piling up mystery after mystery, confuzzling me. So here are some answers, not ALL the answers, and maybe a couple new questions; but answers none the less. **

**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Secrets and Lies**

As the thoughts in my head raced, only one of them was clear.

There were little parts of my mind throwing up theories of what was happening; Had Francesca and Cora come to blows? Was Cora on that fire; was it the scent of her demise that now filled the air, choking me? Or had I been found, had _they _come to take me back?

But the overwhelming majority of my thoughts were focused on just one thing; running.

But which way to run? My hybrid instincts were having a little tug-of-war over that one;

Towards the fire? If it was Cora, then I had to save her,

Or away from the fire? Did I heed the warning saturating the evening air and get the hell out of there?

It was too late. This split second my mind had taken to form all those thoughts, had proven too long for my legs, the legs that were now thrashing into the ground, carrying me towards the billowing tower of smoke visible rising from the treetops downhill from where I stood.

A flicker of flames were becoming evident through the trees when the ground disappeared from beneath me as I collided with what felt like a brick wall; a brick wall with solid arms that clamped around mine, lifting me to a halt. I might not have been running anymore, but the collision triggered a completely different motion; sending my body slamming to the ground. There was a split second of throbbing agony, before everything went black.

{--}

The pain was unbelievable. A fiery pounding swept my head over and over. The stabbing pain was so intense I daren't move, so I just lay there with my eyes gently shut. I wasn't sure where _there _was. I wasn't sure how I got there, or even what happened that I was in so much pain. I wasn't really sure of anything.

I could hear voices and was immediately thankful that though close, they were delicately hushed.

"I say we just wait until she wakes up. Until then we don't know anything, so let's not make any rash decisions." The male voice was low and unfamiliar, as was the one who replied though it was a little louder, sending a clench through my buzzing skull.

"That's _if _she wakes up. I mean, we can't just have a vegetative human lying around the place."

"She's not human!" The first voice replied, this time breathy and impatient, as though he was repeating himself for the hundredth time.

"So you keep saying, Al. But she has a heartbeat. Ok, yes, I admit, it's abnormally fast, but so what, she's probably in shock since you knocked her out!"

"I didn't knock her out! And it's not just that Oz. Just look at her, feel the heat off her too, and tell me she's the same as Sonny." There was a moment of silence where all I could hear was a high-pitched buzzing that was ringing through my skull. "Plus, you're not the one she ran into. I swear to god she almost ripped my shoulder from its socket when she hit me, she was going fast, I mean, _not _human fast." I'd decided it must be me they were talking about, but I still couldn't manage to open my eyes or even move much through the barrier of pain, so I just lay there and listened. "And another thing, her head. If she _was _human, the way she hit that rock her skull would have buckled and you'd have had to scrape her up off the floor before carrying her back here."

"Which I still don't think was a good idea!" They were no longer whispering, the voices were raised and the resonance vibrated through my aching head. "Ok, say it isn't human. What kind of danger have you put Sonny in now? And after all you heard in that witches head, she was involved in that too."

"No she wasn't, they were lying to her Oz." Someone took a deep breath, but I could tell it was neither of the two men arguing. I decided to do the same and took a slow breath to sample the scents around me.

Venom. Lots and lots of venom. From what I could tell there were at least three vampires in the room, none of which I recognised.

{--}

My mind was still fuzzy; I couldn't establish any coherent thoughts or remember anything of how I got to wherever I was.

"Well, one thing's for sure; she's in no pain whatsoever." The third voice sent my eyes flying open. _Not in any pain?_ I was in the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life; well, physically at least. I tried to lift my body upright but the throbbing was so severe I dropped back onto the cushiony surface and groaned in agony. I heard the vampires in the room moving, and something ice cold was placed on my forehead. I let out a gasp as its coolness soothed the throbbing and grasped it back as I felt it begin to pull away again. As I held it in place over my brow I felt icy fingers intertwining with mine; it was the hand of one of the vampires that I was finding so soothing.

"Renesmee?" The voice was that of the man who was first to speak; the one who had insisted I was not human. It came from close beside me and the speaker's breath was cool and intoxicating. I let my eyelids gently drift open, the motion made easier by my vampire-cold compress. My vision was blurred briefly but I blinked and the figure before me began to clear.

A pair of large, golden eyes looked down into mine.

"Renesmee? That is your name isn't it?" Was it? I wasn't sure. My thoughts were an incomprehensible blur. Even if they had been formulaic I wouldn't have been able to answer. I was left in a dizzying, awestruck, speechless state by the beautiful face that was hovering over mine. His lips were plump and a peachy colour and his skin was olive though it appeared paler, like there was a faint sheet over it, a little like ….

"Cora!" I rolled from the bed I was lying on, throwing the cold hand from my temple. It all came back now, the smell, the fire. I needed to be sure Cora was okay. But my legs buckled as soon as I hit the floor, the throbbing pain in my head was so intense that I slid down the wall nearest me with my head in my hands, groaning in agony.

"She isn't in any pain, none at all." I looked up in disgust at the voice. It came from a man stood on the opposite side of the bed to me. He was pale and his brown hair flowed to his shoulders, there was a look of confusion painted across his slightly bearded face as he stared at me. The beautiful boy came to kneel before me,

"Does it hurt?" My answering 'yes' was a violent grunt through gritted teeth. The boy span to face the man on the other side of the bed. "She's not lying, she really is in pain." In the time it took me to blink slowly, the man with the long hair had swept to kneel beside the boy, taking one of my wrists in his hand. He gave it a squeeze, a strong, painful squeeze that caused me to shriek and cower away from him, but he did not release my wrist.

In a split second I was on top of him, my free hand slammed against his forehead and my shield lowered. I used my gift to shriek at him to stop before I was dragged backwards by the boy. The man had released my left wrist and now sat twisting his own, his topaz eyes burning into mine in a look of fascination.

"That did hurt didn't it?" I nodded and shrank back against the wall, cradling my aching wrist and letting my still-throbbing head loll on my shoulder. The boy's cold hand returned to my forehead and I reached for his other one and wrapped it around my wrist. He gave me a gentle smile which I had neither the strength nor the inclination to return. He kept his eyes on mine, though I knew he was talking to the man.

"I felt it too. Just for a second, I could hear." The long haired man crawled closer, removing my wrist from the boy's cold hand and placing it in his own.

"You spoke to me, with your hands. You placed your hands on me, and you spoke to me." I just nodded slowly, too submersed in pain to do anything more. "If you do that again, I can help you. Right now I can't, I can't make this pain go away. But just then you did something that meant I could. Could you do that again for me?" I figured he must have meant my shield, so I tentatively lowered it. Both of the vampires gasped as I did so; gasps of fascination. And then the pain was gone. My wrist, my head, I felt nothing.

I took a few deep breaths, relishing in the renewed peace my body now felt. With this peace came clarity as my memories tumbled back into the forefront of my mind. I leapt to my feet and let my eyes scour the room. They fell on a door at the far end, before it stood a pale, wide man with spiky, platinum blonde hair. His arms were crossed and one of his eyebrows was lifted as he gave me a hostile scowl. I leapt across the room trying to make a break for the door but he lifted up and clamped me in his arms, keeping me securely across his shoulder. My body wriggled to get free and I heard him cursing as his grip tightened to keep me from escaping. From across the room, the beautiful boy chuckled.

"You believe me now, Oz? Or could any little human thrash about like that?" He dropped me to my feet, spinning me round so my back was against his torso, his arms wrapped firmly around me.

"Let me go! Cora! Cora!"

"She can't hear you anymore, not now I've burned the witch." I felt my knees crumple momentarily before, with one quick swoop, I span in his arms, loosening his grip and slamming his shoulders into the wall, snarling inches from his face.

"You! I'll kill you!" I was under the control of my anger, my incomprehensible rage at what I had just been told. Cold arms came around my waist, tugging me gently. The long haired man appeared at my side, trying to pull my fingers from their forceful position on the blonde vampire's body.

"Get her off him Alvar. I won't let her be hurt, just get her off!" At the man's words the arms around me tugged harder, yanking my body away from my target. I writhed in the arms, clawing at the two vampires who now backed away from me.

My screams resonated through the room. Screams of anguish, anger and desperation for revenge.

"Let me go! Let me go!" But the arms didn't budge, and the blonde vampire leaned closer to me, but steering clear of my clawing hands.

"No. You're not going anywhere 'til we get some answers." The long haired vampire shot him and threatening glance, trying to pull him away from me. "First off, how the hell did that leather-clad little demon know who we were?" The _what_-clad demon? The arms around me pulled me closer and the sweet-aroma of the beautiful boy's breath was at my neck.

"Oz, you got it wrong! Renesmee, listen to me. White dresses, right?"

"Alvar, you're hurting her, loosen your arms a little." Though the arms around me slackened at the long-haired vampire's request, I had felt no pain. My movements had slowed, I was too confused, trying to string together what was happening.

"Cora only wears white dresses, and that other woman fed you some bull about it being their _thing_." I was now still; paralyzed with confusion and frustration. Cora _wears _white dresses, not _wore. _"We didn't hurt her, I swear."

"Then wh..?" I felt my eyes widen and my breathing stopped. How many leather-clad-witch-demons did I know? I could only think of one.

"Francesca?"

"Who?" The big blonde vampire was bellowing in my face so I rammed my palm against his forehead projecting him an image of Francesca. When it was done, a look of shock passed over him briefly; no doubt as he adjusted to the sensations of what I had just done, then he was back to yelling. "Yeah, that was her." He was snarling inches from me when my body was tossed behind the boy's, who took my place before the Blondie's threatening glare.

"Oz, back down. Leave her alone."

"Oh, you're defending her now? She's dangerous Al."

"No, she's not. She didn't know anything, they were lying to her. And if you want some answers from her I suggest you calm down." The older looking vampire came to stand between them, placing a hand on each of their chests.

"Enough. Both of you." Both their postures relaxed but their glares remained fixed on each other. The man then came to stand before me taking both my hands in his. My head was spinning. This didn't feel real, this couldn't be real. My knees bent and I came to rest on the edge of the bed, my vision blurring again. The vampire's cool hands were running softly around the wrist he'd nearly crushed only moments earlier, though no pain had returned. "I am very sorry for your wrist, but I thought you unable to feel pain." I just blinked and shrugged, shaking my head in disbelief at what was happening.

"Who are you?"

"I am Brice. This is Alvar and Oscar." His head inclined to the two boys. I say boys, they both appeared older than me, but not as old as Brice. Alvar had crawled onto the bed behind me and was now peering over my shoulder, and Oscar had returned to his solid stance in the doorway.

"You killed Francesca?"

"Yes." Oscar remained fixed in the doorway staring at me as he spoke.

"Why?" Ok, so I wasn't Francesca's biggest fan. But ... she was dead? Oscar went to speak, but Alvar raised his hand to silence him.

"She threatened us. She knew things about our … family. Things she shouldn't. Do you know how she knew us?" Oscar came closer and Brice leaned towards me, they were all clearly interested in what I had to say.

"I don't know. I mean, she has this, this ability. She can, I mean she _could, _she could use the abilities of people around her. But that's all I can think of." Oscar and Brice' eyes fell on Alvar who nodded slowly to them.

"What? That can't be all she knows!"

"Oz, be quiet." Brice still had my hands in his when he spoke, not letting them go when I quickly leapt to my feet.

"I have to go. I have to find Cora!"

"No. Renesmee there's something you need to know." My stomach did a flip at Alvar's words. The last person to say something like that to me was Victor, and it had changed my life.

"No, no. Whatever it is, I don't want to know! I just want to go. Please let me …"

My head snapped round towards the wall behind me. Just like every other wall in this room it was a dark wood, and its smell filled the room, clouding everything else. But the smell that had caught my attention came from the other side of it. I sniffed the air deeply, and took a step forward. Behind me Oscar growled and Brice came to stand between me and the wall. I ignored him and closed my eyes to listen. I focused on the sounds around me until I found what I was looking for. A heartbeat.

"You have a human here?" Oscar growled again and Brice glared over my shoulder to silence him.

"Yes, we do." I took a slow look around the room. Six golden eyes burned into me, waiting to see how I would react. I was positive they had no idea what I was, so I could understand their unease. But to see three male vampires so fiercely protective of a human was strange, even for me. I was about to ask about it, when I realised I didn't care. I just wanted to leave, to see Cora, and sort this mess out.

"Why did you bring me here?"

"You hit your head pretty hard. Which is partly my fault, sorry." Alvar held up his hands and smiled apologetically.

"Well, I'm fine now. Thanks." I turned to leave, but Oscar moved to block my path.

"Just tell her, Al."

"Ok. We figured we should rescue you." Oscar grunted. "Ok. _I _figured I should rescue you. But Oz is the one who carried you back."

"Gee, thanks. But you really shouldn't have bothered." I tried to slide past him but he shifted, blocking me again and spinning me with his arms so I was facing Alvar.

"Would you just listen to him? The sooner you do, the sooner you can answer my questions, then leave." Sounded good, well the leaving part at least. So I took a deep breath and prepared to listen.

"Ok. So I know you were staying with Francesca, and then there was Cora. But there was someone else wasn't there? Somebody who kept leaving?" I felt my eyes narrow as I wondered how he knew these things. "You were told this person was 'rescuing freaks'" My jaw dropped slightly as he repeated exactly what Francesca had said just a few weeks ago. I shook my head slowly.

"But that was just a joke." A joke that had upset Cora enough for her to leave, so that it was just me and Francesca. I shuddered, trying to block out the memory of that night, and Alvar continued.

"It might have been a joke, but it was also a lie. He; I think it was a he, was spreading the word. He was making sure that the message got to where he wanted it to go without him actually having to go to Volterra himself." I felt my breath hitch and my heart skipped a beat. Brice made a sound like he was clearing his throat before he spoke.

"That's in Italy. It's home to a particular coven of …" I tried not to laugh as I waved my hand to show he needn't continue. If there was anybody who didn't need an education in the Volturi, it was me.

"It's ok. I know all about the Volturi. Pretty well actually." Alvar forced a smile and nodded.

"I figured you would. It kinda makes sense you do." I felt frustrated when he didn't continue.

"Go on. What word was he spreading?"

"That he had you. And he was willing to give you up, for a price."

{--}

It felt like my jaw was about to hit the floor, and a wave of dizziness spread over me. I barely noticed when Brice took hold of my arms and took me to sit on the bed.

"Give me up? To the Volturi?" I was thinking out loud, but I knew that the three vampires were listening intently. "But, why?"

"We were hoping you would tell us. You see Brice has few rules for us. The only real one is that if we ever hear anything to do with the Volturi, we come straight to him. And we figured, well Alvar figured, we couldn't really leave you behind." The aggression was gone from Oscar's voice, though he still kept his defensive stance a few feet away from me.

I could feel the thoughts racing through my head, and a gasp fell from my lips once I figured it out.

"He knew. He knew that they never really wanted _me_. They wanted them." I remembered the conversations before and after the Volturi came to "visit" when I was a child. It was all a ploy, what they were really after was new recruits. Namely a telepath, a clairvoyant and a human-shield. "He was going to offer me as bait. He was going to give me to the Volturi, so that they could use me to get _them._"

I was pretty sure they'd asked me more questions, but though the sounds may have echoed down my ears, they didn't pass into my conscious, so I just sat in silence. They'd lied to me. I half-listened as Alvar said I was the only person who'd been lied to about it, confirming that Cora had been in on it too.

Now I had nobody.

{--}

The fact I was still fortressed from over-emotion meant I didn't cry, I just sat in silence, running over everything in my head. The vampires were silent now and I could feel their gazes fixed on me.

"Okay." Each of them shifted in some way as I spoke for the first time in a while. Oscar slid his head towards me, keeping his body at a distance, Brice took a step closer, leaning down to my level, and Alvar swept to sit beside me on the small bed.

"Okay?" Brice' voice was low and questioning.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks for telling me, you saved me a lot of bother." My smile made them all shift again, more uncomfortably this time. It was true though, being dragged to Volterra and having to watch the Cullens give themselves up to save me would have been …. I don't know what it would have been, but I was glad it didn't have to happen. "So, I'll be going." I went to stand was pushed gently back down by Brice.

"Go where?"

"Um, I don't know. Its not really sunk in yet, so I suppose I'll work on that first, then figure something out." It _hadn't _sunk in. Francesca was dead. I was sitting in a room with the vampires who'd killed her, and Cora and Victor had betrayed me. I felt …. Numb. But numb was good, it could be a lot worse. I could have been making a complete fool of myself in front of these near-strangers if my emotions had been ravaging me, sending me into some sort of emotional breakdown.

"I'd prefer it if you stayed, I have so many questions I want to ask you."

"Yeah, me too." Oscar's tone couldn't have been more different to Brice' gentle one, it was almost accusing. Alvar turned to me next.

"I don't really have any questions, but I'd like you to stay."

"No - I can't, I won-, I have to go!" My arguing fell on deaf ears as one silent nod from Brice sent the two younger looking vampires into motion. Oscar left the room and Brice rose to draw the curtains over the window that displayed the now pitch-black sky. Behind me Alvar had rolled over the bed and was pulling back the covers and plumping the pillows when his eyes met mine.

"Oh. Do you even sleep?" From the corner of my eye I saw Brice spin on his heels, clearly interested in my answer.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah I do." I watched them moving around. Oscar returned with a pile of clothes and Brice left the room quickly, returning with a glass of water before coming to kneel before me.

"Water?" I couldn't help but smile at his engrossed expression as I nodded and he placed the glass on the floor beside the bed.

"Yeah, food, water; all good to me." How is it these three vampires seemed to be able to care for a human so well? It was only then I remembered the human scent and the heartbeat from earlier.

"Right, so Sonny is just sleeping on the floor tonight?" Oscar was stood at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed firmly again. Alvar sighed before he answered.

"No. Just carry a couch up there, he'll be fine." Oscar huffed impatiently before striding out of the room. I listened carefully to his movements. I heard him in the room outside the one I was in now, dragging and lifting something. I heard him climb a few steps before there was then a loud knock on a door through the wall behind me.

"Sonny, open up." I listened to the footsteps crossing slowly across the wooden flooring, then there was the heavy clinks of what sounded like locks being slid open.

"What's going on, Oz?" The voice was new. It was the voice of a young man, the human I assumed.

"Not sure yet. Looks like she's having your bed tonight though, bud. Couch good?"

"Uh, of course. So, she's staying? Can I meet her?" The boy's excited tone was met with a low, rumbling growl from Oscar.

"No, go to sleep!" A door slammed and Oscar was quickly back in the room, standing at the foot of the bed beside where Alvar and Brice now were.

Now I felt weird. This was a dream right? I wasn't really in a strange house with three male vampires treating me like a royal guest.

"Well, goodnight. And tomorrow, you answer our questions?" I felt too bewildered to say anything so I just nodded at Brice and waved as the three of them slipped quietly from the room.

{--}

I fell asleep quickly. I couldn't help but smile at the peculiarity of my situation, rolling my head into the pillow which was drenched in a human scent. When I woke, it took a while to remember. And when I did, the disbelief of last night had evaporated. I now felt the crushing feeling of betrayal. I felt the shock of the fact that Francesca was dead, that Victor had lied to me, but I couldn't accept Cora was a fraud. I could not believe that all the affection she'd shown me had been false; that the way she'd always protected me had been an act.

I felt physically exhausted as I remembered the events of the day before. All the memories lay behind a haze; clouded by my disbelief. A pile of clothes lay at the end of my bed, Oscar had brought them last night before I slept but I didn't change into them, instead I just pulled my boots back on and slowly crept from the room.

The living room had the same dark, unpolished wooden floor of the room I'd slept in. A large brick fireplace stood opposite the doorway I was leaning out of. Before it was a small sofa, and a gap where I assumed the one Oscar had carried away usually was. The little standby light on the large TV made me smile; I could hardly remember the last time I'd been in the presence of indoor electricity. To my right the living room extended into a small kitchen. The wooden floor switched to a grey, stone tile and the sound of the buzzing fridge floated through the silent house. Between my door and the kitchen was a gap in which there was a short flight of stairs which led to a thick, steel door. Behind the doors thickness I held my breath to hear the sounds of the sleeping human.

The flashing clock on the oven told me it was 12:22, I really must have been tired, I don't ever remember sleeping this late before.

{--}

I leapt a little when the front door blew open. I hadn't heard Oscar's approach, which was unusual. He stood in the doorway staring at me for second, before nodding a greeting and sliding over to the kitchen. I watched him take a few things from the fridge and then Alvar appeared in the door, Brice following behind.

"Oz you ass, you dropped your wood!"

"She was awake, I had to check she wasn't …" Oscar's eyes drifted quickly to me before he delved deeper into the fridge.

"She wasn't what? Hammering down Sonny's door so she could suck him dry?" I heard Oscar growl as Alvar and Brice dropped the piles of logs they were holding beside the fire and the drifted to stand before me.

{--}

I thanked Oscar when he placed a bowl of cereal on the small table and ushered me to sit and eat, then I watched him take a similar bowl up the stairs. Alvar and Brice watched me intently as I ate, making me more than a little uncomfortable. The cereal was mushy and sweet and the milk tasted more like water, but I was hungry and didn't want to appear ungrateful, so I ate it all.

"So, what did you want to know?" I could tell that the vampires were all drowning in impatience over there want to grill me. Brice ushered me over the couch and the three of them stood before me in silence. I breathed a sigh of relief when Alvar's impatience seemed to get the better of him and he choked out the first question.

"Ok, so I gotta ask. What exactly are you?" His palms were raised in apology for the bluntness of the question, but I just shook my head and shrugged it off. I felt giddy before I answered, I'd never had to explain this before, so it was very strange.

"I'm a hybrid." I took their expressions in for a moment, Oscar and Alvar looked puzzled, but Brice's bottom jaw almost smacked the wooden floor. "I'm uh, I'm half vampire, half human; a hybrid."

"How?" I smiled as Oscar and Alvar asked in unison, Brice still looked unable to speak.

"My mother was human, my dad …. Not so much." Even I was surprised by my casual tone, should I be dealing with this so well? Should I be able to talk about _them _so easily?

{--}

I told them a lot, but nowhere near everything. I told them about my diet, my gift and my shield, but not where my shield came from. I told them about the Volturi's attempt to destroy me, at which each of them reached a new level of fascination. I told them about running away, but only in mild detail, and was glad when they didn't pry. They mostly seemed interested in my anatomy, and determining how much of a human I was, they were also more than a little surprised at my age. I found Brice easiest to answer; his knowledge already seemed pretty vast, particularly on the Volturi. Alvar just stared at me mostly, nodding at the appropriate times and Oscar kept looking me up and down, then turning to Alvar, as though for some reassurance of my words. I only stopped so that I could eat again. Oscar had prepared pasta which was flavoured in some tomato sauce and was a vast improvement on breakfast. He took a similar plate upstairs though I heard no conversation.

{--}

It got dark outside and the cabin grew cold. Alvar raced to the bedroom and came back with the big navy hoodie I hadn't changed into last night.

"No, it's ok. I'm fine, really." I was wearing only a baggy grey sweater and a pair of shorts but I wasn't cold. Since I'd run away the façade of being human wasn't necessary, which meant I didn't have to dress to look like the weather actually affected me. Too many clothes were uncomfortable against my already heated skin.

"Yeah, I mean you're really hot." Oscar snickered at his words and Alvar flinched from me, looking embarrassed. "No I meant- you are but- but that's not- you just. You're …" I laughed and nodded.

"No, it's okay. I know what you mean." His cold hand came quickly to my forehead.

"You're almost _wolf_ temperature." I grimaced when he spat the word and Oscar hissed behind him.

"Yeah, so I've heard."

{--}

I answered the rest of their questions honestly, and loved that they didn't ask anything too inquisitive. I never even brought up my family, or why I left, they didn't even ask about Victor and Cora, but Oscar had particular interest in Francesca. It seemed they'd found her scent near the cabin and followed it. When they found her she had attacked him and Alvar, and then threatened to come here for Brice and Sonny; who I figured was the mysterious human locked behind the steel door. They wanted to know how she'd known about them, but that I had no idea of. The only real light I was able to shed was on something that had apparently been a source of major frustration for Oscar.

"You see Renesmee, my brother prides himself on being fast. And I'm not talking vampire-fast, I'm talking … Oscar-fast." Alvar laughed at his brother's pride-filled stance as he spoke of him. "But that woman, she was just as fast as him. Which he hated, and on top of her threats, she turned into poor Ozzy's worst nightmare." I only felt a little uncomfortable hearing Alvar speak so casually about what was essentially a murder; what made me more uncomfortable was the fact it was bothering me so little. "So, you said her gift was to use other people's abilities, right?"

"Yeah. I guess she just used her ability to be as fast as him. Though I don't know how she could know about his gift, I never really knew how she worked."

Oscar's last question was the only one I had no answer to.

"So, what are you gonna do now?" What was I going to do now? Going back to where I'd come from wasn't an option. I'd changed too much in the past few months; I really was no longer a Cullen. I considered tracking Cora down and demanding an explanation, but that would prove easier said than done given the fact she was invisible.

"I don't know." Alvar scurried to his feet, his pleading eyes falling on Brice, who I'd long since figured was boss around here.

"She can stay right? Even if it's just tonight, I mean it's late and we must have exhausted her with all our questions." Brice was silent and his eyes slid from me to Oscar, who was still looking me up and down.

"As far as I'm concerned, the decision lies with Oscar and Renesmee, not me or you Alvar. Oz, could Sonny do without his bed for one more night?" Alvar swung around to his taller "brother" who was chewing his lip as he looked at me.

"Yeah, he'll be good. And I'm not going anywhere so I'm okay with her being in the cabin . But do you _want _to stay here tonight, Renesmee?"

"Uh, yeah sure." I really did. I was exhausted and not yet ready to go off into the world all by myself. One more night in the cabin would be nice. After tonight though, I had no idea what I was going to do.

* * *

**With Francesca dead, Cora and Victor are just gonna leave Nessie the hell alone .... right???**

**I've decided offering previews is good for me, it forces me to write whilst I'm still in the writing frame of mind and not just shut down as soon as the chappy's up.  
So Previews for reviewers.  
Whaddya think of the new guy-vamps, or is Ness better off on her own now? And does anyone think they figured out Alvar or Brice's gifts?**


	15. A Bedtime Story

**Another pretty long chapter, sorry if that's bad. The next two or three are gonna be pretty short.  
I left pretty much all historic detailing out of this chapter. The half of me that's a History Student went crazy, but I've read stories and fics before where all the dates and stuff have made me feel a little dizzy. So I haven't left it all out to belittle anyone, this is just escapism for me, so despite my studies in History spanning from Medieval times to the 21st Century, I've left this all pretty non-specific. But also, Sonny, as you'll find, is pretty laid back, not one for firing out dates and details of Saxon Conquests. **

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_"I'll take any story if it's good"  
_ _Bela Lugosi a.k.a Dracula_

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Chapter Thirteen: A Bedtime Story**

_The Cullen house glowed in the night. Its luminous windows were doing little to keep the sounds of screams and cries coming from inside from leaking out into the darkness.  
They came like a thick, black smoke. Each of them with the hoods of their flowing robes draped over their heads, masking their evil faces. They glided down the driveway in the same formation they had entered that clearing seven years ago; Aro at the forefront and the guard drifting behind. When they crossed the threshold of the house, the screams got louder, and certain words became clear._  
"_No, you can't take her! I won't let you take her!" Then the man's voice just evaporated into a flow of vicious growls.  
The dream had started exactly the same as my last nightmare, though nobody had dragged me away when Francesca attacked Cora, and only now were their violent snarls silenced. I stood frozen in the driveway listening to the sounds polluting the night air, when Cora emerged from the trees; the victor in her battle with Francesca. She approached me quickly with her arms outstretched and I wanted nothing more than to collapse into them and be taken from this place, but then I noticed her face. It was paler than usual and her lips were spread into a wide, threatening grin, exposing her sparkling teeth. And her eyes. They were no longer gold but a bright, unsettling red. As she came closer her stare intensified and her fingers outstretched into claws, then she pounced._

{--}

My scream seemed to echo through the wooden room. My chest heaved, pushing the freezing night air through my lungs. I was shaking all over and my elbows threatened to buckle as I propped myself up on them. A sob shuddered through me, and I realised the tears streaming to my chin had fallen before I'd even woke up. I dropped back down onto the pillow, trying to settle my breathing. Through the wall behind me I heard a few loud clinking and sliding sounds, then the creak as a heavy door was thrown open. The footsteps down the stairs were quick and light, and before the knock on my door came the sound of an impatient voice.

"You guys are assholes! Can I come in?" I figured only the last part of that was aimed at me, so I managed to gather my breath and reply.

"Yeah." The door creaked open slowly and a head poked through. His eyes were emerald green and his hair was a deep gold, swept across his head in a pile of messy spikes. "Sonny, right?" He grinned wide and span through the door, a huge duvet wrapped around his shoulders.

"That's me. But my _moron _brothers didn't have the civility to tell me your name." I laughed when he raised his voice at the moron part, aiming his insult towards the now closed door. I was sure it was just for effect, he probably knew they'd have no problem hearing him.

"I'm Renesmee." He waddled towards the bed, the duvet limiting his movements as he poked one hand out from it and shook mine.

"That's quite the mouthful"

"Yeah, it is. But you can call me Nessie."

"What?" One of his eyes brows arched and he raised one side of his lips in a smirk. "_Nessie, _that's not a nickname, that's an insult. No, I'll have to think of something better then that. Do you mind?" He nodded his head towards the bed and I slid over so he could sit, but instead he dropped onto his back beside me, and threw the duvet around him, covering us both with it.

"You don't like my name?"

"It's just a lot to handle. Re-ne-sme; that's three whole syllables! I'm only used to addressing people with one, like Oz, Brice, Al." He accentuated his pronunciation of each name to exaggerate his point.

"What about Sonny? That's two syllables that they have to call _you_ by."

"Yes, but they're immortal vampires, I figure they deserve a little extra work." I couldn't help but laugh, deep and sincere. I felt refreshingly comfortable in the presence of the first human I'd had proper interaction with since my last day at school. "Ugh, I've missed this bed." I rolled onto my side to compensate for the now limited space on the already thin mattress.

"Yeah, that's my fault. I'm sorry."

"Oh no, don't worry about it." He rolled over too so his grinning face was just inches from mine. "I'm sure you're _always _getting rescued by strange vampires, going to stay with them and stealing some poor boy's bed."

"You'd be a little surprised actually." Ok, so I didn't make a habit of the stealing beds part, but the being rescued by vampires I didn't even know; I've been there before, didn't work so good.

"Well, my bed's yours as long as you want it."

"Thanks, but I'm gonna leave tomorrow."

"What? No way, why?"

"I've told them all they wanted to know, and I don't wanna take advantage of your hospitality. Plus, no offence, but I don't even know you guys. I can't just stay here."

"Why not?"

"You could be dangerous." Saying that, I felt ridiculous. I felt stupidly safe in this house, it being stupid because I really didn't know these people at all. "I have trust issues, I think."

"You don't trust people?"

"I wish. I trust them too easily, it's naïve. And up 'til know pretty much everyone I've trusted has ended up stabbing me in the back. Ok, so not everybody, humans have pretty much never screwed me over." I remembered my loyal Grandpa Charlie, but when I pictured his face I didn't feel the same warmth I used to, I felt nothing.

"Well that's 'cos humans rock! Did you ever hear of a vampire landing on the moon? No. Did you ever hear of a vampire discovering penicillin? No. Did vampires save Gotham city from evil, over and over again? No, that was Batman: Human."

"So, I should trust you because you're the same species as Batman?"

"Is there any better reason to trust a person? But I'm not here to win your trust; I came to ask about all the screaming, bad dream, huh?"

"You could say that, yeah. Sorry, did I wake you?" He pursed his lips and shook his head, raising his head to rest it in his hand.

"No. I'd have to actually have been asleep for you to wake me. But you've been pretty noisy all night, so sleeps been difficult." I rolled my face into the pillow; thoroughly embarrassed.

"I'm so, so sorry."

"Don't apologize! It should be those idiot bloodsuckers outside apologizing, they should have come in and made sure you were okay. But hey, I'm here now." He placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Besides, there's nothing wrong with having nightmares. I used to have them _all _the time when I was a kid. So, to get me to sleep, my brother's would tell me all these stories, sometimes funny, sometimes scary, or mostly both."

"Your brothers?" I pointed to the door and he nodded slowly.

"Well, kind of. It's a …. Long story. Would you like to hear it?"

"As a bedtime story?" We both laughed and he nodded as I dropped my head back down on the pillow. "Yes please."

"Ok" He wriggled a little and placed his fist before his mouth as he mock cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, or a long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or however you want to start it, there was this big, brave soldier called … Lice." I heard one grunt and then two people's laughter from the other room, but I doubted Sonny would have been able to hear it.

"Lice?"

"Yup, all identities will be thoroughly protected in my little tale." He winked dramatically and I laughed. "Ok, so Lice was this big strong Saxon soldier, the greatest of his time. One night he's sailing across the Ocean to go fight in some big scary battle or something."

"Wow, your historical detailing is enthralling, really." He laughed and nudged my shoulder gently.

"Hey, you should be thankful. When Brice tells me this story I get fed all these boring names and dates, and details of wars and arguments that just make my brain hurt. I'm giving you the Hollywood version, kay?"

"Not that Brice is involved in this story at all."

"Oh, of course not!" He let his eyes shift around nervously, making his lie over-obvious. "Anyway, so Lice is sailing some ocean with his army, all as big, brave and terrifying as him, though none of them quite as deadly, and their ship is attacked. This big, foreign vessel comes up beside them and one man jumps out. All Lice's men are watching, ready to defend themselves against this lunatic swimming towards their ship. They watch him swim, and he's ridiculously fast, cutting through the water like its thin air, and then scaling the side of Lice's ship in a few swift steps. When he leaps onto the deck, they see it's not a man at all, it's a woman. They're all left frozen by her beauty, the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. Her skin's as pale as the moon and her golden hair flows long past her shoulders, still dripping wet. It's her eyes that entrance Lice though. They're a haunting red, and he watches as her gaze scans slowly over all the men gathered speechless in front of her. Then she attacks. Biting and ripping at anyone she can get to, and that's everyone. She leaps across bodies, tearing them to shreds"

I watched as Sonny paused to gauge my reaction. "Good, you're not squeamish, that's good. The men throw their swords and axes into her but she emerges unscathed, her flesh even shattered some of the weapons before she turned her fury onto whoever had yielded it. Lice is at the edge of the deck, waiting for the demon woman to come to him. She moves inhumanly fast and before Lice can sink his axe into her, she bites him. Her teeth tear into the place where Lice's neck meets his shoulder, pushing through his clothes like they're not there. But then the ship shudders violently, crashing into waves that send it rocking quickly and she's thrown off of him and Lice is thrown overboard.

"For three days he waits to die. He just floats along the waves, not able to drown or starve, just burning. His entire body is wrapped in a fire that not even the ocean he's drifting on can put out. He prays for death, but it never comes. He wonders if he is dead, if this is hell, floating and burning for all eternity. But then it stops, the burning goes away and he feels … different. Stronger, more alert. He can see the air around him, and hear things no person should be able to hear. After what feels like a lifetime he sees land and he swims towards it, moving as fast as the woman who had come aboard his ship what felt like a life time ago. When he climbs to shore, he should feel weak. He hasn't eaten, hasn't slept, but he still feels strong. He runs into the land, still not convinced this is real life, still suspecting he's dead. Then he sees this boy …" The look of childlike joy washed from Sonny' face, his eyes moved slowly to me and I nodded, he needn't go into details. A newborn vampire comes across a helpless boy, I could guess.

"When it's over, he feels disgusted; he really does want to die. He never forgets the boys face. His skin was a little dark, his hair was jet black and his eyes were a light, cloudy grey." It upset me to hear how Sonny described the boy. It was as though he'd been there, seen him, as though he himself felt guilty for what happened, so I tried to shift the subject a little.

"So, how old is Brice exactly?"

"He was born in 971, and he became how he is today when he was 31."

"Wow, that's …. Amazing."

"Oldest person you've ever met or what?"

"Actually no, but he's not far off. He's very … well preserved" We both laughed, and I remembered what Stefan had told me as a child, that the Ancients of the Volturi looked so old and creepy because of some aspects of their lifestyle, whereas he and Vladimir, who were probably older than Brice, didn't have their delicate looking skin or filmed-over eyes.

"Aren't all vampires?"

"Not exactly, would you like to see?" His eyebrows furrowed and I heard movement in the other room as I lifted my hand to his forehead. I projected him an image of Aro, remembering how his appearance had made me feel when I was little, not just because I was aware his presence could mean I'd lose my family forever. A lot had changed since then.

"Woah, what was that?"

"That was Aro, one of the volturi. And what I just did was my gift; I can share my thoughts with people when I touch them." I paused for a second, but Sonny' responding nod ensured me he understood what I was talking about.

"You've met him?" His eyes were wide and I smiled.

"Yes, but that's a long story. And we can't start that one when you've still not finished _my _bedtime story."

"Oh yeah, sorry. Where were we? Oh, right, the boy. So afterwards Brice pretty much hates himself."

"You mean Lice?"

"Right, yes, of course." He slapped his forehead and I giggled. "But he can't stop, it's uncontrollable. One day he's in these woods on the boarder of this village, and he sees this little old lady struggling down some stone steps with this huge pail of water. When she falls, the first thing that hits Lice is the smell of her blood, but then this tingling hits him. It's racing all up his arm," Sonny ran his fingers across my arm tickling me, and from the way his expression didn't fall the way it had when he spoke of the little boy, I suspected this women had not suffered the same fate. "When he got closer to her he saw her arm, it was sliced open after her fall and he could _feel _it, and that feeling distracted him from her blood enough for him to try and comfort her screaming and crying in pain. When the blood started to distract him he focused on the tingling and the woman's arm until the tingling grew and got stronger, then the woman stopped screaming and crying, because the pain had all gone."

"He took it away?"

"Yup. It's what he does. It doesn't go away though, it gets transferred to him. But human pain doesn't feel the same to him, so it's just a tingle mostly, though over time he's become able to gauge just how much it would hurt _them. _And it's not just him; he can transfer pain to anybody, from anybody. But Brice would never to that, so he just takes it all himself." He'd slipped up again, switching from Lice to Brice, but I didn't point it out.

"He'd been on his own a few years when he saw his first other vampire. This vampire was older than Brice, he'd been created during some huge vampire war. You're little friend Nosferatu was involved in that."

"You mean the war between the Volturi and the Romanians?" I heard a gasp from the living room, and immediately felt very smug. For once I was grateful about all the stories Carlisle had told me as a child. At the time they'd bored me; I much preferred the stories Grandpa Charlie told me when I stayed with him. He'd always trip over his words and mix up the story. Sleeping Beauty would end up living with the seven dwarves, whilst Cinderella let down her long, golden hair for Prince Rumpelstiltskin to climb up.

"Yeah, that's the one. Please tell me you weren't alive for that?" I shook my head quickly. "Good, because that would be weird, even by my standards. You're too cute to be millenniums old. Well at least I think you're cute, it's pretty dark in here and I don't have vampire-vision." I giggled as he patted my face with his hands, feigning blindness.

"You're diverging! This bedtime stories turning more into a sleep preventer."

"Alright, alright. But you keep distracting me with your questions. No more talking 'til I'm done." I moved my fingers across my lips, zipping them shut.

"Ok, so this vampire was a soldier, just like Lice. He'd fought in this huge fight on the side of the Romanians, but pretty much abandoned them when he figured the Volturi were gonna reign supreme. Of course this didn't impress Lice much, him being a loyal fighter and all, but he stuck with the vampire. Lice became more comfortable with what he was but he still hated the fact he had to kill people to stay alive. He might have killed people in battle before, but that was very different to slaughtering innocent people who didn't stand a chance. One time when Lice's vamp-buddy was off on some Volturi worshiping pilgrimage to Italy, Lice met this other coven. There were four of them, these three women and their mother. I don't think she was their actual mother, just their creator kind of thing. Well they all pretty much fell in love with our Lice, and they asked him to stay for a while. Lice bonded with all four of them and stayed with them a long time, they became like his family. Though they all drank human blood, the mother told Lice of this theory she'd tested only once when she figured the blood of animals may be able to replace the blood of humans. Lice decided to take this theory further, and well that was over a thousand years ago, and he's been clean and sober ever since."

"Woah."

"I know right, he's the envy of everybody at bloodaholics-anonymous. His little coven didn't come round to the idea as quickly as him. Those women were man-eaters, _literally._ But Lice loved them so he stayed, but that's when his nasty little Volturi-worshipping friend decided to show up. Things went very wrong after that. It turns out the coven mother had been keeping a little secret in the form of this vampire baby."

"An immortal child?"

"You obviously didn't zip your mouth very tight did you? But yeah, that's what the poor thing was. Somehow the Volturi found out about it and executed it along with the mother."

I was now convinced I knew this story. The tale of the Denali's mother Sasha, had been one I'd heard as a child, and it was something that still haunted Kate and Tanya to this very day. "After what happened Lice left. He made sure the girls were okay then he set out on his own, his friend had mysteriously disappeared after the Volturi showed up. For centuries Lice did different things. He became a soldier again, but given the fact he could now feel every ounce of pain he administered, it became something he no longer found himself able to do. He learned to master his skill, learning to detach himself from the pain and just focus. He never forgot his old coven, and the pain of what happened never went away. He studied the Volturi, learning from his friend whenever he chose to pop back into his life. Lice found time went faster when he wasn't on his own, so he learned to live in society. He'd have jobs, houses even friends, something he never imagined he'd be able to do.

"So I think you'll agree, up to now, Lice has been coping pretty well, huh? Nothing too major or catastrophic has come up, throwing a spanner in the works of his existence?"

Sonny's tone had turned to mocking, and given the chuckles audible from the other room; I guessed it was aimed at his brothers. Still with my gagging order in place, I nodded quickly. "Well yeah, he's been doing fine for the last gazillion centuries he's been alive, then all of a sudden ... BAM! It's 1993 and things start to go very, very wrong."

Despite his foreboding words, Sonny's tone remained light, almost jokey. "So Lice is in Spain, with his vamp-buddy. They're just travelling through, coming out only at night of course because of all the sun, you know, like how vampires should be," I laughed again at his mocking tone and he smirked before continuing. "So they're travelling through the countryside, Lice is just returning from a hunt when he finds his buddy, half way through a meal. The face of the boy that Lice killed all those centuries ago, the little boy with dark skin, black hair and grey eyes, rises up in him as he stares on his buddy's prey, an exact likeness. Before Lice can register what he's doing he's pounced, pulling the boy away. He ended up having to fight with his friend for him, but Lice couldn't let him die. He still felt horrible agony for that first innocent life he claimed so long ago, so he needed to keep this boy alive, the boy who looked just like what _he _would have if he'd lived. Lice had to beat the crap out of his _friend, _before the loser sulked away. It was too late for the boy, his body was already on fire, Lice could feel it. So for three days, he sat with him, making sure he didn't feel an ounce of pain. Lice took it all; he burned himself just so the boy could sleep."

The admiration in Sonny's voice was palpable as he spoke of Brice, or Lice; same person. "When the boy woke up he was as menacing and thirsty as Lice had been. His eyes were no longer the grey that had pushed Lice to save him, but his protectiveness over him never went away. Whenever the boy felt a burning in his throat, a pull to feed on a human, Lice took it away, suffering through it himself. After a while the boy developed this weird talent, he could hear every lie a person could ever told, ever. But more than that was, he could see the truth as well, he heard the lie, then he heard the truth."

"Give the boy a name Sonny, God!" We both creased with laughter when Alvar's voice leaked through the door. I now figured he'd been the boy, the boy with the grey eyes, the boy who saw the truth.

"Fine, his name was Assvar, Ass for short." I laughed again and covered my mouth to stifle it, wanting Sonny to carry on with his story.

"After about a year, Lice's stupid buddy comes back, and he's still pretty pissed at Lice for stealing his dinner. Then when Ass meets him, it _really _kicks off. Ass uses his little gift thingy to uncover one hell of a secret."

My body involuntarily inched closer to Sonny's to listen. "Turns out Lice's so called friend was the one who ratted out the coven mother to the Volturi. He thought that if he handed her and her immortal child over, it'd get him on their side enough for them to let him in, something he'd always wanted."

I felt my gasp squeeze at my lungs. This man, this traitor was what caused Sasha's death. He'd exposed and betrayed the Denali's mother. "When Lice found out from Alvar he was furious. He tortured his so called buddy, dragging him to Italy and throwing him on the steps of the Volturi fortress, humiliating him in front of the thing he loved most."

I felt like I was watching a movie, at the part where the good guy wins. A bubble of joy rose up in me and I wanted to run to Brice and pat him on the back, but Sonny hadn't finished. "Unfortunately, vampires love revenge. He found them in France on November 8th 1996, I was just a toddler."

Sonny's eyes were suddenly very distant. I could tell he was getting tired, but there was something else too. He'd stopped using his fake names completely and he now sounded so sad. "He'd started the fire before he even went up to the floor they were staying on. He didn't care that innocent people were choking and burning in their sleep, he just broke into the room and tried to rip Al apart. Brice wasn't there at the time, but when he smelt the smoke he raced back, finding the whole apartment block a towering inferno. It was almost too late when he found Al. They should have killed him then and there but the coward leapt through one of the windows and ran off. Our apartment was on the floor above theirs. Oscar was eighteen when I was born, our Mom had had him really young, so he was pretty much helping raise me. She didn't wake up when Oscar tried to get her out, she just didn't wake up. So he had to just grab me and run."

I could see a tear working it's way down Sonny's cheek and shuffled closer to him. "Oscar got me out, but he was burned all over and he couldn't breathe. We were the only two to make it out alive. Actually scrap that, Oz died alright. But it didn't hurt, he didn't feel a thing once Brice found him. He changed him because he felt guilty, because he blamed himself for what had happened. And then he took us both, and he's been like our older brother ever since."

Sonny's eyes were heavy and his head started to loll.

"That was a good story."

"I know, I have plenty more. I have stories of run in's with Werewolves, but they're for another night."

"There won't be another night Sonny, I'm leaving tomorrow."

"We'll see about that." I just smiled, and let my thoughts wander.

"I have a question."

"Shoot."

"The Volturi didn't let Lice's friend in?"

"No. They said reporting an immortal child was a _duty, _nothing special."

"So, if Lice never knew about it, how did his friend?"

"He had this ability; he could see people's past, pretty much everything they've ever done. So when he saw her, he just knew." I felt my heart stop as well as my breath. Coincidence can be a cruel thing, but never this cruel, right?

"Sonny, what was Brice's friends name?"

"His name?" I could tell I was fighting with Sonny's exhaustion, but I didn't care.

"Yes, his name. No protecting his identity by making one up, I want his name." His eyes were shut and his head rolled over onto the pillow before he muttered his reply.

"Victor, his name was Victor."

* * *

**Woops. So is Victor's past with these vamps all a coincidence?? No, no it's not. :P  
Ness figures it out next chapter, but can any of you put it together before then?  
I'll give you a clue: The Phonecall.  
I loved hearing some of your theories after last chapter, (Gay Oz?), so keep them coming.  
Oh, and previews too.**


	16. Come On, Be One Of Us

**  
Chapter Fourteen: Come On, Be One Of Us   
**

I lay wide awake long after Sonny drifted to sleep. My mind refused to shut off.  
Victor had caused Sasha Denali's execution.  
Victor had tried to kill Alvar and Brice, and in the process killed Sonny and Oscar's mother.  
Victor had taken me as his second attempt to impress and join the Volturi. That's why he "saved" me, that was the price they'd have to pay for him handing me over.  
I couldn't help but question Victor's sanity; he'dbasically attempted to bribe the leaders of the vampire world.

I remembered the phone call I'd overheard, in which Francesca spoke of "old friends" of Victor she'd found nearby and Oz had said he and Al had followed Francesca's scent from near the cabin. She'd found them, she'd hunted them down for Victor, so he could finally have his revenge. A shudder flew down my spine at the thought. I hated the idea of Francesca getting anywhere near the innocent boy sleeping so peacefully beside me. I'd worked out he must be around seventeen, but his features were so youthful and sweet. I now completely understood Oscar's actions when Francesca had threatened him, the thought of her inflicting her evil on someone so innocent stung me with rage.

Alvar crept through the door, whispering to ask if I wanted him to take the sleeping Sonny to his own room. I didn't let him. Sonny looked too comfortable for me to send him back to sleeping on the couch, and I felt it very comforting having him so close beside me. Maybe I should have told Alvar then, told him how close Victor came to finding them, to finding Sonny. My heart wrenched as I thought of the fact they had unknowingly killed his mate, making the situation so much worse.

Cora didn't escape my thoughts. I couldn't help but believe she had no part in this. I could never believe Cora would let these boys be hurt, especially not Sonny, not after the way she took care of me. Cora had called me her penance; she'd said she would do anything to keep me safe, to bring me peace.

Francesca had joked with Victor over the phone, about the fact she could not bring Cora here to scout the boys out. Perhaps she hadn't known about it. Not like she'd known about their plans for me. She'd let that happen.

{--}

I was woken by the sound of laughter. Sonny was gone and I could hear his voice in the living room with his brothers. I stretched and grimaced at myself; I felt disgusting, still wearing the clothes I was wearing the day I was brought here. But I was leaving today. Half of me thought that was a good idea; that getting me away from them would keep them safe. Half of me thought the opposite; that he would never find us, and I would never find anywhere else that I felt as safe as I did here.

"You're being ridiculously childish Sonny, even by your standards." I stood in the doorway for a second, taking in the scene. Sonny was sat on the floor, his back pressed firmly against the wooden front door. He just smirked as Oscar hovered over him, chastising him and mimicking his little brother's stubborn posture with his arms firmly across his chest. Brice was leaning against the far wall, and it seemed he was clearly enjoying what was playing out before him as there was a wide grin across his face as he nodded me a greeting. Alvar had been sprawled across the couch when I emerged and he hopped up, gliding quickly over to me, grinning in amusement.  
"You should be flattered, Sonny's never been awake before 11am in his life, and he's been up since _seven, _all for you!" Alvar just grinned at my confused look and wrapped his dark fingers around my elbow, leading me to stand beside Oscar before Sonny.

"Morning, Smee." Sonny's hair was poking out in all directions as he looked up.  
"Smee?" Oscar, Alvar and Brice all chuckled as I questioned Sonny, but it was Alvar who chose to explain.  
"It seems you've got a new nickname. It took poor Einstein over there all night to hack through Re and Ne to get Smee."  
"Stop exaggerating Al, it didn't take _all _night." Sonny ruffled his hair as he spoke, digging his feet into the wooden floor to push his back closer to the door.  
"Sonny, what are you doing?" All three vampires smirked at my question and Alvar clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"He's protesting."  
"Protesting what?" Alvar inclined his head to Sonny, the gesture showed he wanted his brother to answer for himself, something Sonny appeared more than happy to do.  
"I'm not letting you leave." Oscar's head fell back and he barked a loud laugh turning his eyes to me for the first time since I came out.  
"You do realise Sonny, she's a hell of a lot stronger than you. You sitting in front of that door will not stop her getting through it." Sonny just shrugged and rolled his eyes.  
"I know that," He turned his eyes to me "They've been filling me in on _what _you are all morning. Al paid particular attention to describing the part where you pinned Oz against a wall!" Sonny winked at me before turning his eyes back to his brother. "Besides Oz, it's a symbolic gesture, I don't actually want to _refrain _her from leaving, I just want to convince her to stay."

"Oh no, Sonny I can't.." I trailed of as Sonny fired his palm in my direction, staring me into silence.  
"Don't say no, Smee. Hear me out." Oscar sighed, rolling his eyes as he slid over to the far wall to stand beside Brice. "Where else are you gonna go? You'll be homeless and lonely" I went to talk but Sonny silenced me again, causing Alvar to chuckle at my side. "I know you're half vampire Smee, but you're kinda also a human, just like me!" I swallowed back a chuckle when Alvar murmured,  
"God help anyone who is like _him." _But he spoke too low for Sonny to hear, so he continued talking.  
"Smee, I never had any human influence or anything. I never had anybody to eat with, only people to cook for me. I never had anybody around who sleeps, I've always been the one who wakes up in the morning scared they missed something fun whilst everyone else was awake. I don't care if you're faster than me, or stronger or that you're only seven years old.." His eyes moved over me as he pondered my age, I was sure he didn't quite believe it. "I don't care, I just don't want you to go." His expression melted my heart. He looked so helpless and needy. I looked slowly around the room. Alvar's golden eyes smouldered into mine, one side of his mouth curved into a gentle smile. Brice's head was leaned back against the wall and he had his bottom lip between his teeth as he stared at the ceiling, deep in thought. Oscar's expression was a scowl, aimed intensely at his brother.  
"I can't Sonny, I'm sorry." Sonny's smacked has palms against the wooden floor in frustration and Alvar swung around to stand before me, blocking him from view.  
"We would _all _like you to stay." My eyes narrowed at his words. It was as though he'd read my mind. I knew Sonny wasn't in charge around here, he might be his brothers main priority, but he didn't come close to calling the shots, so it wasn't his invitation to stay I needed. My eyes swept around the room until they fell on Brice; the boss.  
"Not only do we feel it would be wrong of us to let you go out there alone, but we think it'd be good for Sonny to have a little normality in his life, someone he can relate to."  
"But not just for Sonny. We like you; we think it would be pretty cool having you around." I breathed deep as Alvar stared at me as he spoke, his gaze still captivated me the way it did the first time I saw him.  
"Yeah, I always wanted a little sister! So will you stay?" Sonny said, before Brice's calm tone came from across the room.  
"It wouldn't need to be permanent. If you ever felt uncomfortable you could leave at any time." I did another sweep with my eyes. Sonny and Alvar's gazes were both filled with desperate anticipation; Sonny was almost bouncing on the spot. Brice looked calm as he smiled at me and winked, Oscar's eyes didn't meet mine though.  
"Ok, I guess I could stay, for a while." Alvar jumped once and pulled me into a hug. With one long stride Oscar moved from Brice's side and pulled Sonny to his feet before storming through the door he'd been blocking.  
"He's mad." Sonny wiped away his expression of both anger and shock with a shrug as he took my hand in his and dragged me to the kitchen.  
"Nah, ignore him. He's just weird. Time for Breakfast!"

Breakfast was the same as the day before. Mushy cereal that came from a tin with a plastic lid, and the milk was made from a powder and water combination. It wasn't as bad as it could have been. I sat talking with Brice, Sonny and Alvar all day. Brice commended me on my knowledge of vampire history, at which the two boys groaned, begging him not to start one of his long, factual rants. I felt quickly at ease in the house. Sonny gave me a grand tour, which lasted all of ten seconds. All there was was the living room/kitchen, the room that Alvar insisted was now to be referred to as _my _room, Sonny's room, and a bathroom. After a long bath I'd finally got some new clothes. The jeans were a pair of Sonny's and hung off me. Alvar's navy hoodie and was so drenched in his sweet scent I had to force myself to refrain from ducking through the head-hole so I could drown in the smell.

Dinner was battered fish with vegetables. It was delicious but I could taste the preservatives and tell it had been frozen for a while; it seemed nothing in this house was fresh.

That night I discovered Sonny's one true passion; movies. The TV in the living room had no reception so everything had to be a DVD or VHS, of which Sonny had a wide selection.

It was dark by the time Star Wars finished, (Sonny had almost passed out when I said I'd never seen it. Alvar had just hugged my shoulder and said "You're lucky. Sonny went through a phase when he was seven, these movies were never off!") The fire Brice had built was dying and I could see Sonny's eyes growing heavy. I was exhausted too and my weight had slowly begun to droop onto Alvar who was seated beside me when he straightened up suddenly.  
"I smell Oz!" Oscar hadn't returned all day, something that had made me more than a little anxious. I didn't want my presence to push him from his home.  
"Is that bad?" I was rubbing my eyes as I spoke but Brice and Alvar were already out of the front door, me and Sonny followed slowly.  
"Not really, it's just weird. See, Oz is so fast you don't get a chance to know he's coming." I remembered how he'd startled me the other morning. In the distance I heard voices so I stumbled through the front door beside Sonny. I'd never looked outside the cabin before, and even in the dark it was beautiful. There was nothing but a mass of trees visible for miles all around. The only thing that caught my eyes was a rickety looking building at the start of a dirt road about half a mile away.

As Al, Oz and Brice came closer to the hut I made out some irregular shapes around them.  
"What the heck is that?" Sonny was leaning forward over the railing of the elevated porch, his eyes squinted to try and see better what my eyes were already making out. Brice and Alvar both had huge rectangular shapes held over their heads. Alvar's was bending in the middle and its ends bounced a little as he moved. In Oscar's arms were large rolls wrapped in plastic. "Is that, is that a bed?" Sonny had finally become able to see in the moonlight. When he made out Brice's grin as he held the double, wooden bed frame over his head with ease, Sonny scoffed and murmured "Show-offs," before wandering back inside.

I followed them as they manoeuvred the huge bed and mattress into my room, whereas I thought they'd take it to Sonny's. Instead Sonny's little single bed was moved back upstairs and the new bed was put in its place.  
"Is this for me?" I couldn't help but gawk at it. It was oak, with intricate details carved at either end. Oscar just nodded slowly as he unwrapped the sheets and pillows from their plastic packaging. I felt warmth inside me from the gesture, and had to refrain from throwing my arms around Oz, I wasn't sure how he'd react if I did.  
"This is for her!?" Sonny was in the doorway pointing at the bed. "I knew it! I knew nobody would care about me now. It's how it always happens, when the new little sister arrives, everyone forgets the used-to-be-cute older brother!" We all laughed, even Oz stifled a snigger as the spread the duvet over the bed.  
"I'm sorry, Sonny. She's just too much cuter than you, but hey, thanks for getting her to stay bud." Sonny punched Alvar playfully once he'd finished his teasing.

After crawling into bed I teased Sonny about how comfortable it was as Brice pushed him up the stairs. I got a quick and sincere thank you in to Oscar before he slipped from my room, but all I got in return was a distant smile.

"He doesn't like me, does he?" Alvar was propped against the foot of the bed.

"Of course he does." He waved his hand over the extravagant gift Oz had been out all day getting for me. "It'll just take him time, longer than it's taken the rest of us." Already today I'd become so comfortable in this house, laughing and talking with Brice and Alvar as easily as I'd spoken with Sonny the night before. "Let me tell you something Smee,"  
"Oh, not you too. Just call me Nessie!" Al laughed as he came to kneel beside the bed.  
"Not gonna happen, Sonny's been pretty strict on the whole "Smee" thing. But anyway, what I was going to say is that it's just been the four of us for a long time. The way we found you was so dramatic that it's gonna take a while to get used to. I think Oz is just weirded out by the way we've all grown so attached to you so quickly, but that won't last forever. Once he trusts you, once he sees how happy you make Sonny, how happy you make all of us, he'll come round. And once he does," Al's gaze drifted from me, and I immediately missed it, his eyes had a strange hold over me. "Let's just say that once you're important to Oz, nobody will ever hurt you, he'll protect you from anything, do anything to make you safe." I nodded slowly, remembering how Oz had saved his baby brother's life. "Goodnight Smee." I rolled my eyes, figuring I was just going to have to learn to deal with the nickname.  
"Night Al." He gave my hand a squeeze and was gone, and I'd decided. I couldn't tell them about Victor. I couldn't risk ruining all this.

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**The name for this chapter is a quote from my favourite movie of all time, Lost Boys.  
I figured the whole, joining a vampire gang thing was kinda relevant to this chapter.  
Next chappy will be back to a Cullen, a pretty blonde on to be precise.**


	17. The Princess Prison

**Ok, so Brittany called my bluff on my little A/N at the end of last chapter.  
So, here's the SECOND prettiest blonde Cullen, (after the Jazziness.)  
It's a Hale qualification I think, you don't get to be one unless you're blonde and gorgeous.**

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**Interlude: The Princess Prison**

**Rosalie**

For a minute I just stared at where my fist had pushed through the mirror; pulverizing the glass into a thousand razor-sharp pieces, none of which managed to scratch through my marble skin. Through the shattered glass I could make out my reflection; the beauty of which no longer offered me any joy or consolation.

A hand came to my shoulder and another fell on my elbow, pulling my wrist from the fissure it had created in the mirror.

"Feel better?" I took a deep breath. Whatever happened, I'd sworn to myself I would never take it out on Emmett, he deserved so much better than that.

"She's not here."

"I know babe, but we got here pretty fast. She might come." I'd give anything to have his optimism, but instead I had this paralyzing fear and crushing anger. I knew Emmett was angry too, but he always managed to store his aggression away; saving it for when it was necessary, when the deserving person was around for it to be unleashed on. I'd have to wait until then too. I'd have to wait until the person who'd taken Renesmee was within my grasp, then I'm pretty sure I'll have to fight Emmett to be the one to rip them apart first.

Once Bella stumbled back with that worn piece of paper between her fingers, everything changed. Once I'd read those disgusting words, those lies, I wasn't hanging around. My Nessie wouldn't leave, and it made me sick to my stomach that everyone else stood frozen in shock after they read it, instead of running straight back out to find her.

I didn't hang around to watch them all fall apart, I refused to accept she was really gone.

Emmett and I had returned to the Forks house. The building and its inside was unkempt as we hadn't been back since we left years ago and some pieces of furniture still remained; this place would never be sold, its sentimental value to us was colossal. We'd checked the cottage first, and I swallowed down my sobs when the building resurrected old memories. I did the same as I swept through the big house until I came to the largest bathroom on the first floor, the room Jasper and Emmett had called "The Princess Prison" due to the long hours Alice and I would spend inside playing with Renesmee's hair and dressing her in the dresses that accentuated the youth we adored so much. My desperation had bubbled up, sending my fist into the mirror when I remembered one particular day.

{--}

I was running my hand through Renesmee's gloriously curly, bronze hair. She was just shy of her first birthday as she stood on a stool before the sink, making faces in the mirror. As Alice floated around her, adjusting at her red dress, I tied crimson bows into her curls and watched her reflection adoringly. She inflated her chubby little cheeks and wrinkled her nose and giggled when I copied her.

"What are you two laughing at?" Alice popped up at the side of my reflection and feigned a gasp when she saw Renesmee's face. "Renesmee Carlie Cullen, are you pulling faces?" Her giggle was so glorious that I could almost swear it sent a jolt of electricity through my heart.

"Rosie was doing it too!"

"I sincerely doubt she was Princess, Rose is far too ladylike to be pulling faces." One of the many gifts Renesmee had bestowed on me was my new closeness to my sister. We'd never shared such a bond as the one we had now.

"She was, I'll show you!" Renessme lifted to her tiptoes as she squeaked her words, raising her pudgy little palm to Alice's forehead. After the vision passed Alice gasped and Nessie giggled.

"She _was_ making faces!"

"I was not!" Nessie giggled as I clamped my hand on my waist in protest.

"You were Rose, they were like this!" Renesmee's high-pitched laughter echoed through the bathroom as Alice's tongue poked from her lips and she pushed her eyebrows into a dramatic frown.

"Oh no, Alice. It was like this." Nessie laughed harder when my bottom teeth pushed forward and my eyes crossed.

"Princess Renesmee!" Nessie bounced up and down on the stool and clapped her hands together when she heard her Uncles voices through the door.

"Emmy and Jazz, Emmy and Jazz!"

"We've come to rescue you from your torture, baby girl!"

"It's not torture Jasper, we're beautifying her!" As she spoke Alice ran a lock of Nessie's hair through her fingers.

"How dare you Alice Cullen! My Renesmee needs no beautifying, she's perfect already!" Emmett's voice boomed through the door, causing Nessie to giggle louder and bounce higher. When I feared she'd leap from the stool completely I swept her into my arms and buried my face into her neck, spinning her around.

"You can't have her Emmett, she's ours!" Nessie's body shook in my arms as I tickled her stomach and she squeaked a few sounds as her laughter took her breath away.

"Oh no Sir Jazzalot, the witches in there are torturing our princess!" Behind me I heard Alice giggle.

"We must save her Lord Emmathur!"

When the bathroom door swung open Alice screamed, diving into Jasper's arms and pretending to claw at his face whilst Emmett cornered me and Renesmee, who was giggling and screaming at Alice in my arms with one hand outstretched to Emmett.

"Come here Emmy, come."

"Seriously kid, _Emmy. _You gotta stop that." She giggled again as she took his hand, pulling him towards us as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. She placed one hand on both of our cheeks and looked us both over with her big, brown eyes.

"_My _Emmy and Rosie!" Emmett chuckled and ruffled her hair gently.

"_Our _Princess Renesmee!"

{--}

Emmett's arms came around me as I stood before the broken mirror, the same mirror that had once reflected that happy day and mirrored Renesmee as she pulled her faces. Now I had destroyed it.

Now our Princess really did need rescuing.

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**Just a short little Cullen fix for those of you having withdrawals.  
As Brittany would say this Chapter came from "action fingers", in other words I put my fingers on the keyboard and that's what fell out.  
****Ok, I'll be updating as much as poss now before I go away for a couple of weeks and won't be updating at all.  
Would you guys rather I left you on a cliffhanger or no?  
**


	18. Self

**CHAPTER RE-POSTED DUE TO GOOF THAT KEPT BUGGING ME - THANKS NICOLEV**

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I've been reading a lot of fics lately, and I've been finding it difficult to remember what happens in each when they get updated, so to save you guys from that I'm gonna start little recaps of what needs to be remembered for each chapter. I know a lot of you don't want a cliffy before I go away, but that's now in the hands of lady fate, and whether madam Creativity hands me another bout of writer's block like the one that's plagued me all week. ****The spacing in this chapter got completely chewed up by the Document manager, but I left the conversation-heavy parts thick to make it easier.  
I hope you all nominate in the Twi-Fi awards. I filled in my form this morning and some of my nominees are readers of this story ;) The link is on my profile page and nominating is easy.**

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Previously:**** -Ness keeps having nightmares about Cullens, Volturi, Cora and Victor. - Oz and Al killed Francesca after she threatened them. **

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_"Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience." Calvin & Hobbes, hell yeah._

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Chapter Fifteen: Self**

My nice new bed didn't keep away the nightmares.

It was getting light outside by the time I was thrown awake by the latest creation of my mind. In this one Cora hadn't attacked, she'd been _my _Cora, and she came to save me. But then Victor found us, and his glowing eyes and menacing grin were enough to send me gasping awake.

When I opened my bedroom door after a few hours of just lying as sleep eluded me the first thing I saw was Oscar in the armchair that faced my room.

He smiled as I dropped on the couch and squirmed to check the clock on the VCR. It's flashing green numbers read 8:21. Oz watched my eyes before smirking.

"Yup, at least another two hours 'til sleeping beauty makes an appearance." I laughed as he waved his hand in the direction of Sonny's room. It was now apparent his early morning protest yesterday really was a one off. A less than comfortable silence fell over us, spawned from the fact Oz was the only person in the house I didn't feel at home around yet.

"Where are Al and Brice?"

"Hunting."

"Right." The topic had been raised, so I finally decided to ask the question that had been bugging me since I got here. "Does it ever get, y'know, hard?" I flicked my hand in the direction of Sonny's room when I couldn't find the words.

"You mean am I ever tempted to kill my little brother?" I couldn't help but sigh at his bluntness; he could have phrased it a little nicer.

"Well when you put it like that, of course it sounds ridiculous."

"To be honest, no, it's never been hard. I've never felt any temptation because I've never felt that pain of the thirst, Brice has always taken it away. Sonny still smells good, so do you, but that scent never manages to become appetizing because I don't feel the draw, and the thought is just …. Wrong." His body shuddered slightly as I saw him consider the thought of tasting his little brother's blood.

"Then what's it like for Brice, having to handle his own thirst as well as yours and Al's?"

"He's fine with it." Though Oscar appeared satisfied with his answer, I wasn't, and I couldn't help but meet his shrug with a raised eyebrow; I'd probably have to ask Brice for myself.

"I'm sorry, by the way." He'd broken the new silence with his low words and I could tell he'd struggled to get them out.

"For what?"

"When you first came here I, well I wasn't very nice to you." I shrugged and pulled my knees to my chest.

"It's okay. I understand, you were just protecting your family."

Alvar and Brice returned just as I came down from my shower. At that point I noticed the three of them started talking suspiciously loud, I only figured out why when the ruckus stirred Sonny, who slunk from his room with his eyes barely open and an extreme case of bed-head.

After a predictable breakfast over which I entertained myself, and everyone else, by using my gift to project random images to Sonny, who would each time collapse in a childlike fit of laughter at the sensations, he took a quick shower before diving onto Oz's back and whooping his way out of the front door. When Alvar and Brice laughed and followed I sat for a minute looking around the cabin.

It was strange how quickly this place had become home. I already loved how cosy it was; I figured I had to consider it cosy otherwise I'd just go a little crazy over how it was just really small. Outside I could hear the boys yelling and laughing and felt overcome with the need to take care of them, just like they took care of me.

I started by stripping Sonny's bed and throwing the sheets in the washing machine. I only knew how to use it because Sue had taught me once, the Cullen's never washed things, just replaced them. Everything else was already clean, including the clothes I'd come here wearing, I'd put my shorts back on but wore a t-shirt of Sonny's. I sighed as I searched the house for something else of use to do. After cleaning the windows and making sure everything in the kitchen was perfect, I was stumped, it seemed what little else was created to do got done whilst Sonny and I slept.

When I strolled out onto the porch I stopped to watch the playful commotion in the little clearing ahead. The four men were tangled in a mass of limbs, rolling and moving as they fought against each other. Involuntarily I sucked air through my gritted teeth as I saw that Sonny lay at the very bottom of the pile, clawing his hand out towards a small ball lying in the grass a few feet away. He was laughing as he slugged his brothers who were fighting with each other to reach the ball too, I couldn't help but smile as I knew it was all for effect, if any one of them had really wanted to, they could have thrown Sonny out of the way and had that ball in less than a second.

I sat on the steps of the porch and watched as they slowly unravelled themselves, still laughing and grunting at each other in insincere frustration. Sonny ducked quickly and grabbed the ball, throwing it high into the trees. I saw Oz roll his eyes at his brother, then he was gone. I couldn't help but let my mouth slacken at the speed he'd disappeared, I'd never seen anyone, human, wolf or vampire, move _that _fast. When Oz reappeared his pace slowed but didn't stop as his body bent down and rocketed into Sonny's knees head first, sending him flying to the ground. My concerned gasp caught Brice's attention who chuckled and jogged to sit beside me as Alvar leapt into the new match of wrestling.

"How do they do that?" Brice chuckled again at my question as he saw me flinch when Sonny again found his place at the bottom of the pile of bodies. "Is that all you? Is that why he's not in any pain?"

"No, no, no. I could never allow him to be put in such danger, no. We've all just got very good at it over time. You have to remember Smee, we had to care for Sonny when he was only an infant. We now each have two states of self, one for Sonny, one for anything else." He noticed my head shake in disbelief when he spoke of them caring for baby Sonny, and smiled proudly.

"That's pretty incredible."

"It is. Alvar was first. When Oz was changing I was too much in a trance, taking his pain away to help. Al had to hold him as he cried; he had to be so careful. The same pretty much went for a whole year. Oscar was too strong to touch something so small, and I was in a constant struggle controlling the pain of his thirst, so neither of us was very safe for poor Sonny, so it all fell to Alvar." I couldn't help but smirk in disbelief as Al rolled atop Sonny, pinning his arm in his like a vice. I decided to ask the question Oz had just shrugged off so lightly this morning.

"Is it ever hard, controlling all of their burning?"

"Not anymore. I think I've just grown accustomed to it, it actually feels strange when it goes away, like something is missing."

"What do you mean, when it goes away?" Brice chuckled, and when he spoke his voice was an almost inaudible murmur.

"My, my, you don't miss a thing, do you Smee? I'm not _always _controlling their thirst, sometimes I can't, I'm too far away." I matched Brice's tone, which was low enough that not even Al and Oz could hear.

"But this morning Oz told me you always take it away." Brice tilted his head to me, a satisfied grin on his face.

"What I'm about to tell you Smee, I've never told another soul, I've never even said it aloud, but you can keep a secret?" I nodded and leaned closer. "It's a placebo effect. The boys don't know I can't control it when they are of a certain distance from me." I nodded slowly, half in disbelief. From my one, brief experience of the thirst and its resulting frenzy, I doubted any trick of the mind could shield me from it. "But over time I've come to believe it's more than just an illusion. I think it may just be part of my ability that means the effects can stay with a person even without me. I just don't tell them that."

"But that's a lie?" Brice smiled at me, his eyes inclined for me to continue. "Al can see lies, shouldn't he know?" Brice leaned back, his voice returning to normal.

"Our little lie detector works on conditions. You have to tell him a direct untruth for him to see. But if you just, beat around the bush a little bit, never commit to a complete falsehood, he'll never know."

"I suppose you're very good at that then?" Brice laughed, nodding as the boys approached the steps.

"We all are. Apart from Sonny, Sonny's an awful liar."

"I am not!" Sonny stated, as he slid down to sit beside me, leaning his weight on me, breathless from his exercise with his brothers.

{--}

Life started to follow a very easy pattern. I'd wake up in the morning, or in the middle of the night, depending on the mood of my dreams, then I'd usually take a long shower and talk to whoever was around before Sonny woke up. I'd had to fight to be able to do anything around the house, Al, Oz and Brice insisted they didn't mind doing it all, it gave them something to do. The one thing I took hold of was the food. Once I'd hammered home it was more my area of expertise than theirs, I was allowed to be in control of the kitchen. Despite the fact it was the same stupid cereal every morning, I felt a swelling pride over my new position; I'd never had any real responsibility for anything in my life. I'd always been catered for in my every need, but now I felt that I, in some part, had my own little duty, something to take care of. Most days were spent outside. We'd play games, climb trees and race, doing little things that made hours pass like minutes. At night Brice would build a big fire and we'd all sit and watch one of Sonny's movies. Depending on his mood he'd either allow all our attentions to wander into conversation, or snap at us all to be quiet and watch. Then we'd both slink off to bed, and the nightmares would come for me.

I'd been in the cabin for just over two weeks. I was sprawled across one of the couches with a well worn copy of _On The Road _before me, listening to Sonny yelling something incomprehensible from outside when the front door blew open.  
"Come on, I'm taking you out." Al grinned as he threw the book on to the armchair and lifted me to my feet.  
"Uh … Out where?" I still got a little speechless when I was around him, and sometimes I was sure he noticed.  
"You'll see." As I followed him outside, Sonny's cries became clear.  
"I hate you Oscar!" Oz didn't seem too bothered by his brother's declaration, instead he just stood at the foot of a tree, looking up and laughing. I followed his gaze into the branches, where I saw Sonny, perched helplessly high.  
"Smee, please come get me down!" I was about to leap into a climb when Al's arms trapped my shoulders and he whispered in my ear.  
"No, let Oz have his fun." My eyes rolled as Oscar shot me a smug wink, and yelled my apology to Sonny before Alvar pulled me through the trees, towards the rickety building I'd never asked about.

The metal door creaked and complained as Al lifted it open, and the smell of the inside hit me hard. It smelled of damp and dust, and it felt like the thick scent was clogging my airways. Al saw me flinch and chuckled,  
"Yeah, it can smell pretty brutal in here." The other scent, one of the least strong ones was the hardest. It smelled of oil and metal; car parts. I ground my teeth together and stood stone still for a second, blocking out any memories of the Cullen's garage, and especially the one at Billy Black's house.

A Land Rover stood in the dark, wedged between piles of junk that lined each wall. It was a classic model, not one of the flashy, excessive ones I was used to. It was deep green with a thick, black bull bar. For a second I closed my eyes and prayed Al wasn't a completer car-nut.

Turns out he wasn't. But he Brice and Oz had fixed the tank-like car up so that it could manage the dirt road that lead away from the cabin without falling apart.  
"This road wasn't even here when we first moved to the cabin. It took less than a day for Oz to clear it though."  
"Figures." I heard him laugh low and short under his breath before he murmured.  
"Uh-oh, someone's starting to sound an awful lot like Sonny."

For a while we sat in silence as I watched the forest rush by the window. The silence was comfortable, not like when I sat in silence with Oz, then I always felt awkward for some reason. With Brice silences were peaceful, thought-provoking, and Sonny just never shut up long enough to know what silence was.

"Smee, who the hell are you?" I twisted quickly round in my seat to face Al's calm expression.  
"What?"  
"Who the hell are you?" He asked the question like he was inquiring about my opinion over the weather; calm and casual with that annoyingly perfect one-sided grin of his. His eyes swept to me and his smile widened when he took in my look of complete shock. "I mean, I know all of _what _you are, but not who you are. I don't know where you're from, what drove you from that place, or how the hell you ended up with ….her." I noticed how he shifted uncomfortably when he finished, the amusement draining from his face.  
"You mean Francesca?" He squirmed again, his eyes darted around a little before skimming me quickly.  
"Yeah." I felt my eyes narrow as I took a second to analyse his reaction to something _he _had brought up. He sat quiet, waiting for me to speak but not pushing me to say anything.  
"You don't like talking about her?" He forced a smile and let his body relax a little, but I noticed his grip on the steering wheel tighten.  
"Observation or question?"  
"Observation, but with an open opportunity for you to respond in whatever way." He smiled a little and his back slouched further into the seat.  
"No, I don't like talking about her. Or even thinking about her. She was, she wasn't very nice." I grunted and threw my head back.  
"You have no idea." I left my head back on the seat and closed my eyes, glad the conversation hadn't lingered on me.  
"But I killed her." My eyes flew open and I rolled my head to face Al, who was slumped further back in the seat as he stared out the windscreen.  
"Oz killed her."  
"But I helped. I was part of it." A painful twinge crept through me as I took in his sad, beautiful face.  
"You feel guilty?" He took a deep, shaky breath before turning to me slowly.  
"Question?"  
"Yes" He shifted his grip on the wheel before nodding slowly. Francesca's death was something I'd barely given a second thought, which I now realised was very wrong. "Well you shouldn't." He shrugged unconvinced so I snatched his right hand from the steering wheel taking it in mine. "Al, she could have hurt you. And Brice and Oz, and Sonny. What you did, you did to protect your family." He turned to me and I was glad the car slowed; vampire or not, driving down this road with one hand without looking; not smart.  
"And you. It was to protect you too." I let his hand drop and threw back into my seat, despising myself entirely.  
"I've never thanked you for that have I?"  
"You don't need to."  
"Yes I do. For everything. You've all taken me into your home, fed me, clothed me, you pretty much saved my life. You let me join your family and I've never even thanked you."  
"Like I said, you don't need to."  
"Well I'm saying it anyway. Thank you Alvar." He smiled and gave my shoulder a gentle shove. "Now where the hell are we going?"  
"Bigfork"  
"Big-_what?_"  
"Bigfork. It's the closest town to the cabin there is." I dropped further into my chair and smirked. Little Forks to Bigfork; stupid irony.  
"Oh and Smee?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Don't think I'm letting you off the hook on the whole, who are you question, it's a long drive there, and a long drive back."  
After around twenty minutes the road turned into one of a little more common standard.  
"You live pretty secluded don't you."  
"Yes, _we _do, don't we." I smiled when he forced the 'we', exaggerating my inclusion in the statement.  
"So, what's in Bigfork?"  
"Whatever you need. Well, not _whatever _you need, this isn't some everything-in-reach city, but it should do."

After an argument about giving me money which lasted almost thirty minutes once we'd arrived, Al shoved a few notes in my pocket and forced me playfully out of the car. It felt strange roving the town alone, and it wasn't until I'd thoroughly taken advantage of a couple of clothes stores, that the women in the drug store looked at me like an alien when I asked her a sudden question.  
"Excuse me, where exactly am I?" She looked both shocked and concerned, as well as maybe a little scared. I'd blurted out the question as quickly as it had come to me, and now wished I'd just waited to ask Al.  
"You're in Bigfork, Montana sweetie."  
"Montana?" She'd shown me a map and pointed to our location. I was shocked to say the least, after so many months away I figured I'd be way further from Juneau.

"You all done?" Alvar smiled back at me as I piled my bags into the back seat.  
"Pfft, no. We need food."  
"Ok, I'll wait here." He turned back in his seat and switched the radio back on, closing his eyes and not opening them when I came round and opened his door.  
"No, you're coming with me."  
"Can't. Sun"  
"What? It's not even sunny. If it was do you think I'd be out here?"  
"Probably, all you do is shine a little bit."  
"Well, excuse me for not looking like I took a sled ride down a diamond mine, now get out of the car."  
"Why?"  
"Because."  
"Oh well, can't argue with _that _now, can I?"

After dragging an unenthusiastic Alvar around the store and packing the food that needed to stay cold in a cooler with lots of ice, we set off for home.  
"How come there's never any _normal _food in the cabin?"  
"Smee, I live on a diet of animal blood. You're gonna have to help me with your definition of normal."  
"I mean like, what's with all the survival food? You expecting nuclear fallout or something?"  
"No. We just don't shop a lot. But I now your in charge, I see that's all changing." He flicked his head back in the direction of the bags of food. "That's all so colourful and foody and … eugh." I laughed as he grimaced and shivered.  
"So who normally did the shopping?"  
"Brice usually liked Oz to go, 'cos he was fastest. I'm not sure why that made a difference." I think I was. Maybe even Brice doubted the power of his 'placebo effect' if Oscar was around people without him for too long. "But now it's your job, Congratulations."  
"Well, it's gonna need to be like a weekly thing. So you're gonna have to drive me."  
"You can't drive? You can't run?"  
"No, I can't drive, nobody ever taught me. And no, I couldn't run that far and carry all the stuff back."  
"What kind of vampire are you?"  
"A half of one, on a human diet."  
"Why is that, the diet thing? You just prefer it?"  
"Kinda. But the last time I went on a blood diet, it didn't turn out so good. I do miss the hunt though, the chase was always my favourite part, and the benefits too; the strength, the speed."  
"So, why don't you do both?" I rolled my head towards him and frowned enquiringly. "Have both, food and blood. Balance out your two sides."  
"That's actually a really good idea. You know it's funny, I grew up with a vampire who was a doctor, and he never even suggested that to me." I felt as my teeth slammed together, did I really just say that? The way Alvar rolled his eyes to me, a slow, smug smile creeping across his lips told me yeah, I did.  
"And that brings us neatly back to our little topic from earlier; who you are." I sunk deeper into my seat and pressed my arms firmly across my chest. "You don't want me to know do you?" I lowered my shield when I murmured my no, so he could feel the full force of my honesty. Al leaned closer a little before shaking his head slowly. "See, those are the worst kinds of lie, the ones people tell themselves."  
"I wasn't lying, I _don't _want to talk about it."  
"Smee, the expert in food in this car is you, the expert on lies is me, trust me. When you just said 'no', some little part of your brain told me the truth, and it's not because you don't want me to know about you. Wanna know what it is?" I sat in silence, staring out of the window, terrified of the truth. "It's because you're scared of 'that girl'. Whoever that is you're scared of becoming her, and you're scared of facing up to the things she did, and the things people did to her. So you hide your past away, so you can be your own girl. I'm not sure who 'that girl' is, but I bet you are." Stupid lie-detector. That's why I try not to think about them, even though it doesn't even hurt anymore. Because I'm trying not to be 'that girl'. That girl, I'm sure, is Renesmee Cullen. Who got hurt by everyone she loved and then abandoned them; yeah, I hate 'that girl.'

* * *

**Bigfork was actually a total coincidence as it was just the closest town to the area LiveMaps found for me for the boys to live in. Oh, and thanks to PenofPoison for agreeing _wholeheartedly, _that Alvar=Freddie from Skins (Best show ever). So if you wanna see what Al looks like Google ****Luke Pasqualino. You will not regret it. He is hot.**  
**Next chapter: I'll get it out as fast as I can as it'll have a cliffy and I don't wanna leave you all hangin for the whole time I'm away. **


	19. The Vampire and The Sleeping Girl

**REEECAP: **-Alvar suggested Nessie try a diet of both Animal blood and human food. - She learned that Victor had intended to find Brice and Alvar and kill them in revenge for an age-old dispute.  
Though Victor came close to finding them and possibly killing Brice and Al, as well as Sonny and Oz, she never told them as she was scared it would affect her relationship with them all.

* * *

_"Dreams are the answers to questions that we haven't yet figured out how to ask."_

_Fox Mulder. (Nessie's question; What if not telling them was a bad idea, what if Victor finds them?)_

**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: The Vampire and the Sleeping Girl**

My body crouched low. I held my breath as though my already rapid heartbeat would give me away. I inhaled the scent deeply and silently and let my body lean in the right direction, my muscles clenching in predatory preparation, waiting to pounce. I shifted slightly, getting my footing perfect and the movement rustled a branch beside me causing his body to shudder into a cautionary stance.

There would be no chase, not this time. This would be sleek and fast, over in the blink of an eye. As my body leapt forward he shifted, but my body collided with his before he could go anywhere. We rolled once before my teeth sunk into his flesh and the hot liquid filled my mouth.

Elk was not something I enjoyed. It wasn't fast enough to be a thrilling chase, and this was the first time I'd seen one without a whole herd around it. But it was the first thing I'd caught the scent of.

When I was finished I stood up and composed myself before glancing up to the boys, each of which stared down at me from the high ledge they perched on with their mouths open in an O-shape. As though rehearsed they passed down the line passing comment in order, Al started before Brice responded quickly, then Oz, each of them maintaining their look of complete shock.

"Well that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen."

"I concur."

"Yup." Once Oz had popped the "p", my eyes fell on Sonny, whose look of shock had been replaced with one of light-hearted disgust.

"That was gross, Smee. Seriously nasty." I laughed as I began my ascent up the side towards them, using the many weeds and roots to assist in the climb that already felt easier given my large snack. Before I reached the top Oz swung himself over the edge until he his face hung inches from mine. I sighed when he looked me over in uncertainty. It had been me who'd voiced concern over letting Sonny on my first hunt, but Oz had insisted if my frenzy turned onto his brother, there was no way I was getting past him.

"You done?" I climbed past Oz and leapt onto the ledge when I felt his examining of my mood was getting tedious. He leapt behind me and laughed.

"Well, you already seem to have a new spring in your step." Oz dropped himself to the floor beside his brothers.

"Yeah, how do you feel?" As Brice questioned me I took a few long strides backwards away from them. I watched as Alvar scrutinized me, his eyes furrowed at my actions.

"I feel … I feel…" I stepped further away, until I would have had to raise my voice for Sonny to hear me, but I knew a smug murmur was all the other three would need. "I feel fast." I heard Brice's jovial laugh as I tore through the woods. As the blood surged through me I felt a kick in my speed that pushed me to wind quickly through the trees as they skimmed by me. The clearing and the cabin came into my view and I raced towards it. I felt hands at my waist as my body was flung backwards. When I landed in a crouch I looked up to see Alvar smirking down at me, ready to run but I took his ankle in my grip and pulled it from beneath him, jumping over his now horizontal body and starting my run again.

He caught me again as I took the stairs of the porch in one leap, coiling his arm around me and lifting me behind him as he zapped through the front door and landed in a heap on the living room floor with me on top of him.

"I won, I won, I won!" I pressed my hand against his mouth as I laughed.

"No you didn't you cheated, I won!" He shook his head quickly and tickled my sides sending me into a fit of laughter.

"Neither of you won, losers." We both looked up to the couch where Oz lay as though he'd been there hours, with a satisfied grin across his face.

Brice came through the door with Sonny on his back, who leapt off quickly and lifted me from Alvar.

"Smee, I'm starving. Can _we_ eat something without a pulse now?" Sonny had to be forcefully extracted from the kitchen when Al and I came home from Bigfork. He wanted to try all the exciting new foods I'd got him, but the boys wanted to see me hunt.

{--}

Food felt weird so soon after the elk, it was like I had to battle with my body to accept it. Everything tasted better though and it made me feel fully satisfied, not thirsty like before. It was as though the blood fuelled my vampire side, feeding its benefits, whereas the food kept that side in check, balancing it out with my human nature.

It was dark by the time Sonny and I had finished stuffing ourselves and I rolled onto the couch as Sonny put in the movie for the night.

"What are we watching, Sonny?" He crawled across the floor and climbed beside me, lifting the cushion my head was on so he could sit then putting it gently back down on his lap.

"Underworld."

"Hell yeah. We're gonna watch Kate Beckinsale kick werewolf ass." Oz grinned as I groaned, Oscar really hated werewolves. Sonny had told me he and Brice had run into two of the few remaining Children of the Moon during his newborn year, and though it wasn't a full moon and they were in human form, the meeting was far from friendly.

The movie played with little focus from anybody but Oz, I just watched him as he reacted to it like Charlie used to react to games on TV, grunting and celebrating at certain parts. When it was over Sonny yawned and rolled his head back.

"What are we watching tomorrow Sonny?" I saw him contemplate for a minute, until he snapped his head back and let it hover over mine.

"Hook."

"What?"

"Y'know, Hook. Like Captain Hook, as in your boss, eh Smee?"

"Oh, right, Peter Pan. Damn Sonny, you sure are hilarious." Alvar and Brice chuckled as I held my stomach in fake laughter.

"Actually Smee, I see you more of a Captain Hook than his loveable right hand man. You can be a little bossy." Sonny gasped jokingly at Al and I jabbed him with my foot.

"Al, what a shocking thing to say. I'd never believe it." I rolled my eyes at Sonny's insincere tone and Oz laughed.

"Oh yeah! You should have seen the way she dragged me out of the car to go shopping with her today. A real Captain Hook I'd say." Al grinned at me as he spoke and I sat up.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, my turn to be teased, I get it. Mind if I go to bed and let you guys continue?" As I got to my feet Al leapt onto the couch and pulled me back down beside him.

"We're just playing, Hook, I mean Smee." I sighed and dropped my head back into Sonny's lap, throwing my legs across Alvar's.

"Well, if you ask me, I'd say that if I was anyone I'd be Wendy, and you are all my little lost boys." I reached up to ruffle Sonny's hair as I cooed. "Yeah, you're all my lost boys, and I'm your Wendy." I looked round them all and smiled before Sonny's body leapt a little beneath my head.

"Let's watch The Lost Boys!" I groaned and rolled to my feet, far too exhausted to stare at the TV anymore tonight. By the time I reached my bedroom door a debate had started over the stereotyping of vampires that movie contained.

"Holy water, I mean I've faced some terrifying foes in my time, but _water_? Who on earth thought that up?" Brice kept his relaxed position as he voiced the thought that made Oz nod firmly beside him.

"And wooden stakes? As if a little wooden stick could get through me!" Sonny roared with laughter as Alvar shouted, jumping to his feet and banging his chest with his fist. I called goodnight before shrinking into my room, taking one last look at my lost boys before I shut the door.

{--}

"_Sonny?" _

_He was unresponsive to my call. He just stayed slumped on the ground, sobbing and shaking desperately the three, mangled bodies that lay around him. I took a step closer. The Cullen house stood quiet behind him, no screams leaked from it, just haunting silence. There were no lights in the windows, so everything was difficult to distinguish._

_"Sonny?" I came to kneel before him, and looked down into the three faces his tear-soaked eyes were focused on. Beside him Oscar and Brice's eyes were closed, they're faces still and they're bodies broken. In Sonny's lap he held Alvar, who's eyes remained open only slightly as I crawled closer. His irises weren't gold anymore, they were grey, they were human. His eyelids drooped and I brought my hand to his cheek to bring his glance to me. Alvar's breathing was slow and heavy, his final words barely audible over Sonny's cries. Though the words were low, his eyes said it all as they locked with mine. He looked at me in fear and hatred,_

"_This was your fault."_

{--}_  
_

I shrieked twice, once as my dream sent me awake, and then again when the golden eyes that met mine when they shot open sent a start through my body.

"It's okay, it's just me. I'm sorry." My breathing was a shaky pant and my body quivered all over. I sat up and dropped my head onto Alvar's shoulder, breathing deep. It was okay, it was just a dream, everything was fine.

As Alvar wrapped me in a comforting embrace I listened to the sounds coming from the other side of the wooden wall as always, to check if I'd woke Sonny. His breathing hitched once before returning to its relaxed pace. As I breathed deep to steady myself I took in the comforting scents around me. I caught the smell of the dying fire in the living room, the fresh forest air that leaked through my window, the remnant odour of mine and Sonny's dinner, and I took in the smell of Alvar as my face buried in his neck. He was okay, it was just a dream and he was okay.

My shaking stopped, my breathing levelled and the soothing strokes Alvar was running up and down my back slowed.

"Are you alright?" I nodded and it was the truth. I felt so safe with him, and in this home. The only thing that could hurt me now would be him or the others being hurt, and they were all fine, so I was fine. "Lie down, Smee. You need more sleep." I complied, letting my head drop lazily onto the pillow.

"I won't sleep again. I never can once a dream wakes me up." Alvar remained sitting by my legs and I scooted them over when he pulled his knees up and sat cross legged beside me.

"These dreams, they really do torture you don't they?" He ran a hand across my forehead as though checking my temperature before bringing it to rest on my cheek. I felt dizzy at this touch, and laughed. "What's funny?"

"A vampire cold-compress."

"What?" I peeked one eye open after letting them drift shut, Al stared at me in a confused amusement.

"When you first brought me here, when I woke up my head hurt so bad. It was horrible, but then you came and you put your hand on my forehead, and it made it so much better. So, I thought of you like a vampire cold-compress." He chuckled and the sounds made me smile stupidly wide.

"Well, I'm glad I helped. After all, it was my fault."

"Yes. If I recall correctly, which may be hard given the possibility of brain damage; you ran into me, sending my poor little skull into a jagged rock."

"I know, dya think holding my hand out and introducing myself would have been a better start or no?" I giggled loud, and clapped my hand over my mouth when I thought of waking Sonny. Alvar threw his legs to the floor and stood, and I felt my body flinch as I thought he was leaving, but instead he swooped down beside the bed and came to sit just at the side of me.

"You need to sleep."

"I can't."

"You can, you just were. And you've had a busy day."

"So have you." Alvar rolled his eyes and gave me a disappointed look.

"Are you really using that argument, seriously? Sonny used to use that when he was little and we'd make him go to bed. 'I'm not going to bed until _you _go to bed!'" Alvar's high-pitched impression of a young, stubborn Sonny sent another laugh from me that I stifled in my pillow.

"I can't sleep if you keep making me laugh."

"Well I'd rather see you laugh than having to hear you crying and screaming night after night." His hand returned to my cheek and a look of pain washed over him. "Sleep, Smee. For me? Just so I know you're okay." I took his hand from my cheek and wrapped my arms around his, cuddling it and settling into my pillow.

There were no more nightmares that night.

{--}

A cold draft woke me and my bedroom door was wide open; which it never was. I propped myself up, and straight out of the door I saw Sonny, slumped in the armchair directly across the living room, looking at me apologetically.

"Sorry Smee, they made me do it." He held his hands up as I rolled myself out of bed, rubbing my eyes. I strolled over to the kitchen, still half asleep, but well aware that Sonny' eyes didn't move off me. The front door was open too, which was where the draft was coming from, I went to shut it, but Sonny' hand met mine.

"Sorry, they told me I had to leave it open. So I could hear better with my "stupid human hearing", just in case." He made quotation marks with his hands and I turned back to the kitchen, not quite ready to play the boys' strange games just yet. I did a double take when I saw the time on the oven.

"Sonny, its Seven am!" He rubbed his eyes and slumped back into the armchair.

"I know right." All the doors in the house left open: Fine. Waking up to have someone watching my every move: Fine. Sonny awake before midday: Too strange! I stationed myself right before the armchair, planting my hands firmly on my hips.

"Sonny, what the hell is going on? Where is everybody?" Sonny bit his lip, and lifted his legs of the floor, wrapping his arms around them.

"I don't think I can tell you."

"_You don't think?_ Sonny, it's too early for this, just tell me." He took a deep breath, blowing it out through his pursed lips, sending his untamed morning hair floating above his forehead.

"Ok, so they caught this scent … in the woods, circling the house. And they're pretty sure it's one of the ones who had you before we found you. They went after it."

I was racing out of the door before he could finish. Victor. It had to be.

_Oh you stupid, stupid girl!! Why didn't you tell Brice about Victor? Now you've put them all in danger. _

Familiar pain filled my insides. The kind of pain I'd spent so long battling against. This was different though. This pain wasn't for something I'd lost, the tears that were working their way down my cheeks were out of fear for what I'd found. My new family, and the danger I was sure they were in.

I threw my bare feet into the forest floor, praying I would catch them in time.

* * *

**Ok, I leave Thursday morning (UK time), updating before then will be nigh on impossible.  
So, if you review then you can ask for a preview (no spoilers), or just ask what happens next (spoilers), or just ask for neither or little questions, it's up to you.  
Just let me know what you want when you review and I'll do my best to deliver, I'll reply to all reviews before I leave, then after that I'll be replying whenever I get the chance, (no rest for an addict)  
Otherwise, I'll see you in 2-3 weeks.**  
Love y'all!


	20. and Girls in White Dresses

I'm baaack! Wooh, this chapter was half written but after a hunka-lotta re-writing I've managed to post it before I've even unpacked.... well FF net is priority, duh!  
And some pretty nifty news, Wandering Star has been nominated for a TWIFI AWARD. How cool? I'm also nominated as an author and checked out some other nominees earlier, and was so happy with who else was up, so seriously guys, please vote, regardless of who for. The link will be on my page.  
Not much to say about this chapter, it's another little story like Sonny's bedtime one. Not much happens, but this chapter is necessary for all the things coming up (see bottom.)  
Enjoy, and it's good to be back!

* * *

**RECAP: **Ness ran away after Victor used his power to show her the history of her family, he described his power as seeing shadows and history. In the past Victor has attempted to kill Brice, Al, Oz and Sonny. And Al and Oz unknowingly killed his mate Francesca after she attacked them. Nessie knew Victor was the Victor Brice knew, but didn't tell them out of fear it would affect their relationship. Ness learned Victor, Cora and Francesca took her so they could trade her over to the Volturi.

**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Raindrops on Roses and Girls in White Dresses**

I almost tripped over my own feet when the smell hit me.

It wasn't possible. How could it be?

I didn't have time to stop and wonder so I kept running, still weaving through the trees as I pursued the boys, whose scents now seemed to intertwine with the new, impossible one.

Brice emerged quickly from the distance, outstretching his arms before he clamped them around me and pulled me backwards into a tight hug, hissing in my ear.

"It's alright Smee, everything is okay." I was about to tell him, about to confirm it was okay, that the smell carried on the morning breeze came from one who posed no physical threat to us, but then I saw them and the words froze in my throat.

Oz and Al emerged from the distance, their pace steady yet forceful as a barely distinguishable form hung between them.

They were dragging a body.

I began to squirm for release from Brice's grip, pushing forward towards the one whose arms were clamped unforgivingly in the hands of Alvar and Oscar.

Hardly walking, her long, dark hair hung over her face, and her white dress dragged across the forest floor each time her body dipped as the boys wrenched her along with them. I gasped as she lifted her head and smiled a small, desperate, relieved smile.

I thrashed violently in Brice's arms, but he didn't let me go.

"No Smee, it's under control." I didn't understand the pain in his voice, for some reason it sounded as though he would sob, as though what we were witnessing before us was causing him extreme grief. As I leapt forward again I saw his face, he stared behind me, not bringing himself to look at Alvar and Oscar, or what they held between them. I lunged forward again.

"Brice let me go!" He didn't, instead he lifted me in his grip and slid slowly to meet to boys. I clawed my hand forward to the one that now outstretched to me, desperate to touch it. Oscar snarled, pulling at the body he held aggressively and an equally uncompromising snarl rose through me, and I felt as Brice staggered slightly in shock from my response.

Her wrist stretched to me, and on it I made out a faint crescent, a scar. My body wriggled harder in Brice's grip as I screamed.

"You assholes bit her?!" Alvar looked me over in bewilderment and Oscar scoffed, yanking again at the arm he gripped.

"As if. I wouldn't touch the bitch." Behind me Brice seethed at Oscar's words the same time I did, causing Oz's black eyes to roll and his teeth to grit.

"Oscar, put her down, now!" A menacing grin spread across his lips at my words and he nodded slowly before releasing the arm and sending the body crashing to the floor.

I was free from Brice's grip and scrambled down beside the body.

"Cora?" She looked up and smiled, but it soon faded into a grimace as she began to sob.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie." She wrapped her arms around my neck and I pulled her to me. When Alvar and Oz growled and snapped forward behind her Brice slid between us quickly, laying a hand on each of the boy's chests.

"Enough. I've told you already, leave her." Alvar took a deep breath and nodded slowly, his black eyes didn't shift in their protective consumption of me. Oscar just snarled again.

"Brice, she's one of _them. _You should have let me tear her apart when we found her." Brice snarled again and slid forward, quickly bringing his face inches from Oscar's.

"You don't touch her. She is no threat to us, no threat to Smee. You don't touch her, do you understand me?" Oscar nodded slowly, glaring at Brice in his yield.

I rocked Cora in my arms as she sobbed, her hands wrapped though my hair and she repeated her apology over and over. I pulled back and took her face in my hands, discovering another bite mark at the base of her neck. I stood to lift her but Brice's hands came beneath mine, beckoning me to let him take her. I grunted and pulled her back to me, but Brice bowed his head slowly.

"Let me, Smee. We'll get her up to the cabin." Oscar took another quick step forward, but it was Alvar who snapped before him, holding him back.

"Over my dead bo-" Quick warning glances from Brice and I shut him up, and he made a huffing noise before disappearing in the direction of the cabin. Brice took Cora in his arms and I turned to follow him as he headed through the trees.

Alvar's fingers snapped through mine and I turned to him, his eyes begging me to explain. I had no words. No words could describe what I was feeling. Relief, fear, regret, anger. I watched as he searched for something to say, and I realised that with Cora here, with my bond with her now apparent, the truth would out, and they would know about Victor. I ran forward, throwing my arms around Alvar's neck and pulling him to me tightly. Slowly his arms wound round me too, and I whispered in his ear quickly before turning to run to the cabin.

"I'm sorry."

{--}

"Put her on my bed." Brice complied, and placed Cora atop my still-unmade bed with extreme care. When he turned to me I gave him a grateful smile before turning my attention back to Cora. Looking down on her now I felt the same nature that had drove me to take care of Brice, Al, Oz and Sonny go into overdrive. I pulled off her muddy, brown suede boots and covered her with the duvet, ignoring Alvar's frustrated sighs behind me. Brice remained beside me on the bed, his eyes fixed intently on Cora. Oscar swept in and I could hear Sonny stomping about in his room, just above mine. Oscar had put him on lockdown, protecting his brother from the outsider, just like he had when I first arrived.

Cora wrapped her fingers around one of my hands and brought it down to her chest,

"I'm so very sorry, Ness. I never wanted you to be hurt, I promise." Alvar and Oscar hissed from their corner of the room, but a quick glance from Brice silenced them. I could feel the tears rising from the ducts in my eyes as I perceived my former-protector, who now looked so broken and weak. I brought my spare hand to rest just below her ear, where her spread out hair revealed a third crescent shaped scar, just where her jaw line met her neck. I ran my fingers gently across it, it was just as faint as the others, but the sight of it sent a stabbing pain through my heart.

"Cora, who did this to you?" I didn't need to ask, I knew already. Cora's eyes squeezed shut and I brought my palm to rest against her cheek to send her a comforting thought.

_It's alright you're safe now; I'll take care of you. _I remembered that on occasion, Cora had probably said very similar words to me. The act of affection as I held her cheek in my hands, proved too much for Alvar and Oscar, both of whom now took a quick step towards the bed.

"Smee, what are you doing? She's one of _them._ She would have turned you over to the Volturi had we not found you." I grimaced at Al's words; Cora picked up on the expression and squeezed my hand tighter.

"I would never have let them hurt you, you understand?" I nodded, not quite sure if I did understand. My eyes fell back on the scar, and by breath hitched as I remembered Victor, and the fact I had kept him secret from the three men stationed around me. Time for the secret to out.

"Cora, did Victor do this to you?" I heard sharp gasps from behind me and Brice' eyes shifted from Cora to me, but mine fixed on hers as she nodded slowly. "I'm sorry Brice, I should have told you." He didn't flinch; his eyes just focused in on me a little before he took a deep breath.

"No. Don't be foolish, it cannot be the same person." My grip tightened on Cora's hand as his faith in me stabbed guilt into my heart. I turned my head slowly to Alvar, who watched me with curiosity. When I turned back to Cora I whispered slowly,

"The Victor we know, Cora, what can he see?" Her eyes narrowed cautiously, her incomplete understanding of the situation obvious as she murmured.

"He sees shadows. He sees the past." Before she had finished speaking Brice's whole body went stiff at my side, and Oscar stepped protectively in front of Alvar, hissing furiously.

"Smee, how could you do this? How could you put us all in danger?" Oscar's words seethed through his clenched teeth, his anger clear. I turned to meet his aggressive expression, his frame blocked out Alvar who he was still stood in front of. I looked back to Brice who still sat beside me.

"I'm so sorry, Brice." He nodded slowly, before standing quickly to face Oz.

"We should leave the two of them alone, come" He extended his arm and beckoned the boys towards the door, but neither moved. "_Come."_ His tone was hard; Oscar complied first, shooting Cora a threatening glance as he slid through the open door. Alvar's eyes met mine as he slunk slowly after him. I watched him desperately through my tears, but he looked so hurt that my hand tightened even harder around Cora's. Brice left after them, not looking up to either of us before he closed the door behind him.

{--}

I lifted my eyes to Cora, determined not to let her see how much their departure had hurt, I had to focus on her.

"Cora, what happened?" I didn't know exactly what I was asking, but any answer would be helpful.

"I never thought anything bad would happen to you, I swear. But I didn't have a choice, it was all Victor's plan, I had no choice." Her distress grew and I stroked my hand across her forehead, shushing her.

"You had a choice. Cora, they were never good for you, why did you stay with them?" She nodded slowly, taking her top lip between her teeth before she spoke.

"I always wanted to tell you, but I couldn't."

"Tell me what?"

"Everything, Ness. You should know it all."

She wriggled her body slightly, and focused her eyes on the distance, taking a deep breath before slowly telling her tale. "When I woke up, I was in a church." Her eyes were far away as she spoke, fixed on the past.

"All I could remember was the burning. It's still all I remember, I can recall it so vividly it's as if it still rages in my veins. I wanted to die the whole time, and I was terrified I was already dead, and that this was just what was to incinerate me for all eternity. When it stopped, my eyes flew open and I was in the church, a beautiful stone building. I was on my back, staring at the carvings that adorned the roof, and the beautiful stain glass windows, and I was wearing the most stunning white dress."

At this her fingers dug into the lace of the arm on the dress she wore now, so that's why it was always white? "I looked at the building from my position for a while; I was scared to move because the fire hadn't fully gone yet."

Her hand moved from her arm to her throat and she massaged it soothingly. "But _that _burning didn't go away. I remember getting to my feet, and being terrified at how fast it happened. I didn't know who I was, or where I was, but I knew that it was not ordinary to move so quickly. Then I saw them"

Her whole body shuddered and writhed a little beneath the sheets. "People, everywhere. Lots of them, dead. They were all sat in the benches, in the most beautiful and colourful clothes. I stood in my white gown, before the altar and looked at them all. I counted thirty. Men, women, children, all cold, all gone. I wanted to cry as I walked past them all, but I couldn't, and I hated myself for not being able to shed a tear for all those poor people. I moved through them, trying to remember their faces, but I couldn't. I slid from the church and just outside it there was a big fire. It had been extinguished, probably by the wind or the rain, but the smell around it was so strong it terrified me. It made me want to run away."

I remembered that feeling all too well. I remembered how the smell of Francesca's burning body had triggered my survival instincts. "It was then I realised I could smell things. There were three scents heading east, those three scents were of ones like me. I was ready to follow them, desperate for answers when I caught another scent. This one went south, it was the sweetest thing I have ever experienced. I followed it down from the hill the church was perched on, it was weak and old but I followed it. It lead me to a little stone cottage, the whole place was wrapped in the delicious scent that made the burning in my throat even stronger, so I could not resist. A window was open and I leapt through it. My whole body froze when I landed. There was a man, the most beautiful man, sat in a little armchair across from me, and he smelled so good. I stayed still, I was sure he would have seen me enter but he didn't flinch. His eyes were just fixed on this little piece of paper he had in his hands. I wanted to be closer to him, so I rose slowly. Still, he didn't see me. Even when I came to stand right beside him … he didn't see me. I peered over his shoulder, letting his scent intoxicate me as I took a look at the paper in his hands. It was a photo, brown and grainy as that was all technology could muster at the time. It was a photograph of a pretty young girl. Her hair was thick and dark and flowed freely past her shoulders. Her skin was like copper and her eyes were the most captivating emerald green. I watched as he wept over the photo, running his fingers over the face of the pretty, smiling girl. I pulled away when my body told me to do something very bad. I didn't want to kill him, but everything inside me was screaming for me to. I backed away from him, shrinking against the fireplace, and then I saw me. In a mirror across the room, I saw myself. I was the girl, the girl in the photograph. I was different, paler, stronger and my eyes were no longer green but the most unnatural shade of red. The man still stared at the little photograph, stroking it and mumbling. I leaned closer to make out his words, but it was difficult through his sobs. After a while they were easier to distinguish. _'Cora,my Cora.' _I stood before him and shouted, sure that I was Cora, I had to be. He didn't see me though, he never saw me, I was invisible. I shrank further from him, my body shaking as my insides fought over my want to kill him. I was so focused on his sad, beautiful face that when she entered, she shocked me. I wasn't prepared for her, I had no control."

Cora took a breath to regain herself as the sobs squeezed at her useless lungs. "I didn't know what I was doing until it was over, until she was dead. This little, old woman lay in my arms, and I had killed her. She was dressed in black, with a little white bonnet, and I have never forgotten her peaceful little face. I felt I knew her, as she lay in my arms I loved her. From behind me the man screamed. It was agonising to hear him, but he still could not see me, so I ran. I ran so far, Ness."

It was a shock to hear her address me; she had been so far away. Her eyebrows squeezed together and her nose wrinkled as another dry sob passed over her. After a few deep breaths she continued.

"I was invisible for a long time, and I was glad. I didn't want anyone to see me for the monster I was. I killed so many, I couldn't help it. I hated that they were all so helpless, I hated that I could approach them however I liked, because they could not see me. I held each of them after they died, begging for forgiveness, and wishing I could follow them."

Cora's gaze fell reassuringly on mine as my grip on her fingers tightened. "Being invisible is so horrible. I though that it was my punishment, that I was to be all alone because of all the things I had done. It only ended a few months before I met you."

A phantom smile spread across her lips, and she just shrugged at my shocked expression. "When I first saw Francesca, I knew straight away that she was like me. Her eyes were the same as mine, and _nobody _had eyes like me. I was so scared that I would be invisible to her too, and for a moment I was. She was with Victor; they'd just been running when she came to this sudden stop. I stopped too, just watching them. He kept pulling at her hand and asking what was wrong, but she just stared all around her, spinning as she searched for whatever had caught her attention. I was so disappointed when her gaze passed over me, again and again. Victor was still tugging at her, getting a little worried when she finally spoke. _'There's someone here.' _Victor froze, and so did I. I moved closer to her, hoping against hope the time had finally come for someone to see me."

"How did she know you were there?" My heart leapt when Cora released her hands from mine so that she could move them around when she spoke; I used to love how she did that.

"It was part of her gift. When a power was close, she could sense it. That sense then grew into understanding, until finally; she was able to use it herself. That's what happened to me; she focused in on my power, and used it. Victor's face was priceless when she disappeared!"

Cora giggled as she remembered. This both overjoyed and angered me. I was so glad she appeared happier, but so angry she could harbour anything but hatred for those two monsters. "Well, when _she_ disappeared, she came into Invisible Land." We both laughed at her phrase, and I was so glad that my Cora seemed to be resurfacing. "When she stared at me I leapt into her arms, which of course, she hated! After that she taught me how to control my gift, and I wasn't invisible anymore."

"But that doesn't explain why you stayed with them, Cora."

"I didn't want to be lonely anymore. And Victor kept telling me how useful my gift was."

Her eyes rolled as she remembered the uses her gift had been put to. "I was still tortured by my memories of the church, of the man, and the little old lady in the bonnet. And Victor promised …"

For a moment I thought the sobbing might return, instead Cora just wriggled a little beneath the sheets, her breath catching in what seemed more like anger than sadness. "He promised he'd tell me. He said that if I helped him find you, he'd tell me my story. I'm so sorry Nessie, I'm so sorry."

I'd buried my face into her neck, all forgiven. "After I found Francesca, I followed your trail. I had to run so fast to keep it though, it was fading so quickly."

I shrugged, stupid, fast Oz. "When I found this house, I saw you were safe, so I ran back. I made sure your tracks were all gone so that Victor would never find you, and then I waited. When he came back he tried to make me tell him, but I wouldn't. He told me if I didn't tell him where you were, he'd never tell me my history. I didn't care though; I didn't need a history, only to keep you safe." Her hand came to my cheek and she smiled gently.

"Cora, why didn't you disappear? Then he couldn't have hurt you." I traced the fourth discovered scar, one partly hidden by the white lacing of Cora's sleeve.

"His love was dead, Ness. I had to be there for him."

"Cora, please tell me you are not defending him, not now!"

"No, Ness, of course not. I did disappear, but I had to tell him first. Tell him I was sorry for Francesca, tell him I was grateful for him accepting me into his coven," Cora seized my chin in her hands is I threw my head back in frustration. "And I had to tell him, that if he ever came anywhere near you, I'd build him a fire twice the size of Francesca's, and watch as he burned on it."

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**Coming Soon: **Will Cora ever have to fulfill that promise? Also: Lakes, New Places, Old Faces, Kidnapping, A Hand In The Freezer, Overprotectiveness, Tree-Climbing, A Very Uncomfortable Car Ride, An 18th, True Love, Momma Issues, Harsh Words, Apple Pie, Violence, And A Road Trip .... To Washington .... To Forks.  
Any of that make any sense??


	21. Hands To Hold

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**RECAP: **For last chapter applicable to this.

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"I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother and I found all three. ~Author Unknown"

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Chapter Eighteen: Hands to Hold**

I stayed rolled up beside Cora, her arms wrapped tightly around me as we talked.

"I'm sorry if my coming here caused trouble. I can tell that they don't like me very much." She inclined her head to the door, behind which Oscar, Alvar and Brice had fallen silent. I sighed, shaking my head and pushing it onto Cora's shoulder.

"It's not that, I'm glad you're here. This is all my fault, not yours." I lifted my head a little to look into her dark eyes, I could tell it had been a while since she'd hunted. "They didn't hurt you did they? When they found you?"

"Not really. They just went a bit crazy when I said I wanted to see you. They seem very protective of you." There was that horrible guilt again. Cora wriggled slightly, scooting lower so her eyes were level with mine. "Who are they, Ness? Who was - who was the one who carried me in here?" Here eyes drifted to the door, before snapping back to me as I rubbed my eyes.

"That was Brice. And they're all kind of … well I don't know exactly, at least not anymore."

"Because of me?"

"No, Cora. This is not your fault okay, it's me. Me and my stupid, selfish secret." When Cora's eyes stayed wide and questioning I lifted my hand to her forehead, and replayed all I remembered from the night Sonny told me all about Victor. When I was done Cora took a side of her bottom lip between her teeth and sighed, shaking her head slowly. When she inhaled again her eyes met mine and she nodded her head towards the wall behind her, the wall that separated Sonny's room from mine.

"Him?"

"Yeah, that's him." My hand hadn't moved from her forehead so I continued to project, showing Cora the phone conversation I'd overheard Francesca having with Victor. The one in which she told him she'd found the cabin, found it so Victor could come and have his 'revenge' on Brice and the boys. When I was done Cora's eyes flew wide open.

"Ohhh! Ness, I never knew about that."

"I didn't think you did." Cora looked at me sympathetically, now understanding the huge mess I'd made. I dropped my head back down on her shoulder and grumbled, I'd have to face them sooner or later.

"There's something I need to show you. Someplace I need to take you." As Cora patted my back before sliding off the bed to put her shoes back on I sighed. I wasn't running away from this, I couldn't.

"Later. There's something I have to do first. You go and hunt, I'll meet you when I'm done."

She nodded slowly before pulling me into a hug.

"I've missed you, Nessie."

"I've missed you too."

{--}

I opened the door slowly, feeling my guilty heart pulsing solidly in my chest. I tugged Cora's hand behind me as I shuffled out only letting go when she passed me to head for the door. She twisted to smile a gentle, reassuring smile at me before her eyes passed over Oz and Al, who stood around the room, shooting them both what to me, looked like a stern warning. Her gaze then lingered on Brice who nodded courteously before opening the door for her.

When she was gone I felt everything. I felt as Oz took a sharp intake of breath, signalling his distaste at Brice's sign of civility as he watched Cora leave before he slowly closed the door. I felt the vibrations through the house as Sonny paced impatiently behind his locked door. And I felt the sudden, unexpected pang of anger at Oz for putting him there. I felt angry that Oscar would feel such measures were necessary, as if I would ever allow Cora anywhere near Sonny if I felt her a threat to him.

But mostly I felt the guilt and the shame. As I saw them all waiting for my explanation as to why I had kept such a dangerous secret from them.

This is what I wanted, right? To be able to finally have nobody here to hold my hand when I messed up. Now I had it, I hated it. I just wanted to call Cora back in here so she could hide me and tell Alvar to stop staring at me with those sad, beautiful eyes. I wanted her to bring Brice's smile back, and I wanted her to calm Oz down, as I could just make out his chest rising and falling rapidly in his fury. I wanted her to make me invisible. But I couldn't to that, I had to face this and make it better, because I couldn't lose them.

"I'm sorry." I had to fight my own eyes from rolling at the feebleness of my opener. Was that all I could come up with? I'm pathetic. If I knew it wasn't enough, then Oz definitely did. His body shot towards me at his remarkable pace.

"SORRY?" Upstairs, Sonny's movements stopped, before I heard his body bang against his door as he scrambled to listen in. Behind Oz, Al's body straightened and leaned closer to. He must have sensed his brother's movements because Oz's face withdrew from mine a few inches, his eyes closing and a deep breath passing through his tense lips. "I'm keeping my promise Al. But I think we deserve more than her feeble apology, don't you?"

Al didn't reply, but Brice strode to Oz's side placing a hand on his shoulder. Oz immediately seemed to relax a little, and now the room was silent again, all eyes on me.

"You do understand, don't you, Smee?" I couldn't bring myself to look at Brice as he spoke, instead staring cowardly at the floor. "You understand what that … monster, what a danger he is to us?" I nodded slowly. Victor had tried twice to kill Al and Brice, his second attempt claiming the lives of many, including Oz and Sonny's mother, and injuring Oz so badly he needed to be changed by Brice. I definitely understood the danger that _monster _was, and felt guilty for now knowing more than they did. So I took a deep breath, and hoped that someday things would be back to normal.

"He was coming here. He knew where you were, and he was coming for you, all of you." My eyes shifted from the floor to Sonny's door, and I felt as my fists tightened at the thought of Victor getting to him. "Francesca was his mate." I saw as each of the men staggered back a little, and Al raised his hands to grip them in his hair. They each now understood the magnitude of the fact Al and Oz had killed her, the mate of their enemy. "She'd found you for him, but I don't think she told him where you actually were." I'd long since managed to work out why we had to move around so much while Victor wasn't with us. He couldn't know where Francesca and Cora were keeping me, if the Volturi had decided they didn't want to play by Victor's rules they could have easily got my location out of him if he'd known it. It made sense Francesca wouldn't have been able to disclose exactly where this cabin was.

Brice's hand came to his mouth, his fingers working around the area of his lips as he paced, his eyed wide in thought. Oz just kept sucking in air, each time his mouth opened I waited for words, but he seemed incapable of forming any.

With a few long strides Alvar moved to stand just short of Oscar, and I did all I could to avoid eye-contact with him.

"Why were you with him? You're not - you're not like him." His voice was low and broken, and stung me all over. Due to his gift, Al's world revolved around honesty. He knew the damage lies could do, having to live surrounded by even the darkest ones. But I'd kept this secret from him, and I could tell it had hurt.

"I was - I just. I just was." Even now, with the big secret out, I couldn't face unveiling my past. The reason that the words wouldn't even rise in my mind, let alone my actual throat was hidden from me. I just couldn't talk about it, about them. "Not for very long, maybe a few months. And he was rarely with us, Cora, Francesca and I. He was busy, I suppose, planning to pass me over to the Volturi." From the way they each shifted I could tell this little thought hadn't been recalled until now. I hated myself for the relief I felt. But at least now they knew, I'd never been on Victor's side, and he'd never been on mine.

Al was in turmoil, it was clear. As he shuffled closer to me, his breath deep and shaky, I could tell he was struggling with what to do, what to say.

"He didn't ever hurt you, did he?" I felt my chest drop and my body buzz, for whatever reason I couldn't help how I felt around him. His eyes stayed with mine in his pained anticipation of my answer. Physically, his question meant _physically. _Victor had pretty much single handily destroyed my entire world, but he'd never laid a finger on me. Truth is, he'd always been sickeningly nice to me, a completely false amiability, and my skin crawled as I thought that must have been the way he acted with Brice in old days, with Sasha before he betrayed her and ended her life. It must have been the same way he drew in Cora, with his false charm, covering his black soul.

"No, he never hurt me." He looked relieved, very relieved. And as I let my eyes wander, so did Brice, and even Oz … a little bit.

They were all quiet again, thinking.

"I didn't tell you because I was scared. I understood it all, when Sonny told me the story I knew he was after you. I just couldn't tell you because I wanted to stay. I didn't want you to think I was like him, or part of his scheme to hurt you all. I just wanted to stay with you."

I was begging. I could feel it in my own voice, I was just pleading with them to forgive me, not to hate me.

We were silent again. I could hear nothing but my own racing pulse, of which the source I was sure now lay in my throat.

"Smee. I know you can hear me, can you come let me out please?" Sonny's voice was barely raised. He knew better than to have to shout to get attention around here. But like hell was I going to let him out now, I didn't dare try and defy Oscar when he still looked so angry.

Oz looked torn. Despite Sonny now kicking at his door, demanding to be let out, Oz kept his narrow eyes on me. I felt his conflict too. Sonny had a right to know what I'd done. But Oz had such a fierce protection over his brother, he would no doubt hate what the news would do to Sonny, it would terrify him. How could it not? He'd be finding out how close Victor had come, even after all these years. And now with Francesca's death looming over them, Victor would surely not give up.

But Sonny had three brothers, although neither of the others as legitimate as Oz, they were brothers nonetheless. So Al had chosen to assert that position and raced across to Sonny's door, throwing it open and pulling him towards him and holding his brother's head to utter silent words. Sonny seemed to understand Al's mime, watching his lips closely as they moved before his eyes shifted to me and he nodded enthusiastically.

My curiosity over the exchange only grew when Sonny strode over to me confidently, throwing his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close, a fierce scowl directed at Oz, who grimaced and exhaled with a long, deep grunt.

"That was low, Alvar. We should all be in this together." Brice seemed more relaxed now, his chastising only carrying a faint trace of disapproval.

"And we are, Brice. I just don't feel we need to make this harder by arguing. Smee knows she should have told us. But he doesn't know where we are anymore. It's not an issue." Oz snapped forward, his face contorted into a vicious scowl as he growled.

"We don't all you share your selfish, impassive view on Victor, Al!" At the mention of Victor, Sonny's jaw went slack and he pulled me closer, as though he would protect me, as though he _could._

"He. Won't. Find. Us." Oscar grimaced again at Al's calm tone, clenching his fingers before bringing them to point in his face.

"God help you if he does, Al. I've told you before, I'd kill you myself before I let him lay a finger on you." He then breathed deep, and a look of incomprehensible sadness passed his dark eyes before they turned on me, as did his pointed finger. "And God help _her_ if he finds us. If he-" Oz then grimaced again, before emitting a loud, deep roar and crashing his fist into one of the side tables beside him, buckling its wooden frame.

A small chuckle came from Al, who stood beside Sonny, his arms folded and stance sturdy. I felt terrified for him when Oscar span quickly at the sound. "Don't you laugh at me Al, I'll rip your head off!" Sonny sighed and rolled his head, my entire body clenched as Al laughed again, this time louder.

"Come on then, Oz. Do your worst, teach me a lesson. Or better yet, teach Smee." Wait, what? Did Al just dare Oz to 'rip my head off'? Before me Brice's left leg bent, bringing his torso to lean in front of me, it seemed he caught the dare too, and still felt the need to protect me, or maybe just Sonny, from the threat of Oz coming through on it.

Oz growled through gritted teeth, his furious glare inches from Al's complete composure. Neither eyes shifted to me, as Brice, Sonny and I watched their silent battle with bated breath. When Al spoke again his tone was calm and quiet, refreshingly soothing.

"You couldn't hurt her. I wasn't sure before she came out here, that's why I made you promise, but now I know." In front of me Brice slid straight, his eyes narrowed as he studied Al and Oz meticulously. "She's like Sonny. She can mess up, do stupid things. But you would never let anything bad happen to her, never hurt her. And no matter how mad at her you are for lying to us, Oz, the thought that _he _got close to her, makes you madder." It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room as I waited for Oz to explode, because it certainly looked like he was about to.

Instead he elbowed Alvar out of the way and took a long stride towards the door, before grinding to a halt before me.

"I'm going hunting. And if I run across your little white-witch while I'm out, Smee, I will not be held accountable for my actions."

I exhaled a long, shaky breath when Oz was gone. Both confident that his threat was not sincere, and that Cora would be smart enough to stay out of his way. Sonny felt my body shaking and pulled me into one of his crushing-if-I-was-human hugs, chuckling as I buried my face into his neck.

"You sure know how to make trouble, Smee. What the hell 'dya do?" I shrugged from his embrace and looked to where Alvar had stood, only to find him moved to the couch where he sat beside Brice, both of them with their eyes fixed on nothing in particular.

"Smee, get out here NOW!" Oz's shout sent a bolt of electricity through me before I threw open the front door, dropping from the high porch in one leap. Not fifty yards from the cabin were Oz and Cora. Stood face to face, and though neither held a completely crouched position, they both looked prepared to pounce on the other at the drop of a hat.

As Cora stood the light breeze floated through her and carried to me her still-exposed scent. She weaved her fingers through the air, subtly combing the breeze as he white dress blew behind her. Cora and I were similar yet so different. We both had lost pasts, hers taken involuntarily, mine not so. But the white she wore now and everyday was most testament to our differences. She clung to it, the only thing she had of her past, whereas whatever tiny remnant of my old life may have remained, had long since been scratched away, dispelled by myself.

When I reached them I came to a stop before Oz, facing Cora knowing I'd have a far better chance of calming her than I did him. But before I could speak Cora's frame disappeared behind Brice's who stood taller than me, his height matching Oscar's.

"We all calm down. Now." Though he seemed to speak to all it was clear in his stare he was really directing the command at Oscar.

"Come on, Ness. Let's go." Cora slid round Brice, eyeing him before reaching for my hand.

"I don't think so." Oscar growled as he leaned around me. "For all we know you could have led Victor here." Sonny came towards us, panting a little from running and coming to a tired stop by Al a few feet away.

"Who the heck is that?" Sonny flapped his hand towards Cora before resting it on Alvar's shoulder as he collected his breath.

"She hasn't led him here, she wouldn't."

"How can you be sure? She's lied to you before." The words Oz hissed made Cora's body straighten a little and her expression fall into immense sadness.

"She did. She kept something from me just like I kept something from all of you, and she's just as sorry as I am." Cora nodded. "But I know she wouldn't lead him here."

"But he could have just followed her trail." Brice stared down into Cora's eyes as he spoke, and her replying giggle made his eyes gleam and sent a smile across his lips.

"Nobody follows me, right Ness?" Cora could charm herself out of a black hole, though I could tell that it was never intentional, just who she was.

"Right. Cora's …. _Special._"

Cora span herself around slowly, her eyes travelling everyone, she even managed a little wave at Sonny. The way Cora's moods shifted sometimes made me dizzy. In less than an hour I'd seen her go from battered to sad to supportive to aggressive, and now here she was, playful and bouncy.

"Ness, can we go soon? I really want to show you my surprise, and it's kinda far away." I nodded before glancing down at my attire. Despite my body temperature, travelling long distance in my polka-dot shorts and a vest pj's didn't seem right.

"Sure, just let me go get -" Before I could finish, Al's arms were around me as he wrapped me in his jacket.

"We go now. All of us." As I poked my hands through the arms of the jacket I tried to ignore the dizzy feeling its scent gave me and watched as Cora rolled her eyes.

"Fine. This way." When she skipped off, Brice was the first to follow. They both moved at a human pace, Brice with his hands connected behind his back as he studied Cora. Oz grunted before heading through the trees, beckoning Sonny to follow.

"But Oz! I didn't even get breakfast yet!"

"Now, Sonny!" Sonny grumbled once, before trudging after his brother. I went after them all slowly, Al keeping a distance behind me as he followed.

{--}

After a while I could hear Cora and Brice start up conversation ahead. Sonny had caught up with Oz and had managed to get him to engage in playful banter, no doubt in an attempt to get him to lighten up. Al's hands came around my waist and he span me around, pulling me close.

"Why did you do it, Smee? Why didn't you talk to me? I get that you have this past you don't want to talk about, I get that. But you could have told me _this. _You should have told me this." All I could do was nod, he was right. He brought a hand to run through my hair and bent his knees a little so his face was level with mine. "You can tell me _anything_, Smee. I get that sometimes you don't want to, but promise me you'll never feel like you can't, because you can. Please promise, Smee." His face was just a few inches from mine and there was a gentle smile on his lips, his eyes weren't as sad as they'd been earlier.

"I promise."

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	22. An Empty Nest

**I have the Block so bad it hurts! But this chapter was a bit of easy release for me, so it's a little earlier in the story than planned. I'm sure you won't hate me too much for that though.  
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**Interlude: An Empty Nest  
**

**Carlisle**

"Dr Cullen?" I raised my head slowly to greet Beth, the elderly nurse standing in the doorway of my office.

"Yes, Beth?"

"Your daughter is here to see you. Would you like me to send her in?"

"Yes of course, please do. Thank you" I rose quickly when she left, eager to see the only one of my four "daughters" who would ever possibly visit me now.

She skipped in as she always did with a smile not as sincere as it used to be, and leapt into my arms, wrapping hers around my neck. I held her tight in my embrace, revelling in her familiar scent.

"Oh Alice, I have missed you." She pulled away, keeping her arms around my neck as I held her level to me; she stared into my eyes and planted a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I've missed you too. How are you?" I took a deep breath and gazed into my daughter's pained eyes.

"I'm alright, Alice." I placed her onto her feet and returned to the large chair behind my desk. Alice followed, dropping down on the arm and leaning her little head on my shoulder. "And you? Where is Jasper?"

"He went straight to the house. You know he'd struggle here." Yes, a hospital is a hive for emotion, something that would make Jasper uncomfortable. The fact Alice had bypassed my question of how she was did not go unnoticed, but I would not pry.

"Oh, Esme will be so happy to see him." Alice giggled beside me and I felt a pang of bittersweet joy at the sound.

"Yes, she will be. I stopped watching after I foresaw her shock, adoration, sympathy and excitement. Poor Jazz may have been better off here after all." I laughed along with her, before we both drifted into a peaceful silence; just thinking, and relishing in each others company. It was February now, five long, painful months since the Cullen family, our family, fell apart.

"Have you heard from the others?" Alice squirmed, wriggling her little body closer to mine.

"Yes, I keep my eye on them and when it's possible to catch up with them, we go." Her voice was barely a whisper in my ear, and the pain it demonstrated forced me to pull her closer into my embrace. "I just wish it was over Carlisle." I felt as gentle sob shook through her frame. "I wish we were all together again. I wish I didn't have to see them all in such pain, and Jazz, he hurts too, so much."

If Alice was tortured by the future, and the pain it held for her family, then it was the past that was my constant tormentor.

{--}

Bella had returned last from her search, clutching Renesmee's necklace and a crumpled note.

We each read it as Bella screeched and twisted in Edward's frozen arms.

Esme had sobbed. She cried uncontrollably for our granddaughter, for each of us, who would feel her absence so strongly.

Alice, little Alice had just murmured desperate apologies as she moved around each of us. She blamed herself for not being able to see this, not being able to help or stop it.

When Jacob read it he just ran; not looking back or hesitating.

Rosalie had screamed, cursed and seethed. She tore through the house, ripping doors from hinges, punching walls and shouting until Emmett had encased her in his embrace, and her aggression had dissolved into despair.

Jasper had slid down the wall, leaning against it as he dropped to the floor. In that moment his composure, the stature he carried from his life as a soldier seemed to vanish, and he was broken. He held Alice when she curled up against his chest, continuing to murmur her apologies for not having the ability to keep this from happening, to prevent him from feeling all this pain.

"Emmet," Edward has snapped from his vacant revere. The man who stood before me now, cradling his wife, speaking to his brother with an expressionless, frozen exterior was one I barely recognized. "You and Rose go to Forks, look for her there. If she's not there then you _keep _looking. Anywhere and everywhere, do you understand me?" Emmett nodded. He looked weak and helpless as he stood beside Rose. "Alice, you and Jasper should try everyone we know. Anybody you can think of that may be able to help. Then Alice, you'll have to keep an eye on what you can see for us, if you see anything you let us know." Alice nodded too, and Jasper lifted her gently to her feet. "Carlisle," I took a deep breath, and Esme's grip on my shirt tightened, she already knew what I must do. "I think you should go to Italy. We cannot involve the Volturi in this, it's too dangerous, but perhaps you may be able to do something. And I need you to help me locate Alistair, we need his help."

"I cannot do that, Edward." Esme dropped a gentle kiss on my shoulder and fell closer into my embrace, offering me strength.

"What?" All eyes were on me. Each of my children gathered before me; questioning.

"She left. It was her choice, one I must respect." A sob came from Alice and a furious gasp from Rosalie. I kept my eyes with Edward's, attempting to structure my thoughts so that he may understand my reasoning.

"She's seven years old, Carlisle! She's a child! She belongs here with us!" Rose shrieked. Emmett appeared torn as he held her tightly in is arms.

"Renesmee is no child Rosalie, you know that. She never really was. And this note … the things she knows, she needs to process them. Renesmee needs to become her own person, not be dragged back here by us."

"She's not your daughter Carlisle, she's mine!" Edward's jaw remained tight, his eyes furious as he hissed his words.

"Then you should go after her, Edward. I cannot."

With no more words, no goodbyes, they left. Edward wouldn't even look at me, Bella looked hurt beyond comprehension. Rose was furious; she flew from the house without a glance over her shoulder. Emmett hesitated, not sure what to do or say before he left. Alice had hugged us and Jasper nodded a silent goodbye.

Then they were all gone.

{--}

I was pulled from my thoughts when Alice's body leapt a little beside me. I turned to find her expression fixed in the way it did when she saw the future. When it passed she straightened further, panic gripping her tiny features.

"Alice? What is it?" She jumped to her feet, her eyes wide in terror. "Alice, what's wrong?"

{--}

**Esme**

Even in my stillness I felt shaky. I stood perfectly frozen, as I did each day, but something inside me still quaked, a nervous, pained tremor.

Carlisle had left for work just seconds ago, or minutes, or hours, I wasn't sure. I was never sure until the Juneau sky fell dark and he would come home, that's when he'd hold me, that's when I could breathe again.

This house was not a home anymore. This building that I'd put my heart into, made perfect, held no appeal without my babies. It frightened me with its emptiness. So each day I stayed pressed in the far corner of the entrance hall just waiting. Waiting for something that may never happen; for them all to come home.

The unfamiliar and unwelcome silence of the building was altered only by the sounds from outside. The wind blew through the trees that stood tall and plentiful all around the property. In the distance the sounds of the forest changed. The leaves that still blanketed the ground were being disturbed as something rapid flew over them. My body jumped at the sound.

I raced to the front door, throwing it open and standing again to listen. The sound, to me, was unmistakable. Carlisle wouldn't run home, he had his car. This had to be one of the others come back. Though I wanted to race towards the sound my body felt too heavy to move, freezing me to the spot. So I waited.

I felt the bubble of happiness rise and explode inside me as he came from the trees and I flew towards him, leaping up to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Jasper! Oh, it's really you!" He chuckled, his greeting the refreshing sense of calm that washed over me. I pulled away and brought my hands to his cheeks, scrutinising every inch of his beautiful face. He smiled. I'd always get a feeling, like a jolt of electricity to my still heart whenever Jasper smiled. I stared deep into his topaz eyes; revelling in the sight of them. The fear of what the past few months would do to Jasper, what would happen to him, had been something that had at times, become overpowering in my separation from him.

He looked up to the house; the last time he'd been here was the day after Renesmee disappeared. The sadness that drew quickly across his features tore me inside. Jasper felt it and forced a smile before leading me inside. I suddenly felt ashamed at how I had allowed the place to become so cold and unwelcoming. I should have kept it a home for him, for all of them, so that they may return and be safe whenever they wish. Again, Jasper sensed my distress and I felt immediately soothed. He stood in the entrance hall, his eyes surveying all around as though he hadn't been here in centuries.

He was so quiet. I'd often considered what a blessing and a curse it would be to hear Jasper's thoughts as Edward could. Sometimes I wished I knew what he was thinking, if he needed me to help him or talk to him. But then hearing his thoughts I know, would mean knowing more of Jasper's past, something he rarely let me into. And I know that the knowledge of the darkness Jasper has seen in his life would break my heart.

"It's …. Strange, being here." Despite the elusiveness of his words, the sound of his voice sent another wave of crushing joy through me. Though Jasper may deal with the emotions of others every day, he so often struggles when it comes to verbalising is own. He turned to me, and I nodded for him to continue, prepared as always, just to listen to him. "It feels so very long ago we were all together." My insides wrenched. Since Renesmee's birth Jasper had changed, especially at home. He'd once told me the way in which Renesmee loved each of us, loved _him,_ so powerfully, shocked him at times. But the way in which he'd found himself adoring her had shocked him more. I cannot imagine what her departure may have meant to him.

I watched him, stood tall and straight. A sincere smile passed his lips and he turned to look at me again. "I've missed you, Esme. I'd forgotten how good it feels to have a mother's love." He smiled wider and the relief and happiness I felt was overwhelming.

His nostrils flared and his eyes grew narrow, his face contorting into a snarl as he seized my wrist and brought me to stand behind him.

"Jasper! Wh- ?" I stopped when I caught the scent on the evening breeze. Jasper's body crouched low and protective directly before me as he stared down the driveway, his breath heavy and rapid.

They appeared quickly, before moving in a purposeful and slow stroll towards us. Jasper was seething. While one hand was clenched into a fist at his side the other held me behind him, I could feel him tense, almost shaking with anger at the threat of this intrusion. I reached my hand to his shoulder.

"Shh, Jasper. Calm down, we cannot know why they are here until we have _talked _to them." This meeting had to remain civil, and I had to keep Jasper calm. I could not bear it if some altercation occurred and he got hurt. He didn't move, so I slid around him, not succeeding in shaking his grip from around my wrist. Instead he kept the contact, and walked close beside me towards the door.

"Jane, Felix, Demetri; to what do we owe the pleasure?"

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**Gotta love Momma & Poppa Cullen.**

**Peace, Love & Reviews!**


	23. Brothers, Lovers, Mothers

**Yeesh, If I had a cutting room floor it would be pretty flooded right now. But I don't, all I have is a little word document where I throw all little extracts that I don't publish. THIS CHAPTER, has pretty much a whole other chapters worth of little cuttings. Stuff I loved, but hated at the same time. (Shh, I know what that means, you don't have to.)  
Anyways, so we've skipped forward two weeks from when we last saw Ness. I originally picked this chapter up from where we last left off, but my block made me hate everything so it was better to just cut and run. So stuff had to go, but there's little catch-up references throughout this chapter to fill you in. I'm glad we reach the point we do at the end of this chapter, because we're now heading into the final part of this story. So if you have some army style binoculars, then the end is in sight - only if theyre mega-HQ though, the ends not _that_ close. So enjoy, (even thought in cutting I got rid of a Hot Fuzz reference I know a certain Sarah would have loved!)  
x**

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Chapter Nineteen: Brothers, Lovers, Mothers.**

"I'm so bored." Sonny groaned as he lay across the wooden floor of the living room. He rolled his eyes when none of us responded. Al and Oz were at the table, submersed in a game of chess whilst I sat on the floor beside Sonny, my third game of solitaire spread out before me. "Smee, I'm bored!" I slapped his stomach playfully when he started jabbing his finger into my side.

"Sonny, we've been back less than an hour, entertain yourself! Watch a movie or something." Like most days over the past two weeks, this morning had been spent with Al teaching us to drive. I'd pretty much mastered it early on, whereas Sonny just seemed to be on a suicide mission every time he got behind the wheel.

"No, we watch movies together and Brice isn't here." Since Cora arrived things had been … different. She'd taken us all running through the woods and shown us what she'd described as "a house." It was safe to say she was the only one who held the derelict structure in such high regard.

To the rest of us, the building had undertaken a nickname given to it by Al on his first view of the place. The Mausoleum was large, grey and unremarkable. It's only redeeming feature the steep hill it stood on and the throng of lush trees that surrounded.

Inside was way worse though.

Parts of roof and walls had fallen, but Cora had just skipped through the mass of obstacles like the place was her haven. Brice had followed politely behind, listening intently as Cora pointed things out, detailing her vision for the place.

The smell of all the rotten wood had me blanketing my nose and mouth with my hand, that at the time was covered in Al's jacket, which succeeded in replacing the Mausoleum's repugnant scent with his exquisite one.

"Then you'll just have to suck up and be quiet until he gets back. I mean there can't be _that _much work left to do can there?"  
"If they've even got any of it done." Figuring Sonny wasn't going to fall into silence anytime soon, I pulled the cards into a pile, shoving them back in the pack. Brice and Cora had been at the Mausoleum everyday over the past two weeks, enlisting professional help for anything they couldn't do themselves from a town a few miles away.

"Ok, Sonny. What? Why wouldn't they have done anything in the a million and one hours they've been down there?"

"Oh come on, Smee. I'm sure they've had _other _things on their mind." I saw that Sonny had now managed to pull his brother's attention away from their game and onto him.

"Sonny, what are you talking about?" He raised himself onto his elbows and scanned me suspiciously.

"Are you being serious?" I nodded my head and he looked over to Al and Oz who were staring at him, looking just as perplexed as me. "Are you all being serious?" When Al and Oz didn't reply Sonny jumped to his feet, bending over a little as he laughed. "You don't know? You really don't know?" Oz had stood from his seat,

"Don't know what, Sonny?" Sonny laughed again, raising his arms in the air and bouncing on the spot.

"I can't believe you don't know! You super-sensed, super-strong vamps are just super-_dumb_!" I sighed and rose to stand beside Al and Oz who'd both walked over to Sonny. When it suited Sonny I was human. When it suited Sonny I was a vampire. Now I was being pushed in the vampire category. Beside me Oz folded his arms, his intimidating posture doing little to Sonny who continued to bounce and chuckle.

"Sonny, unless you want me to hang you from a tree by your underwear I suggest you tell us what the hell you're talking about." Al chuckled as Oz spoke, and I myself muffled a giggle at the image I got in my head. Sonny carried on bounding around the room, punching the air.

"I can't believe the human outsmarted the vamps. And it's so _obvious_!" When Oz spoke next it was both too fast and quiet for Sonny to hear.

"I'll get his legs. Al, you watch his landing and Smee, you do the questioning." In a flash Sonny was on the floor. Oz had pulled his legs from beneath him while Al supported his head and torso so that his landing was painless and easy. I hopped onto his chest as he laughed beneath me. I balanced most of my weight on my fists either side of him and I dug my knees in gently. Behind me Oz's legs were thrown across Sonny's, and Al had his arms pinned. Sonny was well and truly trapped.

"Sonny, tell us what you're talking about." He laughed and I glanced up to Al who grinned and nodded. With a shift of my weight I dug my knee a little harder into Sonny's chest, he just carried on laughing.

"I ca- I ca- I can't even breathe, Smee. How do expect me to _talk_?" I shrugged and put all my weight on my hands, relieving Sonny completely.

"There. Talk." He looked up and laughed again.

"I can't believe you don't know!"

"Sonny!" His eyes shot up to Oz, who was staring threateningly over my shoulder at him.

"Fine, I'll talk!" He chuckled again once as his eyes scoped us. "Isn't it obvious? They're crazy about each other."

"No they are not. Sonny, you're the only one round here who's crazy", Oz chuckled from beside me. Sonny wriggled out of Al's grip, propping himself up on his shoulders.

"I swear to God it's true. And you guys are complete morons for not noticing." Cora had been busy so the only times I'd really seen her was at nights when she'd come and talk to me before I went to sleep. She'd seemed blissfully happy, and she did have a small tendency to talk about Brice a lot. Sonny had stunned as all into silence as we sat and contemplated the thought that Brice and Cora could be a couple.

{--}

That night, Cora didn't come and talk to me so I couldn't ask her about it. Nightmares were still giving me hell most nights, but Al was always there when I woke upset. He'd just talk to me and make me laugh until the bad thoughts went away.

No nightmares woke me that night; the cold did. I opened my eyes to find my head buried in the crook of Al's neck, my body cradled in his arms.

"What are you doing?" I lifted my eyes; we were outside in the darkness heading towards the garage from which I could make out Sonny's steady heartbeat. Al leaned his head and whispered, his breath tickling my neck.

"I'm kidnapping you."

"Well do it quietly, I'm sleeping." He laughed, his chest vibrating against me.

I squeezed my eyes tighter together when the brilliant light of the car's headlights caught me by surprise.

"Watch her head." Oz's deep whisper reverberated through the tiny building and he brought his hand to my crown, protecting it from making contact with the measly car roof. I opened my eyes as Al lowered me in, scooting myself across the back seat to snuggle against Sonny who was sleeping, cocooned in a mass of duvet.

Al climbed into the driver's seat and Oz got in beside him. I'd never once seen Oz in a car; it was really pointless given his inclination for running everywhere.

" You're not _really _kidnapping us, are you?" Oz chuckled, turning in the chair that barely seemed to contain his frame.

"Yes. Now shut up and go to sleep or we'll have to tie you up and gag you." He winked before turning back around and I let my head rest on top of Sonny's, falling asleep almost instantly.

{--}

I woke in the morning with my face buried in the back of the seat. Sonny was half sitting, half lying with his head resting on my chest. The car was still and Al and Oz were gone from the front.

"Sonny, wake up" He was non-responsive, only groaning when I lifted myself onto my elbows. "Sonny, wake up." His eyes opened slightly before he squeezed them shut and groaned again.

"What, Smee?" He wriggled and pulled the duvet up over his head. A second later he snatched it back down again. "Wait. Where are we?"

"Are you kidding? You didn't get woken up last night when they brought you here?"

"Who brought me where?"

"Never mind." Sonny lifted his head and sat up, pulling his fingers through his hair as he stared out his window. All I could see out of it was trees. Reaching behind me I pulled at the latch and pushed my door open a little. Sonny shivered and groaned as a breeze blew inside.

"Ugh. This is ridiculous. Those assholes have a sick sense of humour." I smiled and let my head drop back down as Sonny pulled his duvet tighter around him and dropped back down on top of me. Another breeze came through the open door and when I breathed it in I caught something familiar.

"Sonny, I smell pancakes." He smacked my leg lazily and groaned.

"Don't tease me about food, Smee. That's not funny." I pulled myself up and jumped out of the car, gasping when I looked around at where we were.

"Oh my God." Inside Sonny's head shot up.

"What? What's Oh My God, Smee. What?"

"The Mausoleum." We were parked at the bottom of the same steep hill Cora had dragged us to a couple of weeks ago, but the view had changed somewhat. Even from the outside the Mausoleum looked dramatically altered. The windows had glass in them and the frames were painted a deep brown. The dark roof looked all in one piece and the ancient brickwork, though still pretty old, wasn't crumbled anymore. The place actually looked amazing.

Sonny scrambled out beside me, gaping at the house. He huffed and looped his arm through mine.

"I can't believe they'd bring you here! Those traitors." On our first visit Cora had told me that her plan was to fix the place up for me and her to live. This hadn't gone down at all well with Sonny who didn't like the idea of me not living in the cabin anymore. After we left he shrugged off any reasoning his brothers tried to do, not caring when Oz said he could carry him from the Cabin to the Mausoleum in less than twenty minutes anytime he wanted to visit me. He'd tried to get Al's help who'd just said, albeit moodily, that it was my decision. It _was_ my decision, and I did think it best I move in with Cora, no matter how much I couldn't bear the thought of leaving the boys behind.

I gave Sonny's hand a squeeze and led him up the hill. We both gasped when we reached the tall, glass front door and took a look inside. Behind the glass Al jumped up from where there were two long sofas and strode over to pull open the door. He leaned against the doorframe, folding his arms and grinning.

"Well, good morning." I peered around to the left where there was an open kitchen. Oz was sat on a stool as he watched Brice positioned behind Cora, his arms around her as he covered her hands and helped her flip the pancake she was holding. Sonny's arm grew slack around mine and Al chuckled, throwing his arm around my shoulder, "No, Smee. You're not dreaming." I was pretty sure I was.

Al pulled me and Sonny through the door. The living room was open and extended the whole height of the building, as did the shiny kitchen it flowed into. All the brickwork had been left exposed; parts of it had been whitewashed whereas the rest just looked cleaner. The floor was all dark wood and no longer smelled bad at all.

Cora emptied the pancake onto the plate before skipping over to me, Brice following behind. This was the first time I'd seen them together since Sonny's little revelation, and it was now painfully obvious that they were …. Together.

"Well, Ness? Did we do well?" I just gawped. The transformation was amazing. When I couldn't find any words Al chuckled and pulled me closer. "Sonny, I made you breakfast. Oscar said you like pancakes so Brice was teaching me how to make them." Sonny scowled, first at Brice before he swung his head around to Oz who just smirked in response.

"No thanks. I've lost my appetite." I'd never heard such venom in Sonny's voice as he hissed at Cora. Brice's eyes widened and I could see he went to chastise Sonny, but Cora placed her hand on his chest to stop him.

"Sonny, I'm sure you don't like me very much." Sonny nodded and Al leaned around me to slap him over the back of the head. "I know that, like Oscar and Alvar, you don't trust me very much given my past affiliation with Victor." Sonny leaned closer to me and Cora smiled. "But then again, also like your brothers, I'm sure you just don't like me because you think I want to take away your new little sister." I tried to hide my grin. Sonny often referred to me as his little sister, and I'd always loved it. I teased him about the "little" part whenever I showed how my strength beat his whenever we play-wrestled or I trapped him in a hug. But when it had come to tell him what I'd known about Victor, I was glad I was his baby sister. He'd said it was partly the reason he'd forgiven me for it; because despite the fact what I'd done was dumb and selfish, he loved me anyway. "But for the sake of everyone, especially Ness, I hope we can put aside those differences. It will be hard living under the same roof if we can't get along." A grin spread across my lips as I felt the floor disappear from beneath me as Al lifted me up in his arms from behind.

Sonny went to reply but stopped in his tracks as I saw him replay what Cora had just said in his head.

"Wait, what?" Cora grinned and Brice pulled her tighter into his arms. Seeing them like that was weird. It was nice, they both looked beyond happy, but it was weird. Oz was stood beside us before I'd had time to register the sound of his stool being slid away from the island in the kitchen.

"Why else do you think we would _drive _you here? We had to load up all your stuff and bring it here. Now if you'll excuse me, this is all getting a little Brady Bunch for my liking, I need to go kill something."

After Oz ran off into the surrounding woods Al and Sonny raced up the flight of stairs behind the kitchen to where Sonny's room was. I stood, Cora and Brice both grinning at me expectantly.

"It's .. this is… wow. I mean, this is amazing. Cora, you told me you were saving for a rainy day but this is beautiful." Cora giggled and patted Brice's chest,

"Well, I had a lot of help." I took a deep breath. I felt uncomfortable and I had no idea why. The situation wasn't' awkward, it was just the way they were looking at each other! It had my insides tightening a little bit.

"So Brice, this is all okay? I mean you won't mind it here?" Brice chuckled before looking back to Cora,

"No, Smee. I really don't mind. The cabin was just a building; the people in it are what matter."

"Come on Ness, come see your room." Cora lunged at my hand and dragged me across the living room. At the back was a white-washed brick wall that stood two storeys. It bent into a square in the corner, looking like a separate building but inside. After dragging me up the spiral stairs Cora flung open the door. The room was small, and comfortably dark on account of only one small window, high on the wall. A fluffy white rug covered the dark wooden floor at the foot of the bed and matched the rest of the furniture.

"Do you like it? Sonny's room is bigger but I thought this one was better for you."

"I love it! It's like a cosy little cave or something." I ran my fingers across the dark brick of the wall and Cora giggled as she span around before dropping down on the bed.

"Oh Ness, I've never been so happy." I flopped down beside her and grinned.

"I can tell. You and Brice seem to be getting along _very_ well." She giggled again and rolled onto her side.

"He's amazing. And Al's really nice too, especially once we told him you wouldn't be leaving. And Oz is … I think he'll just need time to adjust." I smiled and let my eyelids drift shut. I could hear Sonny in his room, from his excited tone I could tell he wouldn't need any time to adjust to this new, bigger home.

"Ness, I have a gift for you. Actually, it's yours anyway; I've just been looking after it for a while." She rolled off the side of the bed and opened the cupboard door of the side table.

My heart stopped when I saw what she pulled out of it.

"Cora, where did you get that?" In her hands she held a thick leather-bound book. I remembered it so well it hurt. It was the photo album that I'd taken to school to finish arranging the day Cora came. It was the gift I'd made for Bella's birthday.

"It was in your bag, remember?" I shook my head and rose from the bed when Cora held it in my direction. She sighed and dropped to sit on the floor, patting beside her for me to join. "They're pictures, Ness. They can't hurt you. At least let me show you my favourites." I felt a squeezing in my chest as she leafed through the first pages, each time I'd catch a glimpse of a face. I dropped down opposite her slowly; she kept her eyes on the pages, smiling as she flicked through them. "I'd forgotten how attractive your family is, Nessie!" I listened out for a second, Al was in the kitchen talking with Sonny and there was no sign that he could hear us. I looked back to Cora who smiled and winked, "Throw down that shield of yours and I'll hide you too." I did as I was told and took a deep breath in order to calm myself down, Cora had done so much for me, the least I could do was humour her with this. Like she said, pictures couldn't hurt me. I scooted closer and she giggled, "Your uncles ... wow! And that Grandfather of yours, your Grandmother is a lucky woman!" I grimaced and pulled my knees to my chest.

"You're taken now, remember?" She giggled again,

"They have nothing on Brice, of course. Oh look at you in this one!" I scooted harder against the bed and took a clump of the rug tightly in my hand when she spun the album round to me, tapping at a specific picture. It was of me, less than a year old. I was enveloped completely in a pair of large arms as I lay strewn across an equally large chest that was rolled across the floor.

"That's Emmett." I choked out the words, remembering that day with as crystal clarity as its image was printed on that paper. I'd just watched Casper for the first time and he'd chased me around the house with a white sheet over him, making ghostly noises after I told him there was no way ghosts were real. When he caught me he collapsed to the floor and rolled around with me as Rosalie ran in with a camera. Even vampires with perfect memory enjoy the nostalgia of photographs.

"You're adorable! You look so happy in all these, a very happy little child." I pulled tighter at my knees and tried to ignore the aching inside me. "You look so much like your Father, Ness." She spun the album around again to show a picture of Carlisle and Edward, sat at a table at the party that had followed Emmett and Rosalie's last wedding. They were both smiling wide and in the background I could make out Alice being spun around the dance floor by Jasper. I took a deep breath and tried to ignore the burning inside of me. Cora turned the page and on the side that she flipped open I saw a picture of Bella and Jacob, their arms around each other as they looked at each other and smiled. I leapt to my feet as I felt my whole body start to shake, Cora's head snapped up and she jumped up after me.

"I can't do this, I can't look at that."

"Nessie, its fine they're just pictures. Calm down."

"No, I can't. Please just take it away, I don't want it. You keep it." She shook her head and held the album out to me,

"It's yours, Renesmee." I felt the throbbing inside me explode as I snatched it from her and threw it against the wall.

"It's not mine, I don't want it!" Cora's expression fell blank and my chest rose and fell quickly with my rapid breath. "I have to go."

"No, Ness, wait. I'm sorry." She called after me as I ran down the stairs. As I passed the kitchen Al grabbed my hand,

"Smee, what's wrong?"

"Leave me alone." I pushed at his chest and flew out the door, racing into the woods.

The area was unfamiliar so I decided to stick to the only recognizable scent there was. When Oz ran he left a trail like no other. It was a faint scent, but not like one that's old and withered, rather it's like he was never really there.

I reached him just as he pounced on a large deer. He didn't hunt like I expected. Something about his size and disposition had me assuming he'd play with his prey. But as I watched him I found he used his astonishing speed at every point of the kill. It was possible this was just down to his love of his own pace. But to me, in hunting so swiftly, Oz never gave his prey time to suspect, the time to panic. I couldn't help but perceive how humane it seemed.

When he was done he looked up to where I was stood, his frame twisting in discomfort from my observation and his eyes narrowing; questioning my presence.

"Hey." I waved and Oz frowned before waving slowly back.

"What's up?" I could still feel my body shaking from top to toe after what had happened so I dropped to the ground, leaning back against a tree trunk. I exhaled deeply and Oz wandered to stand before me, watching me uncomfortably. I patted the ground beside me and he dropped down. "You don't like the house?"

"No, no, that's not it. I love it. Do you like it?" He shrugged his shoulders,

"I dunno. I don't really care. I like these woods though, we have lots of space. And there's a lake real close too. I don't mind about the Mausoleum so long as it's good for Sonny, I guess."

"I think he likes it. Or at least, he likes his bigger bedroom and the new flat screen in the living room." Oz chuckled and nodded.

"So what is wrong with you? You seem … upset?" He spoke the word like he wasn't sure what it meant, like it was foreign on his tongue.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine. I just got in a little hissy with Cora over something."

"Over what?" I smiled, Oz was always forthright, never holding back.

"She just reminded me of some stuff I don't like thinking about anymore." I glanced over at Oz who was still waiting, not ready to accept my indirect response. "Stuff about my family, my …. My Mom." He chuckled and dropped back against the tree.

"Your Mom, huh? Well that explains a lot. You should never underestimate a mother's ability to screw her child up." I twisted towards him,

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"Forget it, it doesn't matter. Forget I said anything." I shook my head, this was the first, and possibly the last opportunity I'd get to knowing and understanding Oz better.

"No, it does matter. What did you mean?"

"Nothing, just, it's just my Mom, mine and Sonny's, she wasn't exactly brilliant." When he went quiet I felt a tug to let it go, but instead followed by Oz's example and keep pushing.

"Why not?" He sighed and shrugged,

"She drank a lot, had these loser boyfriends. She never really took care of me. I always had to take care of myself, always. She had me really young, she was only seventeen and she didn't really get on well with her folks and my Dad was never around. So it was just me and her. Well, me, her and Mr Jack Daniels that is." He paused for a minute and just stared into the distance and then smirked, "Wanna know what I got for my nineteenth birthday?" He turned to me and smiled wider, "Sonny." I smiled back and he turned away. "Yeah, on my nineteenth birthday she told me she was pregnant. That was my present, my baby brother. And you know what? When you give a gift, you can't take it back, and the person who got it can't give it back either. I told myself that everyday until he was born. She gave him to me, so he was mine. I wasn't gonna let him get the same crap from her and her no good boyfriends that I got. He was my baby brother and I wasn't gonna let anybody or anything hurt him, ever."

"Well, I think you've done a pretty good job." He smirked and looked up at me shyly.

"Hey, dya know what me and Al thought when we first saw Cora?" I smiled and shrugged, glad Oz was calling her Cora now. For the past two weeks he's just referred to her as 'The White Witch.' "We thought she was your mom." When I laughed Oz turned to me and smiled. "Well what the hell were we supposed to think? A girl-vamp comes looking for a baby half-vamp, that's honestly what we thought."

"Yet you _dragged _her through the woods anyway?"

"Hey, your mother or not we still thought she was crazy." We both laughed and I dropped my head backwards, feeling myself calm again.

"Smee?"

"Yeah?"

"She isn't your Mom, is she?"

"No Oz, she's not."

{--}

That night, after spending what felt like hours assuring Sonny and Al I was fine and apologizing to a remorseful Cora, I made Sonny and I dinner and after we ate we went and sat on the hill with Al and Oz. The stars twinkled in the dark sky and I lay beside Sonny, staring at them.

"Smee, do you believe in fate?" Al and Oz groaned at Sonny and I giggled.

"No, I really don't."

"What! How can you not?"

"Because it's a stupid concept, Sonny. We're all in control of our own decisions, be they dumb, genius or both."

"But, Smee, think about it. All of us, here now, together, that's gotta be fate. You meeting Cora; fate. Al and Oz finding and rescuing you; fate. You meeting a certain human boy who just _happened _to be the greatest big brother you could ever wish for; fate. Then, it just so happens that _your _Cora and _my _Brice, are soul mates! Fate Smee. Fate, fate, fate."

I rolled my eyes and fell into silence. "You know what's weird."

"Oh my God, Sonny, shut up!" I laughed and Sonny just grunted, ignoring Al and carrying on anyway.

"Cora and Brice said they were "going into the woods" when really, 'cos of what Cora can do, they could be anywhere. They could be right behind us and we wouldn't see or hear them." I shot upright onto my shoulders, my eyes darting around.

"Okay, that's disturbing." Al laughed as he started crawling backwards towards the Mausoleum, looking around uncomfortably. Oz chuckled and leapt to his feet, running inside and screaming playfully. I pulled Sonny to his feet and we jogged in after them.

{--}

A week later and the Mausoleum was our home. There was a lake around half a mile away that we'd swim in when it was warm enough for Sonny and the nearest town was closer and bigger than at the cabin.

I did all the shopping myself because Cora was always off somewhere with Brice and Al always moaned when I dragged him round. I actually liked doing it by myself as being alone had become kind of unfamiliar for me.

I was bent down into one of the freezers of a huge store when a shopping cart ground to a halt directly behind me. I didn't pay it any attention, instead hunting deep for Sonny's favourite ice cream. I finally found it, but my grip on it almost slipped, when the person who'd slammed their cart to a stop spoke.

"Nessie Cullen!" That name. It sounded strange after so long, but it was mine. It was as familiar to me as the voice of the one who had just spoken it. I stood frozen, my head still buried in the piles of ice cream, causing the woman to speak again.

"Nessie, Is that you?"

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**A billion points for Gryffindor if you can guess who it is?**


	24. Old Tricks

**Yeah, I know; theres over 6.7 billion people on the planet, and _this _one person happens to be in the exact same grocery store as Ness at the exact same time, (I was channeling a Casablanca quote me thinks). Anywho, the odds are about the same, perhaps less, of a sexy-ass vampire starting my school and deciding after 100 years, I'm the one. Anyway, suspension of disbelief and all that. Enjoy.**

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_"We're fated to pretend" MGMT_

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Chapter Twenty: Old Tricks**

I took a deep, nervous breath before turning round and putting on my most convincing smile.

"Mrs Dwyer! What are you doing here?" I tried to sound casual but really I was anxious and suspicious. This was too much of a coincidence.

"Oh Vanessa, How many times must I tell you to call me Renee. We're family after all." I took another deep breath to steady my thoughts. It felt like forever since I'd had to do this. Being somebody who had to hide who I truly was felt like another existence, and as I was faced with the need to do it again, my thoughts were jumbled and I was struggling to process what it meant to appear normal. She extended her arms and I leaned in for a hug, staying close to the freezer door I was still half-hidden behind so that I might cover my temperature.

Renee's eyes wandered me and I did the same. I kicked myself internally for leaving the house on a day as cold as today in just a short flannel dress and pale denim jacket. I'd gotten careless. "You look wonderful! So grown up" I grinned and ran through some numbers in my head. It'd been two years since I was first introduced to Renee, and we'd only seen each other one time since then. Though my aging had levelled out by then, I could still be labelled a fast grower. "You know, I would probably never have recognised you if you didn't look so much like Edward." I bit my lip and smiled again, Edward was my cousin, at least as far as Renee knew, and I'd been taken in by the Cullens just like him. Her eyes narrowed a little as she looked into my big brown ones. I took a deep breath; my eyes had always been an almost give-away. Renee smiled after she was done staring, smiling and shaking her head.

"So what are you doing here?" I was still reeling from the shock of her presence. Renee just smiled pushing her cart back and forth absentmindedly.

"Phil's younger sister lives here, she just had a baby, so we're in town helping out. I'm an Aunt!" I smiled and wished her congratulations. It'd never really occurred to me how sad it was that Renee would never know who I was. She'd never know I was her granddaughter. Standing before her now, she was completely unfamiliar to me.

"And what about you? Are _all_ of you in town?" First Renee had shown confusion, but when the topic of the Cullens came up, excitement washed over her.

"Um, no. No, they're not with me. I'm actually travelling with some other relatives for a while, and we're just kind of passing through" She shrugged and smiled, and I took a second to search my brain from where that came from, how easily I'd formulated the lie. Renee looked at me and her eyebrows furrowed,

"Aren't you getting cold, Ness?" She pointed to my hand, still deep in the freezer, clutching a tub of Chocolate Fudge ice-cream. I grimaced, but forced a laugh as I pulled my hand out. It had been in there the whole time, so I forced a little shiver and rubbed my hands together in an attempt to look freezing, like I should be. Renee chuckled,

"So like my Bella." Her face fell to sadness as she spoke, "How is she doing?" I turned to drop the ice cream into the cart and searched for the right answer, as well as wondering why Renee would needto ask me that.

"Uhh, I can only assume she's fine, I guess. I don't really know, I can't say. I haven't spoken to her recently." Renee nodded and rolled her eyes, her expression seemed to state that she wouldn't expect me to have to known. The curiosity bubbled up inside me before I had time to quash it. "Why? I mean, haven't you spoken to her or anything?" Renee nodded and smiled, a forced, insincere expression.

"Not recently. She and Edward have been travelling a lot, much like you I guess." _Travelling? _Where? Why? Is it just the two of them? "And you know, given everything that's happened, I just worry about her, you know." I clutched the rail of the cart, doing my best not to crush it.

"Everything? What do you mean?" She shrugged and sighed, running the fingers of one hand through her hair.

"Just since her Father had his accident. I just know it must have been so hard on her."

"Charlie! What happened?" Renee looked startled,

"She didn't tell you?" I rocked back on the heels of my feet and took a deep breath,

"No, I mean we don't talk much. I only really see her when she and Edward visit Carlisle and Esme." Renee barely saw Bella. She hadn't aged in over seven years, and Renee would notice. I remember how many times her 'fake death' had been put off. Every time the issue came up, it was shot back down again.

"Really? I can't believe she wouldn't tell you. Whenever she spoke of you I could just tell she adored you. She may have been protecting you though; I know Charlie worships you too. He was in his cruiser, because, you know Charlie; he'll wear that badge 'til he takes it to his grave. He had a heart attack, lost control and got in a pretty bad accident." I gasped and shook my head. My Grandfather. My harmless, loving Charlie. "Anyway, that was a few weeks ago now. Sue keeps in touch with me, God bless her. She says he's in bad shape but getting better." I waited. I waited for the tears or the pain. But none came.

"Oh my God!" Renee smiled sympathetically and nodded. I bit down hard on my lip, waiting for the pain to spark _something. _When I tasted blood I relaxed and looked back to Renee.

We walked together around the rest of the store, talking about general things. When it came time for us to part she hugged me tighter than before.

{--)

I had been numb my entire run home. After I'd thrown all of the shopping bags on the counter in the kitchen, I stood stone still as everyone moved around me, unpacking the things only two of us would eat. I still didn't feel anything, only the aftermath of the nerves Renee's presence had thrust upon me. I didn't feel sad, or worried. I felt nothing for Charlie, and that unnerved me so much. I was broken from my stupor by a hand waving inches from my face. I focused my eyes on Alvar's grin.

"Earth to Smee, do you read me Smee?" I shook my head, focusing my thoughts and forced an uneasy smile, noticing that the eyes of everybody were fixed on me. Sonny stood a few feet away, his hand frozen in a bag of newly opened chips, waiting for any of the vampires in the room to notice anything he would miss. Alvar now rested both his hands on my shoulders, a look of concern in his eyes. "Smee, you're shaking, what's wrong?" I hadn't noticed and clearly neither had anyone else, because after Alvar spoke they all dropped whatever was in their hands and encircled me, looks of worry sketched over each of their faces. I stood looking round them for a moment before Al shook me gently, trying to provoke me to speak. I took a deep breath, my decision finally made.

"I have to go." I heard them all mumble, but I blocked them out, focusing only on Alvar's enquiring eyes.

"Go where?" I took a deep breath, my head shaking involuntarily,

"Forks." A gasp escaped Cora, the only one in the room who knew the relevance of that small town in Washington. She drifted quickly to my side, wrapping her arms around my shoulder, and Alvar's hand switched to my cheek. There was a momentary silence, broken as usual, by Sonny.

"What the hell's a _Forks?_" Cora glanced down at me one eyebrow slightly raised, I suspected she was offering to explain on my behalf, but I shook my head slightly, fixing my eyes back with Al's

"It's in Washington. It's where I was born." There was another flow of murmurs, and Al's head tilted slightly in curiosity. Sonny spoke again, retrieving his bag of chips from the counter with a loud crumple,

"Ohhh Forks. So you _were _actually _born _then, Smee? See, you were always such a mystery, I figured you just hatched somewhere, then went about getting into trouble." I heard Oscar chuckle, but Alvar didn't seem to be listening, his eyes narrowed in a suspicious wonder.

"Why? Why now? What's happened?" Cora bent her head closer, just as curious to the answer to Alvar's question as he was.

"At the store I ran into my, well she's my Grandmother basically." Sonny spoke through the pile of chips he'd just pressed into his mouth.

"Holy Crap! A Grandmother too! You're full of revelations today aren't you Smee."

"Sonny, Shut Up!" Alvar's tone was firm, but he stroked my cheek gently, his eyes urging me to continue.

"She said that my Grandfather's sick. My _human _Grandfather that is. I just, I really think I should go and see him." I didn't feel the need to go deep into my reasoning. I was scared of what they might all think of me if I told them it was an attempt to save myself from becoming a cold-hearted, uncaring vessel, void of emotion. Alvar nodded slowly, bending his bottom lip in a look of acceptance before pulling slowly away from my face to address everyone.

"Ok, if this is important to Smee, then we should leave right away. Sonny pack all the food you think you'll need, it will be a long journey. Cora, can you go and pack the things she'll need?" I dropped my face into my hands; I should have known this wasn't going to be simple. As everyone set off to prepare for the journey I snapped my head back up.

"Stop!" They did, each of them freezing on the spot. "I'm going on my own." Alvar span on his heels, back to face me and Cora let out a deep sigh at my side. Sonny just laughed as Oscar murmured to him,

"Un-likely" Al let out a chuckle before speaking, though I suspected it was more for effect than due to him actually being amused.

"You cannot be serious, Smee, even if that lunatic Victor wasn't still out there there's no way I'm letting you go that far alone. No, we all go, or nobody goes." I felt my eyes almost bulging in his direction; I crossed my arms firmly across my chest, mimicking his stubborn stance.

"_Let me? _Al, what ever gave you the right to assume I need _your_ permission to do anything? I am going to Forks alone, and you're just going to have to deal with it." I was seriously angry, but I was glad that Al was provoking this reaction; it let me cover up the numbness I had felt since hearing about Charlie.

"I don't think so." A smug grin spread across his face, flaring my temper even more. My mouth dropped open to argue further, when Brice took the floor.

"Ok, enough. Alvar, Renesmee is right." I grinned wildly, a sense of achievement spreading over me as I nodded teasingly in Al's direction. "But Smee, Al has a point too. None of us could sit by knowing you were so far away alone. We care for you too much." At Brice's words, Al returned the smug gestures I'd delivered to him only moments before. I took a deep breath, rolling my head onto Cora's cool shoulder.

"Fine, I understand. But you're not all coming. I think Cora should accompany me, she can keep me undercover, and she understands some of the ….situations, in Forks, whereas the rest of you don't." Cora looked slightly confused, so I pressed my hand against her cheek, projecting her one solitary word:

_Werewolves._

The argument shouldhave ended there, but it didn't. Alvar refused to let it go. It didn't help that Cora showed some hesitation in leaving Brice. When her hesitation developed into pure unrest, it was clear _she _would not be the one coming to Forks with me.

"Fine then, Sonny will be my guardian." I wrapped my arm around the tall teenager. "You'll protect me, right Sonny?" Oscar grabbed his brother from my arms, wrestling him into a head-lock.

"Sure, Smee. I'm sure the dweeb would come in mighty handy if you were attacked by say, butterflies or bunny rabbits. Other than that kid, I'm afraid he wouldn't be much use. _I_ think you should take Alvar." I just scowled in return. I knew Brice could not leave Sonny and he and Cora were now inseparable; take one, take the other.

I span on my heels, Al stood behind me, his arms folded and an expectant smile on his lips.

"Come on, Smee. I take it you're not planning on running there. And _you _don't even have a licence." I sighed,

"Fine! We leave in an hour." I just glowered at his smug smile as I stormed up to my room.

{--}

"You'll get that all crumpled!" Cora blew through the door and snatched the shirt I was shoving in a bag from me, refolding it before placing it in gently. I flopped down onto the bed as she went on packing for me. "You shouldn't be hard on him, Ness."

"But he makes me so mad! I'm perfectly capable of going by myself."

"Nessie, you just come home and spring on us all that you want to go on this trip. They don't even know about where it is you're going, who'll be there; of course they'll be worried about you." I dropped on my back and sighed running my fingers over the comforter. "Besides Ness, I'm sure this is going to be difficult for you. Do you really want to go on your own?" I groaned and pulled a pillow over my face,

"You don't have to be right all the time you know!" She giggled and pulled the pillow off my face,

"But it's so much fun! Now, I'll give you both one of the cell phones so you can call us and each other if needs be."

"Don't go, Smee!" Sonny yelled as he dived onto the bed beside me, throwing his leg over me and squeezing me tight. "You can't leave me with these bloodsuckers!" I laughed as he rolled us over, tickling my sides. "You better bring me back a present or something."

"Sonny, it's not Disneyland. There won't be anything in Forks exciting enough to merit bringing back as a gift."

{--}

Al was down at the car with Brice and a large map spread out over the bonnet that they were both leaned over. Cora pulled me into a hug,

"You take care, okay."

"I will." She squeezed me tighter and over her shoulder I mimed 'help' to Oz, who cleared his throat, pulling me from Cora and walking me to the car.

"I'll uh, I'll see ya soon then … I guess." I smiled and gave his arm a squeeze,

"I guess you will." Brice hugged me before I climbed into the passenger seat beside Al, and Sonny's head came through my window.

"This sucks. It's gonna be weird not having you around."

"Sonny, I'll be gone two days, tops."

Al cleared his throat, waving the hand he rested on the top of the starring wheel at Sonny. "Sonny, you've known Smee a few months. _I've _not spent a day away from you in over seventeen years, where's my heartfelt goodbye?"

"Oh Al, everyone knows you're my favourite." Sonny grinned before pulling his head out of the car and miming to me, 'No, you are.' I grinned and winked, waving as the car started up and we pulled away.

{--}

We were still in silence once we'd gone past the lake and deep into the woods.

"You're sulking." I relaxed my arms from their folded position across me,

"I am not!"

"Did you really not want me to come?"

"It's not that, it's just I don't like that you just assumed you could, or that I needed you. I get that you want to look after me, and I appreciate that, believe me I do. But I'm not a baby."

"I _know _you're not a baby. I know you're strong and independent, but regardless of that, I don't like the idea of you being far away on your own. I don't like the idea of you being far away period." He turned to me and smiled, "So am I forgiven?"

"There's nothing to forgive, I promise. You're here and I'm happy. But this trip is _my _trip, so there are conditions. Well, one condition."

"I'm listening."

"You're not allowed into Forks." He took a deep breath, scrutinising me through the corner of his eye,

"Why not?" I chewed my lip. It was better _not _to tell him about the possibility of wolves, if I did, there was a chance he'd turn the car around right now.

"Because, _that _part, I really need to do alone."

{--}

After a several hours we pulled in for gas. I left Al by the pumps and went across the lot to a fast food restaurant to grab something to eat. The place was packed out so I stationed myself at the back of the long line and prepared to wait, my only source of amusement the menu above the cashier desk as I debated with myself over and over whether to go with a double or triple cheeseburger; one of life's great questions.

I tapped my foot as I waited, scowling to myself at every human in the building who didn't have the sensitive senses I did. The smell of so much greasy food was overpowering, not to mention that the place was filled with people on the road, people not so wonderfully clean at the present time.

"So are they killing the cow for you or what?" A hand came to the small of my back and I turned to Al who was grinning as he whispered.

"I know right. And I'll definitely not be eating this in the car; we do _not _want this smell sticking." I turned back to the menu board, my decision not yet made as Al chuckled and drew a deep breath through his nose.

His hand tightened quickly around my jacket, pulling tight.

"Ouch, Al …" I stopped in my tracks when I turned to him.

His jaw was set tight as the rest of his body shook, and his golden eyes had turned black.

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**Yah....  
Well next chap there will be Forks.  
Though don't expect any "Welcome Home, Nessie" banners hung out.  
The only thing being hung out will be Ness.**


	25. Forks

**I realised I don't do this enough, so here goes: A BIG, HUGE, MONUMENTAL THANKYOU to my reviewers. Seriously, whatever you write, I'm grateful. Just knowing you take the time to press that button and tap on those keys means so much to me. Thanks, Love and Cheesy Grins; Gina xxxxxx  
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_"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you."_

_— _

_The Curious Case of Benjamin Button_

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Chapter Twenty-One: Forks  
**

I couldn't hear the chatting people, the screaming kids or the shouts of the kitchen staff. Time had stopped, but there were a hell of a lot of people in this burger bar.

Too many.

In that split second after I noticed Al's switched composure I was scared to touch him, scared to act in case the slightest movement set him off.

When his body straightened, and set in a frozen stance that I knew could turn into a pounce at any second, time was up, and I was right. As soon as my fingers encircled his arm he was gone, thrashing forward into the crowd of people before us. Someone shrieked and I threw myself in front of him, pushing my hands down on his shoulders and digging my feet into the ground as I pushed him back. He was snarling past my shoulder, his eyes dark and distant. As I fought him backwards I took a breath in. There was no exposed blood, but there were at least a few people in here who smelled exceptionally good. For me all this was no unbeatable temptation, but for Al, who'd never experienced this before it had to be too much.

He lunged forward again and I felt my footing slip. Instead of letting myself drop to the floor I pulled up on where my hands gripped Al's shoulder, swinging my knee into his ribs with all the force I possessed. He snarled, buckling momentarily, just enough time for me to wrap my arms around him and wrestle him through the parting crowd and out of the door.

Outside he was too strong for me. I couldn't hold my arms around him as he squirmed and thrashed, so I just settled for clasping both my hands around one of his wrists and dragging him round the back to where there were only dumpsters.

There was nobody else around but Al continued to pull against my desperate grip on his wrist. I tugged against him until the resistance disappeared and he spun, crashing into me and sending me flying to the floor.

When he was on top of me I became very aware of my own heartbeat.

I tried to wrap my leg over his so I could flip our positions but he was too strong, and my grip keeping him a safe distance above me was starting to fail. I could hardly recognise the hungry eyes that gaped down at me, and with the strain of keeping him off me I couldn't shout or try and calm him. So with the last amount of energy I had I pushed my palm harder against his head and projected a deafening scream for him to stop what he was doing. Al shuddere, the force he was putting against me weakened and I used it to flip him and wrapped my legs over his chest pinning his arms beneath my knees. He still thrashed and grunted beneath me, his legs pounding painfully against my back. With a screech I pushed both my hands against his forehead projecting whatever came to my mind.

I showed him himself, and stressed that he was not the person squirming beneath me now. I showed him his family, and I told him he could fight this, I told him he didn't want this, he wasn't a killer and I used my lack of thirst to try and hide his. After a while he was still, and the sense of relief that my gift had proved useful for once was short-lived as I looked down into his eyes. Though they were less angry, more focused on me, they were still onyx black.

"Come on, quick." I jumped up, tugging Al with me and raced across the back of the lot to where a mass of trees started. When I eventually caught the scent of an animal I let go of Al's hand and watched as he raced towards it. Clapping my hands on my knees I bent over and tried to steady my breathing.

After making sure Al had fed twice, I caught the first thing that I came across for myself before leaning back against a tree, closing my eyes and taking deep breaths.

"I'm so sorry." Al stood a few feet away, staring at the ground beneath my feet, a look of pained guilt across his face.

"Al, don't be. It wasn't your fault, I should have thought, I should have been more careful." I alone knew the effect Al's separation from Brice would have, yet I'd been careless enough to think he'd be okay.

"But what I did, what I wanted to do. I've never felt that before." He shook his head, and the expression of disgust he felt for what he did made my heart wrench.

"Exactly. It was new to you; you didn't have time to suspect so it just took you over. Don't beat yourself up over this, Al."

"But I would have killed them all! I didn't care, I could've, and wanted to kill them all. What does that make me?"

"Give me your hand." His eyes darted up to meet mine, before they sunk back down again and he shook his head. "Al, come here and give me your hand." I held mine out to him and he complied, walking towards me slowly his hand slightly outstretched. I took it, wrapping his fingers around my wrist. "Do you feel that?" He inhaled deeply through his nose and nodded slowly, "That's my pulse. That's my blood, the blood you've lived with all this time and never had trouble with."

"Because of Brice."

"No! Because of you, because you're a good person. What about in the car when you took me to Bigfork, or on the way here? Al what about when you first found me? Brice wasn't there those times. And then Sonny, you were alone with Sonny when he was a baby and Brice had to go away with Oz to help him adapt. It was you, Al."

"And if you weren't with me then, Smee, what would have happened? You got me out of there and you calmed me down, you were the one who stopped me then." He shook his head and started peeling his fingers away from my wrist, with a disgruntled sigh I pulled him back, spinning around and backing him against the tree trunk. "Listen, I'm not gonna let you mope about this. Nothing happened, nobody was hurt. Everything's fine, let's just forget it ever happened, okay?" He looked into my eyes, his finally that gold that I'd so greatly missed in the mere minutes it had been gone. "Okay?" He nodded and I wrapped my arms around his neck, scoffing when he rubbed my back and murmured,

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Barely. You're not as tough as you think, pretty boy."

{--}

We dashed back to the car, eager to avoid running into anyone and steering clear of the burger bar, needless to say I'd lost my appetite for a Cheeseburger. Al was silent for a while, but I didn't mind too much, he was allowed to process, just not to feel guilty.

"Can I ask one thing?" He'd been quiet so long that it made me jump a little,

"Depends what it is." I grinned when I saw a smile sneak across his face, glad he was doing as I told him.

"How did you know what to do? I mean, one second I could've …." He looked over and his eyes travelled me, his fingers tightening around the wheel. Killed me, that's what he could've done. "And the next, what you did and what you showed me just bought me back."

"I'm not sure. I just, I know that when that happens, it's impossible to think, let alone think about what you're doing. I guess, I just did your thinking for you. You're welcome!"

"So when you think about it, us, all of us, we're like a perfect combination to control thirst. Like, you can appeal to the better nature, Brice can take the burn away …"

"Cora can hide the smell, and then if they ever lie about feeling the thirst, you'd know about it, which in turn, would lead to Oz dragging them miles away from civilisation in a second flat. But what about Sonny?" Al laughed,

"Sonny's the bait. We slice him, and stick him out there to test our theory."

{--}

The sky turned grey with the arrival of the evening and my stomach started to do somersaults as the magnitude of what was happening started to hit me.

"How far do you think you could run?" I twisted my head, chewing my lip as I pondered Al's question,

"I'm not sure, why?"

"I was thinking we just park the car somewhere now, if we run we could probably get the rest of the way faster." I shook my head quickly,

"No, that's not the plan. We're stopping outside a place called Port Angeles. You're staying with the car, and I'm running into Forks." He exhaled through pursed lips, shooting me a sideways smile,

"What, you embarrassed to take me to meet you're Grandpa?"

"Whatever my motives, Al, you're gonna do as I tell you." He chuckled, raising his palms against the steering wheel and shrugging in defeat.

"Okay, okay. How long do you think you'll be in there?" I sighed, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. There were things … people, I could run into in Forks that would make whatever time I spent there very difficult. But I had to see Sue and Charlie. I had to feel something for those who loved me so much. Sue must have been so scared when she heard of Charlie, especially after losing Harry to a heart attack less than ten years ago.

"I have no idea. Just give me twenty-four hours and promise you won't come looking for me."

"Twenty-four hours! A whole day?"

"Yes! This is important, I need to do it right, it can't just be some quick visit." He shook his head and dropped back against his seat, "Look, I'll be fine, and if I'm not, trust me I'll be straight out of there." He bit down on his bottom lip and shook his head again,

"What do you mean if you're not fine? You'll be safe there right?"

"I guess, I mean yeah, of course. But, it's been a while, I really just don't know what to expect." I was suddenly terrified. I had no idea who'd be in Forks when I got there. He twisted in his chair, averting his eyes from the road to stare into mine,

"Put your shield down and tell me nothing in Forks can hurt you." I bit my lip, not sure what saying that would do, not sure if it was a lie or not. When I hesitated he twisted back in his seat and stared back down the road, "This is ridiculous. This isn't okay, Smee."

I pulled my knees under me onto the seat and leaned over resting my arm on Al's shoulder,

"I'm going to my Grandpa's house in the town where I grew up, what bad could happen to me? Okay, so there may be things there that I'd find upsetting but that's it, nobody there wants to hurt me. I'm a big girl, Al. I can take care of myself." He looked me over from the corner of his eyes before sighing and nodding.

"So, you're Grandpa knows what you are?" I scowled and dropped my chin on my arm where it rested on Al's shoulder. This was him seeing how much he could find out, and for once I wasn't completely uncomfortable with telling him.

"Nobody's ever flat out told him, but he knows I'm … _special_." Al smirked,

"Well you're definitely that! So, he's your mom's dad?" I sucked in a deep breath,

"Yeah, yeah he is."

"And how long has your Mom been, y'know, a vampire?"

"Since the day I was born." As I answered I removed my arm from Al's shoulder and moved to sink back into my seat. He stopped me as he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled me gently across the console that was between us until I was sharing his seat; half sat on his leg. The arm he didn't keep on the wheel snaked around my waist and he pulled me tight.

"The day you were born?" I let my head rest against his chest, feeling the exhaustion of today finally catching up with me.

"Yeah." He nodded and I saw the knuckles of his hand go white as he clenched them around the steering wheel.

"Dya think she'll be there? Is that what you're worried about?" I recalled what Renee had said, she and Edward were "travelling", so I doubted she'd be in Forks, she hadn't been back there in years anyway.

"I don't think so. I'm pretty sure she won't be."

"What about your dad?" I snuggled deeper into his arms. Though being close to Al was comforting, the temperature of his body added a surreal feeling of irritation to talking about Bella and Edward.

"What about him?"

"I dunno, you've just never mentioned him so I don't know if you even know him. I mean, are he and your Mom still together?" I was surprised when I giggled a little,

"God yes. I'm sure they're very much still together, I'd never doubt that for a second." His head fell back and she shook his head again,

"You're such a little mystery, Smee."

"Are you done questioning me for now then?" He smirked, leaning down and kissing the top of my head,

"For now."

{--}

I fell asleep with my face against Al's chest as the sky turned dark.

For the couple hours rest I got I didn't dream of anybody attacking me, or hurting me, but that night I had the most painful dream of my life.

That night I dreamt of arms, wrapped around me just as Al's had been when I drifted off. But in my dream I didn't sleep, I couldn't, I didn't want to miss one second of smiling up at the beautiful face sleeping inches from mine. Though Al's arms were comforting, I could feel they were cold. But the arms that covered me in my dream were warm, warmer even than my own.

That night I dreamt of Jacob Black.

{--}

I woke, gasping and breathless, an ache in my chest almost reducing me to tears.

"Woah, Smee, it's okay, it's me, it's Al." I blinked and looked across to the driver's seat, where I was no longer seated. Al leaned over, "We're here. Port Angeles, just like you said." Outside was a mass of trees and the sky had fallen into complete darkness.

"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes and arched my back, stretching in my seat.

"Almost eleven, we made good time." Eleven. Too late to go knocking on my Grandfather's door? I considered waiting until morning, but the anxiety was already creeping in and I figured if I attempted to wait in this car until morning, I'd just end up asking Al to take us back to the Mausoleum. I popped down the overhead mirror and ran my fingers through my thick hair and looked down at my clothes which had a fair share of wear and tear to them after having to scrap with Al. The bag I'd packed with Cora's help was on the back seat and I grabbed it before pushing open my door and sliding from the car.

We weren't even in Forks and I could smell it. It had rained recently, of course, and the forest was damp. I'd run through these woods so many times as a kid. When images of who I'd run with came to my mind I pushed them back.

"I'm gonna go change." Al nodded from inside the car and I started a slow stroll into the trees, not bothering to go too far in.

I dressed quickly and avoided having to sit in the mud to pull on my treasured flat, black boots. Shoving the clothes back into my bag I rolled my eyes and smiled when a little voice in my head told me to fold them neatly, a voice I could only assume was born from Cora. I ignored it though, and jogged back to the car.

"How do I look?" Al's eyes darted up to me quickly, before dropping nervously down to the steering wheel.

"Uhhh … great, yeah, you look great." I eyed him suspiciously as I threw the bag back on the back seat, then looked down at myself. I wore skinny grey jeans, a white tee and dark jacket. I sighed and wrinkled my nose when I figured I could have chosen my ensemble better.

"Oh no, I look like a biker or something." I groaned and brought my palm to my forehead, I should have dressed nicer, worn something people are _supposed _to clean up and wear when they go visiting Grandparents. Al got out of the car and rushed over to me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

"You do not look like a biker. You look beautiful. And this is not you worrying about clothes, Smee, clothes don't matter." I looked up into his eyes and smiled,

"You're right, I'm just nervous I guess."

"Don't be. If you're nervous then I'll panic. Now, you have you're phone right?" I pulled it from my back pocket and waved it before him. "And I have mine. So if you need me, you call me, promise?" I nodded and let him pull me into a hug. "Good luck."

I ran through the woods, all the time breathing through my mouth as much as I could in an attempt to block out any familiar scents. I avoided both the Cullen, Black and Old Swan houses by taking back routes; routes I could take blindfolded I knew them so well. I slowed to a stroll when I reached Charlie and Sue's house. Staring up at the light that came from the kitchen it all felt so unreal, I could hear Sue humming slowly, and a sound of splashing water that I figured was her cleaning dishes.

I approached the steps to the familiar house slowly. Taking a second to breathe deep and gather my thoughts. The door swung open before my fist could knock on it, and a deep growl came from the one who had opened it,

"What are _you_ doing here?!"

{--}

Though the snarl was slightly suppressed, the intense anger across the face of my greeter was severe.

"Hello, Leah." I was only slightly surprised at the confidence in my tone. I was more so surprised with the confidence I actually _felt._ I wasn't fazed by the surroundings, or Leah's aggressive presence, just inches away from me. She backed away slightly when a call came from inside.

"Leah, who's at the door?" It was Sue. Leah bent back towards me quickly before whispering,

"I swear to God, Cullen, if you hurt them again I'll rip you to pieces." I wanted to delve deeper into her threat, to find out what she meant. But just then Sue came behind her. She had not changed at all, but for a few extra inches to her hair. When she readjusted her eyes to the waning evening light, her mouth slipped open. She stood frozen for a second, before quickly sliding past Leah, wrapping me in her arms.

"Oh Renesmee, my girl, we've been so worried." I felt it then, a slight pang of guilt. It was only small, but it was something. Sue pulled away, cupping my face with her hands. She studied me meticulously as though she were looking for any damage. I could have been brutally deformed and I doubted she would have been able to notice through the tears swamping her eyes. She pulled me back to her, kissing my forehead repeatedly and sobbing, "Oh Sweetheart, thank God you're alright."

Sue led me past the glaring Leah and into the Kitchen. I stood still with my eyes shut, breathing deeply to gather in the scents around me. Through the open window flowed the piny scents of the woods, mixing in with the ocean breeze. A vanilla scent, probably originating from some recently distinguished candle came before the scent of Apple Pie. Sue's Apple Pie. I waited for any emotion the reminder of this scent would bring, but none came. The final scent however, did cause my breathing to freeze. The musky scent was undoubtedly familiar, though it was laced with something strange, something medicinal. I opened my eyes and looked in the direction of its source. My Grandfather was sat in the chair on the other side of the small kitchen. His elbows rested on the table before him and his mouth hung open in shock.

"Hi, Grandpa"

Sue took my hand and guided me over to him. Leah came in and hovered in the doorway, for this I was glad. Now I could keep an eye on her, make sure she wasn't sneaking of to inform anybody of my presence.

I screamed at myself internally for thinking like that, this was my Grandfather, I should be feeling was my Grandfather, though not as I knew him. His skin was paler than usual, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His familiar moustache now spread into an untidy stubble that covered his gaunt cheekbones. Beneath the blanket that covered his thin frame, a thick cast covered his right leg. He turned towards me, dropping his hands into his lap, his shocked eyes fixed on mine. He was entranced by my eyes, and their similarity to his daughter's just as he had always been. Sue leaned closer to him to speak.

"Look Charlie, its Renesmee. She's come home." A second wave of guilt hit, this one stronger than the last. I prayed to whoever may be listening that they would not have their hopes set too much on me being back for good. I placed my hand in Charlie's as moisture filled his eyes. As he squeezed my fingers in his, as though checking I was real, he blinked, releasing the liquid as one tear down each cheek. He swallowed hard and swatted the tear away, shaking his head a little before clearing his throat.

"I can't believe it's you." His voice was strained, almost unfamiliar. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself close. As I buried my head into his neck I begged myself to feel something. It used to be so simple. I'd hug my Grandfather and be so overcome with love for him. Immeasurable love because he was the one human element in my life. The only one, who despite the fact did not fully know what I was, loved me unconditionally. But there was nothing, and as I brought my forehead against his, I was forced to pretend.

"I missed you so much, Grandpa."

{--}

There was a lot of silence.

I sat firmly upright in one of the wooden chairs, Leah directly opposite me, leaning against the wall, her glaring eyes never moving from me. In her current state it was very hard to recall the overwhelming sorrow I had once felt for her. Sue's chair was pressed against Charlie's, both their eyes fixed on me. I just waited, twiddling my thumbs, desperate for somebody to break this horrible quiet. I hated myself for what I was feeling, but in that moment all I could think of was Alvar, and how much I wanted to run to him, to go _home._ I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth, this was my home one, and nobody here had ever done me any wrong_. _I was unbelievably grateful when Leah decided to speak.

"Well, refreshing as this silence is, I think it's about time the Princess filled us all in a little. Where the hell have you been?" She spat her words out violently, lacing them with an aggressive sarcastic undertone.

"Leah, stop." Sue sounded tired as she pleaded with her headstrong daughter.

"Mom, no!" Leah banged her fist against the wall, leaving a deep dent in it without even flinching. "After everything she's done, everything her selfishness has caused how can you just sit here and welcome her back with open arms?" Charlie spoke in his strained voice again, his eyes still fixed on mine.

"She's our Nessie, Leah." It was a short, simple statement, but it sent a bolt through Leah; causing her to briefly double over in frustration before she launched herself out of the back door. Sue leaned over to me, taking one of my hands in hers.

"I'm sorry you had to see that sweetie, she's just been very worried about you."

"It's ok, Nanna," the term seemed so unnatural to me that I repulsed myself, but I forced it out with a smile. My internal hatred was building for my indifference to those who so clearly loved me. Along with my building hatred came my building unease, my body felt giddy in its want to run to Al. I had to try and keep from shaking as the want to be in his comforting arms almost consumed me. "I think I should talk to her." I raised myself slowly, my knees slightly unsteady. As I turned towards the door left open by Leah's force, Charlie cleared his throat.

"Renesmee, this is um, well it's up to you but, is there anybody you want us to call?" I span quickly at his question, realising who he meant by _somebody._

"No!" I adjusted myself quickly, realising my tone had been too firm. "I mean no, I'd prefer it if nobody else knew I was here." Charlie just nodded slowly, as did Sue.

{--}

Outside Leah's scent took me to the beach, where she sat on the edge of a huge rock, her legs swinging gently. The smell of her, the scent of what she was caused me to double over a little as the memory of last night's dream burned through me. I approached her; the scene's likeness to the one I had been shown of her by Victor adjusted my attitude slightly. Though it felt like another lifetime ago, the reminder of the broken Leah, sobbing on the beach, was enough to spark a familiar sympathy. When I walked behind her, she threw a glass bottle to her lips, gasping a little as she swallowed the liquid, which reeked of alcohol. I could sense her words cumulating as she turned her head slowly to me. No doubt she was ready to fill me in on everything I had missed since I'd been gone. I stood waiting, until a hardly distinguishable whisper passed from her lips.

"You have no idea what you've done."

* * *

**Nessie's in for a bit of a rude awakening Next Chapter;  
Leah Clearwater tells it like it is, and where Renesmee Cullen is concerned she has a lot to say.  
**


	26. Daggers

**A/N: This chapter's a lot of me exorcising my own hatred for little Nessie, well not hatred, just frustration. Miss Clearwater makes me wish Oz and Al hadn't bothered killing Francesca; Leah was just made to go out there and kick any female ass neccessary, male too, but her 'tude deserves a bitchy female to be unleashed on.  
When you read this, just picture Leah with a "TEAM JACOB" t-shirt on, 'cos you know that's the way she's inclined. **

_

* * *

"The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to."_

**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two: Daggers**

Leah's words sent a bolt of fear through my body.

_I _may have had no idea what I'd done, but Leah sure as hell did, and I was guessing, no, I was positive, she'd have no problem in telling me.

She stared at me, before sneering and turning back to face the ocean.

I didn't respond, instead I waited for more as she knocked back another gulp from the bottle, wincing as the liquid scratched down her throat. Leah had never liked me, I think she'd tried, she could just never do it. But right now, dislike wasn't even the word.

Leah Clearwater despised me.

She pushed the cap on the bottle and stuck it between her knees, placing her palms flat against the rock, staring out on the wild ocean.

After her daunting statement, she'd fallen into a pregnant silence. Part of me figured she didn't need words. I knew what was before me was more evidence of the changes around here than words could ever be.

And I thought that was unfair.

Leah Clearwater spinning a half-empty bottle of vodka between her legs and staring out on the ocean like she'd want nothing more to jump into it and never resurface couldn't be my fault, could it?

"You see that cliff over there?" I followed as she quickly lifted her fingers, pointing them towards a steep edge on the land far in the distance. She smirked a little, without it touching her eyes and slapped her hand back down on the rock. "Bella jumped from there once." My eyes darted from the cliff back to Leah, whose gaze was back on the ocean. "It was when the leeches up and left, just after I phased for the first time, the day my Dad died."Leah winced, her fingers curling into a fist against the rock. "Which of course, didn't matter. It wasn't the day Harry Clearwater died; it was the day that precious Isabella Swan _almost _died. She always said she never meant to kill herself, and I mostly believe her. See, she's just like you." Her dark eyes swept slowly over her shoulder to me. "Selfish. Not giving a damn about what consequences her actions had for other people. Just waiting for someone to rescue her, which of course they always do. Because you little Leech Princesses are so special, right?" She took the bottle again, this time showing no sign of reaction when the liquid stung. "Of course, Jacob saved her."

Ouch.

This pain was like nothing I'd felt for a long time. The quick stab of agony hearing his name caused was reminiscent of what I endured when I first left. Leah noticed me flinch, and smiled wider this time, but from where I stood I could see tears welling up in her eyes. "Good. I'm glad hearing his name hurts you." I took a deep breath and moved to sit beside her, I deserved this. If it helped Leah at all then I would let her verbally punish me as much as she liked. She scoffed in disgust as I placed myself inches away from her, and looked back out onto the ocean.

"What happened?" When I asked that, I was starring at the half-empty bottle Leah was spinning in her hands, I wanted to know what had caused the strong Leah to become such a wreck.

"You mean to Beautiful Bella or Jacob the Joke?" A second stab hit my heart, but I didn't allow myself to flinch. "After Jacob saved her, she ran back off to your precious Daddy. Leaving poor Jakey's heart all trampled on." A look of pure disgust lined her face, as she turned quickly. "You _creatures_ never deserved him. He got his heart broken twice because of you selfish little bloodsuckers, and all he ever did was give you everything he had." I could smell the alcohol on her breath as she leaned over, hissing her words. She turned away, taking a deep breath and another swig from her bottle. A tear rolled down her cheek, leaving a liquid trail which glinted in the moonlight. After what felt like an hours silence I took my turn.

"I'm sorry, Leah." She scoffed and slowly shook her head. "I know what happened to you. I know about Sam." She drove her fist into the rock and threw herself to her feet, the alcohol bottle swinging in her other hand.

"You know nothing! You're just a dumb little kid who doesn't understand anything. Not love, or loyalty or what it feels like to be the one left behind!" Her words had started as shrieks, but her anger crumbled towards then ends and she threw the back of her arm across her eyes, breathing deeply. When the panting stopped she let her arms hang loosely at her sides, and allowed the tears to flow freely down her angry face. "Do you know what I'd have given to be you? Do you know what I'd give to have someone love me as much as Sam loves Emily, as Jake loved you?" The fact she switched between tenses when referring to the two couple did not pass me unnoticed. "And like the selfish little mongrel you are you threw it all away; leaving everyone behind to tear themselves and each other apart." She waved the arm with the bottle in the direction of the house which held the ghost of my Grandfather. "Why did you come back, Renesmee?" I took several short breaths, not sure if my voice would still be working.

"I – I heard about Charlie, I wanted to see him."

"Did you think you'd make it all better? That one little visit would heal the months and months of heartbreak I've watched them go through." Any sane person would have run from this argument by now, but part of me was relishing in the shots of emotion Leah was administering, I was glad I was finally feeling again. "I take it you're not back for good? That the Cullen's aren't all just gonna come together here for some big reunion." I doubted her question was sincere, but I answered anyway.

"No, I'll be leaving soon."

"Yeah, good. You run off to whoever's saving you nowadays. Leave us all alone." I rolled my eyes at the truth behind her words; Still feeling the pull to be safe with Al. Was I so predictable?

"What happened to you, Leah?" She paused, midway through throwing the bottle's contents down her throat.

"I thought you said you _knew._ That you understood about me and Sam and Emily." She spat the words in a sarcastic mimicry.

"I'm not talking about that. Look at you, you're a mess. This isn't you Leah, you're a fighter. The only female in the pack. The one who doesn't take any crap from anybody." She'd slumped to the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees and sobbing.

"What Pack? I have no pack! I'm alone now. Whenever I phase it's only my voice I hear in my head, nobody else's. Seth's stopped to be with Louise, none of the others will talk to me, and Jacob…." She trailed off, her eyes wandering back over the ocean. My heart clenched, desperate for her to finish that sentence, to share with me the thoughts I could now see working through her. "The only reason I keep phasing is because I'm scared. Because everyone else I know has _somebody_, and the ones who haven't are just content running around together until they do. But I have nobody, and I refuse to grow old alone." She started weeping again and I crawled to her side, placing my hand slowly across her shoulders. "Why didn't he want me?"

"Who Leah, Sam?"

"No, not Sam! Jake! He came back here after you went, to beg Seth to help him look for you. When Seth said no Jacob tried to go Alpha on his ass. They got in a huge fight, took nearly every wolf on the reservation to tear them apart." Leah ignored my shocked gasps, continuing her sob-drenched story. "Then he left, he didn't even ask me to come with him, which I would have, of course. Then when I phased, he wasn't there." She poked her forehead slowly. "He just left me, like everybody always does." I leaned closer to her, keeping my voice a whisper.

"If I could fix this Leah, fix you. I would" She just scoffed, throwing herself to her feet, hiding the bottle in a bush before wiping her face and walking back to the house.

{--}

I waited a couple of minutes, sat in a numb silence staring across the waves and at the cliff Leah had pointed out to me.

Her words had hardly made sense; apparently there was a lot I didn't know about before I was born.

Hopping to my feet I stared into the bush where Leah had hidden the bottle, and after fishing it out I turned and emptied its stinking contents into the water, screwing the cap on and putting it back where I'd found it.

Leah was better than this. Hopefully she'd figure that out.

{--}

Sue's infectious smile had lost none of its strength on me.

I couldn't help but grin as she did when she took my plate of food away after cupping my cheeks with both her hands and staring deep into my eyes.

"I think you could out-eat my Seth these days, Ness. That boy hardly eats anything anymore." Charlie snickered, pushing his food around the plate,

"He eats plenty, Sue; he's just not in the same league he used to be. Not like his sister." Leah grunted from the other room where the TV was on mute, but she was still sat in front of it, staring mindlessly.

Sue turned from the sink, rubbing a towel over her hands, before dropping back in her seat,

"You must be tired, honey. Would you like to go upstairs and get some sleep?"  
"No, I'm fine thanks, Nanna. I got some rest on the way here." Charlie looked up,

"Did you come far, Ness?" Through the doorway I saw Leah twist in her seat, her body facing towards the kitchen a little more.

"Uh, yeah, it was pretty far." Charlie went to speak, but stopped.

"Are you happy, Renesmee?" I'd been staring at Charlie, and the distance in his eyes and when Sue asked her question, I couldn't tear my gaze away from him.

"What?" She reached for my hand, and I turned to her.

"Are you happy? We know what made you leave, about the note and all those things, but they don't matter to me," Charlie's eyes shot up from where they were burning into the table, and from the sound Leah made in the living room, I could tell neither of them shared completely in Sue's opinion. "But are you happy, are you safe?" I stared at my Grandfather, and had no idea what answer might hurt him the most. I felt the prospect of tears rising up in me and swallowed them back. Sue had always given Seth and Leah independence; she was just always there when they needed to come back. But Charlie was different, he couldn't do that. And it wasn't Sue's daughter I'd left behind.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

{--}

I watched Charlie as he sat in silence and forced smiles as Sue kept talking.

She told me about Seth, and how well he was doing. She told me about Billy, about Paul and Rachel's new baby, and how little Claire had been picked to play Cinderella in the school play.

At this, my phone started to vibrate in my back pocket.

Sue didn't seem to notice, she just continued going into details about Claire's play.

"And Quil's run the lines with her so many times he could get up there and perform the whole thing solo. You gonna get that?" Leah had appeared in the doorway, her arms folded as she stared at me and nodded down towards my legs. I shook my head and she smirked, shaking her head before returning to a scowl. Sue's eyes travelled between us, having missed the sound Leah had picked up and not knowing what was going on.

The vibrating stopped and Leah hung in the doorway.

Her hands dropped to her sides and she turned to the open window, pulling in a deep breath.

When she turned back her eyes had a fiery anger and he body rocketed into me, grabbing me by the shoulders and pinning me back against the wall.

"Who's with you?" As her daughter shouted, Sue shrieked and Charlie got up from his seat.

I didn't think, I just reacted.

Grabbing Leah's arms I pulled them to the sides and threw her backwards. She flew across the room, crashing against the other wall which cracked around her.

She picked herself up, we were both shaking, and as I tried to control mine, I knew she couldn't.

Pushing her wild black hair from her face, Leah snarled before racing out the front door, the familiar crack audible as her body changed.

I looked down at my hands, then up at the place where Leah's body had buckled the kitchen wall.

Sue and Charlie were silent.

Sue's jaw was wide open and her eyes wide.

If she looked shocked, then Charlie was just terrified.

It hurt so much to see him look at me the way he did. I wasn't his little girl anymore.

I felt the tears coming back, and knew it was time to go.

"I'm so sorry - I didn't mean - I shouldn't have….." Sue grabbed my hand,

"Don't worry. A little DIY will do Charlie good, right Charlie?" He was silent, silent and scared.

"I have to go." I hugged Sue quickly as tears filled her eyes, then moved cautiously over to Charlie, wrapping my arms around his neck and whispering,

"I love you. And I'm sorry. For everything, I'm so sorry."

{--}

I ran from the house, pulling my phone from my pocket as I chased Leah.

One New Voicemail.

Calling my inbox I pressed the phone to my ear and pushed at my feet to carry me faster when Al's frantic voice came over the speaker,

"Smee, there are wolves here, okay wolves! Why aren't you answering your phone? I'm coming to get you, I don't like this. Please, Smee, just come back to me, _please_!" The message beeped out and I dropped my hand from my ear, trying not to crush the little phone as my fingers pulsed with the rhythm of my feet.

I had to find Al before Leah did.

And then I'd need to explain the wolves.

Today was fast becoming a contender for the worst day of my life.

* * *


	27. Driving Ms Clearwater

**A/N: I'm alive! Some of you were probably having doubts given my ridiculous lapse in updates ..... sorry about that! I had a lot going on and whenever I tried to write all that seemed to come out was crap, so both this, and my other story have been ridiculously neglected. But it's summer now, and I'm back, ready to focus and concentrate .... focustrate? Consencus? **

**This chapter is pretty long, well longer than the average WS chapter. After this the next couple should be up in pretty quick succession (fingers crossed), then at some point, there's the little issues of the Cullens getting a surprise visit from the Volturi to deal with.  
**

This chapter's for **ZombiesRunThisTown, **who gave me my one millionth reason to love her recently when she made me a fan cover. It's so good and will be posted on my page as soon as this chapter goes up.  
And also **Saralg, **because I really do not deserve her.  
And then every reader and reviewer who has come back after this unforgivably long wait.

**So, incase you forgot, which would be more than likely: Ness went back to Forks and got a verbal beatdown from a very angry Leah. Leah caught Al's sent and got a little mad, running out to find him with Nessie hot on her heels.**

**

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Chapter Twenty-Three: Driving Ms Clearwater**

My running came to a grinding halt when a strong grip came around my wrist. I span to see a panicked Al, his hands moved to my face and his eyes darted over me,

Before I could speak he pressed his hand back in mine and we were running again.

We ran until the smells of Forks, and most importantly, the wolves, were behind us.

I dropped to my knees, feeling as my whole body shook as the barrage of emotions warred against each other. Al crouched before me and took my hands in his,

"Are you alright?" I nodded slowly as my body ached in a hundred different kinds of agony. "There were wolves in there! _Werewolves._" I sunk into the grass, wrapping my arms around my knees and murmuring,

"I know." Al rose to his feet and started pacing,

"It was weird, I just knew. I caught that scent and- I mean Oz always said they smell bad but, I was never expecting it could be_ that_ bad. I guess you smelled it to, huh? You should have just called me, you should have got out of there straight away." I pulled tighter on my knees and bit down on my bottom lip, closing my eyes as I answered.

"No, I meant, I _know. _I knew. I've always known there are wolves in Forks." Al's pacing stopped and he turned to face me.

"What?" I didn't look up, I just stared down at my knees and took deep breaths to try and suppress the ever building tears.

"They've been there since before I was born. I've always known." There was a long silence during which I could feel my heart thumping in my chest.

"And you didn't tell me?" I winced at the pain and anger in his voice and dropped my head onto my knees. "You said- you _promised _you'd talk to me about things now. How could you not tell me?" I ran my fingers roughly through my hair, pulling the strands from my face. I wanted to be silent. I wanted to freeze as my body shook in shame, sadness and guilt for everything that had happened tonight. But Al deserved and explanation, whether I liked giving it or not.

"I knew you wouldn't understand. I knew that you had… preconceived opinions on wolves that weren't going to go away just because I told you they should." I looked up then, and Al was staring down at me with his eyes wide and frustrated. "Wolves aren't necessarily dangerous, Al." His jaw dropped,

"But Oz-!" I took a deep breath and raised a palm quickly. I'd heard the story of Oz's run in with a werewolf in his newborn year in gruesome detail before, and the hatred he harboured for the creatures had always set a tense irritation in the pit of my stomach.

"That was a werewolf." I sighed, though I'd never really believed in this little deviation, it could maybe save my ass right now. Al frowned at me in confusion and I decided more than my familiarity with wolves would out tonight, I_ had _promised to talk to him, so now I'd talk.

"There are no wolves in Forks, only shape shifters. Werewolves are savage and have little or no self-control, shape-shifters are _people_. They're just ….special people."

"Shape-shifters?" I rose to my feet, sighing and nodding.

"Yes, it's a difference not commonly known and apparently hard to recognise. I didn't even know -_they _didn't even know until …until my father had to tell the Volturi so they wouldn't kill them."

Al's lips dropped open in shock, sticking like that for a second until they started to move in a wasted attempt at forming words.

"_What?"_ I drew a deep shaky breath, not sure whether the tears I could feel coming were because of the topic of conversation, my memories of my visit to Forks, or both.

"When I was born the Volturi thought I was an immortal child, so they came to kill me." I was relieved now of the knowledge Brice had passed on to the boys, the tears probably wouldn't hold out if I had to go into reasons and histories. "Killing me wasn't actually Aro's main incentive, but that's another story. My family, and a lot of their friends stood against the Volturi when they came and…" I'd burned out. I could no longer talk or even think with Al looking at me like he didn't know who I was.

After a long silence he ran his fingers through his hair and blew a long breath though his lips,

"But your father was a vampire." I nodded slowly,

"Yeah?"

"And he… he defended the wolves- I mean, the shapeshifters?"

"Yeah, he did. They were on our side, all of them." The tears won. With one violent tremor the thought of the wolves, of Leah, putting their lives on the line to protect me made everything that had happened in Forks today hurt like hell. "They were all on our side. To protect us, to protect me." My breath was staggered as I sucked it through my shaking lips. When the first real sob came I pulled the back of my hand roughly over my eyes, doubling over a little bit.

I tried to rein it in, but when Al's arms came around me, I couldn't. He didn't say anything, just pulled me close, lifting me slightly from the ground and I let my head rest on his shoulder as my body shook in violent tears that had been sleeping too long.

I didn't let my self cry long. I forced the cap back on, resealed everything up and stopped the images of my past from coming through.

But some damage can't be hidden away. Guilt had taken up a painful position in my head, and as a twinge in my chest.

Al scooped me up and sunk to the floor letting me shrink up in his lap as I my head stayed on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the wolves. I really am. It's not that I don't want to tell you these things, it's just- really hard." He shushed me and ran the hand not curled around my waist through my hair.

"It's fine. I understand now, I shouldn't push you to tell me these things, not when they upset you like this. It's just that …you need to know that some secrets can put others in danger. Like this or not telling anyone about Victor." I nodded, folding my fingers around one sleeve and pulling it up to wipe at the damp patch my tears had left on the shoulder of Al's shirt.

"I know. I'm sorry. The last thing I'd ever want is for any of you to get hurt." He smirked as I tried, in vain, to rub away the moisture,

"I know. So, how was your visit?"

"Horrible." The guilt burned inside me as I remembered Charlie's appearance, Sue's emotion and Leah's brutal honesty. "Everybody hates me."  
"Nobody could hate you."

"No, they do. And I deserve it." The pitch of my voice rose as a sob squeezed at my stomach and my eyes grew blurred by the rising moisture.

"Do you want to go?" I swallowed the tears back,

"No, no can we just stay here for a while?" Al nodded and I let my head fall back so I could gaze up at the canopy of the green trees that partially shielded the black sky.

I fell asleep, not quite _in _Forks, but close enough, and was fully aware that after tonight, I would probably never return here again.

{--}

I woke when my body was pushed quickly against something firm. I took a sharp intake of breath as my sleepy eyes shot open. All I could smell was Al and the closeness of his scent was dizzying.

He was crouched slightly at my front with his back to me, one hand reaching behind him, his fingers spread across my stomach as he held me back against the tree I was sandwiched against. His chest and shoulders rose and fell with his rapid breathing and I leaned over, looking to see his face and what was causing his panic.

He stared straight into the distance, his lips contorted into a furious snarl. I followed his eye line into the trees in the distance.

She emerged slowly. Her glistening black hair was thrown messily away from her face. She looked even more tired than last night, the shadows under her light brown eyes prominent against her copper skin. She came to a stop a distance away, shoving her hands into the pockets of her blue hoodie.

"Its fine, Al." He hissed, still pressing against me. With a gentle push I slid from behind and round to face him. "It's fine. Just give us a few minutes to talk." His eyes narrowed in Leah's direction before he sighed and looked back to me,

"One minute." I scowled and he shook his head, "One minute."

I watched him shrink slowly into the trees before I turned and strode towards Leah. She looked exhausted and her raven tresses were pulled back into a ponytail and there was a navy duffel bag at her feet.

When I reached her I stood, shrugging my shoulders,

"What, Leah? Have you come to yell at me some more?" She set her jaw and closed her eyes, shaking her head slowly,

"No." When her eyes opened again they were more restrained and less viscous. "Where are you going?" I was too exhausted to argue or analyse, so went with giving a straight answer instead.

"Home. I'm going back to where I live now." Something about saying those words in front of Leah made me embarrassed of them, but that went straight away when she scoffed and looked in the direction Al had gone, rolling her eyes and mumbling,

"Figures."

"Look, Leah, if you've actually come to judge me some more then save it." She raised a palm,

"No. That's not why I'm here." She sighed and rubbed a hand across her face, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Doing what?" She dropped the hand from her face to her side,

"I'm coming with you, Renesmee."

My chest sunk in a short, quiet laugh, stopped short by Leah's stare,

"You're not serious?" Leah bent down, wrapping her fingers through the handle of the duffel bag and lifting it,

"As serious as they come. I'm coming with you." I just gaped at her for a second. Leah Clearwater wasn't one to joke.

"No, you're not." Her top lip peeled back before she sighed, taking a deep, calming breath.

"I have to." I scrutinised her, she really was serious.

"What do you mean you have to?"

"I mean, I have completely no choice. Do you think that if I did I'd go anywhere with you? All I know is that wherever you go, I have to go too." My mouth slipped open and I shook my head,

"Why? What…? Is it a wolf thing?" She nodded, her nostrils flared and her teeth clenched beneath her pursed lips. I lifted my hands to my face and started pacing, "But how? Why? I don't understand."

"Neither do I. I only know what my mind is telling me, and it's giving me no choice but to go wherever it is you're going." She fell quiet and I turned away, planting my hands on my hips and chewing on my bottom lip. "I do have a theory though." I shrugged not turning around to face the Leah whose current state I still felt responsible for. "I've felt something similar to this before ….but never in my own mind." I twisted my torso to face her. "It's got something to do with _imprinting." _She spat the word with all the hate I felt it deserved since I'd found out what it was. "I think that maybe because your Jacob's imprint, that's why I have this pull to you."

I turned back around again and took a deep breath.

Leah was another victim now, another prisoner. How could it be fair that she'd be bound to me and have no choice?

But I'd set Jacob free from that constraint. I'd have to do the same for Leah.

"No. Leah, you can't." Her face dropped,

"Renesmee, I have to, please!" She checked her desperation quickly with a deep breath, composing herself. "You said. You said if you could fix me, then you would. This is your chance then." I did want her to be happy. Or if not happy, then at least not the complete wreck she was now.

"It's not that simple, Leah. The people I live with …" I trailed off, waving my hand at where Al had stood. I shook my head when I thought that Al's prejudice paled in comparison to Oz's, not to mention how mad he would get if he thought she'd be a danger to Sonny.

Leah squirmed a little in disgust.

"It doesn't matter. I can handle it. Besides, it was getting a little hard for me to keep phasing, but with you around I just wanna explode." There wasn't an ounce of jest in her expression.

"Wow, thanks. And that's not a good thing, Leah. You "exploding" isn't going to go down well. I might understand what you are but not everybody else does." She shrugged scowling as she spoke,

"Fine. No exploding. Whatever. I just can't stay here, there's nothing for me anymore. And no matter how miserable it makes me, I know that I have to go where you're going. "

Before either of us could notice him Al's arms were around my shoulder and he and Leah were exchanging acidic glares.

"You ready?" At his words Leah's eyes shifted to me and I took a deep breath.

"Al, Leah's coming with us." His arm dropped from my shoulder and he span to stand before me,

"What?"

"She's my …friend." Over Al's shoulder I saw Leah's eyebrow raise in disgust at the term, I scowled at her, if she kept acting like this it was going to be very hard to remember that I wanted to help her at all. "And she's not happy right now. So I want her to come with us, so I can take care of her." Al blinked hard and shook his head,

"Wh- bu- ..no!"

"Al, it'll be fine. She's not dangerous and it won't be for long, right Leah?"

"Definitely not," she growled, and my eyes rolled in frustration.

"Please." I took Al's hand and squeezed it gently. He twisted round to look at Leah before turning back to me,

"Oz is _not _going to like this."

{--}

We walked back to the car in silence, Al a few feet in front of Leah and I, kept turning his head back, as though checking she wasn't tearing me to shreds. Leah had refused when I asked her if she wanted to go back and say goodbye to people in La Push, she'd just said it wasn't necessary now. It was barely 4am when we left Port Angeles to start the long drive back.

I sat twiddling my fingers as the awkward silence lasted a good hour. Beside me Al took a breath, grimacing and tightening his fingers around the wheel.

"Are you okay?" He ushered his head in the direction of the back seat,

"She stinks." Leah leaned forward, her lips twisted just like Al's.

"You don't smell too pretty yourself, bloodsucker." I rose in my seat,

"No. Both of you stop it. I don't want you bickering and insulting each other all the way to the Mausoleum."

"The _what?" _Al chuckled, watching Leah's horrified expression in his rear view mirror, and I twisted to face her,

"It's just a joke. It's just what we call our house because it was pretty gloomy when we first saw it, but its great now, you'll like it." As she sighed and dropped back in her seat I felt more sorry for her than ever. She looked exhausted and so desperately unhappy. How was this a fair existence? She was being dragged from her home to follow somebody she openly despised just because something in her brain wasn't giving her any other choice. "You should sleep, Leah."

"I'm fine." She hissed, her eyes shifting from the view past her window to the back of Al's seat.

"Don't worry, nobody's going to hurt you. Trust me on that." She glared at me now, her eyelids visibly heavy.

"Nothing in the world could make me ever trust a _Cullen._" I saw as Al twisted a little in his seat, had he ever even heard my surname before? I didn't turn to him, instead held fast in my eye contact with Leah. Whether I felt sorry for her or not, I was done with being treated like crap.

"I've never done anything bad to you, Leah, not ever. You've been horrible to me my whole life but now, now that I want to help you, you've gotten a thousand times worse. It would help a lot if we just got along." Her head shook and a corner of her top lip rose, forcing my tone to be more insistent. "Believe me, Leah, you want me on your side for this. I _want _to help you, so stop being so bitter and just let me." She didn't respond, but she didn't spit in my face either. I turned back forwards in my seat, checking Leah regularly in my mirror as she stared absently out the window. An hour later she was fast asleep.

"I don't understand this at all."

"Why not?" I whispered, pushing a finger to my lips and glancing at Leah when Al turned to me.

"She's horrible. Why are you helping her?" Leah stirred slightly when Al's voice came out too loud,

"Shh, if you think she's so horrible then do you really want to wake her? And she's not that bad." His eyes rolled,

"I just don't understand why you're going to all this trouble for her; she's not your responsibility."

"So I should have just left her back there to be miserable? I've never done anything to intentionally hurt Leah but her life's been affected an awful lot by me. And this isn't that much trouble, not compared to the fact she was willing to fight the Volturi for me." Not necessarily true. Leah's allegiance was to her pack, never, ever to me.

"No, this _is_ trouble. Or at least it will be. I'm not sure how everyone's gonna react when they find you've brought a pet home."

"She's not a pet! Don't say that. This ridiculous prejudice has got to stop. Leah's a person and she deserves to be treated nicely."

"What, because she's _so _nice to you?" I fumbled to pull off my shoes and bring my knees up, curling up against the seat and letting my head drop against the door.

"Just drop it, Al." I was exhausted and my body was begging for sleep, so it didn't take long for me to drift off.

{--}

I was only disturbed when we had to stop for gas, the smell of which woke both me and Leah. I winced as the stench had always been one that I almost found overpowering when in large quantities. Leah just groaned and dropped her head back down but I kept my eyes on Al as he went inside to pay, the first time he'd been around people since yesterday. But I was still tired and as the car pulled out the momentum sent me quickly back to sleep.

The smell of Leah was eerily disorientating when I woke up.

She smelled like my childhood. She smelled like the times I'd sit in Charlie's cruiser with the window wound down as I inhaled the scents of Forks and my Grandfather panicked when I stuck my head "too far" out.

She smelled like Sue's cooking and Seth's hugs.

She smelled like the ancient couch in Billy Black's living room I'd curled up on to sleep a thousand times with my best friend rolled up right beside me.

I was glad I hadn't seen Leah phased yet, that would definitely spark painful memories.

"No nightmares?" Al was dropped back in his seat, one hand at the base of the wheel as we sped down a generic, empty road. My brow furrowed, there had been no nightmare. No memories, no unsettling creation of my mind. Just peace for once.

"Not one." I stretched, flexing my arms and bending my back as I twisted to look at Leah. She still slept, a gentle rumble passing her lips. She didn't look peaceful though, even in sleep she still scowled a little.

The cold glass window was invigorating as I dropped my head against it and stared at the trees that passed by on the side of the road. I leapt up a little in my seat when I saw a shimmering expanse of water in the distance.

"Al! Is that our lake?" It had to be, I recognised the ledge that Sonny would cannonball into the water from. When Al just nodded I gave his arm a firm slap with before leaning over and reaching into the pocket of his trouser leg. "You could have told me!" Al let out a strange sound and wriggled a little as I dug his phone out of his pocket. I sighed in relief when I flicked it open to see his battery hadn't completely died like mine.

"Slipped my mind, sorry." He smirked at my returning scowl as he rubbed his free hand over his arm where I'd hit him. My fingers stumbled as I pulled up the number of the Mausoleum, chanting _Please let Cora pick up _over and over in my head.

"Hello?" I slapped me knee a little in relief when I heard her voice, ignoring Al's chuckle.

"Cora! It's me, I'm almost home." I heard her take in a deep breath,

"Oh Nessie! I've missed you." I tuned out for a second as the car turned into the rough road that went through the trees, past the lake and towards the hill the Mausoleum stood on.

"Yeah, I missed you too. Cora, who's home right now?"

"Me and Sonny. Brice is leaving now to go get Oz off his hunt for when you get back." Good. No Eavesdroppers. And I doubted Sonny's audible range had improved enough in the twenty four plus hours I'd been away from him for him to hear what I was telling Cora over the phone.

"Okay, Cora I need you to listen real carefully. I'll explain what I'm saying when I see you, but for now just trust me okay?" There was a pause, Cora's eventual reply slow and quiet.

"Alright." Al eyed me suspiciously,

"The first chance you get, I need you to hide the scents of everyone in this car. Including the car itself if you can." The line crackled as Cora sighed,

"Ness …." I could almost feel her questions buzzing through my handset, but I knew she'd wait, just like I'd asked her to. "What do you mean _everyone?_"

"Just- Cora can you just do this for me, please? Trust me, it'll all be clear very soon." She sighed again, and I heard the distinctly ungraceful pounding as Sonny leapt down the stairs from his room.

"Who's on the phone?" On the backseat Leah stirred, rubbing her eyes as she lifted her body slowly upright. Cora's voice came back,

"Consider it done, Ness. See you soon."

I pulled my fingers through my hair after flicking the phone closed and dropping it in Al's lap.

"Not a bad idea. But Cora can't hide what she is for long." I turned to smile a greeting to Leah,

"I wasn't planning on getting her to. I'm telling everyone as soon as we get there. This is just to take out the initial …shock. Leah, we'll be there any second, you okay?" She steadied herself on the seat, gripping the back of Al's chair and bringing her other hand to her stomach.

"I feel- I just feel …funny." Al bit his bottom lip and stared into the rear view mirror, no doubt very anxious at the prospect of Leah puking in the car. I pulled myself on to my knees in the seat and reached my hand out to Leah's forehead, she shrunk away a little so I just dropped it.

"Sorry. What would I say anyway, that you have a temperature?" One side of her mouth curled up in a smile,

"No, not sick just …_funny_. It's like before, but ten times stronger."

"Well it'll probably go away when we get back to the house. Maybe you're just hungry." She nodded slowly and unconvincingly and dropped back into her seat running the fingers of one hand over her forehead.

When the car came to a stop at the bottom of the hill, I looked up at the house and took a deep breath before pulling at the door handle and throwing it open.

"Wait." Al's hand came around my wrist, stopping me as I rose from my seat. He stared at me seriously, his wide, bright amber eyes set intently on mine. "This is important to you?" My shield was down, so he'd feel the full force of the honesty of my answer. This _was _important to me. I knew that, of the many uncertainties in my mind nowadays, Leah, and the knowledge that I could not have left her in Forks was not one of them. I knew that, but still had to restart my breathing to say it when Al stared at me like that.

"Very." He exhaled, glanced backwards at Leah and got out of the car running quickly up the hill and into the house. "Come on, Leah. Let's go." We got out and I took Leah's bag from her, beckoning her to follow me as I strode up the steep slope to the open door of the house.

Al stood with his back to us as we entered the kitchen, Cora, Brice and Oz were before him and staring over at the new face beside me. A new face that was, to everyone but Cora.

She'd seen her before when she'd taken Victor on in invisible visit to Forks, and when we entered her eyes went wide and her jaw fell completely. She stood with her arm curled through Brice's and I did a slight double take when I noticed she wore a new dress. It was blue.

"So…. This is Leah." Al ushered his hand in our direction before stepping backwards and coming to stand at my side.

Everyone was silent. All I could hear was heartbeats. And it was strange to be able to hear someone else's besides just mine and Sonny's. And Leah's was thumping pretty damn fast. I turned my head to check she was okay. Her face was blank. She just stared straight past me and Al, up at the first floor.

Sonny was up there. Pacing impatiently in his room, where I guess Oz had confined him once news had reached him of the mystery around the new arrival.

I sighed, one day Oz would need to realize I had few priorities higher than Sonny's safety.

But Oz was very suspicious, as was evident by the way he stared at Leah now. Not exactly glaring, but still very unsure. Brice just looked confused as he held Cora tight beside him.

I didn't know what to say, where to start, or what was the best way to go about this.

"Leah's my friend." I checked to see if Leah scoffed, or flinched or rolled her eyes. She didn't. She just kept staring up the stairs. "I've known her since the day I was born. She's a good person, and she is very important to me. Okay?" I stared at Oz as I spoke, he raised one eyebrow as he looked at me,

"Yeah, yeah, Al's already given us all a little intro. But it seems to me, there's more to this we don't know yet." I took in a deep breath, choosing my words very carefully.

"Leah's a lot like me. She's a normal person, but she's something else too. She's a shape-shifter. Leah can change her form into something else. But she's still the same person, she's still in control of her own thoughts and actions, she just looks different."

Brice's expression moved into intrigue, clearly he was fascinated my what I was saying,

"_Shape-shifter?_ So she- So Leah can change her entire appearance into anything?" That's why I hated the term shape-shifter. Sure Leah could shift her shape, but that label implied that the possibilities were more than just the one thing.

"No. Shape-shifters can only transform into one thing." Oz scrutinised my stare, and it seemed he found something in it he didn't like. His body straightened and his expression grew hard,

"And what's that?" As he spoke he sniffed at the air, his eyes shifting to Cora when he found that there were no scents coming from us at all.

"A wolf."

Oz seemed to freeze up for a second, before his face contorted into an angry snarl.

"You brought a werewolf here!" Al slid in front of me before I could answer, positioning himself defensively between Leah and I, and Oz.

"No. Weren't you listening? Leah's not a werewolf." Oz's burning eyes were over Al's shoulder, darting between me and Leah.

"Then how come Cora's not letting me smell it?"

"Calm down, Oz." There was a composure in Al's tone that Oz's was lacking, but he was still being firm.

Leah still seemed to be in a trance, there was a bizarre distance in her eyes that worried me.

"Leah, are you okay?" I gave her arm a gentle tug, but it caught her off guard and her body jumped a little before she pushed me sharply away.

Oscar snarled, taking one swift step towards us. Al's hands came to grip his shoulder, restraining him.

"Oscar, calm down!" The way Oz glared at me I could tell he was furious that I'd brought her here, and I understood why. He didn't understand, and he didn't know Leah.

When he started forward again Leah snapped from her trance, sinking into a partial crouch with a snarl at her lips. Oz's whole body began to shake as Al struggled to hold him back.

Brice and Cora slid to his side, both of them ready to intervene if Oz managed to leap forward. I realised the last thing I could ever want to happen now would be for Leah to phase. I wrapped my fingers slowly around one of her wrists to be ready if her aggression escalated. This just seemed to increase Oz's more than anything.

"Smee, you get away from her!" I twisted, gaping up at the snarling Oz.

"What?"

"Get away from her, now! It's not safe!" His deep voice was raised and it travelled loudly through the building.

"No, Oz it's fi-"

"What's going on?" There was a rapid creak upstairs as Sonny's bedroom door flew open and he called down to us, obviously concerned by the noises.

I still had my hand around Leah's wrist when she flew upright. Then no sooner had Sonny's voice travelled down from upstairs than Leah's took a few quick steps around me towards the direction of the staircase.

"Leah, don't." I pulled back at her wrist but she continued to tug away. Oz growled, leaping past Al and coming to crouch at the foot of the stairs. He shoved Leah away and she snarled in return. I got behind her, wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her tight against me. A severe tremor rumbled through her entire frame, so I held her tighter. _"You need to calm down." _Her eyelids flittered as my message passed across her conscious, but she just kept her stare over Oz's shoulder.

"I need to-" She bent, trying to distance her body from my steadfast grip and lifted one hand in the direction of the stairs as though reaching for them. Oz hissed, sliding up and caging Leah's wrist in his fingers.

There was a snapping sound, and Leah shrieked in agony.

With my arms still around her I was dragged forward as Leah's body collided with Oz's, both of them snarling as the three of us landed in a heap at the foot of the stairs. I grunted as I tugged hard to get Leah away from Oz. Al and Brice were restraining him so the force with which he was applying to trying break his arms lose from them could not be used in striking Leah. Leah still snarled atop Oz as Cora and I caged her arms to her torso. She quaked violently now, the hope of keeping her from phasing almost lost.

Oscar writhed and hissed and Leah kicked and snarled as Cora and I dragged her up.

"What the hell?"

Leah fell deathly still.

The shaking stopped completely. She didn't make a sound and she stopped throwing her body in Oz's direction. She wasn't even looking at him anymore.

Her chin was tilted back a little as she gazed up the stairs where the voice had come from. Sonny stood at the top, surveying us all.

Leah's body seemed limp. Her limbs just dangled as Cora and I held her like they'd been abandoned of all instruction. I hardly recognised her. There was no scowl at her lips and no darkness in her now wide eyes. She just stared up at Sonny, and looked completely consumed.

A tingle went up my spine as a deep voice washed over my thought, a memory, long since visited. The voice was Victor's, the words ones that had shattered my world not so long ago, and ones that now, looking at Leah, had a whole new meaning.

"_I'm afraid Renesmee, it's a cruel trick of nature. An evil phenomenon that leaves a person with a selfish fixation with only one person, and a disregard for any other. It's called imprinting. It occurs in shape shifters. It takes away their ability to love any other, takes away their freedom. They become like a prisoner."_

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_**Up next: The truth about: Love, Lies & Imprinting.**


	28. Imprinting

**Nope, you're eyes are not deceiving you, this really is an update.**

**This chapter was done over three weeks ago now. It was written up and waiting for a final spell check before going into Document Manager and being shared with you lovely people. Unfortunately, before that could happen, I got some bad news about a family emergency which meant we had to throw a few essentials in a bag and get on a flight to go to Sorrento in Italy. While I was there I couldn't access my account or anything but I also just wasn't in any place to do anything story related at all.**

**But I'm back now, and very much restored to my usual self. So here's the chapter. This one actually made me really pissy at Stephenie Meyer. She got to completely skim over the whole "Jake having to actually tell everyone he'd imprinted" because of that oh-so ridiculous p.o.v change she did. So I had nothing to go on when writing this and had to drag it out bit by bit. But then I also didn't want to make it tedious for you all. You know what imprinting is, I know what imprinting is, so I didn't want a whole chapter just going over that.  
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**While in Italy, I got nearly the entire next chapter done using this thing I remember from when I was a kid ….is it called pen and paper, I can't remember?? But after going over it, it seems to have come out a bit more morose than I want. But I'll fix that, type it up, and post it, probably tomorrow. (No, definitely tomorrow, I promised Saralg)**

**Anyway, I've not been home so long an I've been so busy settling back in and catching up with everybody that I still have so much reading and reviewing to do, but it will be done.**

**I think I've caught up with everyone over PM's but if I haven't I will.**

**So, enough rambling. Enjoy this … quite long chapter and thankyou all for the undeserved patience you continue to grant me.**

**P.S Sarah - I swear, the fact this was updated almost as soon as you left town is PURE coincidence!  
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Previously ('cos sometimes I have to think back too): Renesmee went on a visit to Forks, and was joined on the journey home by Leah who for some reason had no choice but to follow her. On discovering what Leah was, Oz grew very hostile, and Ness, observing some peculiar behaviour on Leah's part when she saw Sonny, thought she may have imprinted on him. **

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**Chapter Twenty-Four: Imprinting**

"Leah?" I could only force out a whisper as my frozen body still clung to Leah's. She didn't flinch, she just kept staring at Sonny. I squeezed my arms, nudging her a little but provoked no reaction. "Leah." I cleared my throat, pushing more force as I tried to pull her attention to me. She didn't notice, and there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I stared at her wide eyes.

Desperation pumped through me, sheer disbelief that this could be happening shook me as I sub-vocally sent a screech across Leah's skin. It acted like an electric shock, causing her to jump and shudder.

Cora snapped closer around to restrain her and Al slid closer to me. "Leah, look at me." She did this time, panting a little from the shock of what I'd done to her. But she didn't yell at me, or volley some physical response, she just stared. And I had no idea who _she _was. She looked so different; her expression had fallen into one I had never seen her wear before.

She reminded me more of the past Leah I'd been shown by Victor, the one sobbing on the La Push beach after Sam's betrayal. This Leah felt things, she was fragile and young.

"Sonny. You get back upstairs … now." Oz was planted at the foot of the stairs, his voice firm but contained up to his little brother as he kept a sideways stance so he could keep his eyes on Leah.

"_Sonny." _Leah whispered, slowly and reflectively, a smile playing at her lips. I watched her, transfixed, not able to peel my eyes from her when I saw that her reciting of Sonny's name so adoringly caused Cora's brows to furrow.

"But… Smee, who…?" Sonny frowned, his eyes darting between me and Leah.

"Upstairs, Sonny! Now!" Leah shuddered when Oz's voice thundered through the building, after that she growled and lunged forward.

The air popped from me when her elbow found its way into my stomach as she flew forward. I held tight to her though, as Cora pulled her back and Brice and Al crouched before her, forming a barrier between her and Sonny and Oz, the latter of whom was seething furiously in our direction.

"Oz, stop!" Sonny leapt down the last couple of stairs, shoving at his brother's huge shoulders trying to get past him. Oz, unyielding, pushed back. The force he'd applied was enough to send Sonny staggering backwards a little, catching his foot on the bottom step and sending him ungracefully downwards, but I knew, that after so many years of practice, Oz could not have hurt Sonny.

Leah on the other hand, had no idea.

There was no holding her as she leapt in the air, clearing the gap between Al and Brice to come crashing down on Oz's torso.

Brice yelled for Oz to stop as he rolled atop Leah, the two of them snarling; scratching, lashing and pulling at each other. We all scrambled, each of us trying to pull them apart as Sonny crawled back onto the stair, further from the commotion. Brice managed to lift Oz and Cora caged Leah in her arms, but Oz went forward again, tossing Leah through the air to crash against the back wall, which subsequently cracked and crumbled.

Oz was the strongest of us, if I hadn't known that before then I definitely did now. Only Brice came close to matching him, and even with Al's help, they could not restrain Oz's immeasurable rage as he launched himself in Leah's direction once more, nor could they ever match his pace. He sped forward, coming to a grinding halt when Leah disappeared from his reach, pulled to the side by Cora.

He spun, hissing once at Leah who was wriggling in Cora's arms before colliding into her again, sending both women across the room to smash against the wall at the mouth of the kitchen. Brice snarled, feeling every shot of pain in the room and leapt onto Oz's back as Cora remained pressed against the wall, her arms crushed around Leah.

Al was at Oz's side quickly, tugging and yelling at his brother, trying to find some way of calming him. Brice pulled furiously at Oz now, the Cora shaped chasm in the wall getting deeper and deeper. I stood helpless, waiting for Leah to phase or for one of them to rip another's head off.

And I was the only one who noticed how close they all were to Sonny.

Brice pulled once more at Oz, creating a gap between him and Leah that Al quickly slid between, planting his palms against his brother's chest and pushing. Oz snarled, thrashing on the spot, and the whole group stumbled with him towards the foot of the stairs.

"No!" I jumped, clearing them all and pulling Sonny out of the way before Oz hit the bottom step first, everyone crashing around him straight after. Throwing Sonny on my back I leapt to crouch on the thick wooden beam that ran a few feet below the roof. Sonny wrapped his arms tighter around my shoulders and I shifted, securing his legs around me tightly. "You okay?" His head was just behind my shoulder, and though I didn't turn to look at him I could feel his heart thumping against my back.

"Y-yeah." I leaned forward, feeling Sonny squirm, slightly unsure as my balance in the less than substantial space seemed doubtful, but I knew I wasn't going to fall. I stared down, at where everyone else stood. They all seemed to have composed themselves slightly, no longer scrapping but just staring up at where we were. Cora was back in Brice's arms and Al had stationed himself between Leah and Oz.

Brice was the only one whose eyes weren't stuck on me and Sonny. They darted around everyone, especially hanging on Oz.

An exhausting frustration throbbed through my body. I just needed them all to listen, and at least try to understand without acting out so rashly.

"What use was that?" I glared, shifting my stare between Leah and Oz. "You don't even know each other. You have no reason to dislike each other so why are you fighting? Why are you putting Sonny in danger for some stupid preconception?" They both sucked in a deep breath. Behind them, the bottom three wooden steps were crumbled and shattered, and Sonny would have been sat there if I hadn't moved him. I saw Oz set his jaw, but focused mainly on Leah. She stared past my shoulder in desperation.

I was being stupid. I knew nothing about imprinting, only what little Victor had told me. All I had to go on was some hunch. I leaned farther forward, narrowing my eyes a little to observe Leah. Sonny gasped, wrapping his legs and arms tighter around me and pressing his head tightly onto my shoulder, his cheek pushing against mine.

"Not that I don't trust you or anything, Smee, but I am only human." He chuckled flatly the sound in synch with a rapid sink of Leah's chest. Her eyelids fluttered a little and her lips tightened into a hard line. Was that moisture in her eyes?

"Well the bitch attacked me for no reason!" Oz hissed, but Leah didn't seem to notice. She stared at the floor now, her shoulders drooped as her arms hung lazily at her side. Cora murmured some disapproval for Oz's language and Sonny wriggled again, shimmying higher to look over my shoulder.

"It wasn't for no reason." I only whispered it, but they all heard. I stared at Leah as I thought of how some simple sibling exchanges made her furious. Exchanges she mistook for aggression between a vampire and a human, so helpless in comparison.

{--}

I let my body slip to the floor when she didn't respond, lifting Sonny from me and supporting him when he wobbled to his feet. Her eyes darted up, sinking quickly. "Come here, Leah." Oscar took a step forward, but stopped when Al slapped a hand over his chest,

"She's got it, Oz." Everyone, including me, seemed to take a deep breath when I held my hand out to Leah. It was the first point I noticed I was shaking.

I found myself watching, noticing every movement of Leah's eyes. It took her a second to bring them up from staring at the floor, they shifted to Sonny then, and she pulled in a heavy breath and looked at me.

I'd held out my hand, not expecting her to take it, but just as a simple gesture to get her to at least look at me, so when she curled her fingers through mine I was surprised. I pulled her towards me, her eyes darted a little, but remained mostly on me or the floor.

"Leah, this is Sonny." At my side, Sonny grinned, raising his hand and waving it slightly. Leah looked up then, she looked at Sonny and I saw it in her eyes.

He was the centre of her world now, that much was plainly obvious.

I fought the need to run away or scream or panic. I ground my teeth together and kept calm. "What's happening?" I whispered, my eyes clinging to Leah. She didn't answer, nobody did, all I seemed to get were the concerned looks I could just make out from the gathering over Leah's shoulder. "Leah?" She was silent still, just looking at Sonny, but she nodded slowly.

At that point I didn't need to ask. I recognised the look in her eyes and the change in her face. My mind was swirling with links and memories, things that, because I'd never known what imprinting was, I'd never noticed before, never associated.

Now the loving stare that made me safe as I child, the one that turned my stomach to jelly as I grew older filtered through my memory, and I understood it was all forced.

I felt panicked and dizzy and scared. I wanted to scream or run away. This situation was too much. I loathed the concept of what imprinting was, the removal of choice and freedom, and now it stood right before me and it had to be explained to everyone else.

Suddenly everyone was too close, I felt too immersed in the situation to think straight. I stepped quickly from Sonny's side, striding across the kitchen to the centre of the newly-damaged living room. Cora and Al moved to come to me but I waved for them to stop and just let my eyes wander across every person before me. My fingers ran through my hair, tugging tight.

The atmosphere still balanced on a knives edge. Any over-emotional outbreak from me could just push it and start them all fighting again.

Deep breath. Focus.

"Oz, Leah attacked you to protect Sonny." It was only when I heard the movements and fidgets of reaction that I realised my eyes were closed, so I left them that way.

"_Protect _Sonny?" It was Brice who asked, but I heard no snarling or crashing so I presumed Oz's silence wasn't because he was otherwise occupied. I replayed what I had seen in my mind, remembering Leah's reaction to something she didn't understand.

"Oz, Leah didn't know that you were Sonny's brother or that he was safe with you. She didn't understand that you were protecting him, so that's why she reacted the way she did." There was a pregnant quiet where I could only hear the three thumping hearts.

"Why would she do that?" Oz. His voice was a little more distant like he wasn't facing me when he spoke. Though his words were calm, his deep tone gave them a still aggressive edge.

Because she had no choice.

Because she would have gladly let you rip her apart for the sake of protecting someone who didn't even know her name.

"She just had to." I was seeing black now. My eyes squeezed shut and the constant thought of darkness sheeting everything else out. Thoughts had now become laborious things, painful and difficult. I spoke, as though only to myself. I was after all, trying to figure it out as well as describing it to everyone else. "I don't really understand why, but I know she had to. Leah couldn't let anything hurt Sonny."

A slip, an image, a tiny shard broke through the darkness and stung me all over.

_My tiny, chubby fingers curled through a thick mass of dark hair, the surface of which rumbled beneath me, my body clinging to it. We were in a field, a mass of eyes around us; some red, some gold, some brown and black. The red ones that stood at the opposite end of the clearing burned in our direction, fiery against they pale skin of their faces. I was frightened, I remember that much. But not enough. I feared I'd lose what, at the time I thought myself unable to live without. I was scared this was my fault. I was scared for everything but myself. Not from some selfless devotion to those around me, but from the chocolate coloured wolf my little body held on to. I knew, as illogical as it sounded, nothing could hurt me while he was there._

My eyes squeezed tighter and the blackness returned. Stupid. Really stupid. Illogical was right. Illogical and selfish.

Suddenly there was this voice in my head, it sounded like me, but seemed to take more control than my own voice ever had.

It was saying this wasn't about me, so I should stop making it so. Think straight and stop acting like such a baby.

I peeled my eyes open and faced them all. What was that saying - like a band-aid? I'd never had a cut in my life, but it was a something I'd heard. Get things over with quickly, don't prolong them because it will only make it worse.

"It's called imprinting. It basically means, as far as I know, that Leah is bound to Sonny now. She's his." I tried not to, but I spat the words a little bit. Everyone seemed frozen, staring at me wide eyed.

"This is some joke, right?"

"No." Leah and Cora replied to Oz at the same time, but it was the latter who caught everyone's attention. Cora knew what imprinting was, she'd seen it before, but they didn't know that, as was evident by the puzzled stares she received from Victor and Oz particularly.

"What Ness is saying is true. Though I have no way of being sure Leah has actually imprinted on Sonny, I know that such a thing exists. I've seen it."

"You've associated with wolves?" Oz growled across the room, and there was a slight smirk at Cora's lips when she replied,

"Shape-shifters, Oscar." Cora knew all Victor had told me, and she knew all about my ties with imprinting. "And though I can't say I've ever _associated _with them exactly, I can vouch for all Ness has said. They are not immediately dangerous, not unless you give them cause to be." She scowled at Oz, and he flinched slightly, as though he was affected by her disapproval. "Leah is no threat, so we must not treat her as such. She is Renesmee's friend and our guest, we _will _show her respect."

"I just don't understand what this has to do with Sonny." Al had drifted closer to where I stood, a crease between his brows as the confusion flooded to his face.

"It has _nothing _to do with Sonny. No way" Oz hissed, and Brice leaned into Cora and mumbled,

"How do you know about this?"

"I only know what I found out from when I first met Ness. We both know the same which is very little, if we're going to get answers from anyone then I think it will be Leah."

It seemed everyone had forgotten her judging by how quickly we all moved to look in the direction she stood.

She was in the corner, behind everyone else, stood almost shoulder-to-shoulder with Sonny.

She looked younger again, especially beside Sonny as they both stared at us all, their eyes both set a little wider than usual. Leah's shoulders shrugged slowly, almost nervously,

"Alright."

{--}

"So this …." Brice's brows furrowed, his arms crossed atop the kitchen counter around which we were all gathered. "This imprinting thing … it happens a lot?" I was furthest away. Pressed against the back counter, closest to the door. Everyone else stood closer to where Leah sat at the counter's head, Sonny at the stool beside her, Oz stationed protectively behind him, his arms crossed and a dark glare across his face.

"Of the shape-shifters I know I'm the tenth." My head snapped up and my mouth hung open slightly, Leah glancing slowly at my shocked stare.

Tenth? How had I never known anything about this?

"Who?" Everyone else turned to me. This discussion had been going on for some time and I'd been completely silent. I just stared at Leah, her dark eyes calm and focused.

"Sam, Jared, Quil, Paul, Embry, Collin, Brady and Seth." I shook my head. Each face appearing in my mind as she said them, and murmured,

"But that's everybody."

"That was only eight." Oz was staring at Leah, and everyone joined him once he'd spoken. All but Cora who looked at me. "You said eight names, you're number nine, so who's ten?" My throat felt dry and my body stiff, Leah's lips parted slightly, before resealing, her gaze drifting to me before Cora said calmly,

"Does it really matter, Oscar?" His shoulders shrugged,

"Guess not. It's not like a give a damn about the perverted infatuations of dogs anyway. What I _do _care about though, is _my _little brother." Sonny sighed, spinning and shooting a glare at Oz.

"There's nothing perverted about it." Leah spoke, albeit lacking the aggression I'd always known her to carry, but with a force still, she clearly wasn't about to sit and let Oz walk all over her despite the fact she'd been eerily polite and calm with everyone since the brawl.

"You've pretty much pissed up my brother's leg, marking your territory. That's perverted if you ask me." Cora hissed, her eyes burning in Oz's direction, switching to Brice who chuckled quickly, checking himself and bringing his fist to his mouth when he caught Cora's glare.

"Nobody did ask you, Oz." Sonny hissed over his shoulder, and this time it was Al who chuckled, his shoulders bouncing slightly.

"You're just being ignorant, Oscar. If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." Cora had a wild temper, but at all other times she was a saint, and she'd been protective of Leah from the moment we walked through the door. "What about these other shape-shifters, Leah, tell us about their imprinting." I took a slow step forward; Al twisted to watch me and smiled a little.

"Well, our old Alpha, Sam, he was first. He imprinted on my second cousin Emily, they're married now and they have two kids." She spoke it so nonchalantly it shocked me. Oscar sighed deeply through his teeth, growling a little but everyone seemed to ignore him. "The others are the same, mostly. Including my little brother, Seth, he should be getting married soon." I took another slow step forward when I realised Leah had spoken of Seth, the person I'd always thought her to love most in this world the same way she spoke of Sam. The faces of everyone ran in my head, Paul had married Rachel Black, Paul had imprinted on Jacob's sister. I went through each face,

"Quil?" Leah looked at me quickly, those dark, unfamiliar eyes of hers connected with mine. "You said Quil but … but who?" Whether it was just because of my time away from Forks, maybe I'd just missed the news of Quil meeting the "love of his life", I used to be told about all of that stuff, maybe I'd just missed it.

Leah readjusted her posture a little, her and Sonny were both leaned forward with their elbows on the counter, quite close to each other and now Leah adjusted to face me more, it didn't pass me by that Sonny then did the same.

"Claire." I waited a second, waited for more information on this new name but Leah's intense stare made me think I wasn't getting any, made me think I didn't need any. There'd been a Claire in Quil's life from before I was born.

"_Little Claire?"_ Leah straightened, her darkening eyes staying with me, "She's a child!"

I stared to shake again, from what I didn't know. I'd always been told Quil cared so much for Claire because he felt for her as they'd both been raised by single mothers. I'd thought it sweet he'd play games with her, take her home early from wedding's and parties when all the other wolves would stay out late together.

"Don't you dare" Leah shook her head, her voice firm, "Don't you dare act like there's anything wrong about that." I froze, studying her face.

Quil had given all that up, he'd not stopped phasing yet, whereas a lot of the others had. His youth was being prolonged, but he wasn't living it. He was living vicariously through a child, and he had no choice.

Quil had imprinted on a child, but so had Jake.

{--}

I broke eye-contact with Leah, her intensity starting to physically shake me and stared to the ground. Al's arm came around my shoulder and I sunk into his chest, letting him pull me in tight.

I kept my eyes averted; only listening to the rest of the conversation.

"Like hell there's nothing wrong with that! It's disgusting! You dogs are sick!" Sonny and Cora furiously chastised Oz at the same time and he growled in frustration.

"You didn't listen to Leah did you, Oz?" I could hear Cora's temper coming through, along with the pauses she was taking to reign it in. "Imprinting isn't just attraction. The shape-shifter just becomes whatever their imprint needs, or wants them to be." I shrunk further into Al, my thoughts churning in disgust. "So I find it perfectly feasible that there's nothing _disgusting _about imprinting on a child." I felt Al chuckle as Cora impersonated Oz. I felt sorry for him, he was getting a lot of criticism for having, albeit very vocally, the same opinions as me. I looked up at him, just as he sighed in anger again. He caught my glance, his eyes narrowing slightly as he seemed to analyse it before he grunted,

"They'll be what their imprint wants? So she'll get out of here when Sonny tells her to?" I was resting my head against Al's chest, staring at the floor again, so the only reaction I got was the silence, before Sonny's quiet, but tough voice,

"Well I'm not going to do that. I want her to stay." My stomach tightened, Sonny didn't understand what he was doing, what he was pulling Leah into.

"Absolutely not", Oz hissed, "Brice, you have to be with me on this one." There was a pause in which Brice pulled in a deep breath and sighed,

"Oz." His answer was clear enough in his tone and I looked up to see Oz's face contorted as he pushed a vacant stool forcefully against the counter, shattering its frame. Cora's fist tightened as she surveyed the damage, but she remained quiet as Brice continued. "Surely Oz, this decision lies with Sonny, he's not a child anymore." Al's arm tightened around my slightly before relaxing again. "Smee brought Leah here trusting that she will do us no harm, we must all share that trust." As if I could have forgotten this was all my doing. "Besides, what's done is done, and we don't know what damage would be done to either of them if they were separated."

Leah and Cora glanced across at me at the same time and the tightening this time felt enough to squeeze my insides from my body. "As you heard from Leah, despite variations in circumstances these pairings stay together. I think that is what this Imprinting is Oz, this is what it means, Sonny and Leah are not supposed to be apart."

Inside I was screaming and crying and tearing my body limb from limb from all the hatred and disgust.

Outside I displayed nothing but a light shake as I sucked in a deep breath and murmured,

"Excuse me." Then I unwrapped myself quickly from Al's embrace and strode through the front door, only hearing Oz as I made my way down the hill.

"Is she the only one who hates this too? Is Smee seriously the only other person with her frikkin head screwed on?!"

{--}

I scaled the tree with ease, coming to rest on one of its highest branches and leaning my head against the trunk. The view from up so high always took my breath away. I could see all across the woods, right down to the lake which reflected the sun I was hidden from under my leafy canvas. To the other side I could make out the town, and behind me was the hill that rose up to the house, and its bewildered inhabitants.

"Can I come up?" I sighed, he'd found me, he always did.

"Since when have you ever bothered to ask?" Turns out he hadn't waited for an answer, he was already halfway towards me. He threw his leg over the branch, straddling it and facing me. "Wow, you waited one minute to follow me, what took you so long?"

"Eh, I figured you could use some time alone." His lips curved into a sideways smile, which dropped slightly when he stared sincerely and asked, "Are you okay?" I grinned the wide teasing grin I could never help when I hid from him.

"I'm fine." He laughed at my mocking.

"So, the shields up, huh? You're not gonna tell me what's bothering you?" No. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted to tell him everything, about Jacob and Bella and the imprinting. I thought I'd have learned my lesson from the Victor incident, but I just felt like it was wrong to tell him that.

"It's just – I'm just kind of …. Worried." His eyebrow arched, he was so adorable when he was confused. "I mean, about those two." I flicked my hand in the direction of the house. He pressed his lips together and nodded, "Yeah, I just worry if it's right, if they'll be happy. If we'll all be happy." He took a deep breath and stared back at the house, he could see it better from the direction he was facing.

"Well, when I left, the two of them looked pretty disgustingly happy. It was creepy." I laughed as he pretended to shiver in disgust; at least I thought he was pretending.

"But Oz is mad"

"A little, but when he found out _why _the pooch attacked him, he was actually a little impressed, I could tell." I tilted my head in wonder and he raised his palms upwards, shrugging. "He figures, anyone who'd protect Sonny like that, can't be all bad, however rotten they smell." My eyes wandered back over the horizon, letting Alvar's words give me hope that it would be okay. That this would _save _Leah, and give Sonny a purpose in life. When any thoughts of the word 'prisoner' crept into my mind I swallowed deep and forced it to go away.

"It's so beautiful up here."

"Yeah, it is." I felt the blush rise through my cheeks when I caught Alvar in my peripheral vision. He was not looking out on the view like I was; his gaze was fixed on me. The blush was embarrassing, so I turned around and gave his elbow a playful shove. He feigned panic as my push made his body rock slightly. He then continued to lean further over the branch, mocking me.

"Would you be scared if I fell, Smee?"

"You'd be fine."

"That wasn't my question." He pushed his hands in front of him, using them to lift his weight as he shifted closer towards me. "See, I think it would frighten you, watching me fall. No matter how safe you know I'd be, you'd panic." His hand moved slowly to sweep the hair back from my shoulder, and I felt my breath hitch at his touch. He let out a little laugh before speaking. "I know you don't think I notice, but I do." When my eyebrows furrowed he bent his head, resting it on my chest, right where my heart was. I felt it quicken at his proximity, and my insides tightened. "It's pretty fast anyways, but I notice. I notice how your little heart picks up when I'm near you, when I touch you." I hated my stupid half-human self! Why did I have to blush, and why did my heartbeat have to be such a stupid little betrayer? Alvar's head lifted back up, a wide smile on his lips as he leaned away, pulling one of my hesitant hands in his. He pushed it down against his own chest, just over where his still heart lay. "You see Smee, if my heart beat, it would be just like yours. It'd speed up when we were together, and break a little when we were apart." I felt rushes of electricity run trough my body as he moved closer and my hand slid from his chest to his shoulder, gripping his shirt. My breathing was deep, my cheeks were a little flushed, my heart felt like it was about to explode, and my body was fizzing from top to toe. Was there any cool-calm-and-collected-vampire in me at all?

His lips were just inches from mine when my head pulled away, but my grip on his shoulder only tightened as I pulled him closer.

It wasn't that I couldn't do it. My brain wasn't slamming on the brakes, stopping me from kissing him.

It was silent.

There was no yes, no no, no go, no stop. My mind was mute for that slight second, and it terrified me.

Alvar just smiled, letting his forehead rest against mine. I could feel his icy breath against my lips, and his scent was intoxicating.

"Shall we test my theory?" Feeling his lips move so close to mine, as his sweet aroma washed over my senses, I started to feel dizzy.

"What theory?" He laughed, raising his hand to wrap it gently around my neck and pulling my face closer to his, nuzzling our noses.

"This theory." And then he was gone, sliding from the branch.

He had been right, it _did_ scare me.

My heart almost leapt down after him it picked up such a pace. I peered down at him and watched as he came to a soft, graceful land and looked back upwards, his arms outstretched, beckoning me to follow. I grunted and threw my leg over from the other side of the branch. Before I pushed of, so as not to hit any branches on the way, I hoped he'd feel the same ridiculous panic as he watched me do it, he deserved no less. I bent my legs and landed steadily a few feet beside him.

"You were scared," he smiled, wide and smug, "your little heart went berserk."

{--}

A while later we went back up to the house. Oz wasn't there, though Cora had told me she knew he's be back soon as she'd told him he would have to play a substantial part in rectifying the damage done to the house.

Sonny and Leah just sat talking, and though everything inside me screamed not to look at them, I couldn't help it.

They appeared so comfortable in the way the communicated with each other, both of them relaxing effortlessly.

I went to bed that night more frightened of dreams than ever before, and with good measure.

The dreams were of Jacob now, every single night, and they were torture.

Everything seemed to change.

I slept very little, if I could avoid it at all I would. I spent increasing amounts of times away from the Mausoleum, and continued to be bewildered by just how quickly Sonny had become infatuated with Leah.

The unit, the family I suppose you could call it, had shifted. I felt no distance between any of them, but we all seemed to spend less time together. Oz was always away it felt. When he did reappear he would spend most of his time with Al and I, and whenever he was around I tried to focus my attention on him, as I felt the changes that had taken place had bothered him most. Cora and Brice too, spent all nights and the majority of the days away from the house together, but they always returned at points to check on us all. Sonny and Leah were their own little unit. Sometimes they'd spend days lounging around the house or they'd get outside and enjoy the glorious summertime we'd fallen into.

Al and I seemed to drift around. We'd be the ones rotating through the ever separating units, both of us seeming to feel a paranoid pull to bring them all together again. Some days I'd encourage Al to just go and run with Oz while I'd hang back with Sonny or spend the day with Cora. But mostly it was the two of us.

Everything felt quiet, and it was strange.

I wasn't used to such peace, and it managed to put me on edge more than ruckus and noise ever could. So it seemed that my interiors were trying to compensate. My mind was a constant thump of thoughts and worries. Did Oz hate me for all this? Could Sonny _really _love Leah? How are Sue and Charlie and Seth? But mostly I was thinking of what was next.

What does an immortal do with their existence?

It was a question that had, thankfully, started to keep me up at night. Swirling images of what might have been, and what may still be. I'd started to panic about things, things that could come far too soon like losing Sonny, or what it would feel like when Sue or Charlie left this world. Even when Al curled up beside me and observed my new state of restlessness, I felt alone.

I felt heavy and exhausted, smiles were a chore and it was getting different to formulate any thoughts through the spider webs that had become my mind. Cora would pull me to her and hold me close, and I'd feel like crying for no reason I could fully understand. I spent less time with Sonny when I felt my misery would just dampen his joy, and Al would just sit and watch me; his chin resting on his palm and his brows furrowed as he searched me silently for answers.

He was doing that as I slumped in the wild green grass, my back propped against a huge tree trunk. He sighed and my lips twitched. We'd been sat down here for a while now and I'd not said a word as Al scrutinised me.

"Not talking today?" I pulled at the last petal of the daisy I held between my fingers and dropped it, reaching for another one as I answered.

"Of course I am. I just don't have anything to say." He sighed again, this time heavier.

"You don't have much to say in general anymore." I stared down at the flower as I pulled at each delicate, white segment, shrugging my shoulders, but nodding a little at the same time. "I guess it's up to me again then."

He lifted to a crouch, crawling the few feet to the trunk and twisting to sit round from me so that he was just in my peripheral as I stared down at the diminishing daisy. "I haven't seen Oz today." He drew a deep breath after saying that, "or the day before for that matter … or the day before that." It'd been five days, the longest absence I'd ever known Oz to take. I knew it had worried Al, but now he sounded more than worried, he sounded deeply upset.

"I'm sure he's fine, Al. And I know he'll be back soon." My words felt empty, but to me, so did everything I said nowadays.

"Yeah, yeah I mean, I know that too. Oz wouldn't leave. It's just weird not having him around."

"You miss him?"

"Of course. He's my brother, he has been for over seventeen years, it would be unnatural for me not to feel something when he goes away." My fingers clamped around the flower that still retained the majority of its adornments, my palm rolling around it, pulverizing it.

"Do you think it's my fault?" Not empty words this time. Quiet, silent almost, but not empty. I don't even recall ordering myself to speak them, but when the squeaked out, Al's head span around quickly.

"What?" He stared at me, and I dropped the daisy, not reaching for another one as I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around them.

"All this. Oz going away, it's my fault." Al's head shook slowly,

"You're serious? This is what's been bothering you? You think that all this is a bad thing?" I bit my bottom lip and stared out on the distance.

"When I came here, you were fine. Now look how much has changed, because of _me_. I've taken everything and messed it up, you don't even live in the cabin anymore." Al chuckled,

"Oh of course, Smee. You should beat yourself up because you got us from a crappy wooden cabin to Mansion Mausoleum with our own lake. Yeah, you're a real piece of work for that one."

"I'm serious!"

"I know you are, and that's what annoys me. Annoys me and scares me and makes me love you so much more. You really do think you've been bad for us. You really think that bringing Brice and Sonny their soulmates has been detrimental." I held back a wince. For a while now, I'd become sure that I didn't have a soul, or that I'd had one, and lost it. Yet the word _soulmate _still frightened me.

My head fell back against the tree, "I just … I'm just scared. I'm scared of what's going to happen now, because this all just feels so temporary, everything's moved too fast to last long. Everyone's going their own way and I don't want that. I don't want that for you and for Oz and Brice and Sonny. You were together before I came and this didn't look set to ever change, now I've ruined that."

"I'm not sure I'll ever understand you." I sighed. I wished he would, he might be able to offer me some insight. "It was never fair on Sonny. We all knew that but we were scared to face it. He's human and we're not. He deserves to be out there, living this life he has but instead we kept him cooped up with us. We tried to go and live out in the world, but it was always a strain and how could Sonny ever really be a normal kid at school when he had three vampire brothers hiding in the shadows at home."

Al's voice fell quiet and I twisted to watch him, he just stared in the distance. "We thought about giving him up once. It was never something we openly discussed, but it was definitely considered. We just couldn't do it. He was nearly four by then. While Brice had been away with Oz, I'd taught Sonny his first words, got him crawling, so even though I knew his life would have been normal if we let another family have him, he was my little brother. So you have no idea what you've brought him means to us. You were the first person, outside of us, that he really got to know, that he really got to love. And then Leah. Sonny doesn't deserve to just live with us for the rest of his life, he needs someone else, and much better _her _than some human girl he couldn't bring home." I smiled, pushing my palms into the ground to lift my body straighter.

"I suppose it's an advantage really, knowing that your life has to end one day. Makes you less complacent."

"What makes you think it's never going to end?" I twisted quickly, Al sat slumped, chuckling lightly as he stared ahead.

"Excuse me?" He twisted his head, smiling as he observed me.

"Immortal we are, Smee. Unbreakable we're not." His brows raised like my shock confused him and I shook my head.

"It's- I just- I've never really thought like that." Al chuckled again and turned back away from me,

"Well, when you've had as many near death experiences from the same persistent guy as me, you can't help but think." I felt my jaw drop a little and my stomach tighten.

"You're talking about Victor?" Al smirked,

"Of course. Unless you know anyone else who wants me dead?" I felt a strange ache in my legs and jumped quickly to my feet, Al's eyes following me as I came to stand before him, my chest rising and dropping quickly.

"You're talking about this so nonchalantly. You're talking about _dying _like you don't even care." He rose upright, straightening his back and staring up at me.

"It's not that I don't care, Smee. Of course I care. It's just that Victor first tried to kill me twenty years ago, after that he burned an apartment building down to get me, and as of a few months ago, the guy still wants me, don't you think I've thought about that a lot?" I felt my face grow warm and my breathing stammer.

"And what have you thought?" Al shrugged, but his eyes narrowed as he watched me.

"He doesn't care what it takes, I know that. I know he wants Brice too, but, well Brice is bigger and stronger than me, but Victor's just in a whole other league. If he ever finds me ….the only reason I made it last time is because Brice got there just in time." I took a step back, feeling my stomach ache. Al jumped to his feet and stepped towards me.

"You sound like you know this is going to happen. It's as if you've accepted that Victor's going to kill you." He took another step forward, his face calm.

"I sort of have."

{--}

My chest fell quickly and my whole body went momentarily stiff, every emotion and thought, every feeling of exhaustion and anger buzzing to the palm of my right hands as I swung it to collide with Al's cheek.

There was a loud clap and his face snapped to the side. I coughed a sob and brought both hands to my mouth, my right buzzing a little as I felt the hot tears roll onto it. Al turned back to me; confused and alarmed.

"You can't do that." I spoke through the sobs that squeezed at my airways. "You're not supposed to tell people that, not people who love you like I do." My body was quaking, every inch unstable from fear and panic.

"But, Smee, I just-" Al took a step forward, lifting his hands to try and grasp my elbows.

"You were just being honest, of course you were." I felt angry, and dropped my arms quickly, removing myself from his reach. "But I can't believe you would ever say that, ever even think that. You can't think like that, Al. You can't." I shook again as another barrage of tears thundered forward. "You're supposed to protect the people you love from the things that would hurt them, how could you not know that would hurt me?" He stood silent, I could tell he was confused. His bewilderment made me angry again, surely this was simple?

I wanted him to understand, to feel what I was feeling. I wanted him to know how I'd been affected by what he'd said. I wanted to show him.

I took quick steps forward, raising my palms and feeling the still buzz as I brought my hands to rest either side of Al's face. Even before I'd made contact, he reacted. He moved quickly, reaching forward and placing both hands either side of my waist, pulling me closer.

He ducked slightly, and his lips pressed against mine.

* * *

**In my head at least, the next couple of chapters are the beginning of the end.  
But endings are often the funnest part. ;D**

**Review please, I've missed you all!  
**


	29. Moments of Clarity

**Not as quick as I wanted to be with this one but it took ore adjusting than I expected. Plus there was the fact I got distracted yesterday with watching the new clips from New Moon a few hundred times.  
Anyway, longer A/N at the end for this one, but enjoy!**

**

* * *

Chapter Twenty - Five : Moments of Clarity.**

Everything started processing when he kissed me.

Every thought; those I'd hidden all these months, those that had become jumbled and unreadable were presented to me and I knew that they just were, and I couldn't run from them anymore.

At first I was still. My palms still clung to Al's cheeks as his smooth lips pressed against mine.

Then each emotion started to run through me with an ice cold clarity I'd forgotten could exist. Everything before had been numb and guarded. I hadn't truly felt joy or pain because I'd become cocooned in such a guarded existence, because I'd pushed my past away to protect myself.

That was all gone now.

My fingers pulled Al closer and my lips moved, taking his bottom one between mine as his hands tightened around my waist.

Every memory pulsed through me. Every moment with my family; all the stress they began to feel for my safety around my birthday, yet the ease they displayed around me until the last moment I saw them.

Everything at once tumbled through my thoughts, the barrier keeping it all back broken. Al's lips seemed to move more fiercely against mine when I thought of my time with Victor and Francesca.

Then I thought of Jacob. All of him, every prominent memory of my life which he had been such a part of. My stomach tightened when I thought of kissing him. All those displays of affection that seemed to always be initiated by me and not him.

I'd only ever wanted to kiss Jacob Black. Only ever him. I only wanted to love him and have him love me back.

But then I'd learned what his love really was, and I'd thought it a bad thing.

All this didn't make me push Al away. This remembrance of what was in my heart only made me cling to him tighter, his lips seemed frozen now.

I couldn't lose him. I'd lost too much to be alone again, to be without this new family I loved so very much.

I thought of how it had felt to just hear how Al had accepted that one day he might be removed from this world by a soulless monster.

It had felt horrible, and I'd wanted him to know that. I'd shown him; pressed my palms to his face to share my thoughts with him. Then he kissed me, and I didn't stop.

I pulled away when the realisation dawned. The slight tingle in my fingers that signalled my projections had been blurred by all the other sensations pulsing through me.

Al's eyes were open, his topaz orbs burned wide into mine. We still clung to each other, my hands not moving from his face as I shut off all connection and mumbled,

"You saw that?" He didn't respond. He just remained frozen, his face inches from mine until I pulled away quickly, backing up a few long steps. "You saw that."

Everything was out. Every morsel of my guarded past had been emptied into Al's consciousness. He knew all I did.

My mind still reeled, the new clarity setting in, faces of my Uncles, Aunts and parents taking their places in the front of my thoughts whereas before they'd been locked away.

"I know everything." I felt myself start to shake at his words. With the clarity had come the pain and the shame, it would be harder to hide it away again if Al had felt it too. My head shook and I took another few steps backwards. Al watched me, slowly moving forward, his eyes not moving from mine as he spoke. "I know everything you've been through, everything you've done. You left your home. You went with Cora and Victor, and you left."

"Al, stop it!" I kept taking short steps backwards, my fingers involuntarily curling into tight fists. He just moved with me,

"I know everything you've kept hidden. I know you've bottled it all up and all the pain you've felt because of it. I've seen your family .." A hot tear streamed down one of my cheeks, when I saw them too. Every locked away memory spent with them streaming through my mind. "… you left them."

I stopped dead, as though Al's words had finally hammered home that I'd done just that. Left them. I went with no explanation save a tiny note they may never have found. I didn't go back and talk to them, confront the situation like I should have, I just ran.

"I'm sorry, Al." I swallowed hard, feeling the tears building. "I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry you had to find out what I am."

"What you are?" His eyes narrowed as he closed the gap between us. He studied my expression, which could have been leaking my inner self disgust to any degree.

"I've seen you, Smee. I know what you are." I dropped my head when air bubbled up inside me and came out as a sob, but Al's hand came to my chin and he lifted it slowly. "I know how much we mean to you. I know you'd rather die than let somebody hurt Sonny. I know you'd move mountains to make Oz happy and I know the love and safety you feel when Cora hugs you. I've seen Brice through your eyes, and I've seen that the way he is with Cora hurts you because it reminds you so much or your family. I know how desperate you are for Leah to be happy, and how difficult it for you to accept that she is." Al's eyes relaxed, travelling my face, lingering on my lips. "I've seen what I am to you." He smiled, raising one hand and slowly wiping the tears from my chin with his thumb. "I know I make you feel safe when you wake from your nightmares. Those horrible dreams where those cloaked figures come and take us all from you." His fingers gently traced my cheek, "And I've seen him. I've seen Jacob." I squirmed a little, feeling everything rise up inside me, about to explode. Al, unyielding, just held me tighter until I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just collapsed into his arms.

{--}

I wasn't sure how long I cried. But in the end my head ached and my eyes stung, not unlike my first night after leaving Juneau. The beginning of a three day period I'd just spent rolled up alone, crying and in pain. These two outbursts felt like bookends, one at each end of the time I spent suppressing everything and trying to forget.

The throbbing in my head was the same, as were the trails the rolled down my face, but I wasn't alone as I was before. Al held me the entire time. He didn't say anything as the months of pent up agony spilled from me, he just kept still and silent and it was clear that he wasn't fully with me, he too was away in his head processing everything.

"It's getting late." I looked up at the sky which had turned a dirty blue above us. Al had quietly broken the silence that had come over us since the sounds of my sobbing dissolved.

"Yeah." My head lay in his lap, the rest of my body curled up on the mossy ground with his arms wrapped gently around it. He unwrapped one of those arms and gently pulled away the hair that lay across the side of my face,

"What do you want to do?" I knew he wasn't talking some short term decision like going back to the Mausoleum or hanging in the woods a little longer. He was talking about a much bigger picture, one he know had a full view of.

"I don't know." I sighed, lifting myself slowly to sit upright beside him. "I was hoping … that after everything, you might be able to help me with that one." Al smiled, dropping his hands in his now empty lap and shaking his head,

"Not really. I don't know that, I don't know what it is that you want because I don't think you do either." I nodded. Everything in my head was open again, but there were still no answers to the many questions that kept bugging me. I still didn't know what the right thing to do was. "What would make you happy, Smee? That's all that matters to me, so whatever it is … just do that."

I hated the only answer that came to me. Hated it because though it was so very true it sounded false.

"I just … I just wish everyone else was happy. I think that's all I've ever wanted, that's all I've ever tried to achieve. I just always seem to mess it up." My heart stung when I thought of what damage my departure may have caused. Though it won't have been permanent, I was sure that it would have upset my doting Grandparents, especially my adoring Esme. I felt my inside squeeze up at my dry eyes when I thought of her and that beautiful smile. It would have upset them all what I did.

I thought of going back, as I cried I'd run that possibility through my head a hundred times. But everything had changed. _I'd _changed and I had no doubt that me just going back there would make things worse for them. And I'd left to set Jake free, so that he could be who he wanted with who he wanted to be with. Though seeing that, seeing a Jacob who wasn't mine I was sure would kill me.

Plus, I'd left one family behind already; I'd never do it again.

I would always love the Cullens more than words could depict. There was no denying that now and I missed them and a part of me burned in my absence from them, but that took nothing from what I felt for my new family, the ones I now promised myself I would never leave. "So if you can do that … if you can prove to me everyone is happy with this new life … then _I'll _be happy." Al smirked, shaking his head,

"You're crazy." I smiled and nodded as I dropped my head onto Al's shoulder. I was pretty sure I was just that.

{--}

"I guarantee this is the _worst _idea we have ever had."

"Oz, shut up!" I giggled quietly in the dark when Al hissed beside me,

"The thing's a god damn death trap, Alvar. How can you not see that?" Cora glided beside me, her arms swinging as one hand was wrapped in Brice's and the other in mine,

"Oh Oscar, how can it be a death trap when it doesn't even have an engine?" The 'death trap' in question was an old blue ford truck we'd all just made our way into town to get. It had no engine, so we'd had to be very selective about picking it up so nobody could see how just one of was able to push it home through the woods single handed.

Tomorrow, or today, depending on what exact time it was as we made our way through the black woods, was Sonny's eighteenth birthday, and this was the gift we had decided to get for him. It needed a lot of work, which is something Leah was more than capable of aiding him in doing, and it also gave Sonny time to legitimately pass a driving test, something Oscar and Cora were insistent on.

"I still think he'd be safer in the jeep. Why can't we just give him the jeep?" Oz leaned backwards against the car, no strain appearing on his face as he pushed the vehicle forward while he spoke to us.

"Sonny is not having my jeep, Oz." Brice shook his head vehemently as he mumbled, and Oz almost stopped pushing when he barked,

"Oh … and just _why _is that?" Brice rolled his eyes,

"'Cos the kid drives like an idiot." Oz slapped his hand down on the boot and Cora hissed at him, warning of the damage his strength could do on the flimsy car.

"Exactly! So how in gods name does it make sense to let him out onto the roads of the world?"

"Because it's what normal people do, Oz. They drive and sometimes, yes, they get in accidents but they take that risk because that's life. Besides, isn't the point of making him get a licence that he's gonna learn how to drive properly?" Before Al could finish speaking Oz had let out a frustrated sigh and turned to face away from us as he pushed. Something I'd never considered cross my mind then,

"Don't you need like, records and files to get a driving license? Do you have that, I mean, does Sonny have a birth certificate and all that?"

"Yeah, we got 'em." Oz didn't look back as he spoke, instead picking up a quicker pace as he steered the car. "We got some made when he was a kid saying that he was Brice's. Then we didn't have much need for all that 'til he was twelve and the dummies appendix exploded and we had to get him to hospital." Al and Brice both laughed, Brice slapping Oz and the back as he tittered,

"Oz, you still say that like it was _Sonny's _fault."

"Well it sure as hell wasn't mine now was it?"

Sonny loved his present. He far from minded that he had to take his test and actually seemed very excited about it. Cora and Leah made him a huge chocolate cake and for the first time in … ever, Sonny voluntarily awoke early.

Fortunately the sun made a slight appearance in the day and we all made our way down to the lake. Al and Oz cannonballed in, Sonny following them making a less extensive splash when he entered. Cora and Brice looked a picture sat on a rug at the side of the water. Cora wore a baby pink sundress and wide, white sunhat as she sat watching us with Brice's arms draped around her.

Sonny stuck close to Leah, playing around occasionally but then swimming back to her when he began to shiver again like she was his own personal heater.

Al and Oz disappeared under the water for minutes and minutes at a time, racing from top to bottom, edge to edge and then over again.

"I'm pruning." Leah swam beside me, waggling her fingers at me and smiling. I pulled mine from the water and stared at the now wrinkled tips of each finger.

"Me too." Leah laughed,

"You're an awful excuse for a vampire, Ness." I laughed too and we both swam to the side, leaving Sonny laughing as he goofed around with his brothers in the water. Once we climbed out Cora handed us both a towel and a change of clothes we threw on lazily.

Around us Cora had arranged a few plates of food and I reached out for two of the closest sandwiches, passing one to Leah as I started on the other.

"No, I'm good thanks." Leah laughed when I almost choked on mine, "What, is it that unbelievable that I'm not hungry?"

"Well … yeah! You're always hungry." Leah laughed again arching her back and flexing her arms and fingers,

"Guess I just don't have the appetite I used to." I watched her closely for a second before admitting defeat and holding the second sandwich back for myself. It'd been a while now since I'd hunted and my appetite only seemed to increase at times like this.

That night everyone gathered at the house and sat as Sonny hosted a movie marathon, falling asleep with his head on Leah's shoulder before the second one was even halfway through.

{--}

"I think you got your wish." I looked over at the door of my bedroom to see Al standing there as I dropped down into my bed.

"What wish would that be?" He smiled, moving over to sit beside me,

"That everyone would be happy. I don't think I've ever seen more happiness than I have today." I grinned, pulling at my duvet,

"Yeah, it was a lot of fun." It had been over two weeks since Al kissed me in the woods, and we'd never mentioned it. It didn't feel like an avoided subject because nothing had changed, apart from the fact Al now knew my mind inside-out. But now I did too. I knew I loved him and that I could never picture my life without him. But I also knew I didn't possess that ability anymore, the ability to love someone in that way. I'd left that piece of me somewhere. It was far, far away with someone else and I may never get it back.

I didn't know what that meant for me and Al. I knew I couldn't keep him, not forever. I couldn't keep him just like Oz couldn't keep Sonny now he had Leah. One day Al would need somebody who could give him what I wouldn't be able to. I don't know what that meant for us, but as immortals, I figured we had a long time to work it out.

The nightmares were gone but Al was still there most morning when I woke up, just to be safe he said. Cora told me wherever they went at night Al would be sure to be back at a specific time so he could be there if I needed him.

But nowadays all my fears lived on the surface, not hidden in my unconscious waiting for sleep. The photo album Cora had given me sat atop one of the dressers in my room. I never opened it, but it was there.

It was a morning, a few days after Sonny's birthday. The kitchen was quiet but for the sound of sizzling batter and the convex side of a spoon as I span it on the countertop. Leah's ebony hair hung in wild waves down to the small of her back as she hovered around the kitchen, pulling out plates and poking at the pan. I enjoyed watching Leah cook; I could tell she got a satisfaction out of it I had previously come to know. I rarely got to cook anymore. When Cora arrived, she'd done it a lot, and now Leah was here, she very much enjoyed it. But then there was Oz too. Oz who'd, along with his brothers, fed Sonny for seventeen years. And though he'd never seemed to mind me taking over that job, now Leah was doing it Oz had tried to reassert himself in the kitchen.

I kept having to remind myself how long Leah had been here. Thirty-six days. On reflection, it both seemed longer and shorter and that. The time felt like a dream, but then also frighteningly real.

Leah's back arched and her shoulders bent by her side, a numb crack sounding as she flexed that made me wince.

"Ouch." She turned quickly, smiling as though she'd forgotten I was there and waved her hand.

"Nah. It doesn't hurt, not much anyway." Leah'd been getting almost sluggish lately. She slept later and ate less. She still ate a normal amount, but not necessarily _her _normal amount. And then there was all the twitching and stretching, her body visibly under some kind of building stress.

"Is it us?" She chuckled, and dropped her elbows down on the counter opposite me nodding.

"Not you. You I can handle. But the other four are a little …._exhausting._" She still smiled as she said it, sounding more amused than frustrated.

"Would, y'know … would phasing make it better?" Leah answered quickly, dropping her shoulders a little and grunting,

"Yes!"

I smiled. "So why don't you?"

"I don't want to cause anymore trouble, Ness. Everything's going fine." I went talk but stopped when I heard the thump as Sonny rolled from his bed upstairs. Leah grinned, spinning back to the stove and emptying pancakes onto three separate plates.

Sonny's eyes were narrow as he stumbled down the stairs, one hand gripped a tuft of his wild, spiky hair.

"Sonny, how about one time you make Leah's breakfast instead?" Leah shushed me as she pushed a plate, stacked high under my nose.

"I would. If she'd just stay in bed long enough for me to be up before her for once." Sonny smiled, wrapping his fingers through Leah's as she placed his plate before him. Leah giggled and moved closer and I dropped my head, turning to face the other way and poking at my breakfast while they continued to say good morning.

{--}

"You should do it, Leah. Do it now, Oz isn't here." Sonny was at the sink, washing our dishes and he twisted, his brows furrowing as he looked at us over his shoulder.

"Do what?" Leah frowned quickly in my direction, still staring at me when she said,

"Nothing, Sonny. It's noting." Sonny shook his hands quickly over the water then wiped them lazily down the front of his t-shirt leaving damp streaks.

"It's not nothing, Sonny." Leah gave my knee a slight shove but I ignored her, "Leah's in pain." Sonny's eyes widened quickly and Leah barked,

"I'm not! Sonny, no, I'm really not."

"Discomfort then. Sonny, Leah's in discomfort but there's a way she can feel better." Leah growled at me and Sonny studied her for a second, before his eyes calmed a little.

"And what's that?" A familiar whooshing sound came with three equally recognisable scents travelling on the breeze, Leah sighed and got up to finish the dishes.

"Never mind, Sonny. It doesn't matter." I rolled my eyes and shook my head at Sonny, turning to look out the window as the sounds and scents turned into Al, Brice and Cora as they ran from the trees towards the house.

"They won't mind you doing it, Leah, it'll be fine." The door swung open as the three of them entered and Al pulled himself to sit on the counter beside me,

"What won't we mind?" Leah's back twisted again and there was another stinging click as she glared at me, Al heard this one and he sucked a sympathetic breath through his teeth.

"Leah's been here over a month now, and in that time she hasn't been able to pha-… to, well to be a wolf basically. And that's been very stressful on her body." Sonny nodded pulling Leah from the sink by her waist and caging her in his arms.

"So she should just do it, right?" Sonny looked at me and Al, I nodded then looked to him and he did the same. "Alright, let's go right now. I've _so _wanted to see this!" Sonny clapped his hands and strode over to the couch where his coat was thrown. Leah sighed and ran a hand through her dark hair,

"No, Sonny." Sonny's coat was already half on when he shrugged and answered,

"Why not? The party pooper's out hunting so we do it now and he might never know. And you two are okay with it right?" Sonny looked at Brice and Cora who both nodded hesitantly. "See Yah, it's fine." Leah sighed, her shoulders moving with the deep exhale. 'Yah' was the nickname had granted Leah, adhering to his strict one syllable rule. Even now as she hung her head to the side slightly, her dislike of the situation obvious, there was no doubting the complete love as she looked at Sonny. She rolled her shoulders and I could pick up the painful sounds that came from within her as she did this. Leah really did need this.

"Sonny, if I do this, I don't want you there." Sonny, now with his large coat fully on stood with the door open in his hand, his mouth slightly open. "At least not this time, not with all this built up stress. Please Sonny, I just want you to be safe." Sonny sighed, his head dropping slightly and Brice clapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen to her, Sonny. And then think about how Oz would react if he found out she'd transformed with you around." Everyone nodded then. That would never have a pleasant ending.

Leah took a few strides across the room to stand inches in front of Sonny.

Fortunately, though Sonny had not inherited the full extent of Oz's stature, he still had enough of it that his head was just above Leah's as she whispered up to him,

"Please, Sonny. For me." Beside me Al sighed, smirking when he saw me frown at his reaction.

Sonny just smiled, kissing Leah lightly on the nose and nodding as he took her by the hand and lead her out the door.

They walked to the edge of the plane at the top of the hill hand in hand, then Leah let go and broke into a slow jog down into the trees. Al and I followed slowly, leaving Brice and Cora in the house as we made our way over to where Sonny now sat.

"What was with the sigh?" Al smirked, not looking over to me as we walked.

"What sigh?" I gave his arm a shove before I wrapped mine through it, he knew what I meant. "I just think that was a particularly wicked technique." He looked over at me, grinning when he met my confused expression. "_For me! _A guaranteed way of getting what you want from the people who love you."

"Oh, and you're such the expert are you?" Al laughed sarcastically and the sound made me smile uncontrollably,

"It's common sense, Smee. It always works because if a person loves you enough, they'll do anything for your happiness. You should know that better than anyone." I dropped my grip on his arm,

"What's that supposed to -"

"She won't be cold will she?" I was cut off by Sonny, who sat in the ground rubbing his hands together, staring out on the trees. When I didn't answer he looked up at me with his wide, emerald eyes and I dropped down to sit beside him. Our short summer had been and gone, replaced now with a slight chill I was only reminded of due to Sonny.

"No, Sonny. She won't be cold." He rubbed his hands together again and went back to staring out at the trees.

"Good. I know she never gets cold but I wasn't sure." I watched him as his eyes travelled the horizon as though searching for her. I found myself focusing my hearing, waiting for that so familiar crack, but could still only make out the sounds of footsteps as Leah made her way slowly into the heart of the woods. "Keep your ears open for Oz, Al." Al chuckled from where he stood beside Sonny, his eyes too travelled the space before us,

"Believe me, I am." Oz had somewhat got used to Leah being around, but that was a very human Leah. There was no way of knowing how he would react if he came face to face with her in wolf form.

"Relax Sonny, everything's gonna be fine. She's done this a thousand times before." I rubbed his shoulder and he smiled,

"Yeah, I guess. I would like to see her change one day though, Smee. Is it like in the movies?"

"Depends which movie." Sonny grinned, chewing on his bottom lip as he thought.

"So it's like … exploding?" I smiled, noticing as Al watched me closely. Lately it was like the connection had never broken. Like he could still see my every thought and feel my every emotion. Right now it was as though he knew I had images of Jake phasing rushing through my head and I could see the concern that creased his forehead.

"Sort of." I wracked my brain when I tried to find a way of explaining it to him without freaking him out. "There's a crack. And then they just sort of … break out of themselves and they're a wolf." I turned to see both Al and Sonny hanging on my words. "Umm, Leah's grey. There are undertones of that pitch-black hair of hers but she's mostly this dusty grey. She's a little smaller than the others were, especially when she was next to her brother who's this great gangly thing once he's phased. But she's amazingly strong and fast and you would _not _want to cross her." We all laughed and Sonny nodded,

"Yup, sounds like her." I grinned wide as I saw how happy he was, throwing my arm around his shoulders and pulling tight. He sunk into my embrace, but once a great, painful howl filled the sky, his body went very rigid.

The sound was loud to me. I could easily distinguish the pitch as it dissolved into a strong whimper. But Sonny heard it too. It travelled from the trees. It was a sound made by common animals, but this one carried so much emotion that it could not have come from any animal.

This howl was from Leah.

Sonny leapt to his feet and I rose with him, keeping my hand firmly round his shoulder as both of Al's pressed onto mine.

We were all quiet as we stared down the hill, nothing changing until a single, dark figure raced from the trees.

Leah.

Sonny sped down the hill towards her, running faster than I'd ever seen him move until Leah collapsed into his arms just as the ground levelled out again.

I stood at the top, frozen, confused and scared as I looked down at them.

Leah was naked and crying. Tears streamed down her face as she clung to Sonny as though her life depended on it. She sobbed violently and pulled at him in desperation as he distanced himself from her only slightly so he could remove his coat and wrap it around her.

She buried her face deeply into his neck, her hair hanging all around her as she cried,

"I love you so much, Sonny. I love you." Panic squeezed at my insides as I watched her. My body felt numb with fear as I studied the breakdown that had come upon Leah so quickly and so powerfully. I barely registered the touch of Alvar's hands as he wrapped them around my shoulders and began leading me down towards them.

It had worried me that there could never be balance between Sonny and Leah, just as he could never find balance with his brothers. She was a wolf. She would not always be, but for now she was stronger than ten Sonny's. It had always worried me that this would be bad for him and for her.

But now as Sonny held her so tight, as she clung to him as though he was all she needed, I saw that it wasn't the case. Sonny stood taller than her as she dissolved in his arms, sobbing and mumbling. He held her head and ran his hand through her hair, calming her.

"I love you, Sonny. Please don't go. It hurt so much."

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. I'm right here. I'll always be here, Leah, I love you." She just seemed to cling to him tighter.

"It hurts so much, Sonny. Please never go." I felt like I'd be observing them through a dream until Sonny turned over his shoulder.

"Smee, what's wrong with her?" Al tugged lightly at my shoulders when I didn't react, I just stared at Leah. Her moist eyes lifted, wide as they searched for me, wider still when they met mine. Her glare caused me to take a slight step back.

"Ness." She croaked, her voice broken and hoarse. "I'm sorry." Al twisted, looking back up at the house and waving his hand.

Cora materialised at my side instantly, Brice right behind her.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I just took a step forward, my contact with Leah's heavy eyes never breaking.

"I just phased and he was there. I didn't think he was gonna be."

Everything inside me moved. My heard sunk; one quick leap before it picked up a thunderous pace. My stomach tightened, the restriction travelling to my lungs until I couldn't breathe.

"When he said your name I just …. I just thought of everything. The house and the lake and us and …. And I couldn't help it … it just hurt so much!" Leah's head dropped onto Sonny's shoulder once more, her fingers pulling tight at his shirt as though he would slip from her grip at any moment.

I just froze, feeling the heat rush to my face and leak from my eyes. Cora wrapped her arms around me but I was numb to it.

"What's wrong? Leah, what's happening?" She was almost shrieking, the panic palpable as I felt my body slip into a motionless panic.

There was a thundering in my ears and an unfamiliar heat tingled all over. Leah sniffed, the last tears rolling down her red cheeks as she exhaled deeply and looked at me.

"Jacob's coming."

* * *

**Yeeeah.**

**Anyway, next chapter we have to go back to the Cullens, I didn't put it after that little cliffy on purpose, it just HAS to go here because of what happens and what it means and leads to and blaah.  
But incase you forgot the last time we visited our favourite vampire brood Esme and Jasper got some very unexpected visitors in the form of three pale rascals from Italy.  
There may be some Renesmee next chapter, or maybe some Jake, I'm not sure yet, it depends what fits where in this jigsaw the end of this story is turning into.  
Oh yeah, and if the whole "Ness sort of accidentally projecting things she'd rather were private" thing interests you, you MUST check out "Hands on Me" by IndependanceIndividuality.  
It's such a great story, so constantly well written and by such a lovely person. Check it out, you won't regret it. Given my recent hiatus I'm a few chapters behind, as I am with pretty much all my reading but I'm gonna knuckle down this weekend.  
**

**I love my reviewers, you make me smile and squeel and inspire me to back away from the video of shirtless Jacob and write. So thankyou, I really do appreciate it.  
Gina x  
**


	30. Footprints

**This chapter went through a re-imagining when I figured it would be nice to see what was going on in La Push, so basically all that happens here was originally just from Alice until I decided to write from Charlie's p.o.v too. **

**I had fun writing from Charlie but it was also kinda difficult too, because I think he just doesn't think as much as other people. He has a "queit mind", and though thats not becuase he's ignorant to what's around him, he's just not an overly emotional or expressive individual. I figured he tends to think mostly very simply and doesn't analyse things or really focus on the small, emotive details of the world around him. That said, he also isn't very verbally expressive with what he's feeling either, so, Charlie's perspective is quite a difficult thing to put across. **

**Anyway, News and Shizz. New fan cover from Brittany. I freaked out … again. Oh and I'm on Twitter now. I pretty much only use it for FFnet & these two crazy gals that just won't leave me alone. So if u wanna get on there and bug me about updating, see where chaps are at or just rant with me, get over to Twitter! (They should be paying me for this, right?!)**

**So this all takes place no more than only a little over a week before where we're at with Ness, enjoy!  
**

**

* * *

Alice **

Jasper was everywhere.

In the air, the trees, even in the ground I threw my feet into I could smell him, taste him, _feel _him.

We were not far behind. We _could_ not be far behind.

Carlisle's hand still grasped mine as we ran. He'd seized it when I'd jumped from the chair we both sat in in his office and ran for the door. He'd asked no questions as I pulled him away, pausing only to make polite and credible explanations for his departure as we made our way hastily through the winding corridors of his workplace.

Since we lost Renesmee I resented to the pit of my soul the inability of my gift to come through on what I needed it to.

It would allow me to see the seasons before they arrived.

It would show me what clothes would be of the fashion months and months in advance.

It had spoiled every surprise Jasper had ever attempted to spoil me with, but it could not keep him safe.

It couldn't keep Renesmee safe and it couldn't keep my family together.

_I _couldn't.

We were nearing the house and there was no time for me to pause and feel the sadness or the nostalgia at my return. Any moment we would smell them, Carlisle would smell them and he would get the explanation I'd had no time to give, the explanation he hadn't needed to follow me.

Even if he'd pinned me to the spot and refused to move without some communication on my part, I would not have been able to supply any. No words could have formed themselves while the image of Jasper writhing in agony at the feet of one, no larger than a child, still bellowed in my memory.

We caught her on the wind then; Jane, and her two companions Felix and Demetri. A dormant rumble rose in Carlisle's chest as the realisation hit him. Impossible though it seemed his feet seemed to carry him faster in the direction of the house, where his wife, his son, and three members of the Volturi were gathered.

His fingers gave mine a brisk squeeze as the forest spilled out into the driveway and his hand came to my elbow to provide some superfluous support as we flew up the few steps and through the open door into the entrance hall.

The three didn't move.

Their backs to us as we entered, they stood, Jane at the centre before Jasper who was planted straight, tall and defensive at Esme's front.

His eyes only broke from their unforgiving glare over them to take me in quickly as I swept to his side. Despite everything, something inside me still leapt when his eyes met mine, as it always did when any separation, however short, came to an end.

Carlisle moved to take over the defensive position Jasper had held over Esme, wrapping his arms around her waist as I brought mine to Jasper's. The image of Jane torturing him throbbed in my mind and I would do anything to keep it from coming to pass. Anything; even if it mean being civil to the little witch just to keep Jazz calm.

"What are you doing here?" There was a malice in Carlisle's tone I would never find myself adjusting to, but it was nothing that those gathered before us now didn't deserve. Jane's ruby eyes were wide and devouring as they continued to travel us individually, a twisted grin pulling at the corners of her lips.

To her left Demetri smiled, almost pleasantly.

From the fortunately limited time I had spent in the presence of the members of this coven I had perceived that of all of them, Demetri shared most in the fiendish charisma of his master Aro. He was never seen to act anything but polite, something that made the fact once he had spoken to you, you were never able to truly escape him all the more disturbing.

"Frankly Carlisle, we're as surprised as you. We were … in the area, I suppose you could say, when we were instructed to come and pay you a visit immediately."

"_Instructed." _Jasper hissed the word and my fingers tightened in their grip on him. I let the panic and fear seep from my being hoping he would understand it and stay calm. For me. "Like the pawns you are, you travel the world to fulfil the slightest want of your jaded Masters."

Jane's eyes narrowed and a stream of the blackest of ideas of what I would like to do to her for looking at Jasper that way flooded my mind.

"Severe words from a _soldier._" She grinned and beside her the pillar that was Felix let out a deep, demeaning chuckle. The anger inside me that would pounce on them both twisted, bound by the thought of Jane's evil burning away at Jasper's mind.

"Though I'm sure it gives you nothing but pleasure," Carlisle's words fell quickly and sharply, the attention of all commanded by him immediately. "We have neither the time nor the inclination to stand here and exchange offences with any of you. You are not welcome here."

Demetri smiled gently and nodded, his courtesy unable to penetrate through the fog that was the memory of the last time we stood before him, when he and his kind tried to destroy us all.

"Of course, we have a purpose and should make it known. Your old friends have a favour to ask of you Carlisle."

"I have no friends where you come from." Carlisle spat, and I could see Esme's fingers tighten where they rested at his chest just as mine had around Jasper who now stood admiring him, but with a surprise at his eyes that never failed me on the rare occasions there was anything in the world able to budge our Father's compassion.

Esme whispered his name, stroking his chest lightly and after looking down at her Carlisle took a deep breath. I wanted to take a look at what was to come from this exchange, but peering into the future would mean that for a time my concentration would be lost; something I was not willing to risk.

"Your house seems so cold and empty." Jane's fierce eyes wandered the room slowly, her childlike face hardened. "Unusual for a coven as large as yours. Tell me Mrs Cullen, where _are _all your children?" Esme shrunk and I was surprised to realise the loud hiss that broke Jane's wicked smirk was my own. Beside her Felix grinned and looked sideways at Demetri who would surely know where nearly all of Esme's children were.

"Leave. _Now." _Jasper leaned slowly forward, his dark glare burning into Felix's who was closest to us. My hand stayed on his chest, but I could see the fight in him. This _was _Jasper staying calm. This was the best he could manage before those he harboured so much hate for.

Felix hissed, leaning closer to meet Jasper's glare.

"Felix. Remember why we are here." At Demetri's words Felix scowled, grunting once before pulling away to stand slightly behind Jane. "Carlisle we've been having some problems. There is a vampire out there who does not share in the respect we all have for our Masters." Jasper scoffed, Demetri's eyes sliding to him before they returned to Carlisle and he continued. "He has now, for the second time attempted to bribe us, this time, in doing so, tainted the Volturi name."

"You are a fool to think there are any of our kind left who believe you are anything but a group of the darkest fiends and dictators." As Jasper spoke Carlisle and Esme moved slightly closer. From the contortion in his face I could see he was losing, Jasper could not tolerate them being here anymore, no matter what the price, his anger and abhorrence wouldn't allow it.

"_You _are the fool, Cullen." Felix spat our surname like it was poison on his tongue, causing even Esme's eyes to darken. The vast comparison as the shadow of his enormous frame eclipsed mine completely was not lost on me. "The Volturi have reigned for millennia, surviving challenges from those a hundred times greater than your bizarre coven."

The threat hung in the air. We'd always known that when the Volturi walked away from us in the clearing seven years ago, it was not the end. If anything it was just the beginning. Someday something would have to happen to end the quiet struggle between us. In our coven lay those Aro wanted; jems he wished to add to his collection. He would not forget that.

"So how is it _you _come here looking for help from us?" Jasper's head twisted quickly as mine did. For the slightest moment I thought Rose may have shown up. I could have never believed such a bitter tone could fall from the gentle lips of my adoring Mother.

Carlisle seemed shocked too as he upon his wife. But as his face relaxed there was pride and love; unfathomable love.

I looked back when our visitors did not answer Esme's question. Each of them wore looks of disdain. It was clear, particularly with Jane and Felix that this visit was not one they made happily. Asking for our help was not something either of them felt comfortable with.

"Because our Masters wish to find this individual and stop him once and for all. They trust that any past disagreements you may have had with them will not stand in the way of your collective want to do what is best for our kind." Demetri was a diplomat, that was sure. He was sent as the tactician of this message. But he had not been sent alone, and the brute force of those stood beside him sent a no doubt formulated message. The Volturi were not asking for our help. They were not willing to give us any choice. Despite all that had happened Aro and his group considered themselves our leaders, and were attempting to push us into servitude.

Carlisle, the only one Felix seemed to be addressing directly looked over the three of us slowly. His face was pained; I could see the damage these past months had done to him and how much he hurt. His eyes lingered on Esme as the hand that wore his wedding ring stroked her arm.

"No." I tried to restrain my deep exhale but I was relieved, though I could never really have imagined Carlisle to answer differently.

"Excuse me?" Felix's face dropped, his words less of genuine surprise more of a forceful invitation for Carlisle to change his mind.

"I said no. You can tell Aro that I stood against his tyranny before and I'll do it again. I will never allow his evil or yours to touch my family and we will not act just to please you. Now get out of my house." Jasper beamed and I felt his frame relax beneath my hands. I felt my insides rest a little. Felix went to speak but Jane put a hand to his chest to stop him, her full lips stretched into a grin that exposed her teeth.

"You heard him, Felix. We are not welcome here." She continued to grin as she turned, pulling her bewildered companions with her and moving slowly to the door. Her glowing eyes travelled over her shoulder, peering back at us, "They do not _want_ to find the one who took there little half-breed away."

Jasper was gone, and so was my stomach.

It disappeared to the foot of my body as Jane's words reverberated through our home.

There was one feral cry of aggression and I was pulled from my split-second daze. Jasper had leapt through the air, aiming to crash down on Jane. The anger that had built up since our Renesmee left had exploded inside him. Felix turned and snarled, Demetri keeping composed as he stood behind Jane, who just grinned still as Jasper's body dropped to the floor at her feet.

"No!" I screamed, falling at Jasper's side just as Carlisle and Esme did. He wriggled and grimaced, his beautiful face tensed into agony. Esme screeched his name and Carlisle pleaded with Jane to stop. I couldn't do anything. The pain was crippling. Seeing the one I loved above no other, there was nothing I wouldn't destroy, nobody I wouldn't crush to stop it. My insides burned and my lungs squeezed. Jaspers teeth clenched together, his chest still so no sound of his suffering could carry on his breath. His neck was thick and his body shook and twisted as Jane continued to grin down at him, her evil expression of play setting against her burning eyes.

"Stop it!" Esme was at her feet, flying in Jane's direction with her arms outstretched. Carlisle caught her and held her back just as Jane rose her head, and Jasper fell still. I buried my face into his neck and sucked in the scent of home, crawling onto his chest just as it returned to its familiar motion.

I felt his soothing waves lapping over me as his arms came around and he rose to his feet. Never would I escape that image. I knew that Jasper had known great suffering in his life, but seeing it with my own eyes was a fate worse than any I could personally suffer. And seeing it served with such enjoyment … I knew that there would one day come a time where I would make Jane pay for what she had just done.

I let my feet drop to the floor and held fast to Jasper as we once again stood opposite Jane, Felix and Demtri. We stood closer together now, Esme's hand coming to rest against my shoulder and I felt comforted to feel her body so close beside mine.

"Now, you will listen." Jane still smiled as she spoke and the numb hatred thundered behind the soothing shield Jasper had wrapped me in. She nodded to Demetri, who straightened, returning to his calm politeness.

"The one we seek is named Victor. He was created in the Romanian army and deserted them, something of course we do not feel gives him great hope in his want of joining our coven. This, however has not stopped him in trying numerous tactics. His latest being the promise that he will turn Renesmee over to us for a place amongst us." At her name Jasper's fingers dug tighter into my waist and Esme released a breathy whimper. This was the first news, the first mention of her from anyone outside us that we had had since she left. "He has the gift of seeing any individual's past, and though he is known to have impressive fighting skills it is not felt he belongs with us, or would be of much gain. He is also known to hold a powerful and unyielding grudge to those he feels wronged by. All this taken into account, it has been decided it would be best if her were removed from the picture completely." Demetri spoke the last line so lightly and with a casual grin he could have been discussing the weather. Though I could never see myself fully sharing the Volturi's opinion on anything; this Victor had taken something so unbelievably precious to me that I would probably speak of his death flippantly too.

"So where is he? Where is Renesmee?" Carlisle was in a state that made him most similar to Edward. His features were still and calm, but behind them I could see swirling thoughts and exploding emotions. He was just pushing them back now, like Edward, he was thinking and he was preparing to do what was logical and what would fix everything.

A deep growl rose in Felix's chest, not in anyone particular and Demetri and Jane's eyes shot in his direction briefly.

"His idea that he can bribe us aside, Victor is no fool. In his attempts to make this deal with us he never once made direct contact, he never even came close. Instead he let the word spread, leaving information in vastly various places with those whose allegiances are to none but themselves until it reached Volterra. I … have never been close enough to him that I could track him." Demetri's mouth clenched, a chink in his polite façade. Clearly I was not the only one who faced intense irritation when my powers left me wanting. "He has made no contact with anyone for months now, and from what little we have been able to gather from various Nomads, Victor no longer posses that which he would use for leverage. "

"But Renesmee!" Esme gasped, shaking her head as worry and fear creased her features. Where could she be now? And what horrible mess had she gotten herself into?

"I find _her_ impossible to find also." At this all three scowled. If Demetri could have just found Renesmee after learning she no longer had us around her, it would have removed the middle man completely.

My thoughts raced. If Bella took away Nessie's shield then Demetri could find her. We would know where she was, but then so would he, and I knew Bella, just as we all would, would never want Renesmee in the hands of the Volturi, even if it meant she was never in ours again. "Two nomads; a Mary and a Randall we believe were some of the last we had contact with."

"Yes, yes, we know them." Carlsile nodded, all traces of his anger seemed forgotten, he only had one thing on his mind now. We'd all known we wanted to find Renesmee at any cost, we just never imagined it would mean listening ardently to the Volturi.

"And we believe they will help you." I watched the three of them carefully. Surely neither would have much problem forcefully extracting information from Nomads? Or could it be they were more aware of their own reputation than they appeared? Killing a dangerous threat was one thing, but submitting peaceful Nomads to torture when there were other options was another.

Aro and his brothers were ruthless, but they were not stupid.

Carlisle nodded and Jane's eyes scoured us again. "My Masters sends their thanks for your co-operation." Her lips twisted into a smile. They had sent thanks, knowing we would not refuse to destroy one who had done this to us. We did the deed, their hands we clean … for now. "And I will deliver you gratitude in return for our aiding in the reuniting of your coven. Aro was _so _despaired to find you had separated. " She grinned wider and I felt my top lip rise into a snarl.

This was a submission on our part. One we would take willingly, but one Aro would feel great pride in. "Until we meet again Cullens."

Jane twisted slowly, leaving her ominous goodbye on the air as her ruby eyes disappeared from sight. Demetri nodded a goodbye, scowling as he left. Felix just released a slow, quiet chuckle before exiting behind the other two.

We were silent for a moment and Jasper's head dropped to rest against mine. I exhaled deeply and moved even further into his embrace as I closed my eyes. I saw the three of them leave, they would return to Volterra feeling triumphant.

"I can't believe this is happening." I turned to see Esme, staring in the distance, her gentle voice returned. She did not seem overly sad, or joyful, just unsure of how to be.

Jasper's hands came to my cheeks and he manoeuvred my face so that our eyes could meet.

For a moment I was lost in them. I saw only him, only us and it was all that existed in the world.

But it wasn't. All I really needed to survive was Jasper, but what gave me life was his happiness and the happiness we both shared with our family.

"Carlisle, what should we do?" Jasper's eyes stayed with mine until his lips left a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose and he pulled away to face Carlisle.

"I'm not sure. We don't even know if this Victor knows where Renesmee is anymore. But I don't think that matters. What matters is that he is dangerous and he could hurt her, we must not let that remain a possibility." Jasper straightened, his posture returning to that perfect verticality of his.

"So we find him?"

"We … Jasper, I think you'll agree this is something we must do as a family." Jasper nodded and Esme's face fell into her hands. As I moved to embrace her she whimpered, the prospect of her family reassembling overwhelming her. "Alice, do you think you could find out where the others will be?" I nodded quickly. Over the past few months checking the future locations of Edward, Rose, Emmett and Bella had been something I'd done on a regular basis. "Then let's go."

Carlisle and Esme raced out of the front door and Jasper followed behind them. I skipped down the steps quickly after them, but came to an abrupt stop when a vision came.

"Alice? Alice, come on?" Jasper stood at the edge of the trees, beckoning me. I turned away, staring trough the window into the hall where a phone lay one a glass table.

In my vision it rang, and it was most important I answered it. "Come on, Alice. What's wrong?"

I couldn't leave yet, I was expecting a phone call.

**Charlie**

"Charlie?"

"Hmmm?" My head pulled back when a hand waved slowly in front of it,

"Did I forget anything?" She lifted a skinny piece of paper, turning it in my direction so I could see the little words she'd just scribbled on it. "The groceries. Anything I forgot to put on the list?"

"Oh, uh, I dunno, Sue." She smiled, shrugged and folded the list quickly before sliding it in the back pocket of her jeans.

"It's awful short. Suppose, with just the two of us to feed now, we won't need as much." I waited as she zoned out for a second, staring at nothing before blinking and shaking her head. "But fuelling Leah is Ness' problem now, huh?"

"Sue!"

"Oh, lighten up Charlie." When I groaned she just jumped to her feet and moved the fridge, pulling it open and taking out and handful of beers she took in the living room to stack by my chair for the game. They were all of the "light" variety since my stupid accident and I hated them.

"I still say that not calling and telling anyone was a terrible idea!" I yelled into the other room after her, her footsteps were quick as she came back.

"No, Charlie. It's what she wanted. If Nessie wants to talk to her parents she will, it's her own decision."

"Sue, she's a child." She looked down at the phone that lay inches away from my hand on the table and pulled it away, throwing it down on the counter beside her and sitting down.

"Well she has Leah now, she'll be fine."

"You mean the Leah she threw up against this wall not three weeks ago?" I tapped my fist against the plaster Seth had come over and put in, fixing the Leah shaped hole in our kitchen.

"Charlie, I know- "

"Mom!" There was a bang as the front door flew open, followed by a series of squeaks and scuffles as a pair of boots, wet from the rain stomped through to the kitchen. "Hey Charlie. Mom you ready?"

Sue slapped the table with both hands and rose to her feet, reaching up to stroke Seth's cheek as she passed.

"Give me a second, baby."

She walked out and disappeared up the creaking wooden stairs.

"Anything?" Seth pulled out the chair where his mother had sat and lowered himself into it, leaning across the table. I shook my head and he sighed, "It's over two weeks. I can't believe Leah would do something like this!"

"Yeah … well." It seemed daughters really just did like running away. "What about your … your uh, boys, you know. Any of them heard from her?" I didn't like thinking about it, but I'd heard these kids could keep in contact without the use of anything but their own damn minds.

"Yeah, Quil's keeping his ears open for her. Her _and _Jake." I waited for a second, not sure if silence was best now Seth looked sorta sad.

"You still not talkin' to him?" Billy had been pretty cut up about some huge fight the pair of them had gotten into when Ness went missing. He'd told me it was best not for me to know the details, so I guess it wasn't exactly fists like mine or his that were being thrown around.

"No. Nobody's talked to him. I do worry about him though ….he's my best friend." Seth stared down at his fingers and I cleared my throat, listening out for Sue to hurry up and come back down.

After a minute the stairs creaked again and she was in the Kitchen pulling on her coat,

"Come on Seth, lets go get some groceries." Seth jumped up and waved,

"Cya, Charlie." I nodded a goodbye and Sue leaned over the table.

"You need help gettin' into the living room?" I rolled my eyes,

"Goddamnit, Sue. I'm not a cripple." She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue,

"If you say so … Oh and Charlie …" When I looked up she was by the counter, waving the phone in my direction, "I mean it, leave it alone."

{--}

By halftime the beers were gone and Sue still wasn't back. She usually headed round to Seth's to cook dinner for him and that little fiancée of his. I figured she'd be doing that even more now Leah was gone.

In the kitchen I rooted through the fridge, finding only goddamn "light" beers and junk from the health kick Sue was trying to drag me into.

I opened a fresh one and stared at the phone. Dr Cullen's wife called sometimes so her number was in there. Someone really had to be told about what Ness was up to.

The beer in my bottle splashed when I jumped a little from the ringing sound. I cursed and reached for it,

"Hello."

"Charlie!" I recognised the little pixie right away. Little Alice Cullen. "Charlie, you were going to call here?"

I slammed the bottle down, how the heck would she know something like that? "Hello? Charlie? Is there something you need to tell me?"

I thought about what Sue said. But then I remembered my Nessie and how different she looked, how unfamiliar those eyes, her Mother's eyes were.

"Yeah … Nessie was here."

* * *

**So now the Cullens know where Ness was when she saw Renee, she has Leah, and where Victor was last time he said he had her.  
Theyre closing in.  
But ... they dont know exactly where she is ... unlike a russet hunka wolf boy heading straight for her.  
Next chap should be up ... gah, Im not sure. Gotta lot of stuff to put in place and resolve so Jake can arrive and ruin it all! ;)  
Love ya!**


	31. The Ties That Bind

**Yikes. _Another _stupid gap between updates. Le sigh, but hopefully the fact that the next chapter is very, very close will make you forgive me .... maybe?? I both intended and planned for this chapter and the next to be one, but, incase you didn't know, I like to go on, and if those chapters _were _combined it would be so, so long and nobody would make it through alive ... not even me. So, though I sort of like how this one ends I don't intend to keep teasing and delaying, honestly, which is why the next chap is going up the very second it's ready. **

**This chapter is quite heavy I think, it's the very last of the emotional work and growing up before everything starts to end ... or begin, depending on whether you're glass half full or not. After this, though it won't be exactly light, there's less time for pausing and thinking and more action and occurance, which is how I like it. **

**So, thanks to a pledge I made on Twitter, ****(if you're not on there yet, you're missing the party!) here is Chapter 26. Enjoy! (B.T.W Bitches-who-know-who-they-are! TWO, count 'em TWO! ref's in here, you know that's why I'm the Gen. Oh yeahh.)  
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Chapter Twenty-Six: The Ties That Bind  
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In.

Out.

And again.

In… and Out.

Over and over I did this. In and out, and in and out, but nothing seemed to happen.

Nothing moved, nothing functioned or snapped.

In and out and in and out but I could still only focus on one single thought as the air heaved at my chest.

Jacob.

And every second his name, his face his voice and scent burned in my memory it got faster, until I could hear the stress of it as it passed through my lips; too quickly and too franticly so that my legs turned to jelly and my head began to fuzz.

"Oh God." Not my voice. My lips were too preoccupied with shaking and going dry to have spoken those words so breathlessly. "Ness. Nessie?" Something tightened and pulled around my stomach but I could still only think two things; in and out, and Jacob. "Ness, sweetheart it's fine, listen to me it's fine, you need to be calm, okay." A stinging came to my cheek and I shrunk from it. My eyes came into focus and I saw that it was a hand, a pale delicate hand. Behind it I focused on a pair of deep gold eyes gilded with a frame of long eyelashes.

"Cora?" The eyes widened a little before focusing. I could tell what she was doing; I always could read Cora like a book. She was staying calm and focusing; thinking logically about right, wrong, what was good for a situation and what was bad; things I never found myself able to do. "What have I done?" Her head shook a little at my question but it was all I could think.

What mess had I made?

What was going to happen now?

What was I going to do?

What _had _I done?

When something warm pooled at my eyes her hand returned to my cheek and I saw the dark figure behind her move closer; Brice kept silent, though his uneasy gaze darted between Cora and I.

"God, Ness you're shaking. Al, get her up to the house, _quickly._" My weight disappeared immediately and I was buoyant, lifted so gracefully by a pair of strong arms.

Al.

What had I done to Al?

I'd sucked the love so selfishly from his pure heart, knowing full well I could never, would never be able to return it. Like a leech. That's what Leah had always called me.

Cora kept her hand in mine, Brice less than a step behind her as we ran up to the hill. Sonny's panicked yell came after us,

"What? What's wrong with her? Smee!"

{--}

Al's eyes didn't meet with mine when he lowered me onto my bed, my back against the headboard as he slid away. I reacted so quickly to the loss of his contact it seemed to startle him when my hand lunged for his forearm just as it withdrew.

His stare rose to meet mine quickly and I remembered. He wasn't mine. I didn't deserve him, I didn't deserve anyone. I let go as quickly as I had seized him and his eyes sunk again as his body rose, backing to stand against the wall.

Cora knelt beside me and Brice stood behind her. She stroked my face and chanted,

"Everything's going to be fine, Ness. Nothing bad is going to happen."

Everything was not going to be fine. Nothing could be fine whilst this permanent bad thing existed in this world. This coward, this child, this leech. This Renesmee Cullen.

There was noise and commotion, thumping and banging as Sonny threw himself through the front door and up the stairs to us.

He stood in the doorway, his hand in Leah's and his chest rising and falling quickly.

"Seriously … what the hell is going on?"

Leah had composed herself. She'd been crying and screeching the last time I saw her face but now she seemed focused as she stomped past Sonny and hopped on the bed to kneel beside Cora, her eyes fixed intently on mine.

The pooling in my eyes became a thick blur as my insides burned and ached.

Jacob, all I could think was Jacob.

Every moment with him, every moment without him. His smile, his warmth.

That was all I could think.

"Ness, breathe sweetheart, breathe." Cora leaned over me, wiping the trails of liquid that streamed down my cheeks.

I'd forgot the in and out, only focusing on the Jacob and when my mouth opened so that the build up of air in my lungs may escape, out came a deep, shaky weep.

Cora crawled closer quickly at the sound, dropping beside me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. Sonny, Al and Brice took a step towards the bed, all freezing when the front door crashed open.

"Why did I just hear a howl?"

Somewhere behind the screening of my strongest memories with Jacob replayed the pained noise that had come from Leah after she phased. Oz must have heard it from wherever he was too.

Brice and Al stared at each other before Brice nodded quickly at Sonny,

"He needs to be calmed, Sonny. You do it." Sonny didn't protest. He nodded and spun quickly, throwing himself down the stairs to confront his bellowing brother.

Cora pulled me tighter as another uncontrollable shriek escaped my pressed lips.

"Oz, calm down. Don't be a jackass right now, okay. It's seriously not the time." I could hear the reserved force in Sonny's tone but the panic ran through it too, which is probably what caused Oz to pause, his returning voice not a booming shout as it had been when it entered.

"Why, what's going on?"

"It's Smee … and Leah. I don't know. Leah's okay now I think but Smee's not. I have no idea Oz, something to do with a guy called Jacob and now Smee's crying and you have to stay calm, just don't be an idiot you got it?" Sonny's voice trailed as I heard Oz take the stairs quickly.

A look of shock froze Oz's face as he turned the corner into my room, focusing immediately on where I was on the bed. His eyes moved around us quickly before he took quick strides to the side of the bed and leaned over me, one of his hands falling on top of mine and gripping it lightly,

"Smee, who's this Jacob and where do you want me to bury him?"

"Oscar!" Cora seethed and pushed him from the close space he'd filled when he leaned over to me.

"Oz, this is not the time." Brice followed Cora and continued in steering Oz further from the crowded bed over to stand beside Sonny who slapped him across the chest,

"Yeah, what did I saw about staying calm, moron!"

"I don't care. I want to know what's upset her right now! Who's done this?" I whimpered again, shrinking further into Cora and trying to conceal the sound as Oz yelled.

I'd done this. Nobody else deserved the blame but me. Every mistake I had made ran through my mind leaving a burning trail of regret. Each decision felt alien to me, ones I couldn't understand anymore, but I had made them nonetheless.

"Look," Leah stood, her body only covered in Sonny's thick coat which only hung to the middle of her thighs. "Just go, leave Ness to calm down. No more talk of _burying _anybody." Leah leaned in Oz's direction, her poisonous glare met with a rumble that rose in his chest. Brice moved quickly between them,

"Leah's right. Come on, let's go." I buried my head deeper into Cora, the build up of tears and the unease of my breath making me feel overly warm in the space. I heard each of them leave, Oz's footsteps more a forced shuffle than anything else. When I looked up they were gone, I could hear them begin to bicker about who knew what as the made their way down the hill into the woods.

But Leah had stayed. I didn't think she would. And for a moment she seemed surprised herself. She stood still, watching the empty doorway as though unsure whether to go through it or remain. With a look over her shoulder her body relaxed and she took the few steps toward the bed, stopping when Cora nodded in the direction of a pair of my sweats, hung lazily across a wooden cabinet. Leah's eyes rolled and she went and pulled them on quickly before hopping back onto the bed by my feet. I just watched her, it felt as though I was only eyes now. Nothing but an observer of my own consequence.

Slowly Cora lifted me straight, until my body sat by itself and her support was removed. She just watched me like Leah did. And I did nothing.

Another tear trickled down my cheek, but every emotion, even the ones that had caused it to fall were blocked to me. I tried to think but could find nothing to think of, nothing to grasp onto that was real or sure or definite. The state I had inflicted on myself in the past months, the numbing I had used to paper over any memories or pain, had taken over and had switched everything off.

Jacob was coming.

Leah had phased, and when she did so the pack connection was made with Jacob's mind.

My thoughts raced. Why was Jake in wolf form? How far away was he? When would he arrive?

Each question just made me shake harder and squeezed ever more tightly at my lungs.

I replayed what had just happened. Leah had gone off to phase to relieve the stress of living with vampires. I was sat on the hill with Sonny and Al when she left, and watched Sonny race towards her when her violent scream of pain filled the air, and she stumbled from the trees, crying.

Mostly she had only chanted things I had hardly understood, that was, until she looked me dead in the eyes and told me he was coming. Jacob was coming here.

"What hurt?" Leah stared at me for a second. The girl that had been so painfully honest with me on that beach in La Push only a few weeks ago was not here now. This Leah was no longer angry and full of resentment, I'd even gotten the feeling that since she got here, she didn't hate me quite so much. But I could still, and would always expect nothing but complete honestly from her. Despite the way her eyes lingered across my face for a moment, testing the air for what it would be right to say, I knew she'd tell me whatever the circumstances. "When you came out of the woods, you said it …. You said it hurt."

"Yeah, yeah I did didn't I." She blew a long breath through her lips, squeezing her eyes shut and flexing the fingers of both hands as though attempting to expel even the memory of the pain.

"How? Why? Was it .. was it Jake?" Cora hushed me gently pulling my shoulders back down to rest on the pillow when I moved eagerly forward. Leah spoke with her eyes still tightly shut,

"It was just … being in his head was _so_ horrible." Her fingers rolled into fist as her lips pressed into a fine line and she shook her head. "It hurt, so much and I just couldn't … I just couldn't take it for another second, that's why I phased back. I couldn't even talk to him all I could think of was the pain." I lunged forward again, frantic and scared.

"Who? Who's hurting him Leah … _who?_" For once, she seemed reluctant to answer. Her eyes, now open, were unsure. When she spoke again it was slow and filled with caution, the words being processed carefully before they left her lips.

"I've felt it before, not the pain but the knowledge that it could come. But never understood it, I never knew what it was because it was always there. Every time we phased, echoes of it rang through the pack from Sam and Paul and Quil. All of them had this pull. We could to be two miles from La Push and something, something inside them hurt." Leah's palm pressed over her chest, the tips of her fingers bending inwards, tugging at the material of Sonny's coat, right over her heart. "To me it was nothing. Just distance, just … just how you miss someone, you know? It reminded me of how I feel when I think of my Dad. That little tug." She pulled at the coat lightly, "But that was when I didn't know what it was. I didn't understand. But now, I have Sonny, and it's not some little tug anymore."

It felt like my body had dissolved, leaving me only as a conscious presence. But my heart still thumped and was, as of now, located further North than it should be. Thumping in my throat, it expanded until I had to force the air past so I could speak.

"It's me." I'd left to avoid this, to avoid him and the others I loved coming to any pain. But now I knew that in being away from Jacob, I had tortured him.

"You weren't to know." Leah shook her head, though she didn't appear entirely convinced. "You didn't know. You didn't know what imprinting was until you left, and you only understood it when I came here. You weren't to know, Ness."

"But, but I _left _him!" I bent, doubled as the tears hit harder with the gravity of the truth. He'd been bound to me and cared for me since my first breath, and I just left him without a word. Cora stroked my back and Leah shuffled closer. "That's the last thing I wanted." I sucked the tears back and coughed out the whimpers that interrupted my speech. "I wanted his life to be better ….without me. When all the time me being gone just hurt him … I didn't know that would happen." Leah was right, I hadn't understood imprinting. I still didn't, apart from the fact it was more powerful than I had expected. It had put Jake in physical pain to be parted from me. I'd left so Jake may find some escape from the imprint bond, it now seemed there was no such thing.

"How could you think that was possible?" Leah grabbed my wrist and I looked up to face her, "You should have known that couldn't have happened." Though she didn't quite look angry, Leah's expression was severe. She sighed, her features relaxing a little as did her grip around my hand, "When you left him, it hurt didn't it? It always hurt?" Undoubtedly, despite the fact my memories of Jake had been hidden so long, it _was _agony when I let myself remember, the anguish never really faded from those first days where the separation tore me apart from inside. I nodded and felt more tears fall as the sting of shame and pain throbbed through me. "Because you _love _him." Leah whispered and I coughed out another whimper. I'd loved Jacob Black with every single beat of my heart from the moment I first heard his voice. That had never been in question.

"But he doesn't love me … not really." Leah's fingers tightened around my wrist once again, now she was angry. In doubting Jake's love for me, I was doubting hers for Sonny, and she didn't like that. I pulled in a deep breath and summoned all my strength to voice the thoughts I hadn't dared consider for a long time. "I wasn't his choice Leah. I was what he had to settle for, he wanted my Mother and he got _me_! He got stuck with me." Leah sunk back, sitting and just watching me calmly,

"You weren't second choice, Ness. Don't say tha-"

"He wanted me dead! … did you know that?" Cora's arms returned around me as I felt my body grow weaker and weaker and the tears grow more powerful. The thought, the image of Jacob and my father plotting to have me killed was torture. But I understood why they would want it. On my Father's part, I even accepted it. I knew he loved me very much, but also that his existence _was _my Mother. Losing her would end him. It must have been the same for Jake. "He wanted me dead because I was killing my Mom. You can't say that doesn't make me second choice, Leah."

Very calmly, she just watched me before speaking quietly.

"I've never liked Bella." She left a pause before continuing. "You know that, _everyone _knows that. I never liked what she did to Jake. I think perhaps, I thought it was unfair. When your Dad left her, Jake saved her. But when the person I loved left me, nobody came, nobody rescued me." I'd never fully heard the story of the time my parents were separated, but had ascertained it was the period in which Jake and my Mother became close. "Everyone loved her and she was so smart and beautiful and … and jut not me. I always knew she wouldn't pick him … Jake that is. She loved him, but not in the right way, and not enough. Never enough. Which is why it made me _so _mad to see her pulling him back again and again, and it made me even madder to watch him run to her like the obedient puppy every goddamn time.

"So yeah, I knew what Jacob and your Dad were thinking of when they found out she was pregnant. I was there. Which means I also saw Jake then. He was a mess, he was desperate and he was depressed. He had been for a while, and I had no idea what was going to happen to him, what he was gonna do." She stopped, staring at me and smiling a little. "Then there was you. And for reasons I didn't understand, you saved him. All you had to do was look at him and nothing else mattered, nothing but you. You took his pain away, Ness. You saved him. And if … if you've caused him pain it's not because you've been selfish like Bella." Cora shushed Leah and nudged her leg, and though I appreciated why, I knew Leah wasn't trying to upset me or deeply insult my Mother. "It's because you left to save him, you left to set him free."

There was no such thing as freedom with Jake, and it tore me apart to finally accept it.

"He doesn't have a choice does he?"

"Oh, Ness." Beside me Cora sighed, "Nobody has a choice, Baby. Not really. I certainly didn't. When I saw Brice … I don't know, I just knew. I didn't decide I wanted to love him, it wasn't a choice, it just happened. And what about your parents? Do you think your father _chose _to fall in love with a human? And you, surely if you could choose_, _your heart would have forgotten Jacob long ago and you wouldn't have had to suffer while you were apart. I know that if I couldn't see Brice, if I was separated from him, it would torture me too, Love's not a choice, not for anybody."

I sat quietly for a second, staring into Cora's deep topaz eyes before it hit me all at once.

How much I loved him and missed him and hated myself for doing so. I was scared and angry, but in the pit of my stomach was a twist of excitement. A part of me that rejoiced in the fact the separation would soon be over and I could touch him and hold him, his smell would be real and those wide, brown eyes of his would be before me and not just in memory. Leah was wrong, I was selfish, I couldn't set Jacob free, not really. He was always all I wanted and needed. I sunk again until my head fell on my knee and the tears streamed quickly.

"Renesmee, if we need to talk you into this, if we need to _convince_ you that you're meant to be with him …" Leah paused, her brows furrowing before she continued quietly, "then I need to go. I need to tell him not to come here." She had a stare it was difficult to keep up with. When her eyes met yours, so much sincerity and strength lay behind them you had to struggle not to avert. She stared now, gently but surely. I wanted him here. The mere thought of Jake being turned away tugged at my insides desperately. But it wasn't about if Jake was right for me, that wasn't in doubt, he was all I wanted, it was if I was right for him.

I didn't answer, there was nothing to say that could surmise just how much I _did _want him here, but also how scared I was of that. So I just lay back on the pillow and Cora started running her fingers gently through my hair.

Soon, I would see Jake. It hardly felt real, but it was. And as my mind tried to come to terms with that, I drifted to sleep.

{--}

_The driveway was bright._

_Everywhere was bright as the blue sky above glowed. The trees were green and fresh, the lush grass at their bases trimmed neatly into shape as it flowed out onto the gravel my bare feet rested on. _

_There was noise as the leaves bristled gently in the warm breeze and the birds at their branches sang._

_And the Cullen house was silent. _

_I stood before it and it the daytime it possessed none of the horror it had in the darkness of memories passed. It was just a house. A home. _

_My home?_

_A sound came from behind the building and the trees and the birds fell silent as though pausing to appreciate it. It really was a beautiful sound and it made my rapid heart flutter. _

_That laugh, that most beautiful melodic sound could only belong to one. _

_The ground felt like air beneath my feet as I moved hastily around to the wide, open field that was the garden. _

_My mother, stood with her back to me as I rounded the corner. She laughed again as she watched my Father and my Uncle Emmett dancing around each other, feigning aggression as they fought playfully. The sounds of her amusement were joined by ones from those gathered a few feet from her. Alice giggled and fell affectionately into Jasper's chest as she watched her brothers. _

_By her side Carlisle's arms were coiled around the waist of my Grandmother and Rosalie stood with them, her beauty was more radiant now in the early afternoon glow, as my eyes appreciated her for the first time in so long. My memory had not done my aunt justice. _

_Not one of them noticed as I watched them, and my mother didn't turn to look at me as my body ached to be held by her. . _

"_Mom?" Everyone stopped. Emmett straightened and stared over to where I was, each doing the same quickly as my weak voice made my presence known. My eyes stayed on the figure before me. Slowly she turned, her gently curled chocolate locks moving as she did. Her wide, topaz eyes punched the air from my lungs as they met with mine. Her rosy lips bent into a polite smile, the amusement of the family moment remnant in her eyes and features. _

"_Can I help you?" The world froze. The sensation of weightlessness that had covered me when I first saw what was before me now was replaced with a throbbing solidity that pulled my quickly and painfully down to lonely earth. Behind Bella's patient expression, the others watched with quiet bewilderment, Alice hovered on tip-toes to see over to where I was. _

_It was as though they didn't know me._

"_Momma …" The word choked from my dry throat and I took a step forward, my hand reaching for hers. Those behind her moved quickly, showing panic at my attempt to touch her. Edward appeared at her side and there his face was almost alien to me. His eyes were not the ones that had looked at me and been filled with such all-powerful devotion since the day I was born. They were narrowed into a glare as he held tight to my Mother's shoulder. _

_They each stared at me, similar scowls at their faces as though I was an intruder. I realised that I was. "It's me." I whispered. The weight setting in my chest so that I could barely breathe. "It's Ness." One of Emmet's eyebrows arched and for the first time I saw that he wasn't the big teddy bear that played with me tirelessly as a kid. He was huge. He could crush me easily and right now I saw none of the loveable playfulness in his eyes that would have made even the thought of that impossible to him. He didn't know me. None of them did. _

"_Isn't this what you wanted?" I froze, and the weights grew heavier. My eyes dropped to the floor as breathing became impossible, the sound of that voice had rolled through the air as though a cannonball and struck me, obliterating all things that kept my body functioning. The Cullen's were silent, still and unresponsive like they had been frozen. I hardly noticed, and everything moved slowly as I twisted to face the voice that had come from behind me. _

_His wild fur hung from a frame much gaunter than the one I had known. Each paw was scratched and battered, signs demonstrating long durations of momentum and force through harsh terrains. Against the sun that had made the caramel and golden hues of Rosalie and Esme's hair shine in the sun his fur looked worn and aged. And his eyes, so black, so empty, so lifeless. And angry, really angry. _

_I gulped, still not able to find a fitting supply of air I was sure would soon be necessary._

"_..to have them forget you?" He spoke, though his tired looking framed didn't move his voice was in my head. Deep and coarse it ricocheted through the caverns of my conscious and filled every gap until he __**was**__ my mind. He filled it with his hurt and his anger, with what I had done to him. _

"_Jake." I snivelled, the wolf just growled, the voice in my mind growing more powerful. _

"_You got your wish, Renesmee. They forgot you, they were lucky." My body cried out, weak and lost, for some comfort, but none would be received from those who would have at one time crawled to the ends of the earth just to see me smile. "I on the other hand … had no choice." My mind flooded with the bond, and the pain of its break. Leah had been right, it was crushing. _

_My body stood strong but inside I was destroyed. No joy, no relief or comfort could come while this tie was severed. There was only pain and desperation for it to be restored. _

_No happy memories were such anymore; no peace could exist or be remembered. The ecstasy of the moments when that supreme link held turned to ash that dried out in the heart, echoes of what was causing the organ to burn. _

_This was what it was, this was an imprint. _

_The highest planes of elation could turn into the deepest pits of darkness all because of distance. Because the lights go out and the world stops spinning when the union is broken. _

_Nothing is right when the soul's mate is gone._

_I keeled over, struggling with the agony and the loss of any prospect of anything but constant torture. Tugging at my shirt I threw my head up, panting and shaking. The wolf just stared back at me, his eyes the deepest black. _

"_Jacob." He growled at the name, be it because of the recall of the life, the memories that had tortured him or that it was being uttered by me. My insides swelled and a distant ringing sounded in my head as I forced the words from my dry, shaky lips. "I'm sorry." _

{--}_  
_

"Smee!" My hands thrashed quickly, working of their own instinctual accord to remove the grip that had been placed around me.

The wolf had leapt, snarled before it jumped forward onto my weak body, propelling with anger and the need for revenge.

My mind and heart said to be still, to accept this and let the torture of the broken bond that now eroded my soul be numbed by death. Let Jake kill me if it was what he needed.

But my body wasn't listening, it tossed and crawled and kicked as I was wrestled with. "Calm down, it's me. It's Al."

My eyes flew open, the darkness of my bedroom not as dense as the one that had blanketed everything beforehand.

Al sat on the bed, the covers of which I had managed to wrap tightly around myself with my movements. I wriggled from them quickly, their proximity suffocating and crawled tighter against the headboard.

It was a dream. The intensity of Al's golden eyes as they followed me, the stifling heat that set my skin at a discomfort and the very familiar thrum of Sonny's heartbeat from across the house told me that.

But I had felt it all; I could still feel it all.

There was a stinging in my temples and an ache in my stomach, a pain in my mind that had me shaking and weak.

All was dark, and painful and morose. Just like it had been in Jake's mind in my dream.

Nothing was right.

"Are you okay?" Al looked cautious, he didn't just wrap his arms around me like he had so many nights before, he sat at the end of the bed and watched me, looking unsure of what to do. I nodded, but the movement just made the pain intensify until it was so strong it made my head feel light and I curled up, cradling it in one hand. "Take deep breaths." Al crawled quickly across the covers and sat at my side. I leaned towards the coolness of his body; it seemed that for the first time mine was feeling its own temperature. I did as I was told and pulled in shaky breaths through my dry lips, the air felt cold as it entered my lungs and contrasted with the fire that was raging through me.

After a moment my vision steadied, and despite the pain I straightened, dropping back against the headboard and rolling my head to face Al. "You haven't had one of those in a while." He reached up and pushed the strands of hair that had fallen across my forehead back. Despite no contact I could feel the cold radiating of his flesh and sighed.

"I feel so strange." The words were and effort and I let my eyes drift close once I had uttered them. His palm pressed against my forehead, momentarily numbing the heat, but not the sting inside.

"You look fine, I think you're just in shock a little." I whimpered,

"It hurts." Al rose to his knees and moved to climb from the bed.

"I'm gonna go get Brice." As quickly as I grabbed his wrist I could feel the weakness in the attempt, but Al still stopped.

"No, don't." Whatever this pain was, was here for a reason and was deserved. It wouldn't be right for Brice to come and take it away. Al hesitated as my hand dropped lazily back down, I saw the indecision in him and attempted to sit straighter. "I'll be fine. You're right, it's just shock." He dropped back onto the bed, crossing his legs to sit opposite me. His brows were furrowed and his eyes studied me closely. "It was just a dream." It was, no more real than the hundreds that had come before it. But none had left the mark on me this one had, it felt as though someone had crept in and twisted my insides, placing them back in my body in a mangled state. It felt like the wolf of my dream was attacking, clawing away at me from within.

"A particularly bad one by the looks of it." With a deep exhale and a clench of my eyes I tried to push past the pain, it would not budge but I couldn't just sit here and drown in it.

"How long was I asleep?" The room was dark, yet it was only afternoon when I had been placed in this bed.

"A while. We though it best to leave you to rest."

"Did anything … what happened while I was asleep?" Al stared down at the mattress, skating his fingers along the sheet, not looking at me as he spoke.

"Well, when you were up here with Cora and Leah, I sort of explained everything to Oz and to Brice and Sonny. Y'know I just … I just told them about Jacob and, and who he was. But I didn't tell them everything, I would never …" Al shook his head and sighed, lifting his eyes a little to meet with mine. "All the things I know about you, I wouldn't ever tell _anybody_. I just thought it would be easier if I explained to them all, especially Oz." Al's head dropped again and he was back to drawing circles in the creases of the sheets. I'd felt sorry for him this morning. Not a patronising pity but one dragged from self-hatred. One that hated what I had done to him. I still did, I could feel the thought of that in the back of my mind somewhere, a distant memo that I had hurt him, that I should feel ashamed for that. I could hear it, but I couldn't feel it. It was walled back by the black cloud of suffering I'd woken into.

"What did they say?"

"A lot. Well, very little at first, but once they'd digested it they were quite vocal." I grimaced, yes, I deserved this pain for causing so much trouble. "Oz was … well, imagine how he'd react." Al's eyes drifted to mine, "then times it by ten." All the air left my stomach and I dropped back against the pillows with a whimper,

"Oh God."

"It's fine he just, he just doesn't like the idea. He's very protective of you and it's like the Sonny situation all over again. But … but it's worse this time for him because of how he saw you today. You really have no idea how much that scared him." Al appeared utterly sincere, but part of me couldn't help but doubt him. "The way Oz works just to protect the people he loves completely. It's a way of protecting himself I guess, there's very few things in the world that faze Oscar. But if anything were to happen to any of us, it would crush him. So just … remember that though he may seem like an ass sometimes, he really is just trying to take care of you."

Again, some distant notification on my mind told me to feel warmed by this, but there was no response that could smash through the numbing cold. I couldn't feel a thing. "Sonny didn't seem to mind. I mean he was shocked, of course, but he's just like you really. You're in the same boat, and I think he likes that. Then Brice was just Brice and seemed to take it as it came, I think he'd accept anything in terms of you so long as Cora gave it the green light."

Al looked up and shrugged, signalling he felt there was little left to say, but I could see it in his eyes.

He'd left one person out. He hadn't told me how _he _felt about Jacob coming here. For a second I searched for the words to ask, I noticed his eyes flicker to my lips as they moved in an attempt to get something out.

"Then what?" was all I could manage.

"Then …, then you fell asleep. Cora and Leah came out and we just, _talked. _We made some decisions but, but we appreciate that this has little to do with us…"

"No." Slowly I leaned forward, my body protesting. I was about to reach for Al's hand but settled with just strengthening our eye contact instead. "No, don't say that. This is our home, all of us and we should all be able to be happy here." Al frowned, shaking his head in almost disapproval and stared back down at his fingers.

"So we made some decisions. Oz's isn't allowed in the woods on his own." He chuckled, "just as a precaution. Leah doesn't want to phase again, not yet at least and Sonny's adamantly against the idea too. So I'm afraid we don't really know when he'll be arriving." He spoke very matter-of-factly, I hardly recognised him. "Cora says she has some … arrangements to make but I don't really know what, and all we're really doing is waiting. The rest is up to you." His eyes met mine again and he shrugged. "You should sleep." Dropping back, cautiously, on the bed I watched him, he felt very unfamiliar.

"I can't." Al's eyes rolled and the sight of it stung, another pain on top of the swirling others and I felt the sting rise up and pool as liquid below my eyes.

"You always say that." My shoulders moved pathetically in a shrug. I really couldn't sleep now. The pain wouldn't allow it and I dreaded what dream may await me this time. Plus, how could I sleep knowing Jacob could be minutes away. Al sighed, "So how was this dream different from the rest?" He stared at the floor and I didn't answer. "The ones where everything you've ever cared about is taken from you." He met my stare quickly then went back to scrutinising the wooden panelling below us. "I never thought … all those nights when I'd hear you cry and I'd run to come and comfort you, I never thought about what it was that was making you so upset. But now I know, now I've seen it …" Al shook his head and released a long, shaky breath.

Every thought and memory my head possessed had spilled into Al's through my fingertips that day in the woods. He'd seen every nightmare.

His palms rolled up tightly into fists, the strain visible along his arms. "I don't know how you coped with them. Your family, you love them so much and your mind tortures you with images of them being slaughtered. Every fear you've ever harboured turned into reality as you sleep. And us …" He exhaled and flexed his fingers, squeezing his eyes shut in attempt to calm. "I'd rather die than have any of that happen. Just the thought of it … the thought of someone hurting _my _family. _My _little brother." The dreams of Sonny had always been particularly horrifying. So defenceless, yet surrounded by such powerful creatures. Another numbed memory went off; I too would rather die than let anybody hurt him. "… and you." Al's head turned, he looked gentle now, and I remembered him. "So many dreams where people come for you, to hurt you." He leaned closer and lifted his hand to place it on my cheek, "Never."

{--}

Despite Al's best efforts I didn't sleep.

He left me to try but I just sat and attempted to acclimatize myself with the new sensations that streamed through me.

Maybe I was sick?

I'd never been sick before, perhaps this was what it was. I didn't care, my mind was like a tunnel. A long black tunnel with a single glint of light far in the distance. All I could feel, all I could see, was the end.

When the first light flooded my room I rolled from the bed. Cora was in the kitchen Brice sat on one of the stools opposite where she stood and he watched me closely as I entered.

"You want some breakfast?" The thought of food prompted no reaction from inside so I shook my head, he smiled and nodded. Before him Cora fussed over what looked like a package, folding the corners and sealing it several times with tape.

"What are you doing?" She looked up briefly at my voice, her eyebrows rising as though the sound of it worried her, but was quickly composed and back to her work.

"This .." She reached forward and patted a pile of pre-wrapped packages. There were two piles of what appeared to be clothes wrapped in thick plastic paper. ".. is Leah. And this is Jacob." The pain thrummed, like a heartbeat shocked back into beating by a name. The feeling didn't worry me, so I attempted to put Cora at ease.

"No. They're plastic bags." Brice smiled but Cora didn't react. Instead she folded the last piece of plastic and dropped the parcel onto the 'Leah' pile.

"They're clothes. I can't say I'm crazy about having naked teenagers running around the place so to make it easy I'm going to put these in various places in the woods. One pile for Leah, one for Jake. That way if either of them goes exploding in their clothes, they needn't worry." She smiled quickly at me before lifting both piles and disappearing from the building.

I watched her go and felt lost. Everything was very strange.

"It's just for you, you know." When I turned Brice was still sat at the counter, though he stared in the direction Cora had left.

"What is?" Without his eyes moving, Brice spoke slowly.

"In the short time I've known her I've come to realise that Cora can be quite … unpredictable." He smiled and it lit up his entire face. "She can zig-zag through the deepest depths of emotion in a way I've never known before. Always impulsive and expressive. But she's like a different person when it comes to you." His narrow eyes switched to mine, and they appeared a lighter shade of gold as the morning sun was reflected in them. "When you need her she becomes so stable and strong. She thinks with her head, and only about what's best for you." I watched him as he smiled at me, and then returned to staring out of the window as though desperate to catch a glimpse of her return.

"You love her very much don't you?" Brice had done so much good in his immortal life. He'd saved Al and Oz, bringing them into this new life without pain and taught them to be strong and good. He'd raised Sonny like he was his son, but was always respectful the was not. And he's taken me in, despite knowing little about me, he'd always been fighting my corner.

"More than I could have imagined possible." Quickly and quietly I did something I had never done before, I moved over to him and wrapped both my arms tightly around his neck.

Brice was a virtuous and peaceful person who loved without question, as he laughed and hugged me back, I tried to grasp onto the happiness of him finally finding Cora, but it slipped away into the darkness of the tunnel in my mind.

{--}

As the days went on I grew anxious, two days later and nothing.

Sonny really didn't want Leah to phase again, and I respected that, though she had quietly promised that if Jake did not arrive soon she would slip into the woods and find out why.

The time seemed to pass impossibly slow as my body remained submerged in agony. I had not slept, and would spend the night hours just thinking and hurting, and waiting.

What if he wasn't going to come?

Perhaps he had changed his mind, perhaps the link on his end had broken and he was free. Selfish as it was, the thought of that plunged my mind deeper into despair.

"Triple word score! Oh yeah!" Sonny whooped and punched the air, Leah, sat at the opposite end of the coffee table, grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Babe, the word is "sit", that's three points, hardly a cause for celebration."

"Three point _trebled_ I think you mean. Don't try and deny I'm rocking your world with my scrabble skills right now." Leah's head fell back as she laughed, Sonny watched her and it was easy to see the joy he got from making her smile. I'd watched them from the couch, drifting in and out of concentration through three games of Jenga which ended 2:1 to Leah, who had also won the ensuing Monopoly. Game three was scrabble. Sonny had been insistent it was played after complaining that he had "let" Leah win those before.

Despite his awareness that Leah bettered him at most things, Sonny seemed to enjoy injecting a competitive edge into their relationship. Of course she would beat him in all things that called upon strength or speed, but over the past weeks it was becoming a little obvious Leah's skills surpassed his when it came to board games too.

He didn't mind though, not at all, but I couldn't help but notice the suspension in their day to day activities. Board games one day, swimming in the lake the next, TV the day after that then just a repeat of the same cycle with various little differences. They weren't living, not really. Not yet.

"Don't you think, Ness?" I lifted my head, dragged back into concentration by Leah's utterance of my name.

"Oh, don't ask her. She doesn't think it exists." Sonny flapped his hand, leaning over the board and studying the layout of the letters.

"What don't I think exists?" Sonny chewed his lips as he sunk back to the floor to examine his collection of tiny plastic squares, leaving Leah to answer lightly.

"Fate, apparently. Sonny said he _always _beat his brothers at Monopoly, so me showing up and being better than him could not happen. And I said it could, fate just decided to deliver me to Sonny to stop his head getting any bigger." Sonny mock laughed as he dropped a few squares into place on the board and grinned with satisfaction at his work. I remembered a conversation, not too long ago but before Leah arrived where I'd told Sonny I didn't believe in fate. He shared the opposite opinion however, and believed it was what had brought me to him, and what had brought Cora with me so that she and Brice could meet. At the time it had felt like a foolish thing to depend on, to blame; too mystical and abstract to be what controlled life. But now, as some phantom hurricane tore me apart on the inside for reasons I couldn't grasp, the idea was not so implausible.

Not only had I brought Cora to Brice, but I'd brought Leah here, to Sonny, to the only person in the world who could pull her from the depths in which she'd spent years of her life. Leah Clearwater had hated me when I was last in Forks, yet she followed the pull that led her to come here with me, and now, _she _was the reason Jacob was coming.

"You really believe in fate, Sonny?" He watched Leah's hands as she positioned three more squares before he turned to face me.

"Yup. I don't think it controls everything, I just think it's a nice thing to believe in y'know." I tried to detach myself from the discomfort inside me as I watched him, tried to feel the happiness that, if it could be brought by anyone, it would be Sonny.

"And why is that?" He puffed his cheeks as he surveyed his letters again; it was written on his face that this game was not going to be won by him.

"Well, what's the point of mistakes if you don't learn from them? Sometimes you gotta be lost to be found or you have to get hurt to realise why you don't want to hurt, or why you don't want to do that to other people…" Finally finding a suitable square, Sonny picked it up and placed it, not noticing Leah's interest in the game was lost and she just sat watching him as I did. "I mean, what's the point of life and all the ups and downs if it's not to lead to somewhere? What's the point in having one soulmate in a world of billions of people without fate? You'd never find them otherwise. I just think that some things are meant to happen for a reason. Sometimes you have to go through bad stuff to get to the really good stuff at the end. Resistance."

"Huh?" Sonny looked puzzled as his eyes switched between Leah and me, both of us equally confused by how he had ended his flow of words.

"Resistance. R-E-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-E." He moved his finger over the letters he had placed as he spoke and Leah shook her head,

"Oh! Resistance, right, nice one Sonny."

"Not really, they're pretty much _all _one point letters. Sucks." Leah giggled as she jotted down the points and I rolled onto my back on the couch.

Fate. Though I found it hard to believe some exterior force controls my actions, the thought that choices, mistakes can be stepping stones on the road to something bigger, was a comforting one.

Leaving my family was a childish mistake. But could I say that everything that had happened since was one too? If I hadn't, Cora would still be in Victor's clutches, Leah would still be miserable in Forks and Sonny would have only his brothers and the cabin walls around him. And what about me? Who would I be if I had never left? I found it hard to remember what I was before, what _life _was before. But I was sure I'd changed, perhaps that was supposed to happen.

Quietly I hopped from the couch and walked from the house, not bothering to pick up a quicker pace as I made my way into the woods. How far could fate stretch? Could it have been what nudged my Mother to choose a life in quiet Forks with my Grandpa instead of sticking it out with the Mother she had always been so close to?

My feet moved slower still as I considered what else Sonny's idea of fate could have dabbled with.

I would refuse to believe that before I had even come into existence I was pulling the strings of my Mom's relationship with Jake. It was neither feasible nor fair to say I was what made them care about each other so much. But it was a comfort. The mere thought that fate would push Jake to love my Mother so much that he would be right there when I was born, that he would be one of the very first people I laid eyes on, was wonderful.

"Boo." When I looked up quickly into the trees, I saw Al perched on a branch not far up. Surprise flashed across his face when he saw that he had shocked me, I hadn't even notice he was there.

I grimaced, for once the climb looked daunting, and the sting in my head pulsed as I sprung into it. With a grunt I reached the branch, throwing my legs over and leaning back as a sharp wave of dizziness came over me. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut I tried to push past it, as well as return to my state of reconciled drowning in the pain rather than the feeling of splashing for the surface, only making it worse. "Are you okay?" I peeled my eyes open as slowly as I could so as not to disturb my composure, Al looked startled and I could only nod in an attempt to ease his concern.

He smiled, shaking his head and muttering, "Such a liar."

I released a short, sharp sound of offence as my mouth fell open. Al raised his palms, "You are! You think just because you have that little shield of yours I can't tell you're not telling the truth. Come on, Smee, don't insult my intelligence." I stayed still, I'd found it the best thing, and also the worst to do lately. Stillness was the best way to try and shut down, block out the pain and the thoughts and the waiting. But it made the time tick by slower and made the pain more noticeable as the thoughts and memories were the only company, the only focus.

"It's not a bad lie. I don't do it to be malicious or deceitful. It's not a bad lie."

"Did I say it was? You don't tell _bad_ lies, I know that. You tell dumb ones, but not bad ones." His face relaxed and he watched me. I felt nothing under his scrutiny only the thrumming and beating of my insides and the darkness of the walls that shrouded my mind. "I wish you could see yourself how I see you." My eyes had fallen closed and as the wild wind beat against my face, I could not find the strength to open them.

"Why?"

"Because you'd maybe understand better, not beat yourself up over the mistakes you've made because you'd realise why you made them, because you were only trying to do what was best." Alvar's voice was shrouded in the sound of the woods and the violent bristling as the leaves of the trees shook in the wind, but it was soothing, despite the fact I could not even manage to register his words. There was a pause where I drifted deeper and deeper into the blackness, the sounds fading as the dark consumed everything. "It doesn't hurt me to think of you with him." Quickly I was pulled out. Dragged from the depths by a pop of light and the sounds of the trees were back and Al's eyes were waiting when mine pulled open. He smiled, and for a moment the numbness was a good thing, stillness didn't cause me to dwell or drown, just to be at peace for a moment. "It just," He smiled again, his eyes bright and true, "it just doesn't."

Still smiling he dropped his head back against the tree and staring to the sky. He appeared startlingly young. I'd never noticed before, it was almost as though it was never there. But he was, he had an air of peace and purity to him that radiated almost as luminously as the sparkle that ran across his skin in the early afternoon sunlight. I watched him, not caring if he noticed and attempted to draw some peace of my own from him.

It didn't work. Everything still hurt, though my mind did fall slightly quieter. Some of the fears and worries calmed by Alvar's presence.

He drew a long breath through his nose, smiling when I did the same.

"Guess we should go." He leapt to his feet and I frowned, his movement breaking my meditation.

"Why?" Al looked down, his brows sinking before he sniffed at the air. I copied, but found nothing significant. The wind was particularly wild today.

"Rules are rules, Smee. No Oz on his own in the woods for a while." I frowned deeper and sniffed again, Al crouching before me. "You can't smell him?" My head shook and Al shrugged, "Probably because of the wind. Come on, before it takes away his trail altogether."

I ran a way behind Al. Partly so he could lead on the trail I was struggling to find, but also because I just couldn't keep up.

When we found Oz he was sat on the flat top-section of a huge rock. The wind blew at the tips of his thick hair and his eyes narrowed and rolled as we approached.

"This babysitting crap is getting old." Al laughed, clapping his brother on the back as we dropped to sit either side of him. As my body pulsed with my heightened heart rate, I tried to hide the squeeze at my lungs to suck in more breaths.

"Quit complaining, Oz. We both know we could never catch you if getting away from us is what you wanted. Stop trying to act the badass."

"I daren't go." Oz barked, "God knows what I'd come back to. Al, in the past few months you've racked up a half-breed, a disappearing lady and a girl-slash-puppy. I leave and you'll probably add some acrobatic monkeys, a few fire breathers then dress Sonny up as a clown, have him train elephants and call yourself a circus." Al laughed deep and hard,

"No. We're like a bad horror movie, all we need are some zombies. Then we'd have the whole set." Al laughed again and he appeared so at ease as his body leaned backwards, the smile at his face setting his eyes alight. Oz was quiet however, and it was then I noticed he was watching me.

"You okay?" Quickly, perhaps too quickly I replied.

"Yes." Oz's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He stared at me the way everyone had stared at me at least once in the past few days. He looked at me like he knew I was lying, as though what I was going through on the inside was written plainly across my face and could be read in my eyes and heard on my voice.

"You look tired." The way Oz was studying me so carefully put me at unease so I just shrugged, hoping the subject would slide.

"She is." Al leaned past his brother so I could see him to, "You are. You're weak, Smee, it's obvious. You haven't eaten _or _slept." Oz's frowned and grunted, and though I felt neither hunger nor any desire to sleep, I was aware that my body was not performing at its best. Oz nudged me lightly and nodded out into the distance,

"Go, get your strength up okay." I kept my eyes with him and when Al wasn't looking I grimaced and shrugged, Oz got the message that I could hardly smell anything and sniffed at the air discretely. "But don't go too far! No following your nose past the lake, take that trail there." With a wink he pointed in a direction through the trees before us, "Quick. Before the wind takes it away."

{--}

It was difficult, and it had never been difficult.

A fatigue set at my limbs like concrete, the stinging in my mind was irritated by my momentum and my senses felt numbed. This was the longest I'd been without a hunt since I'd started, perhaps my state was reverting. Though, I could never remember being this … _human_.

The wind whirled furiously all around me and I caught the faint hint of a deer and threw myself in its direction.

The power of the gusts meant the buck's scent wasn't strong to me until I caught it in my eyeline and began my approach.

The muscles in my thighs protested as I leapt, but I kept the catch clean. I gathered my dwindling strength into restraining the beast before my arms encircled its neck and with a snap, it was still.

My teeth tore through the skin at the base of the neck. Animal blood, deer blood in particular, though necessary, held little satisfaction. As the animal lay still in my arms it's warm liquid filled my mouth. I took it dutifully and felt my body react even before the first gulp. As the dying fire of my second nature was fanned the flames quickly rose. The ache in my muscles was forgotten, my body no longer as affected by the lack of sleep as it had been before. The sensitivity of my skin picked up a notch, every current and direction layered on the wind was distinguishable as it passed my flesh. And the senses of which made finding the animal in my arms a struggle, exploded to life.

Through my forearms I began to feel the tiny vibrations as the blood left the tiny tubes inside the body they were wrapped around, and I felt as those vibrations grew stronger as I took the blood less dutifully, more desperately.

As my taste was restored something new rose up in the bland, dry blood. I sucked, only the faintest hint of it far from enough. It was ecstasy as it played along my revitalised taste buds and flowed down my throat to fuel me. It was the taste of light, the faint glow that had been the focus of my mind for days now, melted down into the sweetest nectar. It was home, it was the ocean breeze and the smell of morning condensation on the tips of wild, forest greenery. It was the taste of human, but so much more. The more I pulled from the wound and the more it danced along my tongue the stronger it grew, the taste becoming smell becoming thought, becoming memory and then it wasn't fuel to further my existence, it _was _my existence.

With a splutter my throat sealed, it would not take anymore. It would not take anymore of the bland tasting liquid that now only trickled from the neck of the lifeless animal in my arms, for that was all it was.

The taste had been in the air. It had flowed into my nose and mouth and been so intoxicating that it overshadowed all sense, the desire for more beating all.

I breathed in and felt everything inside me stammer. It was on the air, the wild air that lapped at me now pushed with it the smell of wildflowers and the barks of trees as they heated in the summer sunlight.

Everything about me knew he was there, I could feel him, but the tightening of my stomach would not easily allow my eyes to check for sure.

Behind the raging thunder of my heart was the sound of another, just as fast, and that was a rare thing.

The rhythm was identical to my own and so familar I could feel the pulse in my fingers against the cooling skin of the buck as though I could strum it.

With the moisture still at my lips I battled with myself to move, to look up.

When I did, the while light exploded. Just a few yards away stood a stone still wolf with deep, russet fur.

* * *

**All the next chap is done but for bits of the whole Jake/Ness reunion I need to finish, so fingers crossed it should be up in less than 24 hours.  
Next chap is what a lot of you have been wating for, I know, and I promise it will be there, no more teasing, Jake & Ness, face to face FINALLY!**

**Peace out.  
**


	32. Jacob

**For some reason I was banished from FFnet the last couple of days and I couldn't log on to reply to any of your wonderful reviews or post this chapter until now. But whatever, after a lot of shouting at the screen of my laptop, I think I scared it into submission and here I am.**

**It's another long one, I think that might be a trend now until this wraps up but at least now you can see why I _had _to cut the last chapter off where I did. I toyed with its title like crazy, it's had so many and I'm still not completely thrilled with the end result. Though I think it does some up the majority of this chapter well, particularly in regards to the focus of Nessie's thoughts, it's just quite simple ... and I'm not one for simplicity.  
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**Thought I might also let you know that after this chapter we have four chapters left which I am determined to have done soon. I'd set myself I deadline date but I was born with a sef-discipline deficiency so it wouldn't work. So yeah, four left, well I don't know if you'd count any epilogue as one, but let's just say four. With this coming so close to an end feel free to put anything you want in a review, any question, and query any comment or rant. Whatever. Or if you'd prefer you can get it out on a PM or twitter. I'm completely opening the floor to anything you want to know or say, so speak now, or forever hold your peace.**

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* * *

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Jacob.**

He had found me.

My body and mind felt light and unconstrained in an instant as my eyes devoured the deep brown orbs set in the face before me. This animal face, though not as distinct to me as the face of its human form was unmistakable. The sound of his raging heartbeat rung through me like the second part to my own, a duet with both players together for the first time in so long.

But he was so still. If it wasn't for the shrinking and expanding rhythm at his stomach I would have thought him frozen. And if my body didn't feel him so absolutely until it became more real than the earth at my feet or the carcass in my arms, I would have thought him an illusion.

But every part of me screamed it, all of me knew. Jacob had found me.

As a second felt like a lifetime my body began to react to his stillness, with a panic and unease I checked myself. There was blood still at my lips and I cradled a dead beast in my arms.

What must I look like?

Quickly, too quickly, I dropped it and began to rise from my crouch. His eyes stayed with mine as I rose and my chest ached at their depth. Despite the fact I'd seen them a million times, expressing every kind of feeling, through dreams and reality, with every blink of my own eyes I saw his, despite this, they still held me so strongly that they consumed my whole mind.

Nothing existed outside of the fact that he was here.

The silence that had washed over us disappeared with a quick swoop and the sound of the air popping from my stomach as I was knocked over. Bracing myself for impact with the forest floor my eyes fell shut. There was a deep, vicious roar followed instantly by a louder, deeper growl. When my body never made contact with the earth I opened my eyes. Oz had caught me. He'd barged into my side and wrapped one arm tightly around my waist so I was now lifted behind him, his torso twisted in the direction of Jacob who was frozen no longer. He'd moved forward so he was now much closer, his teeth bared as his entire frame shook with the snarls that passed them. Oz hissed back, his grip around me not allowing me to wriggle free. Mortification and panic struck me as they glared at each other, it didn't worry me that any attack on either part would surely get me hurt but the thought that they would fight at all was terrifying. Jake's head ducked further forward as he snarled again, Oz's whole body moved towards him too, his arm twisting to move me further from the confrontation.

"Oz, don't!" I shouted and wriggled but his vice around me was not to be broken. As I writhed against his side I felt the vibrations within his chest grow stronger until his whole body seemed to tremor.

With the sound of an approach through the trees Oz's body leaned towards it and the rumble got stronger, he was preparing to protect Al from Jake even before he came to where we were. I pulled harder at Oz's arm but it did not move, I wanted to get free and throw myself between them, calm them both and then explode with the aggravation of this being what Jake must be confronted with on his arrival. When Al became visible his eyes burned with fury in Oz's direction, he snarled as he slid to a stop beside him and reached for my arm. Before he could make contact Jake pounced.

I screeched as Oz's body dropped, his shoulder rocketing into Jake's side. His teeth narrowly missed Al's arms as his body was thrown with the force of the impact. Oscar's arm slipped from around me and I fell to the ground with a thud as his other reached and pulled Al's shoulder down further from Jake until he fell to the floor just beside me. Jake's body skidded to a land a few feet from Oz who rose and seethed, Al and I at the floor behind him as his body stiffened and bent as though ready to pounce. Before I could stand there was the sound of another drumming against the forest floor. With a speed that left her little more than a dart of grey fur Leah leapt through the air and landed with her snarling face only inches from Oz's.

Al jumped to his feet and pulled at Oz who had shrunk back from Leah slightly but still seethed.

"No, Oz!" Al screamed, his face twisted into fury and the stress showing at his neck as his palms pushed against Oz's chest. "This was not the plan! You promised!" Oscar's hands came to his brother's and he wrestled to remove them, his body darting forward as he shouted,

"He tried to bite you, Al. I'll kill him!" Leah roared louder, her body shaking ferociously as she rose up and stood as a barrier between Oscar and his target.

Said target stood behind Leah, the aggression had fallen from his face and he stared at the smaller, but nonetheless threatening wolf at his front. His eyes were focused and attentive. He was listening. Despite being occupied, Leah's mind must have been flowing as it made a connection with its former Alpha.

"Stop it, Oscar!" Al pushed once more at his chest and this time Oz staggered, his glare switching from Jake to his brother. If I hardly recognised Al and the rage that had overcome him then it was obvious Oscar felt the same. Though his body didn't relax his face dropped from its snarl. "Get to the house." Al barked and for a moment I could have sworn Oscar shrunk slightly from him, but he didn't move. "Now!"

Unable to focus on them my eyes were drawn once again to Jake. He stared back and looked just as he had moments ago, before Oz had shown up. The same sad stillness was in his eyes that lassoed my stomach and tugged. I quaked with the need to be closer to him but could not lift myself from the mossy floor.

Oz did it for me.

With a grunt he turned on his feet and grabbed me with both hands, caging me at his side with one arm around my waist just as before. Before I could realise what he as doing he was heading through the trees with Al shouting after him to stop. I kicked and fought as Jake faded into the distance, wanting to scream his name and run to him but finding my strength so much lacking when faced with Oscar's. As I disappeared I saw Jake move forward, but Leah blocked him off, not allowing him to pass.

{--}

"Oz, let go of me! Let go!" I swung my legs over and over against his as he carried me through the trees, clawing at his stone arm to no avail. He did not release me and soon we were at the Mausoleum.

Sonny stood at the door, his mouth open as he watched Oz drag me towards the house. In his hands was a phone and he pointed at it as Oz passed him.

"Umm, Leah said to call Cora, so I did." I still kicked and punched and cursed at Oz as he dropped me down on the couch,

"I can't believe you did that, Oz! Why did you do that?" He had made what was already going to be the hardest moment of my life so much harder. He had attacked Jake and then dragged me from him. I felt as though I could cry, but only because he was gone now. Mere minutes weren't enough. His scent was back to being nothing but a memory and I needed it back. I needed to see him again.

Sonny came to stand where we were, his face still dropped in shock as my tussling with Oz had me booting the coffee table and obliterating the remnants of his and Leah's scrabble match.

Al ran through the door just as I crawled up and pushed at Oscar's shoulders. He grabbed my waist and pulled me from him, dragging me backwards and shouting past my shoulder.

"That was horrible, Oscar! What you just did was despicable!" Oz seethed in frustration and as the only calm person in the room Sonny slid between us.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Everybody calm down. Where is Leah?" Despite his voice being raised, Sonny went seemingly unnoticed by all.

"Why couldn't you just stick to the plan, Oz?" Al kept his hands at my waist as he continued to chastise the still furious Oz. "Why did you have to ruin this for her?"

"I did nothing until he went for you, Al, nothing!" Again Sonny moved between us, becoming more obvious in our sights.

"Who went for him? What is going on?"

"That's what I want to know." When Brice's voice was heard Oz and Al's aggressive rumbles were silenced. He came through the door quickly, Cora just behind him and they both wore equally severe expressions as they came to our sides, and nobody answered him.

Cora's eyes travelled each of us quickly before they met with mine,

"He's here isn't he?" Before I could nod, Al jarred forward and shoved Oz's chest.

"Yeah, and Oz attacked him." Oz growled and Brice quickly manoeuvred so that he switched places with Sonny and stood between them. It wasn't Oz he needed to be away from though, if anyone, I'd say it was Cora. Her body seemed to grow several inches as he stepped towards Oz, leering as she yelled,

"You did what?"

Quickly they all erupted into shouting. Each of them trying to voice their own opinion without listening to that of any other. I backed from the group, slipping away and clapping my hands over my ears as the sound rose. Never before had I seen any of them really argue, much less dissolve into such a heated series of exchanges. I hadn't even had time to process what was happening yet. Jacob was here, right outside and I could _feel_ him. I could feel again and the pain was all gone. My mind was no longer a dark tunnel but was now spinning in its old fashion.

I watched as they carried on, Cora's anger was bubbling and I could see Brice's attempts to control the situation were not going to work. I thought about what I could do. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to run outside and find Jake and scream and cry and shout at those here first before I left.

But after what Oz just did in the woods, I knew screaming and crying and shouting was not my best bet.

"Be quiet!" Though I let my voice carry loud enough to dominate all theirs I didn't scream, and tried to keep my expression composed. They all fell silent and turned to look at me. "Just be quiet okay. Please." Slowly I walked to the stools in the kitchen, dropping into one that was best placed to watch out of the window for anything coming from the trees.

With them silent I tried to think.

Jacob was here. The separation was over, Jacob had come here.

I needed to know why. For whatever reason, be it good bad, painful or not I needed to know. I needed to see him.

Leah was with him now, he would have access to her thoughts, so what would he see? What would he think? My mind buzzed with questions that only he could answer, that I only wanted _him _to answer.

My fingers tapped the countertop restlessly and my feet shook.

I could not go yet, letting Leah talk to him was the best thing to do first. Or maybe it wasn't, I really had no clue. But I didn't want to intrude on whatever they maybe communicating, I didn't want to presume my presence was wanted.

I'd wait until Leah got back.

{--}

That turned out to be so much easier said than done.

Though they each managed to remain calm, the silence didn't last long. Cora was furious at Oz for how he reacted, as was Al. After a while a creeping of sympathy set inside me as I watched him pace the room. Only a few nights before me Al had told me I would sometimes need to try and get past Oz's aggravating behaviour, because behind it lay only the desperate need to protect me. Sonny sat at the stool behind me, he chewed his fingers nervously and tapped his foot as he stared out of the window and awaited Leah's return. Brice, though he did voice the fact he disagreed with Oz's conduct, mostly showed a deep disapproval for Oz and Al's arguing. It was very apparent that he didn't like that at all.

As the time ticked by it got harder and harder, my paranoia going into overdrive as I thought of what could be happening. I burned inside with the want for Leah's insight, to know Jake's thoughts.

The first hues of evening darkness had blanketed the sky by the time she emerged from the trees, fully clothed in the contents of one of Cora's 'Leah' packages. I was at the door before I could even register my own movements, she seemed to move painfully slow as she strode up the hill … alone.

She didn't even make eye contact as she passed me and entered the house, and as the cold air followed her in, so did the thought that he might have gone again. Maybe he had all he needed, had closure from Leah's thoughts or only came in the first place to leave a message, one he'd now left Leah to deliver.

When she entered Sonny sighed with relief and took one of her hands and pulled her close. They didn't seem to care that everyone watched them as they embraced, but all eyes were on Leah, or at least mine were, ardently. And it seemed a painfully long time until she finally spoke.

"I thought you said you'd stay calm when he got here?" With a scowl she turned to Oz who leaned against the far wall, his arms crossed and his eyes brows deeply sunk above his dark eyes.

"I said I'd try." He spat back and Leah chuckled flatly, rolling her eyes. "_He _got aggressive before I did!"

"He didn't know who you were, Oscar. He came here to see Renesmee, and at first sight you run in and grab her. How the hell was he supposed to react?" Oz's sulky glare grew darker and he sunk further against the wall. I felt giddy with impatience, the mere mention of Jacob coming here to see me had me almost bouncing with desperation for more from Leah, but her eyes hadn't even met mine yet.

Walking past me without the slightest acknowledgement of my presence she reached up into one of the cupboards and pulled out a cup, filling it with water at the sink.

I couldn't take anymore as she took a gulp from it and moved over to stand before her,

"Well? Leah, what happened? Is he okay?" Her cheeks puffed as she held the water in her mouth, her eyes studying me before she swallowed. She turned and put the cup down before rubbing her hands roughly across her face, her fingers tugging through her hair, staying clenched a few inches from the roots when she spoke.

"I'm not going to be your messenger, Ness, or his. You two need to figure this out on your own." I tried to keep from rolling my eyes when I nodded. I didn't want her to be my messenger, but I did want her information, the rest I was determined to handle alone.

"That's fine, whatever. I just want to- I mean can you just tell me what's going on? What you told him? Is he still here?" Leah's eyes had fallen shut but they darted open at that last part, a few deep creases appearing between her eyebrows.

"Of course he's still here. Don't be ridiculous." I felt a great relief wash over me. Whatever happened now, I could face it myself. I could see him, face whatever punishment and take all the anger and accept it was what I deserved. "And I told him … I dunno, I told him everything I guess." With a wave of her hand she gestured in the direction of Sonny and the others and shrugged. She looked exhausted.

I could tell, now more even than before that Leah couldn't do this much longer. Her mind and body were crying out for her to be normal, for her to stop phasing forever and retire to a human life. Sadly, that would be impossible for her while she was living with us, she couldn't stop if she lived with vampires. "I think you two just need to talk. You need to solve this yourselves."

Her words, though true, were slightly daunting for me.

This was real, this was happening. This was crunch time and the stupid mistakes I'd made we're coming back around I had to face them. I _had _to. For Jacob. Whatever the consequences.

I turned, meeting the expectant stares of everyone else and forced a nervous smile, they at least had to think this wasn't tearing me apart inside.

If I couldn't stay strong for them how could I do it for Jake.

I decided the longer I waited here and stewed on what I'd done, what he'd say, how he'd look at me when I saw him, the weaker and more nervous I'd get. I had to go now.

With a deep breath I moved for the door.

"No." Oz growled deeply from the other side of the room, "You can't go out there on your own." Cora dashed over to where I was, pulling the door open with one hand and placing the other at my cheek as she planted a kiss on my head.

"Of course you can, sweetheart. You'll be fine. Everything will be fine, Nessie." She stared deep into my eyes, her gaze full of reassurance and love.

"Stop it, Cora. You know she's just going to get upset again." Oz moved forward this time, and the fury was back across Al's face as he spoke.

"Ignore him, Smee. You go. Everything will be okay."

"I'm not saying she doesn't go out there, Al. But this is going to be hard for her and I don't think she should go alone." Brice stepped forward then, his tone holding calmer than Al's and Oz's.

"She's not a child, Oscar. You can't do this for her." Oz grimaced and released a long groan of frustration. His eyes took me in and then moved to Sonny who had wandered over to the fatigued Leah and wrapped his arms around her. His eyes seemed to drop when he saw them, and I think he knew what I did.

He couldn't keep Sonny here much longer.

"I'll come back, Oz." His eyes darted back to me when I spoke, "I promise." I wasn't sure which thought Oz was clinging most to, but I think I caught onto a few of his logics. He may have presumed that once I saw Jake again every person in this house would be forgotten and I would just run off into the sunset with him. In my mind that was impossible, I didn't even let my mind hope too much that Jake would even want me with him ever again after tonight, it might not happen. Or maybe he was most scared of a repeat of what he had seen the other day. He had appeared so shocked when he saw me crying on the bed, perhaps the thought of me curled up on the forest floor, ripped apart by the consequences of breaking Jacob's heart was what was most unsettling to him.

Maybe I _would _need someone to literally find me and scrape me up from the floor. Perhaps what I had done to Jake really would destroy me. "An hour." I pushed the words from my lips, half of me screaming in disagreement, disgusted about the restrictions being set before me. But I'd learnt before now that it was what came with being loved. We protect those we love to protect ourselves. I had to accept it for the gesture it was instead of flying off the handle over how much it agitated me. "If I'm not back in an hour … then you come get me okay?" There was a stabbing inside me, a created sample of what it may feel like, what pain may bring me to my knees soon.

Cora watched me closely, and then nodded at the same time Oz did.

"Here," Al strode across the room, unfastening the watch from his wrist and placing it around mine. When he was done he held on tight, staring deep into my eyes and smiling slowly. "See you soon, Smee."

{--}

I couldn't run, my body refused to allow it. All I could manage was a stroll as Jacob's unmistakable scent guided me through the trees. I was scared, so scared that it twisted at my stomach and dried out my throat. But there was acceptance, the knowledge that whatever was to come, could not be fought as I had laid the path to this end myself, wandered along it too long and now the outcome had to be faced.

The peaceful excitement was the one I battled with. I didn't allow myself to feel the blind sighted joy that came with the knowledge that this was not a dream, this scent on the wind was not conjured by my imagination.

Jacob had found me.

I caught the first sight of him through the trees and everything inside me leapt. Seeing his human face was so different than what it had been like to face his wolf one. The wolf-Jake was my companion in play, as well as the beacon of protection that lit up the dark and frightening first few months of my existence.

The human face however, represented everything else.

He was more beautiful than I remembered, so beautiful it made me weak. And he was different. Not just in the way his hair had grown, it was to his shoulders now, he just _was_ different. When I realised it was impossible to describe how, I found it was the eyes through which I perceived him that had changed, not he himself.

The way he looked made me feel different too. Just to look at him still prompted the same giddy warmth it did when I was only a few months old and he would walk into a room, spot me and then lift me into his arms. But now that warmth pooled in the pit of my stomach and sent a euphoric sensation from the tip of my toes to the top of my head.

Even when our relationship had changed, I hadn't felt _this._

The first time I'd kissed Jake was after my first day at school after a long summer break the year my growth had been declared at an end. I'd missed him so much that the day dragged, each second ticked by like the monotonous drop of water from a barely leaky tap. During the summer we'd spent every night and day together, doing everything and nothing and not caring because we were together. That was what my life with Jake was, I needed nothing else when he was there. After that day at school, though not much different from any other time I had been apart from him, I felt such a relief when I was back with him again at the garage he liked to busy himself in behind the house. When I burst through the doors his smile was not enough and neither was his smell or his touch when he wrapped his arms around me excitedly. I wanted to kiss him. It was what my parents did, my grandparents and my aunts and uncles. It was what some of the kids did at school and what everyone on TV seemed to be doing. But I didn't want to do it because they did, I wanted to do it because my body and mind screamed for me to and because I loved him so very much.

I remember that when I did, I didn't ask. I just did it. I pulled from his hug and rose on my tip-toes and let my lips met his gently.

How presumptuous that seemed to me now. I had treated him like a possession, never assuming he would not want me to do it. Perhaps he didn't. I had kissed Jacob many, many times since the first, always the initiator. Perhaps he just let it happen because he had to if that was what I wanted.

The pleasant constriction in my stomach could not hide the nauseating feel of self-hatred at that thought, of the silly possessive child I was. And ultimately, still was. Even as he stood so still, his eyes wide and unsure, I wanted to assert that wrongly assumed allowance and just kiss him.

I forced my feet to stop a few yards from him and felt my insides swirl as I studied his face.

He was everything; my undoing and my making, my strength and my weakness, my joy and my pain. Everything I needed in the world lay in his eyes and for the first time in a long time, I remembered why I left. Because he had given me too much for me to be able to bear taking anything from him, and whether it was me or not, I would do anything to provide what he needed. I'd suffer through anything for him to be happy.

For a moment the silence was fine, silence was safe and in the silence I could pretend there was nothing to face but me and him forever. My mistakes or what had changed in our time apart mattered not, because he and I were stood in the same place. But I'd gone past thinking about me all the time, I didn't deserve silence and the belief all could be forgiven and forgotten.

When I pulled the air through my lips they shook, and of all the words I knew not one seemed fitting. No matter how many of them I strung together it wouldn't be enough, it wouldn't describe how I felt.

"Jacob, I- " When I pushed out the first sound Jake's eyes were hidden with a quick blink before he rushed forward. Before the memory of the wolf attacking me in my dream could consume my mind his arms wrapped tightly around me.

I was struck by the warmth of his body as it came against mine, even through his clothes I could feel the exhilarating comfort of the temperature that matched my own as I dissolved into his embrace with a whimper.

So many times I'd dreamed of just this and now that it was real my body pulsed with awareness of everything about it. I buried my face as deep into the base of his neck as it could go and pulled the smell of him in deeply through my nose. He smelled so unbelievably glorious that the mysterious tightening in my stomach increased. Both his hands were at my back and they pulled me tight up against him as mine held around his neck so that my feet hovered a few inches above the ground, my whole body floating deliriously.

My fingers wrapped through his hair, it hadn't been this long since I was a child.

"Oh, Nessie." I felt his chest vibrate as he spoke and the sound and the feel of his voice sent a breathy whimper from my lips and all the strength seemed to escape my body as I sunk further into him. "I love you so much." At those words everything rushed through me in one explosive beat and I felt tears shudder up within me.

Jacob Black loved me.

This I had always known, this he had always told me, chanted it everyday but never losing the feeling and the depth behind the words. Now, after so long it stirred such joy and strummed the burning love that raged through every inch of my being for him. And it hurt, so much it hurt.

My arms dragged heavily in protest as I unwrapped them from around his neck and brought them to his shoulders, pushing away until his arms dropped from around me quickly. As our bodies moved apart the front of my torso stung with the loss of his heat.

I couldn't look at him as I took a few short steps back, my eyes fogging with the thick build up of tears until the earth beneath my feet was a blur.

Jake's breathing was heavy as he stayed quiet for a moment before mumbling, "I'm, I'm sorry."

I bent at the stomach and bit down hard on my bottom lip as the tears began to stream from my eyes and my body shook,

"You're sorry?" I looked up and my heart throbbed at the sight of his face. So sad and lost. Where was the smile that brightened everything? I had pulled my sun from the sky with my actions, covered my world with darkness by putting such sadness into Jacob's eyes. "Why are you sorry? You're not the one who should be sorry, Jake. Me … I … I _left _you!" The sobs made my words shaky and the pitches irregular. His head shook, his full lips parted slightly but no words fell from them. "Yes! I left you. Without a word, just a stupid little note where I listed the things I didn't understand because I didn't have the decency to just _talk_ to you about them." My bottom lip quaked and I swallowed back another sob, "After all you've ever done for me I ran away like a stupid, selfish little child."

Jake grimaced, his lips pulling into a look of disgust.

"I should have told you. I should have told you everything not leave you to fund out from some strangers. That was my mistake, not yours."

By now the frustration was mounting. How could I have never noticed this before? How submissive he was, why was he taking the blame when this _was _all my fault?

"Jacob, stop it. What I did was wrong, I should have come home and talked to you about it. Not disappeared and dragged you all the way out here to find me, not put you through all this." My fingers flexed as they memorised what it was like to hold him moments ago. He was smaller, only by a fraction but he was thinner, enough for me to notice the change. I though about the beaten, exhausted wolf in my dream. How far must Jake have travelled and with what food and rest. He did look a little tired, when I noticed it my insides wrenched. And what pain must he have been through. Had the agony Leah had told me about been with him this whole time. "I should never have done that, Jake. I should have never let that happen." The thought of him in pain brought me one that was nowhere near enough. I deserved a hurt that would bring me to my knees for this.

"You left for a reason, Ness, and that reason was my fault. I deserved it. It doesn't matter."

As he finished the desperation and frustration boiled within me, exploding with a push of my legs as I leapt onto his torso.

He crashed to the floor with me landing on top of him, my legs falling either side of him and my palms pressed firmly against his shoulders as I screeched,

"Stop saying that! Of course it matters. It's not all about me Jake, no matter what some stupid invisible force leads you to feel _you_ matter." I sucked in the tears through my nose as they started to push forward again and my screeching dissolved into deep sobs. Jake just stared up at me silently, his eyes still and focused. "I left you. You should hate me, you should be mad at me and tell me how selfish I was for doing something so unforgivable to you. I want you to hate me, Jake." Part of me needed him to hate me. I needed to know it was possible and that he was not just my ragdoll to do with what I please.

"I could never hate you, Nessie." He whispered, and I choked a screeched grunt through clenched teeth as my palms slammed his shoulders into the ground and I screamed,

"You have to, Jake. You have to!" Before I could react one of his arms pulled from beneath me and he caged a wrist in his fingers, holding it against his shoulder as his torso lifted and he rolled us over quickly.

With him above me his stare was all the more affecting as it narrowed into a more severe expression at his features, the tightening in my stomach was back as his legs positioned between mine and he steadied himself with one hand above my head, the other still pinning my wrist to his shoulder. The feeling became so strong and so dizzying it felt like I'd melt into the floor altogether.

His breathing was as rapid as mine, his breath hot against my lips as his hovered just a few inches above.

"I _will _never hate you." He growled, the sensation of the sounds against my skin causing my legs to move involuntarily and tighten around his. "There's nothing you could do …" He trailed off, his voice falling to whispers as the hand that held mine began running tantalizing caresses up and down. "Whatever happens, Ness, all I care about is your happiness. And if that means … if you want me to go, then I will, and you'll never have to see me again." His expression was so sincere that my chest burned, he was truly serious.

I couldn't fight the shake of my head or the whimper that passed my lips, there wasn't enough strength or will in my body to fight it anymore, I _had _to keep him.

"I would never … why would you think I wouldn't want you here?" His eyes lingered around my lips, not meeting my eyes and his breath was so warm as it danced across my chin the tips of my fingers rolled, digging in gently around his side.

"You have a new life now. You left to keep me from it but … but I followed you, I'm so sorry." I felt strain build at my face as I fought to keep the sobs back as the tears blurred my eyesight. His face alone broke my heart; the exhausted sadness that plagued his eyes.

"Of course I want you with me. If being away from you has taught me anything, it's that. I love you, Jacob." His breath tickled my face as it fell quickly through his lips and when his eyes squeezed shut a tear fell from one of them. The sight of it shook my entire body; I'd never seen my Jacob cry before. I'd never even imagined he would so the sight of it now crushed me.

With the desperation to remove all his sadness taking over I pulled my hands to his face, burying my fingers in his hair I lifted myself to meet him and pressed my lips at the base of the glistening trail that had made its way down the dark skin of his cheek.

I lingered, feeling the salty taste at my lips and felt Jacob's chest moving against mine as both our breathing patterns picked up. Slowly, and only slightly I pulled away, the tip of my nose trailing along his cheek and our foreheads together as I moved until I came to the point where our eyes met. His were open and I could see my own reflected in abyss of his wide pupils, framed by a circle of the deepest brown.

The sensations in my stomach erupted when Jake pushed his lips against mine. I gasped and my fingers encircled the strands of his hair as my head fell back against the floor, pulling him with me so that the kiss was never broken. It was different to any before. Any kiss I'd ever stole from him had been gentle, gloriously innocent but with all the love in the world behind it. This one was hungry and possessive. I could feel the desperation in his lips as they moved with mine, it was reciprocated and I let all the pain of the time we'd spent apart poor into it.

I could not help the unfamiliar sound that came from me when Jake took my bottom lips between his, my fingers tightened in his hair and the grip my legs had as they wrapped around his only increased. Though he supported his weight with the palm he pressed into the earth beside my head I could still feel as some of it weighed down on me, his heat mixing with mine until it all rushed to my face in one dizzying gust.

I pulled him closer, tasted him and breathed the scent of him in. After all this time it was so real and so raw, he was perfection to me and though I now knew and appreciated that he could never _belong _to me and that I would never want him to, I needed him. Not every second of every day, that would be wrong, but I could not live a life without him anymore. As I moaned into his mouth and pulled him even closer I wondered if I would ever have figured that out if I had just stayed in Juneau.

Jacob was bound to me. I'd tried to stop it, tried to free him from it but I couldn't. He could not be freed ... and neither could I. Cora was right, there was no choice. He had no choice but to come here and I could not send him away, I didn't want to.

When the urgency and need in the kiss dissolved it filtered down into gentle caresses and he rolled on his back so that I could lay in his arms. I knew that this could not be all, I would apologize everyday for eternity for what I had done, and if he grew tired of that and wanted me to stop, I would. But I would never stop trying to make it up to him. I had reached a whole new understanding of who he was to me, a new plane of appreciation for his existence and I would honour that everyday. But for now we just lay in silence beneath the stars which were only peripheral as all I could look at, all I could see, all that existed, was Jacob.

The abrasive buzzing broke through the peaceful silence and made me jump. The watch at my wrist was screeching, and for a long moment I had no idea why. What was time, and what purpose did it serve in the world of only me and Jake? The little timepiece rung regardless, the digits at it's face's reflecting in the moonlight.

"Oh!" When I remembered I reached up and squeezed at the little buttons around it, not stopping until an unknown combination silenced it.

"Oh?" Jake's fingers were in my hair, twirling the curls through his fingers as I whispered.

"I have to go back to the house." Our eyes connected in silence for a moment, and inside I chanted loudly that I had promised. I had given my word and in order to maintain the calm that existed now, I would have to come through on that. Jake's mouth curled into a small smile and he nodded, I ran my thumb lightly across the bottom lip, "I promised. I'm sorry." I screeched it louder. I _would _go back. I would _not _stay out here longer and risk trouble.

Jake's lips pursed and kissed the tip of my finger before spreading into a wider smile,

"Leah did mention the fact the forest would probably be where I'd be sleeping for a while." I lifted my head and dropped it in my palm certain if I kept it resting on Jacob much longer I would never move.

"I could _try _and ..."

"No, no, it's fine. I don't mind." I smiled. I didn't like the thought of him out here alone, but I also didn't like the thought if having to ask for anything else just yet. I leaned in to kiss him goodbye and his arms came tightly around me, his breath in my ear as he whispered, "Promise me you're not a dream, Ness. Promise me this is real." I clung to him as he said it, my thought mirrored in his words. What good would words be as a promise for this, I knew well that dreams could conjure such haunting realities it was impossible to believe them as anything else until you were thrown awake. My fingertips trailed his neck on their way to his forehead, my palm coming across it gently before I sent my promise as deep into the pit of the place those false realities came from as it would go. Jake's eyes fluttered closed and he smiled, "I've missed that."

{--}

The door of the Mausoleum was already open, and without dramatics I pulled it to close gently behind me. Every eye followed me as I entered. Sonny and Leah sat on the couch, he with her arm around her and both of them patiently observant. Cora and Brice were at the kitchen island, their expressions were less of one watching to see what may happen, more of concern of what has and will. Then, at the centre stood Oz and Al, varying appearance again. They both appeared calm, or at least were trying to. Indecision and uncertainty made Al's eyes appear heavy and had his lips curved slightly down. It was keeping Oz's fingers clenched at his sides and exposing stress at the base of his neck.

Indecision and uncertainty were dangerous things. I, more than most, knew that.

It can lead to irrational decisions where the emotions are fresh and confusing and powerful.

Things need time, things need consideration and processing. This I had learned.

So, still just before the door I smiled gently at them all and said,

"Good night." Then slipped away from their answering silence up to my room.

Despite trying to busy myself with getting ready for bed I could not help but listen to what was happening downstairs. The silence had lasted a while, no one had moved even. With only a few words, Sonny and Leah went off to bed and the other four remained quiet as I climbed into mine.

A strange sort of peace rushed through me.

There was no pain, little worry and a thrill that made it difficult to keep my eyes closed let alone sleep.

After a while Cora silently slipped up the stairs, hovering in the doorway to peer in, only moving when she had discerned I was awake.

"I thought you'd be asleep by now." I just shook my head. She came to sit beside me and smiled, "Is everything alright?" I took in a deep breath, pausing to feel the sensations of my body. For once it was almost weightless, not quite, but almost. There were still regrets and fears. There were still things I had to fix. But Jacob, _my _Jacob was just outside. The smile that spread wide across my face could not be fought, setting one equally sincere across Cora's lips. She leaned down and kissed my forehead, stroking my brow and whispering, "Sleep, Renesmee. Tomorrow is a new day." As she pulled away she smiled, reaching to pull away the comforter that sat at the end of my duvet. I thought to ask as she took it with her when she left, but instead decided to remain embalmed in the calm she had managed to wrap me in.

Tomorrow was a new day.

One that would signal change, it had to. It could not be like Leah with Jake. He could not simply join the coup and live with us in our little bubble. Jacob was my life. Everything about it was in his eyes. He'd lived it all with me … almost. He was my tie with my family, and I could not look at him everyday and not think of them, wonder where they were, feel a tug to find them.

Everything would change, it had to now.

Sonny and Leah would at some point need to go and live out their mortal existences in peace. Everyone had to go and live their lives now.

As with every night, Sonny's heart beat was what I clung to. It gave me more peace than the comforter Cora had just taken ever could.

Though it would hurt me to leave him, even if it was for the shortest time, seeing him grow and live out his life with the heartbeat that lay beside him now would make me just as happy as everyday we'd spent together in the cabin and the Mausoleum.

Change was coming, it just needed a push.

The cool air tickled my lips as I blew it out deeply. I felt nervous now, scared of the future and the decisions that would start it off. Excited too, but to leave the security that had been built around me here was daunting.

It made me more awake than ever to think of it. I couldn't sleep while I had so much to think of, I didn't _want _to sleep on the eve of change.

{--}

My stomach was tied in sensations as I cautiously pulled open my bedroom door. I couldn't smell or hear any of them too close by, but being around Cora so long, I knew better than to trust my senses.

My legs quaked, they complained of constraint and restriction.

I really wanted to run. To feel the wind at my face as I headed in no particular direction, just for a while.

When nobody was to be seen, I pulled back into my room and changed. Pyjama shorts or jeans; it was all the same to me. But if any of them saw me running around in just my pj's, I was sure it would make them panic more. So I dressed just in case.

The sharply luminous clock at my bedside table read _4:30._

Al had always said I was like clockwork when I slept. He was right, most nights I'd always be thrown awake strangely close to 5:30. And Al was _always_ there.

I chewed at my lip. Tonight he might not come. After everything that's happened he might not think he needs to … he might not _want _to. But if he does, and I'm gone, he'll panic. He'll tell them all and then _they'll _panic. At the thought of Oz finding out, and who his blame would fall directly upon I fished a pen and paper from deep inside a draw.

_Al, _

_I've just gone out for a while to stretch my legs. I'm fine, everything's fine I just really want some space for a little while so I can think and then come back here and sort everything out with a straight head. Please don't tell anyone unless you need to. I'll be back before Sonny wakes up, so they shouldn't notice._

I twisted the pen through my fingers, it felt cold, it wasn't enough.

_If you're reading this it means you came to check on me. If you're reading this it means that you appreciate that what's happened over the past few days takes nothing from the months you've helped me, made me laugh, and been the only person who could make me feel better when I cried. _

_You've seen my mind, Al. You know all this. You know what you mean to me and you know that you saved me in so many ways. _

_You know it, but I've never said it;_

_I love you, Al. _

_Nothing in the world would ever change that._

_I'll be back soon._

_Smee._

I felt the need to run more than ever as I wiped a tear from my eyes and placed the piece of paper on my pillow. The last time I'd written a note like that, it had been a goodbye. This one felt very different; more a beginning than an end.

Before I left I strapped the watch to my wrist again, I _would_ be back before anyone could worry.

The only exterior window in my room was tiny, but with care I managed to squeeze through it and hop down. I hit the ground running, heading in the direction I rarely did. Not down the hill at the house's front but straight into the thick woods that started only a few meters from its back.

My legs pushed into the surface quickly and forcefully, working out the built up need for exercise that had come since I had hunted.

I felt stronger than I had ever before. Though I could not smell Jacob on the wind I knew he was close. And the knowledge that I would see him again soon soothed the slight discomfort that rose up in me, the tie of our bond being pulled more taught as I ran.

He needed rest. I kept telling myself that.

Werewolves liked to sleep, they _really _liked to sleep and as the first light penetrated the dense black of the sky I knew that Jacob would not have been getting enough over the past months.

I tried not to think of him out alone in the cold. I knew it would not affect him, just like it would make little difference to me if the Mausoleum was suddenly void of a roof or walls. But I still didn't like the image, or the thought of when the last time it would have been that Jake slept anywhere but outside, or even when he'd had any company.

I pumped my arms and threw myself in the direction of various obstacles, in clearing them managing to take the edge off of the excess energy that always came when I fed. The sooner it was gone the sooner I would be more balanced, perhaps even able to sleep.

As my mind hung to that idea, my body began to see its appeal. My limbs felt heavier and the buzz dissolved sharply. It had been what, three days since I'd slept? Though I didn't feel exhausted, nor did my eyelids droop, my body did yearn for some rest.

For a moment I thought of turning back, running quietly to where Jacob was and curling up beside him to sleep. The thought of resting my head on his chest as I had so many times before, of being as close to him as I was last night, had my feet almost zipping back around of their own accord.

No. I couldn't. Soon, but not now.

I couldn't just go back to normal straight away with Jake. I wanted to, so badly but it would be a lie. I wanted to earn his trust back, show him how sorry I was but I also needed him to understand that I had changed. I'm sure he had too, and I was not prepared to rush back into the fantasy of what we were together when the reality still had to be dealt with.

So where could I rest?

I looked at the floor beneath my feet; it was damp with the morning precipitation and did not seem wholly appealing as a place to relax my emotionally exhausted body. But I knew of one place that was.

One place that even in thought was soothing. It would be quiet and comfortable and I would feel safe there to rest and face whatever dreams followed me with the confidence that I could handle the problems they expressed. My legs pushed in the direction I had not travelled in a long time, in search of refuge.

{--}

The cabin had not changed.

I stood for a moment at the edge of the thick mass of trees that slowly thinned as they headed in the direction of the small, wooden building.

Despite the misty silence of the morning I could hear so much. Hear Sonny's grunts as he wrestled with Al out front, the distinctly deep rhythm of Brice's laughter and the whoosh of the leaves that signalled Oz's arrival home.

I walked towards it slowly, admiring the homely wildness of the greenery around it. Moss had turned the roof partly green and the colour was made bright by the shards of early morning lights that darted through the leafy canopy above.

It was much smaller than the Mausoleum, that was for sure. I smiled when I thought of how it was quite fortunate we had moved since the family Brice had founded had gone through quite the expansion recently.

As I passed the last of the trees I shut my eyes and lifted my chin so that I could pull a deep breath through my nose.

I coughed and gagged when I did so.

I was not met with the familiar sent of the cabin's old wooden walls like I had been expecting, instead I was bombarded with a scent I had struggled with since a child.

I found the smell of gasoline so strong and so disagreeable that it even gave me some discomfort to ride in a car. Sometimes I'd catch a whiff of it in Jake's garage or on Rosalie's clothes. Oil I was okay with, but gasoline had me burying my face in the seat of any car I was in when it came to heading to a gas station.

I just hated it.

Faced with it's stench so strongly on the morning air now I was wanted to run as far from it as I could. But this was the cabin, not a gas station. This scent did not belong here. Despite the churning at my stomach my curiosity won and I walked slowly forward.

{--}

The inside was choking.

I pushed the front door open slowly and an onslaught of the suffocating stench hit me. Everything inside appeared untouched through my narrowed eyes.

Oz and Al hadn't bothered taking much when we left as the Mausoleum already had all we needed. But would they have wanted to torch the place?

I pulled my hand from where it was pressed over my nose and mouth and drew in a deep breath.

As I coughed I could discern that the scent was barely aged. When I pushed my finger against the cushion of the armchair closest to me it came away moist, the thing had been soaked with gasoline. As had the floor. Dotted trails and splatters twisted about the place and I frowned. Who had done this?

Slowly I moved into my room but did not find the inviting bed I had hoped to rest in. It was still there, it lay overturned, its thick structure lay broken in half. Dropping to my knees beside it, I ran my fingers across the carved detail of the headboard and felt so sad. The shapes and intricate patterns shaped into the wood were committed to my memory from the hours of sleeplessness I had spent looking up at them.

My eyes were near watering at the painful smell that fogged the house, but I felt a sadness that would prompt different tears at the sight of the bed Oz had carried home for me, the first sign that he felt anything but powerful dislike towards me.

My attention was pulled quickly from the memory when there was a noise behind the wall.

I felt my breathing halt and my heart rate pick up as I held and listened. Silence.

Slowly I rose to my feet. It could have been a trick of my mind. So many nights, as I lay in my now broken bed I would listen to the sounds of Sonny through that wall. I would hear him as he turned in his sleep and the gentle, familiar thrumming of his heart. It would make me happy because he was safe. Perhaps the shuffling sound I heard from the room formerly occupied by the one I held as my baby brother was nothing but a vivid memory.

Unsure, I took one look back at my broken gift and walked from the room.

Beside my door were the three wooden steps that lead to Sonny's, and nothing but silence lay behind it.

I could hear nothing but the sound of my own body and the creak of the wood as I lifted my foot onto it. My breathing was shallow in an attempt to avoid the battery of discomfort that would come from what was around me, but the thump of my heart was stronger, faster than usual, and its velocity; a sign of fear, only made that fear stronger.

My head shook slowly; my mind seemed to disagree with the reaction of my body. There was little to fear, I'd only ever been safe in this house. That noise I'd heard could have been anything … or nothing. The sound of the wind reverberating off the window or a woodland creature who'd made Sonny's former bedroom it's own. This fear was merely the result of my emotions being left so tender and wild after the past few days.

With a clench of my fingers and a firm nod of my head I shoved open the door, my feet remaining planted at its threshold as it swung, revealing all that was inside.

My heart reached new speed as my eyes neglected all but one area of the scenery. All was as it had been left, Sonny's bed against the wall along from where I stood. But it was the figure that perched on the side of the bare mattress that drew my attention, and seemingly drew my heart to begin to thunder in an attempt to jump from my chest altogether.

His back was to me, his wide shoulders clad in a black shirt and his bright copper hair hung messily below the neck. There was no movement as my heart beat harder for escape.

The figure didn't turn, but I knew the face.

It had haunted my dreams many times.

* * *

**Thanks to all reviewers, all of whom I haven't been able to reply yet because FFnet decided to FF me over these past couple of days.**

**The floor is open and the end is nigh so say what you gotta say lovelies, I love hearing from you ....**

**Gina.  
**


	33. Interlude Death

**No, you've not gone insane; this is actually an update … sort of.**

**As I'm sure is obvious I took a giant face flop at the last hurdle of this story. The poor thing just seemed to suffocate in my head. But thanks to the reviews of some lovely, lovely people it's sort of come back. So, although this is not a real chapter in the sense that it doesn't really advance the plot, it is something. I just decided to try on write something, _anything_ earlier and this is what came out. Call it stretching my legs, this is me getting back into this story and I though I might share it with you all.**

**Thanks, in overwhelming abundance goes to my great friend Sarah, who never gave up faith/bullying where it came to this story …. (Let's just call it an anniversary present huh, cappy??)**

**So, if there even are any of you wonderful people still reading this, here's what happened when I tried to resurrect the little Renesmee Cullen in my head.**

**Wish me luck for getting her back into the swing of things …..**

**Gina. x**

* * *

I'd never given much thought to how I would die.

Truth be told, it had never even remotely been considered.

From the day of my birth death had been quite abstract to me. It was the only sure thing in the life of everyone other than those of our kind. The one thing, in all the unstable, changing world that could be relied on is that someday, from some cause, the journey would end.

I never had that surety.

Not even close.

Yes, I had always had a fascination with the idea. How could I not? It positively surrounded me. The composers of the dizzying pieces that would flow from the fingers of my Father as he tickled the keys of his piano were all long dead. Death was in my Grandfather's profession. He fought to keep it from those unlike us who fall so easily to its ultimate embrace. Death was a silent fear that ran through my heart. It was a truth that would see all the people of the world, all the people I knew, removed, while my family and I remained.

It was what would take my Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Sue away one day.

That had scared me, and I, a child of so much protection, was not used to being scared.

One night, beneath one of our linen fortresses, when I could have looked no older than seven I remember confiding in Jacob that I was sure when that did happen I would die too. I was sure that no matter what the lore of my existence was; if Charlie and Sue were to go, it would hurt so much that I would follow.

He'd smiled a sad smile, laughed and said that wasn't possible. That wasn't how it worked.

He said people didn't die from broken hearts.

I'd known that.

Hearts can break, literally. They can bleed and rupture and suffer violent tremors that could end human life. I knew that.

I'd learned all the ways humans could die with a strange fascination, and to me, not one of them seemed right. They didn't fit with me.

A knife to the heart could end a human life. It may even do me some damage had there not been a steal barrier preventing any entry of such a weapon.

So the fact that the beating a heart can take from emotional suffering can not have the same effect was a wonder to me.

I'd tried explain it to Jake then. Tried to put into words the thoughts that sometimes seemed too big for my pigtailed, childlike head. So, I related it so something tangible, the most tangible things in my world.

I'd asked him if death was only physical. I'd asked a question that stung to ask, but one that best formulated what I was trying to say.

I knew no knife to the heart could kill my Daddy. He could not drown. He would not get sick and die in one of the beds where Grandpa Carlisle worked. And he would not grow old and weak and drift away in his sleep. But what if something more painful, more powerful than all of those things happened to Daddy? My eyes had grown moist as the idea of something bad happening to my Mother drifted from my lips. And when I asked if that could kill somebody, if that could kill Daddy, Jake's expression fell into one of more knowledge than I could ever hope to attempt to coax from him at such an age.

Death was physical, and that was the conclusion I'd carried for most of my life.

I'd always known I was different to the rest of my family; not quite as strong, but I knew death would not take me anywhere near as easily as it took anyone else.

I'd known that as I felt my heart tear in my chest after I left my family.

I'd known that even though I may have wanted it to, it would not kill me.

So I, a child born into immortality, strength, and the most fearless, vigorous protection, proceeded with little thought of any demise in my future.

The soul cannot die. The soul hurts, but it will not die.

Only the cage it's carried in may die; a cage far too delicate and temporary for those of human existence.

My soul was held in an immortal shell, strong and cushioned.

I'd never given much thought to how I would die.

That was, until I stood in a burning cabin in the middle of the woods.


	34. Playing With Fire

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Playing With Fire**

Like a quick swipe from a sharp object, seeing him tore open the bubble of calm that had carried me here, and now all the had been kept suspended, crashed down on top of me like a crushing weight.

Panic rushed through my veins, regret that I had come here, far from anyone else all by myself, without telling anyone. The gag fell from the mouth of my brain and it screeched in protest for leaving Jacob, the memory that it was fair to leave him, that I didn't deserve to sleep in his arms tonight, could not silence it.

But mostly it was the panic, and as his head turned slowly so that his fiery red eyes came to meet mine, that panic erupted into a fear that had the thump of my heart so wild I thought it close to shattering my rib cage.

When I'd first met Victor, I hardly knew what intimidation was. I was a child born in a world where fear was a rare thing, where there was the knowledge, however in the background of my mind, that there were few things in the world to be feared when you lived in a family like mine.

But then I'd left them, lost the dome of protection that had sheltered me all my life, and was exposed. That was when I found out what intimidation was. Victor, despite what little I saw of him, was nothing but cordial. But behind his words I heard the sting of what may happen if they went disobeyed, I witnessed the hold he had over Cora and the way he seemed to be able to manipulate and taunt her wild emotional ways. But then I met Sonny, Al, Brice and Oz, and my fear for Victor was born. He was ruthless and would not stop. That I'd found out, and this I knew, as I stood in my gas-soaked cabin with him slowly rising to stand from where he had sat on Sonny's bed.

Without drawing breath, he spoke.

"It's been a long time, Renesmee." He turned, callousness in his glare that kept me frozen as he walked towards me. "Have you missed me?" He smiled, weaving some small, silver rectangle through his fingers as the other swung rhythmically with each stride. Quickly he ducked forward until he was close enough that the air from his growling whisper blew against my ear "Because I've missed you."

**

* * *

{--}**

Had everything always been this loud?

I could hardly remember, but it seemed to hit me like a freight train. Quickly, noticeably, and really, really, loud.

I'd spent the past months; countless, endless months in this place. In nature. Woods and trees and meadows were just one huge abyss to me now. Like the ocean. Like it always merges in the end. Nature always finds nature.

More birds squawked, more trees rustled and that lake kept whipping itself around in the strong winds. All of it thundering against my ears.

Do you ever have that moment?

At some time, be it random or monumental, you blink.

You just blink, and when you open your eyes everything is a billion times _realer _than it was before.

It's like you've been sleepwalking through time and at that point, with that blink, you wake up.

Thad had happened to me earlier, and it hadn't faded.

That happened to me when I saw Ness again.

I stretched again, pulling my arms out as wide as I could to release the buzz. Staying still felt impossible. And when I dropped my arms back down at my side it was weird, weird to have them hanging there again instead of throwing them down into the mud. I drummed my fingers and exercised my thumb. Opposable thumbs felt odd after so long.

I started to pace again, trying to go back to counting.

I counted the numbers of logs I could see as I passed laps around the visibly worn circle I'd walked into the grass.

I counted the stupid trees.

I even tried to count the goddamn stars, but my concentration was somewhat limited at that moment.

"Stop it, Jacob." My hand banged against my forehead before falling back to my side, rolling up tight into a fist as I exhaled deep and started to pace again.

I was going to explode, and at the end of it there wouldn't be some wolf, just a pile of remains of a crazy, over-excited jackass.

I had to battle to keep the balance, not totally lose it. There was still a chance this wasn't real. Still a horrible chance I was asleep somewhere, unconscious in my wolf form slumped between a mass of_ stupid_ trees.

It had happened before. Lots of times.

Sleep, along with everything else had slid right down my list of priorities from the second Alice called the Juneau house, screeching that something had took Ness. But sleep, hell, nature in general, is a bitch. Always catches up with you.

I'd wake from every forced slumber having been in some sort of paradise. Somewhere where I was with her. I'd wake and she was gone again.

I slapped my hands together, drawing my focus.

I had to conserve myself, not got in too deep. I couldn't afford to just wake up and fall apart like I'd done a few times before.

If this _wasn't _real, I still needed to find her.

But what if it was?

I growled when that little thought sent a tidal wave down my body. A whole goddamn rush of euphoria. It was possible, right?

I went back to counting, dropping my head and staring at my feet. I was higher than I could remember being in a long time, my feet were a few feet further away then I was used to them being now.

And I was wearing boots. These big, brown combat boots.

I remember Leah's voice in my head. So real. Too real to be my imagination?

After explaining everything to me; who the touchy asshole was who'd grabbed Ness when I'd found her was, and that me trying to bite that other one, that _Alvar, _was a big no-no, she'd told me I'd find a couple of packages with clothes in for me spread around in the woods.

Had _everything _always been so loud?

When I first heard Leah in my head it had shocked me for a second. It was almost like I'd forgotten anything else existed except my own inner voice.

For the longest time, nothing else had existed except my own desperation to find Ness. I'd been totally alone. I'd gone, to be honest, a little _nuts_.

So having Leah - more suitable than anyone for a firm wake up call - yelling through my mind was like waking up in the morning and throwing open the curtains to blinding sun.

My whole mind, my whole body, had squinted.

"Jacob?"

I leapt, staggered back into a slight crouch, sinking slowly further when my eyes found the one who had spoken.

The scentless one.

I couldn't fight the rumble that rose in my chest, hell, I didn't even try. She had started all this, used her power to whisk Nessie away from under my nose without detection.

"Sorry," she smiled, "I do have a tendency to sneak up on people." It was so strange to have her be so invisible, nothing but the sight before my eyes to state she was really there. My nostrils were left wanting when they searched for verification of her presence. "I just thought I should come and say hello. I thought I should … introduce myself." In her arms she carried a thick, deep purple sheet and a large plastic tub; each void of aroma. "I'm Cora."

She shifted, almost uncomfortably. What could be said after that? I didn't need any more introduction, and she didn't need to offer one. It was then I checked myself. Straightened my posture, relaxed my glare and cleared my throat.

She smiled again. The truce called.

"I brought you food. It felt wrong seeing Renesmee warm in her bed knowing you were out here hungry."

"Is she okay?" I felt the question spill out without a thought. She smiled again and it was then I first saw what may have fed Ness's trust in her. They seemed so similar. This Cora's smile was on the surface so peaceful and playful, but deep in her eyes lay more. More intensity and knowledge, more power. In the same way my love for Nessie steered me to want to do her will, I could see a same influence lying so naturally in the vampire eyes of this woman.

"She is. And please know, Jacob, that her well-being has always been priority to me. I love her very much. I would never see her hurt."

Those eyes stuck with mine, a mystical hold over me. They said '_Listen to what I say, it's true and I'm not prepared to take any crap from the likes of you..' _

I nodded. In this pack I had wandered into I now found myself in the presence of the alpha. Through Leah's eyes I had seen her as a kind and loving individual, but also one with a wild temper and ruthless wrath when the things she cherished were put in danger.

I pressed my lips to keep from smiling. Nessie had found the right wind to take shelter under and for this I was glad but also aware that I should not make the kind of fuss that would cause trouble.

"Yes, Ma'am."

She smiled and nodded, a bounce in her step as she moved forward and held out the plastic tub.

"Here, please eat. I'd like to sit with you if that's alright."

I ate. The taste of food so mind-blowing I had to keep down a few groans as I tucked into the tub. It was easy to forget she was there, sat cross-legged in the grass watching me and smiling.

When I was done she giggled, a strange sound coming from one with such a presence.

"Thanks." She took the tub from me as I sat back and felt my stomach ache. It hadn't been this full in a while.

"Oh, you are more than welcome. I just hope it was enough." I patted my stomach as I nodded and smiled. "Good. Until breakfast then."

She stared at me for a moment, then her gaze narrowed. "You _are_ to come up the house for breakfast, and if anyone gets in your way you send them to me, understand?" I smiled and nodded. "And.." She turned, reaching down and retrieving the blanket she'd brought down with her, "though I promise we won't keep you sleeping out here permanently, I'm afraid tonight is unavoidable. Here, take this."

It was a pleasant enough night; I'd slept in far worse conditions lately and relied on only my internal wolf conditions to keep me warm.

"No, thankyou. Really, I'll be fine." She just smiled, leaning down to where I sat and pressing the thing against my chest.

"Trust me, Jacob Black. You want this." She smiled again and skipped away.

When she was gone I breathed in, her disappearance releasing the scents of the comforter from the binds she had put them in.

I groaned. This was Nessie's.

I woke when the sky was still dark but for the thick dusting of stars. My entire body felt relaxed, almost sunk into the earth I slept on as I breathed in the sent of the sheet covering me once more.

When it was tainted I coughed, jumping to my feet as I determined the toxic aroma lacing that of paradise.

Vamp.

"You." I met the one whose stench had woken me with a greeting filled with the contempt that felt as undeserved as it did natural.

This was Alvar. I'd seen a lot of him when my conscious had fused with Leah's, and as I felt my hands clench into fists I thought, too much.

He stood still, watching me with caution as he clutched a piece of paper in his hands.

Moments passed and we just stared at each other, saying nothing.

His lips moved in a silent search before he spoke.

"She's gone."

I leapt forward, landing inches before him growling, "What?"

He didn't flinch as I snarled, just stared patiently. I fell back on my heels and steadied my composure. This kid was so composed it felt like a challenge.

Fine. I could do calm.

He folded the paper with one hand and pushed it in his back pocket without breaking eye-contact.

"I just went to check on her and she wasn't there. I caught her scent leading out of her bedroom window. She headed south, and I think I know where she's going."

I closed my eyes and sighed, was she running again? "It's what she does."

I opened my eyes again. He took a step back, his stare easing and I did the same. "She'll have gone to think. Well, _worry_ probably." He smirked, "and I don't think we should let her."

"We?" I growled the word, I couldn't help it. It felt like I was programmed to dislike this guy. I didn't delve into the reasoning at that moment. It wouldn't have been a good idea.

"Yes. She over-thinks things, sends herself into a fuss that she has not yet grown into being able to control. I suppose you could call it a naivety of her wisdom. And she'll keep running from things until she really learns to face them, instead of just …thinking all the time."

It hurt to hear him talk about her the way he did. It was like he knew her inside and out. My Nessie. "The last thing I want is to fight with you, Jacob. Renesmee loves you so much and … and you're her family. You're her home. But this is her home too, and we love her just as much as she does us. Perhaps more."

He trailed off, backing away from me, widening the gap between us. "It would be unfair for you to resent us for that."

I breathed in, thought on what he said. Some part of me, not exactly small, was angry that they loved her; wanted, selfishly, for them to just disappear. It felt like I was fighting for the biggest chunk of Nessie's heart I could. The more people who lay claim to it, the less there would be left for me.

I knew it was possessive and selfish, but these were the things I would probably always be when it came to her. I could try and dilute them all I could to keep her happy, but they would always be there. Festering away in my head.

So in the way I was so used to, internal conflicts were wiped over with the same reasoning brush. What's right for Renesmee?

All I could do was nod. It felt like admitting defeat, conceiting to share the thing that above all else was precious to me.

"Then, we should go after her. Nip this fear she has in the bud. The two of us find her, and we let her know it's far more simple than she's making it. She belongs with you and when she's ready, maybe with her family too. But there's us too, and we will _always _be there for her."

I nodded again, easier this time.

"So you know where she'll be?"

He twisted his head slowly and raised his head as though the answer lay on the wind.

"Somewhere safe, somewhere simple. Yeah, I know where she is."

**{--}**

**

* * *

**

I drew back quickly, backing myself against the wall to be farther from him. He retracted, but remained leaned close to where I was so that I shrunk further against the wall. "It took me such a long time to find this place. Imagine my disappointment when I came and found it empty. I was just trying to think how on earth I could _hunt_ you down again." The red of his eyes was dizzying, they held a stinging hold over mine with their starkness. "In the end, patience was all that was necessary." He turned with a wicked grin and sauntered back around to the side of the bed. He hadn't needed to find me. I'd come to him.

"You …" with two fingers he reached out and tapped the wooden wall, "slept in there. I know. I could _smell_ you on that bed." The two caverns of burning embers set in his face slid to me, a look of insincere and mocking wonder across his features. His hand drifted slowly down from the wall and onto the bed where they stroked along its surface. "But here? Whoever slept here, Renesmee?" With one more look from his grinning, flaming eyes a fire was lit inside me that melted whatever had kept me frozen to the spot and I instead found myself fighting to keep still. "A human?" He leaned further down and pulled a deep breath through his nose, his eyelids fluttering as he did. "_Yes._ A pure human. Not one with a tainted scent like you, but mortal and delicious … and young." He stood straight, grinning as he watched me and I felt pressure and tension set inside my whole frame.

This monster did not belong in the same world as Sonny, and the thought that Victor's evil could be near to him had my mind burning with fury. "I do so prefer the taste of youth. I've heard humans talk of letting things better with age, but I disagree." He spoke with a chuckle, "Give them to me at that stage just before adulthood when they have paths in their eyes and a world at their feet to weave them along"

Even now I fell prey to his charisma. It was positively toxic as it floated like a black cloud from his every gesture and held me observant.

"Pretty, young Alvar for instance." The loud hiss that rushed through my gritted teeth seemed to rise from some involuntary place. It was a sound I had never made before, had only ever heard.

Victor snaked closer, the grin at his lips widening. "But I have tasted better than him … _smelled_ better than him." When his head turned slightly, his eyes rolling as he gestured to Sonny's bed, I could contain myself no longer.

I lunged forward with a snarl, my fingers clenched to grab Victor when his quickly found my neck and forced me back against the wall.

He held me there, only enough space to pull a little air through my lips and leaned in, his face inches from mine he scowled and hissed, "It will give me so much pleasure to kill you, Renesmee Cullen. Almost as much as it will give me to watch Brice when I snap and suck and _burn_ the very life from his precious boys." I fought forward, feeling heat rise to my face.

Victor's body was pressed against mine so the furious wriggling had little effect. Pulling in what air I could I coughed my words through gritted teeth, a snarl at my upper lip. The inability to move my head meant my burning eye contact with his was iron cast.

"They won't let you touch him. They'll kill you." My body buzzed with the surety behind my words, it was evident as the feral, passionate, wild aggression rushed through my veins, there was no logic outside the fact that I'd do anything to keep Victor from the people I loved. If that was how _I _felt then I knew that Leah, Oz, Brice and Al, even Cora would rip him to shreds before he even got to smell Sonny in person.

He laughed, his head rolling back as he did so and the grip around my neck weakening for just a second.

"Oh, they will try. You are so correct, Renesmee, they will try and kill me." He leaned in further, and in disgust I tried to move as his lips tickled my ears as he murmured, "But that shall simply make it all the more entertaining, my dear."

A slight dizziness was working its way across my eyes as sucking small breaths through my lips became even harder. Victor's head rolled back in laughter again, and this time I was prepared to use the momentary lapse to my advantage.

My left fist collided with the front of his throat with all the force my weakening body could muster. He spluttered and stepped back enough for me to lift my knee and smash it into his ribs. He dropped me and I fell to my feet.

He stepped back, growling. His expression twisted into a smile as he pulled the hair from his face and copied my slight crouch.

"Come on then, little half breed. Let's see what you can do."

He rushed forward and I ducked, swinging around him bringing one hand to his back and another to his hair where it buried itself in and forced his head against the wall. The wood buckled with the force and I did it again, harder this time. When Victor's skull created a complete fissure I pulled at his back to move him to where there was fresh wood for pounding. By the third time his palms found the wall and he pushed himself back so that my grip was lost.

He seized my wrist as he flew back crushing it between his fingers as his other hand collided with my stomach. The force threw me across the room, through the wall that separated mine and Sonny's and sent me crashing into the remains of my old bed.

It hurt, undoubtedly. But the pain was overshadowed by so much more. By mind had become dependant of the rest of me. It soared above all else but the fight between me and Victor.

I picked myself up quickly backing into a crouch as my opponent dropped quickly down the small gap between the two levels. I twisted the wrist he had crushed. I had never had much opportunity to test the resilience of my half-way body. So far it was pleasantly surprising me.

Again he crouched before me. A smile still twisting the corner of his lips, but it had faded from before and his eyes were even darker. He beckoned,

"More."

He was not agile, not overly. His size seemed to inhibit him despite what he was. He wasn't quick, but he was strong.

I charged forward, and when he did the same, leapt into the air, spinning to land on his back. My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled as he fell to his knees.

Here was little Renesmee Cullen, trying to rip off a vampire's head.

He seethed, his hands flying back and pulling at my arms. He clawed at them, tearing the flesh so the sleeves of my sweater ran red with blood.

He reached further back, seizing my shoulders and pulling. My grip around his neck was lost as he threw me over the top of him. Again I crashed to the floor as the air popped from my chest.

He was on top of me, one knee against my ribs so that I felt sure they would buckle. His hands found my throat again.

"Of all the ways to kill you, Renesmee, which shall I pick first? How far _can _this mutant frame of yours go so that it may come back and heal for me to have another go?" As he squeezed my throat he lifted it, and smashed it back down again, again and again. Each time my head creating a crater in the floorboards.

My arms stretched, searched to reach him and tear at his seething face. I settled for his arm, pulled against the bend of his elbow with such ferocity I heard it snap. Victor screamed above me as I pulled harder and higher until a pop, even louder, was heard from his shoulder. He dropped and my hands reached his temple.

The force around my neck disappeared as I sent a screech across his consciousness. His eyes seemed to lose focus as I rolled atop him and dug my fingers in.

I'd known my gift to shock people, but right now I transmitted noise and chaos and pain. I tried to burn his mind.

His eyes squeezed shut as his body wriggled beneath me, his hands thrashing blindly against my torso. They squeezed, and Victor's eyes shot open,

"No." He rolled, throwing me from him. My body smashed through the wall, colliding high against the stone chimney breast in the living room, shattering the mirror that hung there and thumping against the fireplace as it dropped to the floor.

My ears rung, my head spun, the blood inside me seemed to pump so hard my veins throbbed. I crawled to my feed, wiping the glass that could not pierce my skin from where it stuck to my clothes. Victor walked towards me, standing the other side of the couch between us.

The silver object he held when I arrived was being span through his fingers again, the smile no longer at his lips.

"I should probably end this quickly, so that there is enough of you left on the wind that I might trace back to where you came from." He spun the silver thing again, and the pain faded as I fell back into a crouch. "It's not yet fully light outside, perhaps I may find little Sonny still in his bed." He smiled again when the hiss rose through me.

His fingers enclosed the silver rectangle once more, before with one flick, it was alight.

I was suddenly even more aware of the stench of gas that soaked every inch of the building. My eyes didn't leave Victor's as the smile returned to his lips, and he threw the little light down onto the couch.

It exploded into flames between us, I threw my arm over my eyes and took a step back. The fire spread quickly, all along the width of the living room, dividing the two of us.

Victor smiled across at me from the other side, close to the kitchen and the front door, the only areas not currently damaged by our brawl.

I was trapped, surrounded by the flames that were already tickling my flesh with intense heat.

"So I'd love to stay and play, Renesmee, but I'm afraid there are more important games afoot. I really do hope Brice has fallen for Cora as hard as what I see through you would suggest." His laughter carried over the flames, making my face burn hotter than they could.

"That will make it even more wonderful to kill the traitorous bitch." The circle of flames continued to spread, and Victor took a further step back. "I _had _hoped to burn the others on the flames of this cabin, but I suppose you shall just have to do."

As the heat increased and the space in which I had got smaller and smaller, I was overcome with the thought that death was not far from me now. It felt inevitable. I swallowed hard as I felt tears build in my eyes, the thought of what I would leave could not take me now. I had to be brave, and if I was going to die I had to take Victor with me, I could not risk him finding the others. He moved towards the door,

"A shame really, burning you seems a waste. There we so many other opportunities."

He turned for the door, smiling again and I sunk deeper into my crouch.

"Oh, I don't know, Victor. It seemed okay for Francesca." He froze. Even the flames seemed to still for a moment as the name of Victor's slaughtered mate hung on the air. He turned, his body stiff, his eyes onyx black.

It was my turn to smile.

He leapt forward, barely clearing the flames as he flew towards me. We collided and I pushed back on the momentum, throwing him beneath me and clambering on his chest to pin him down.

The flames licked at us, a burning wall to which we both lay dangerously close. Victor yelled beneath me and hot tension built in my face as I held him down. One of his arms flew free and smashed against my cheek in a fist. I heard it shatter and screeched through pressed teeth. Grabbing the arm before it could deal another blow I grappled with it, and thrust it into the flames.

Beneath me Victor bucked, his chest thrashing against the floor as I watched the flames envelop his arm. I watched it crawl upwards, sparked by the venom in his veins it spread. Victor's movements grew more violent before he fell still with one loud yell, before throwing himself forward. His head smashed into and I was thrown from on top of him.

I fought to open my eyes as I lay slumped, inches from the growing fire. Victor rose to his feet, coming to stand over me. He bent down, seizing me and pulling me up so I was suspended from the floor. The smoke began to spread, my eyes began to grow moist and sore and an ache started to fill my chest.

Victor snarled as the fire reached us, setting fire to the bottom of his long coat. He tossed me through the air, barely clearing the pit of flames. I struggled to land in a crouch in the kitchen and could barely stand as the air choked me. It was so thick now I could barely see through my strained eyes. He leapt through the flames, throwing me back again. My body collided with kitchen counter. It was destroyed around me. Water from the severed tap shot into the air, soaking my face. It was soothing if anything, to have some cold relieve the burning that had consumed my whole body. But it brought attention to particular swells of heat, mainly one that seemed to stream from the back of my head. My fingers fumbled to the spot, and came away deep red.

I stared up at Victor as he approached again, "You needn't worry about that."

He leaned down, seizing me by the shoulders. "Your blood does nothing for me. The idea of tasting it turns my stomach. You are nothing but a monster, Renesmee Cullen, a freak. The very idea of your existence sickens me." He leaned down further, smiling, "You are nothing."

He pulled me violently to my feet, roughly wiping the hair from my face. Dizziness started to take me then, my lungs filled with the dense smoke.

Victor's hand met my cheek in a crushing slap, he seized my chin roughly and demanded that I stay awake.

Still the heat poured down the back of my neck, each increase of the stream, like every consciousness of breath, drawing me closer to sleep.

"Renesmee!" I choked awake, Victor had screamed, then fell silent. It was not this sound that had roused me. It was a sound over the crackle of the fire, over the moan of the building as it burned and the fountain of water exploding beside us. It came from the woods. It sounded like a howl.

Victor stared at me, whether he had heard it, or whether it was just in my head, I didn't know. But something inside me buzzed, stomped it's foot and said I was not to give up just yet. I pushed, threw Victor back against the wall then fell forward, throwing my fists at him. He staggered, but grabbed me again, throwing me into the stone island at the centre of the kitchen.

It crumbled around me, but over the sound of that was a snap, like twigs underfoot in the forest, that shot from my torso. Again he grabbed me, this time throwing me through the window. I crashed through the glass and saw the ground move beneath me.

I landed with a crack, and all went black.

When my eyes opened the world was just a portrait.

It felt like I had no place in it, I was just an observer; staring, completely lacking in interaction.

Without choice I fell completely immobile. It felt as though everything was gone, as though my body no longer existed and all that remained was the blue sky above me and the eyes through which I saw it.

The sky was hidden for a moment. I could blink, and it seemed that was all. I tried to move, tried to feel. My lips pursed, and I tasted earth in my mouth as I ran my tongue across them. Nothing else moved, and when I pulled a slow, shaky whisp of air through my lips I tasted smoke.

All was silent but for a high ringing that resonated through my aching skull. It washed over and over in an agonising pulse; beckoning my eyes to close once more.

The blue sky disappeared, eclipsed by Victor's frame looming above me.

He knelt, the smoke from the budding fire seemed to have clung to him, followed him on the wind so that the destruction was all that existed. No scent outside it was distinguishable as I sucked in small doses of air. No hope was left in the air.

His hand reached and wiped the hair from across my face and he sighed. He held my chin as he crouched over me,

"If your Mommy and Daddy could see you now…" he snickered, and something inside me set alight. A slow burn, it started at the base of my jaw and began to spread, down to the places I had thought gone. "Or Aro?" He laughed again, with a bitter snarl at his lips this time.

"You have no place in this world, Renesmee. You are a misfit and have caused nothing but pain." He leaned in further, and the fire continued to spread. "I thought you should know that before you died."

His hand returned to my face, this time to wipe a solitary tear from my cheek. The fire brought pain with it, more pain than my face could mask as I forced my teeth together. As it burned feeling returned, feelings I did not want.

With a stutter I sucked another breath through my lips, and screeched as I felt my chest rise as a result. It shattered with the movement. My head floated and the fire raged even hotter as the pain shot through me. My heart skipped into a gallop, the beat of it so strong the heat throbbed in my throat. Each demand for breath that ensued brought agony. My structure moaned, its broken pieces protesting.

Victor laughed, and the throb of the sound pounded at my head. The blue sky vanished one last time as his darkening visage moved closer, and then all was silent.

The light erupted before my eyes again. Victor was gone.

The silence exploded in a roar. A blaze of colour shot over me and all was loud again. A growl, a screech, a taunting laugh, and the sound of thumping impact. Again and again.

I tried to breathe, finding my lungs in a desperate, panicked want for more and more to fuel my rampaging heart. But with each inhale, each rise of my shattered chest the pain flew up my neck; numbing my jaw and sending a stream of hot tears across my face.

The sounds didn't go away, they just got louder. The snarls, the tearing, and the roar and crackle of the fire. Still my body ignored me, still it left me abandoned and still. It's only offering the pain that continued to spread.

My eyes closed and the flames burned everything. In that moment I was nothing, just like Victor had said.

I knew not my Mother's name nor the smell of her hair. The feet that tingled as the flames inside me licked at them could not recall the feel of sand beneath them as they ran along La Push beach, and my vacant fingers could not skip along keys of a piano and play the sounds their father had taught them.

Nothing existed but pain.

I sunk further into the hot, hot abyss.

Then cold.

Cold reached at my mind and tugged me back up, the shock of it sent my eyes flying open as it spread across my face. I seethed as the sensation had me drawing a deeper breaths.

"Shhh, it's okay, it's okay." I gasped, searched the burning white at my eyes until it faded.

Alvar.

I remembered now. My entire life erupted inside me like a second ball of fire and everything was real. So real.

I whimpered, and Al moved further over me.

"Oh god," He stroked my forehead again and his eyes surveyed me, eyes that told of what he saw. The creases between them deepened as they travelled me, the corners of his full lips bent helplessly downwards when his face returned to mine. "Oh god, what has he done to you?"

"I'm dead?" No sound but what wispy one could float through the movement of my lips. But he heard, and his look grew all the more severe as his hands now clasped both of my cheeks; his dark eyes staring into mine so consumingly.

"_No." _It was more than an answer. It was a statement, a surety. A promise. It carried more weight and more future than this current circumstance and it both filled me with a sense of so much security, and crippled me with fear.

He stared for a further second, then smiled. Slowly it filled his beautiful face and it scared me even more. So much so I almost felt my lower half move to stamp in protest. It was so hauntingly genuine and peaceful. It said he was ready.

I wasn't.

He leaned forward until his lips met my forehead. They lingered there and against my skin he whispered, "I love you, Renesmee Cullen. And all that you are."

And he was gone.

My mind screamed. Everything inside me erupted, but nothing moved. I wanted to follow him, I could hear his voice in the distant. It was raised and desperate.

"Go! Go now!"

Another snarl, another groan as the fire continued to consume the cabin and another sweep as the fire inside me now burned at all parts.

When the great wolf approached the blue sky disappeared above me. He buried his face into my side but I felt nothing as my carcass was rolled onto his back. I dipped in and out of complete darkness as my skin throbbed under the pressure of the heat. The ground began to move beneath me and the last thing I saw was a stream of red leak across my eyesight and begin to drip from my nose.

Then the fire took me completely.


	35. Burned

**Two in a week? Am I crazy ...well after this, pretty much actually. But fear not for my mind, this is the penultimate chapter of WS. *tear*?**  
**And for those who wondered about the burning sensation Nessie felt at the end of the last chapter, no, she was not bitten. It's just how I figured her anatomy works. She's more like Jake in that she can break and heal, but she _is _half-vamp and I figured what ever strain of venom pumps through her veins is venom none the less and would give a similar effect to that of a changing vampire.**

**Anyway, enjoy.**

**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Burned.**

No dreams made it through the darkness, they could not survive the fire.

It was just me, alone in the abyss, clawing for lost light.

I was swimming in it but I was exhausted. Exhausted and so lost. With no up, no down, no left or right and only the pain to keep me company, I was incomprehensibly lost.

I just wanted a hand, someone to reach in and pull me out.

It was all too much now. This wasn't what I'd wanted. This was never what I'd wanted.

But I just sunk further and deeper, drowning in the pit of my own creation and burning in the fire of my own doing.

No hand came to seize me, because none was left.

All had been cast out, or pushed away or run from.

So I just crept deeper and deeper into the dark.

There was a jolt which stirred my body and I woke to complete dizziness.

The world was spinning around me and I didn't know why.

The world was shaking beneath me, sending deep trembles through my frame which still so ached with the embers of the fire. My fingers had wound themselves through something soft. With fear in my heart I twitched each fingertip, and felt liquid relief seep from within me when they responded.

Cold droplets of rain pattered against the ground and bounced against my skin before sliding down in their various directions against my raw, aching flesh.

Still the earth moved. It moved so sickeningly fast the stillness inside me churned. I had to stop it.

My fingers wound tighter, searched for some stability, some calm.

None came.

Still the trees and the earth and the sky whipped by me. Still the bouncing beneath me punched at my tender stomach. My fingers dug again, the palms moving slowly with them this time. Pushing.

It happened quickly, with the push my body slid. The fall tugged at the insides of my stomach as I dropped with a speed and came crashing against the damp, mossy ground.

I rolled, the momentum of my exit sending me over twice until I came to a final stop in one pathetic heap.

I didn't open my eyes.

Nothing existed within me to give me want to. So I just lay there and allowed myself to be swallowed by the rhythmic lullaby of the throb of my body.

I groaned when there was a poke at my ribs. No energy remained but to allow it to happen again.

When it did it was followed by a sound of such animalistic despair; a series of high-pitched whimpers.

"Jake?" I mumbled, my jaw throbbed with the movement and I groaned again. The rain continued to clap against my skin, each collision like a sharp stab that broke through my burning skin like ice.

There was another whimper, and another prod at my ribs.

I buried my head deeper into the earth. The world was still now, so my mind was able to run around against it.

I remembered what I'd seen. The sight that had played out before my eyes as Jake had lifted my body onto his was before them again.

I should never have looked back.

"Jake." There was warmth at my lips when I spoke again; warm, salty tears that seemed to lubricate the movement and make it easier than the last time.

I heard him move around me, heard him drop to the floor, and sobbed when his scent surrounded me.

The whimper was closer now and with each coming of it I felt the warm air of Jake's breath against my face.

The rain thrashed against the leafy canopy above us with more ferocity and as the warmth of Jake's breath relaxed me I could have been safe in my bed with it only tapping against my window. I could not feel the cold of the droplets that reached us with Jacob's body lying so close to mine, it provided such a radiation of comfort that the pain inside me was numbed.

I opened my eyes.

His looked back at me. The deep brown seemed even deeper as they were shaped in such sadness. Jacob's eyes seemed the centre-point of his whole existence. As he lay beside me now, his whole body changed as I'd seen it do a thousand times before, only his eyes remained the same. Exactly the same.

I tilted my head so that it met the side of his. He whimpered again.

Those deep orbs travelled the length of me, and sunk deeper into despair.

I tried to lift my arm. It felt like a million weights and ached and burned in its entirety with the attempt. It got half way to Jacob's face when I could move it no more and dropped it to the ground. I needed to touch him, I just couldn't.

Jake lifted his head and shook it gently, telling me not to strain myself.

"I - I.." a cough spluttered from my heavy chest and Jake cried again. "I need to talk."

He stared at me, then rose to his feet. He disappeared from sight as I rolled slowly onto my back, my breath coming more rapidly with the exhaustion of movement.

My eyes fell closed again, unable to fight the forces that would have them shut. My breathing steadied and I heard Jake return to sit beside me on two feet.

His hands came beneath me and I was lifted slowly into his lap.

One arm wound around my waist as my body closed up against him, the other sweeping hair away from my face before cradling my head.

My eyes still would not open as I buried my face against his chest.

"I'm so sorry, Nessie." As he spoke his lips were against my forehead. I curled up further, the exhaustion setting in deep and making everything heavier, slower.

"What now?" The words rolled slowly from my lips, low and quiet. It was a lost question, searching for some specific to stick to. I wasn't sure what I meant. Everything, I suppose.

What would happen to me now, would my body ever fix itself, would the pain ever go away?

What more could happen, what other catastrophe could I bring forward, what more could I inflict on the people I loved?

What about Victor?

What about Al?

I rolled further into Jake at the thought, as the vision played before me again. I pushed my face into Jake's bare chest until it was all the existed, all I could register.

"We're not far… we're not far from the house, Ness. I could take you back." I tried to shake my head, it felt like it moved, but I couldn't be sure. Jake's fingers stroked my cheek. "Okay, we'll stay here. You rest here." I heard his voice break as he drew in staggered breaths. "I could go and get them. Let me get them, Nessie. They could help you."

"No. No, Jake, don't go." I begged, "Please, don't leave me."

His lips pressed harder against my forehead.

"Never. Not ever, I swear. Never." I could feel the darkness again, I could feel the heat of the fire swallowing me into unconsciousness once again as my head lay against the thrum of Jacob's heart. "Sleep, Nessie. Everything will be okay, I promise."

{--}

Cold slid across my forehead when I woke.

One trickle after another seeped across my skin in drips. The rain still fell above, heavier than before. I stretched my body. It was stiff and there was an ache that seemed to swirl through the centre of every bone but the improvement that sleep had brought was extensive.

With the movement I felt the earth beneath me and the free space around me.

Another drop made its way across my head.

Jacob was gone.

I grimaced, twisted my body slightly to try and alleviate the stiffness brought on by sleep.

Cold worked its way across my brow once again, but it felt different.

I squirmed,

"Rise and shine, Renesmee."

My eyes bolted open, and before I could register the ache inside me my body shot up into a low crouch as they met a pair of piercing red eyes.

My heart pounded inside my chest as Victor rose from his crouch. He was smiling again.

My breath fell fast and heavy through my lips and heat begin to build at my eyes.

I hated him. With every morsel of my existence I hated him. With every replay of what I had seen as Jake dragged my broken body into the woods …. with every fibre I despised him.

Raindrops bounced against his pallid skin, emphasising the slight shine it gave off in the blanketed afternoon light.

The tears rolled from my eyes as he continued to smile and I rose to my feet opposite him.

This close I could smell the smoke on his clothes. The scent of destruction seemed to linger on his very skin, floating through the rips and tears in the fabric he wore.

"Aww," he raised one hand and ran the fingers through a lock of hair that hung over my shoulder. "Lost for words are we?" I smacked the hand away quickly, hissing,

"Don't touch me." He smirked, dropped the hand to his side but held his stance only inches from me. I ground my hands into fists. Where was Jacob? I stared intently into Victor's eyes. Surely if anything had happened ….surely it would have woken me up. Or was I too deep in the pit of pain to have been stirred by mere noise?

"Oh, don't look at me like that. Let us not end with you sulking. Come, it will be no fun if you just stand there and let me kill you." He leaned forward and grinned. "And we must get on, there's still a chance your wolf will return for you…" he laughed, "though I very much doubt that. Not now he's seen what _becomes_ of your protectors."

I took a step back, needing to be further from him but he held my shoulders and moved with me, shaking them. "Come, little Cullen. Get angry. I find it so _thrilling. _Come on," he leaned closer, "I still have the ash from young Alvar's bones clinging to me." I threw his hands from my shoulders as a cry popped from my lips.

"He didn't deserve it! He did _nothing _to deserve it." He hushed me, and brought his hand to my cheek. I squirmed but he did not let go.

"Don't fret, child. It is done." My bottom lip crumbled, and my face quivered in a suffocated sob. "Perhaps …in a way, you are right. The boy led a harmless enough existence in this world. He was merely …unfortunate in the company that surrounded him." His eyes travelled me, teasing me. "He suffered for you, Renesmee. All for _you. _One of many who can hold claim to that honour, I'm sure."

"You're a monster." I shook my head as heavy breaths raged through my gritted teeth.

"Yes." Victor nodded.

"An evil, despicable, empty creature." He nodded again, his eyes darkening as his grin widened.

My lungs grew colder as the air was sucked from them more rapidly, my still-aching chest fighting to keep my thumping heart contained. "You'll pay for what you've done." His head rolled back as he laughed, before falling forward and nodding again.

"Yes. Good."

"Yes, it is. You talk of me being a stain but you …you have nobody. You have nothing. You _are _nothing." The smile dropped from his lips, his eyes burning into mine as he snarled,

"And I fully intend to leave you in the same predicament, Renesmee. Even if it means visiting the Cullens, or perhaps that aging Grandfather of yours back in Washington."

I hissed as I threw what energy I possessed against him. When my palms collided with my chest he staggered back a few steps, throwing his arms in the air and exclaiming.  
"Yes! Finally, we have a game!"

Suddenly Victor vanished in a dash of colour I struggled to register.

The air popped from my chest when a grip came around me and pulled me back. I stared forward, waiting for the dash of colour to form into something more than movement as it rolled to the floor.

Oscar.

He'd collided with Victor and they rolled now, thrashing at each other. The arms around me pulled me safely from them as their tussle was joined by a russet blur; Jacob.

I twisted; it was Cora's arms I was caged in, her eyes were fixed intently on the furious pile as she barked,

"Stay there."

I froze for a second then felt my body leap when something wound through my hand. My head twisted quickly to find Sonny twisting his fingers through mine.

His eyes were wide and coated in moisture, his hair pressed into a wild mass.

Leah stood at his front in her wolf form, growling ferociously and protectively at the fight before her.

I searched for breath. They had all arrived so quickly. They must have been waiting; Cora had kept them hidden until they could strike, until Victor was further from me than he had been for our entire conversation.

Sonny squeezed my hand tighter when Cora shot forward, throwing herself against Victor's torso as he rolled atop Oscar. Brice stood before them all. His legs planted apart, his hands spread at his side. I could barely recognise him as he stared down on them. The hatred across his face was unfathomable. Oscar pushed at Cora, took her position on top of Victor and she snarled in response. She went ignored by the unrecognisable Oscar though who just unleashed blow after blow to Victor's face with his fists. Sonny flinched, and I moved in front of him.

They knew. They all knew.

One of us was missing, and they all knew why.

Cora pulled at Oscar and the two of them wrestled Victor to his feet. Jake's entire frame shook as he roared, backing from where he'd been stood over Victor's body as he was pulled to a stand. Brice took a step forward behind Jacob, his black stare empty as he stared upon Victor who hung in the grasps of Cora and Oz.

Still Victor smiled.

"Hello, Old Friend." Oz snarled, the look on his face twisted my heart inside its cage. He looked broken. So completely broken that there would be no drawing him back from this loss. Not ever. Brice took another step forward, his face contorting when Victor spoke. As my eyes travelled them, Jacob included, I struggled to figure which hated him more. Which deserved to tear him to shreds most. Perhaps that was the plan, perhaps that's why restraint had been shown upto now. Maybe they were going to take it in turns. I gave Sonny's hand another squeeze and sneaked a slow look over my shoulder. He watched Victor too; his expression one of fear, and confusion, and hatred and complete and utter devastation. He looked everything I would have died for him never to be.

Still the rain beat down violently around us.

Brice remained silent, only his black stare spoke of what must have been stirring beneath the surface of his icy exterior. Victor chuckled,

"Oh come, Brice, after all these years, all the anticipation for this, _this _moment, and you have nothing to say?"

Brice's hand moved almost too quickly for me to see. But the snap as his fist met the side of Victor's face couldn't be missed.

Behind me Sonny gasped and I moved further in front of him to stand beside Leah, leaving my arm outstretched behind me so that I still held his hand.

Oz and Cora still held Victor who lifted his head lazily,

"Ahh, Brice. You still hit like a girl. I'm disappointed, perhaps the real fight won't be with you then …but with your newly acquired mate." Brice snarled as Victor turned his head to meet Cora's stare, inches from him. "Then again, Cora's bark is far worse than her bite. She never was one for hitting back, were you my scared little doll?"

As a quiver set in at Cora's lip another crack rang through the woods. This one so loud it had me flinching, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment.

When they opened I saw Oscar had abandoned his post, his shoulders rose and fell violently as he loomed at Victor's side having unleashed another explosive blow to his face. Victor's head rolled on his shoulders before that sickening chuckle fell from his lips again. His onyx black gaze met Oscar and he growled,

"Silly boy."

With a snarl he threw himself free from Cora's grip, lunging in Oscar's direction. Brice and Jacob leapt after him and Leah, who'd been so close beside me leapt too. He cleared them all, breaking his direction inches from colliding with Oz's frame and leaping into the air again.

It was too late by the time we realised what he was doing.

I pulled Sonny's arm forward, he fell towards me but before I could grab him Victor fell between us, caging Sonny in his arms and rolling to the floor.

When he leapt to his feet he faced us, and dragged Sonny backwards in his arms, one hand wrapped dangerously around his neck.

I blinked once before he disappeared from sight.

The wall that had formed before me hid them from view.

The three frames of Cora, Oscar and Brice loomed protectively before me, each of them static and stiff. Leah and Jacob growled before them, violent sounds ripping from either chests across the distance to Victor.

I could hear Sonny's panicked breaths from where I stood. I squeezed my eyes shut as they seemed to batter against my eardrums.

My knees bent and I sunk to the ground; terrified.

"You should take better care of your boys, Brice." I heard the hisses rise from within the chests of Cora and Oz. Brice stayed silent.

I daren't peak out, I daren't look at Sonny, caged in the arms of such a monster. I couldn't do it. "What a delightful way to start proceedings, do you not agree Sonny? Ripping your throat out and having all you hold dear here to witness."

Leah roared violently, through the gaps of Oz's legs I could make out her frame quaking violently. "Well, I say _all _those you hold dear. That's not quite accurate is it?"

Sonny sobbed and Oscar twitched, his knuckles were white with the force that ground them together. His entire body was shaking to keep still. "There was your Mother, wasn't there? But I killed her." I felt the tears spill across my hand as I held it tightly across my mouth. "And Alvar …ohh, precious Alvar. He died much the same way, you know. He burned too."

"Stop it!" Cora screeched above me.

My mind raced, searched for some way we could get out of this. All of us.

For what felt like an eternity I cowered there with no hope. I had only my mind as company as it blocked out the exchanges between the two fronts until Cora's voice echoed trough my mind.

"He's a child, Victor. He has no part in this. You have what you wanted, you have us here now just let him go and we can end this. No more running. No more hiding."

Hiding; Cora was wonderful at that.

I had an idea.

Slowly; like the very movement of my limbs would give me away I reached up and brushed my fingers against Cora's, and told her of my plan, pleaded with her to trust me, told her it was our only chance.

She didn't move, not at all.

There was only one way to find out if she had agreed with me.

I threw myself to my feet quickly. Oscar, whose frame loomed closest to me, didn't flinch. I gulped down a staggered breath and turned to peer at Cora, her narrow glare gave nothing away. Slowly I turned. Slowly I saw them.

Seeing Sonny, seeing Victor's pasty claws around his neck was enough. I stepped out from behind Oscar.

I crept around them, heard the earth react to the pressure of my movement, but it seemed nobody else did.

Jake didn't notice as I passed him. I was completely invisible.

A drew in a deep breath and moved forward. Sonny's expression was almost blank, as Victor's hand grasped his neck he kept still. I followed his eyes to Oscar's, who stared just as intensely across the distance between them. It was like the two brothers were silently communicating, clinging to each other for calm.

I rounded the back of Victor and examined his hold over Sonny. His left hand was clamped across his torso, while his right was the one that floated so dangerously around his neck.

I took a deep, quiet breath; still not confident that it could go unheard.

And then I jumped. I seized the hand that caged Sonny's neck first and pulled it back. It came easily, not expecting anything. I threw my body onto his back, smashing my legs around him and squeezing the hand I held in mine.

Victor's head bent back and he growled furiously. Before us I saw the others spring into action as I threw my spare arm around Victor's neck and let it tighten.

I sprung one of my legs free, and threw my knee into his spine.

Victor fell to his knees and I leaned in and whispered my parting message,

"You are nothing."

He was covered then. Jacob's teeth met his chest and pulled him away from me.

I let go, staying on my knees as Oscar grabbed him too. And then Brice.

Cora hovered over the chaos spinning a lighter, almost identical to the one Victor had had through her fingers and snarling furiously.

I just stayed on the ground as they began to tear him apart.

They seemed to move so slowly, my whole world became drenched in silence as I knelt and watched them, the snarling and hissing and ripping fading to nothing as I watched.

A low howl broke the silence.

I turned my head quickly, and saw Leah running into the woods.

I stared down at my hands. Where was Sonny? Quickly I scanned them, as though he should be there. As though I should be holding him.

I wasn't.

My eyes darted up to the ruckus where shards of flame were beginning to take hold of various severed parts of Victor. I scanned the ground around me.

He was nowhere to be seen.

Leah howled again, and I leapt to my feet and went after her.

She hadn't gone far; only disappearing behind a fallen tree a handful of yards away.

I jumped onto the mossy, crumbling trunk and stared down.

She whimpered and howled, her head poking down into the ground.

I dropped from the tree, and felt the air escape my lungs when I saw. My eyes travelled back over my shoulder as I took in the distance, as I took in the expanse.

Victor had thrown Sonny.

At some point when I'd wrestled him to the ground and the others had pounced, Victor had forced Sonny into the air.

And now he lay crumpled against the floor at the foot of a tree.

I raced forward, dropped to my knees beside Leah and threw myself over him and seized his shoulders.

"Sonny!" A sob wretched through my chest as I rolled him over. Blood seeped from a deep gash above his eye and trailed the length of his young face.

His eyes didn't open as I shook him. "Sonny, Sonny, wake up!" I could hear the sounds of despair ripping from Leah beside me.

My own cries mixed with hers as we leaned over his still body, twisted on the ground.

I shook him once more,

"Please, Sonny. Please wake up."


	36. Alignment

**Though this chapter may not, truthfully, be the last (this story had a prologue, and I'm a sucker for symmetry) it is the one in which the wandering ends. It's the one where I feel the story reaches its conclusion and I would like to dedicate it to you. To all of you who have read this, and especially those who have helped me along this journey with your reviews. The kind words of all and each of you have kept me going, however slowly, and reminded me time and time again how and why I love to write. **

**I'd like to thank channtel22vzw (whose headaches I apologize for!) and who almost moved me to tears this morning when I read her amazing words and felt that I couldn't not finish this chapter today.**

**I want to thank all those who've stuck with me. Particularly, BellasExecutioner, Cullengirlatheart, FaithfullyTeamEdward and my BELOVED Zombie'RunThisTown. I know there's more I should remember and that I will kick myself the second I post this when they come flooding back.**

**So basically I want to thank you all for inhabiting this dark corner of the internet where a young lady like me can come and expose the inner workings of her mind in some form of fiction and have people, people like you, appreciate it and watch it grow and progress as I do.**

**I shall remember your kindness and it shall give me confidence and hope in everything I do in the future.**

**Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!**

* * *

Chapter 30: Alignment.

The smell punched at my stomach.

Twisting and stretching it in disgust so that my grip around my legs tightened to try and relieve the sensations.

I knew the smell; detested it, feared it and remembered it in equal quantities.

It was all the engineered substances humans pump themselves with to stay alive.

It was death.

And it was what I buried my face into every night as a child when I flew to embrace my Grandfather as he returned from work.

It was hospital.

Another nurse passed us. The squeak of her shoes ricocheting down the hall as we drowned in silence.

I could now tell anyone who asked the precise and most intricate detailing of the make up and pattern of the floor tiles; they'd been all I studied since I first dropped into a seat in this whitewashed waiting room.

_Waiting _room.

It definitely served its purpose well. It was all we'd done since we got here.

Once the panic was done and we were all only left with our thoughts and our time we each took up a position … and waited.

No tears clouded my vision despite the occasional quake through my frame that held a warning of them. No shriek passed from my tensed lips; no cry of despair. All that was being expelled through the fingers on my left hand. Jacob's were wrapped through mine and I squeezed them so tight, channelling every feeling without the use of my given ability. I held back to avoid inflicting surplus pain but there was no doubt that the price of keeping my stature as straight as the others' was some discomfort on Jake's part.

He didn't exhibit any though, only placing gentle, caresses in circles across the back of my hand with his thumb.

My fingers pulsed into a tighter clench around his when a sharp flashback shot across my vision. As Jake had carried my useless body from the cabin I'd caught sight of the moments it was finally engulfed entirely in flame. Through the largest hole in its exterior, one my body had created, I saw them.

I saw him.

A door opened down the hall, and the vision was wafted away. We all shifted slightly, sinking back into our positions when another nurse passed the window.

Oz stood in the corner, pressed against the wall. He stared deep into the pane of glass he rested his head on, not even looking up when someone passed it.

Cora and Brice were in the row of seats opposite us. Both sat perfectly upright, too upright …stiff.

The silence was painful, is crashed through my insides, shaking at the walls of my being.

All I could feel was the stillness and the silence. And the pain.

Pain had ripped through me as I stood beneath the trees and screamed; screamed until my voice ached, screamed because Sonny would not wake up.

My little brother.

Everything was a blur then, everything went very fast once my shrieks attracted the attention of the others, once the smell of Sonny's blood flooded the air, merging with that of Victor's demise.

I squeezed Jacob's hand again and pulled a breath through my nose to swallow back the tears. I sensed her approach the same time that Jake did, his hand squeezing mine as she came down the corridor. Brice and Cora turned in their seats. Oscar didn't move.

Leah turned the corner slowly, her eyes red and her hair matted as her fingers fondled at the sleeves of the sweater that was too big for her.

"He's awake. He's okay."

I buckled, dropped my head onto Jake's shoulder and sobbed. Relief spilled through me but it was painful, the kind of pain that makes your chest ache.

I looked up and saw Oscar drop his face in his hands, he looked up once at Leah, his expression one of turmoil before he left the room quickly and silently.

Brice moved to follow him but Cora caught his shoulder,

"I'll go." Leah stood frozen as Cora passed her, moisture flooding the base of her exhausted eyes.

Those eyes met mine as I lifted my head and tried to smile.

"He wants to see you."

{-}

I walked slowly, the corridor terrifyingly long as I headed to the door at the end. My fingers clung to the wall, grasping its flat expanse for some support.

When my feet stopped I stared down at the metallic door handle. My fingers hovered inches above it before I took a deep breath, a tear dripping from my eyes as I closed them.

A slow-burning flame of anticipation flickered inside me. My mind ran with a dozen imaginings of what I may see beyond this door. Every inch of my frame, every nerve, braced as the door handle met my fingertips.

The door opened slowly.

I peered my head into the room heavily. Took in the assault of pale green that coloured each wall. The stench of medicine. An odour of blood. Against the wall to my left was the room's only bed, and in it lay Sonny.

He was positioned slightly upright, making my view of him painfully clear.

His right leg was encased in white and propped slightly. Another unforgiving looking cast kept his right arm bent across his stomach, the other lay at this side; a couple of tubes flowing forth from where they lay embedded in his flesh.

The sound of his laboured, coarse breath scratched at my ears as I felt my lower lip crumble.

"Smee?" The sound was low, but with it I was weak no more. I closed the door behind me and crossed the room as I recalled the parallel situation in which Sonny and I had first met. I was the one in bed then. I was the one in pain and it had been he who had poked his young head through the door and attempted to deliver me from that pain.

I came to his side, let my hands fall on him as gently as they would. One wrapped through what part of his fingers poked through his casted arm. The other pushed back his wild, bronze hair, tracing the wounds that crept across his forehead.

His eyes were open, the right moreso than the left which was bound with bruises. He looked up at me,

"Do I look handsome?" I laughed, releasing a tear down either cheek.

"I think rugged might be a better word." He smiled slowly.

"Rugged. I can live with rugged." I smiled, but it was strained and proved too much for very long as heat washed over my guilty face.

"Sonny, I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. Everything is my fault." His head shook, his hand moving on top of mine, dragging with it the tubes secured to him.

"Don't be sorry. Shhh, please, Smee. Please don't cry. None of this is your fault." He pulled gently at my arm and I dropped to perch on the small space left beside him on the bed.

"Of course it is. Look at you! I did this, look what I've done! I did all of this … to you, and to them and - and to Al!" A sob tore from my lips and my whole body began to quake with it.

Alvar was dead. I'd seen it. As my unresponsive body was dragged into the woods I saw as, with a smile, Victor leapt from the flaming cabin at Alvar. I saw their fight; the fight Al would not, could not win, come to a head.

Sonny's weak hands pressed around mine as tears made their way down his wounded features.

He was silent for a moment but for the gathering of his tears through a few strained breaths.

"My brother's dead…" his face crumpled, his eyes squeezing shut as his hand left mine to wipe roughly across his face. His breathing was uneasy and I ignored my own tears to watch him.

He shook his head, taking deep breaths and staring up at the ceiling. When he spoke again it was staggered, the words catching on his breath.

"And - and nothing will ever …be the same" he shook his head again, his fingers squeezing at mine tighter. "Not without Al. I'll love him forever. I'll miss him everyday of my life and nothing can take that away. Not ever."

He took a few slow breaths before he spoke once more. "But I understand why he had to go. Why he did what he did. I understand now. He did it to protect _me. _He did it to protect all of us because he _loved _us more than anything in the world. And I know - I _know _now that I'd do the same thing if I had to. A million times over, I swear."

He spoke with such surety and knowing he seemed a new person when his gaze again met mine. "So don't you dare blame yourself. He did what he did because for him … for him any fate was better than seeing us hurt. It was his choice, Smee, his lastchoice. Please don't take that away from him by blaming yourself." He squeezed my fingers again. "Please."

I let his words rinse through me, and the sincerity in which they were delivered, and nodded. I raised his hand gently and kissed it. I kept our fingers intertwined as I leaned forward to lie beside him and placed my head at the crook of his neck.

I knew I too felt what Sonny now did, and what I had once learned Alvar had long since been sure of.

Some things are worth dying for. There are some fates far worse than death. I understood as I leaned in to catch a breath of Sonny's true scene, blocking out all the intrusions around him.

"I love you, little brother." He chuckled lightly and his forehead met mine,

"I love you too."

{-}

I exhaled through my open mouth, and watched the fog spread across the glass, creating a translucent barrier between the tiny shards of ice that adorned the other side and me. The mist faded, and I was again staring silently out of the window.

It was a bitterly cold day; I could tell from the sky. The trees in the woods were almost all stripped of their leafy garments but for the few, cast in autumnal shades that still held fast.

I ran through my head again the exact recollection of turning on the heating when I had woke up this morning. Though its effects were lost on me, it would be necessary for Sonny.

Sonny was coming home today.

I smiled at the thought, and dropped my head to rest on my elbow where it lay on the back of the couch. The emptiness of the Mausoleum had been haunting to me in the time Sonny had spent in hospital. I hadn't visited Sonny since I'd lay with him that first afternoon. Leah had hardly left his side so her presence in the house was minimal. Oz had taken a while to go in, it took all his strength and courage to face his injured little brother, but Cora had helped him. She and Brice too, had been Sonny's constant companions. While me and Jake were left to man the fort.

The silent, empty fort.

I breathed again against the pane as I heard the engine of the car cut out at the bottom of the hill. As Jake ran up it and passed the window he saw me and stopped; looking in and smiling. I smiled gently back, extending a finger and brushing a heart shape into the condensation I had created.

Jake smiled wider, and walked to the door.

I got to my feet and went to meet him, taking from him one of the two paper bags he held. He'd been out for supplies; volunteered to restock when I couldn't face heading out into the real world.

We unpacked in silence. A lot of mine and Jacob's time lately had been spent this way. What was left to be said? For now we were content to just be. We were content to just adapt and bask in being together once more. We were settling in, and it felt perfect. It fit.

I unwrapped two of the pizzas that had come home with Jake and shoved them in the oven and he sat on the counter and watched me as I threw together various elements I understood may construct a salad. I remembered hearing about how important it was to eat stuff like that to get healthy and stay healthy and figured that would be important for Sonny.

The timer beeped on the oven and as I removed my twin conquests their smell flooded the kitchen.

A sound escaped Jake's lips as he hopped to the floor and approached the pizzas, his hand outstretched.

"Ah!" My hand slapped the back of his and it was retracted, "You will be patient, Jacob Black."

He groaned, looking down at the steaming, doughy circles.

"You suck, Ness." I smirked, exposing my teeth and hissing. Jake laughed,

"Not what I meant."

I turned from him, opening a draw and fumbling inside it for the utensil that to me was just a surveyor's wheel gone aggressive. I found it, and turned back to execute its force on the pizzas.

Jake watched me as I cut them, leaning on the counter opposite me.

"Do you think you might ever want to go home?"

I stopped.

Part of me doubted he'd actually said it, defended my sanity as it faced the prospect of having to face up to such a question.

I looked up at him, his expectant gaze said yes, he did indeed ask, and he did truly want to know.

"I-" I shook my head, Jake's gaze changed as though he'd taken that as an answer. "I don't - no. No, I mean …not 'no' but… I don't know. I don't know, Jake." Still he watched me. He was not happy with my answer, and I knew he had right to be. There really was only one answer to that question, and I already knew it. I just hadn't been brave enough to face it yet.

"Yeah-" I had barely let the first syllable slide from my lips when the sound of the wind outside had the noise of an approaching vehicle wound through it. My gaze turned to the window, they had returned.

I turned back to Jake and as I moved to the front door he murmured under his breath,

"Saved by the engine, Ness."

{-}

I walked slowly to the bottom of the hill, watched as Oscar, Cora and Brice emerged from the trees having followed the car on foot. Leah climbed out from the front seat, smiling widely at me and back at Jake who was following slowly behind. She moved to the trunk, pulling out a wheelchair and folding it out with Cora's help.

I moved around the car, opening the rear door with a smile.

"Welcome home, Sonny." He waved unenthusiastically from where he slumped against the other door, his casted leg spread before him across the seat. I chuckled, his hands were covered in thick green gloves, his body in a dense coat and a furry trapper hat on his head.

"Smee, I don't know what's worse. This friggin' _hat _I've been forced to wear or how inhumanely cold it is in here."

"That hat is for your health, Sonny!" Cora's voice held reinforcement that suggested this was not the first time this argument had been had. "And as soon as Jake fixes the heating the car will be fine again."

Behind me Jake chuckled,

"I'll look into it right away." Oz came beside me, leaning into the car.

"Leah, put that chair away. I'll carry him up."

Sonny crawled back,

"No, Oscar! No carrying! I'm not a baby." Still Oz leaned in,

"Well then stop acting like one. Come here, Sonny!" Still Sonny protested, kicking his legs weakly at his brother.

Compromise was reached and Sonny lowered himself into the chair, moaning about it as Oscar pushed him up the hill.

"Sonny, remember what we said. If Professor Xaiver can own a wheelchair then you sure as hell can for a while" Leah said with a laugh, Sonny responding with a light-hearted scowl.

{-}

That night passed just as the one which followed did, and the one after that. As withdrawn from it as we tried to be; time continued to pass, and each coming day pulled us further and further from Alvar's death.

Time could pass all she wanted. Pour all the balm on the wounds of our loss that distance could muster and we would still fight her. I would always fight her.

We rejected the outside world, only existed inside our Mausoleum which now took its name and gave it a new life.

We tried to keep time froze inside our little bubble, clung our grief tight to our chests and held fast as time attempted to coax it free.

We were united under our grief. Bonds stronger than any other on this earth kept us together in the pain we wouldn't ever fully be rid of.

But time kept to her duty, sparing us no pity in the process.

Sonny's bruises vanished. The red lines of fissures across his skin faded to grey and his daily insistence that his casts _were _no longer necessary gained volume. He insisted he knew better than his doctors and that his leg and arm be freed. He of course, went ignored.

But normality must always seep through the cracks. And whatever normality were able to claim began to return to our lives in the few weeks since Victor's return.

Sonny was Sonny again. He had moments of sadness and reflections that I had never before been familiar with. But they were not on the same scale as the moments in which Brice would sink into silence; seeming to disappear from our presence entirely, leaving only his body behind. And, as of yet, nothing and nobody could reach Oz. He was a separate entity to himself now, even when he was with us …he wasn't really there.

It was on one of the mornings where routine, or at least our interpretation of such, seemed back as it had been before. Leah, Jake, Sonny and I sat at the kitchen counter around a pile of pancakes Cora had just prepared. Said Cora now passed us, arm in arm with Brice.

"Brice and I are heading out for the day. If you need anything then you know what to do." I nodded and smiled; aware the others around me were doing the same. Cora now took a little cell phone with her whenever she left us in case we need her. She had given one to Oz too, but that now lay in some miscellaneous draw in the kitchen; never used. I reached my hand out, letting my fingertips brush against the soft material of the bright red dress Cora now wore.

"Very pretty." She grinned, spinning slightly so that the material danced to life.

And then they were gone, and Oz too; as he had not been inside the house but to check Sonny had not tampered with his cast for three days.

We poked at our pancakes and Sonny was manoeuvred to the sofa with Jake's help (for he refused mine and Leah's) where he turned on the television and groaned at the prospect of another day sat in that exact spot. He hopped around the channels a few times before admitting defeat and dropping his head back.

"Monopoly anyone?" Each of us bore a smile over gritted teeth as we nodded. _Bored_ games. Again.

As Leah kneeled before the coffee table and opened the box which had not yet even been put away from yesterday the phone rang.

I turned to look at it as though it was offensive. Calls were not frequent things in the Mausoleum, as the prospective contacts of its inhabitants were far from numerous.

But there it was, ringing nonetheless.

So I answered it.

"Nessie, quick! Please, they have Brice! Please, Nessie, help!" The phone was gone from my hand before I was through the door.

I propelled myself down the hill. Blind to what I was running towards. Deaf to the inquisitive cries of Jake and Leah from behind me. I was set only on the pain in Cora's desperate plea. Set only on stopping whatever was happening my feet threw furiously into the ground as I entered the woods. Both scents were left on the air until a reached the forest's heart. Then all disappeared, and I stopped.

I span, screaming Cora's name and tremoring in a maelstrom of mixed emotions.

The silence of the wood was penetrated by a name.

My name. _Renesmee!_

Whose voice it was I wasn't sure, I only knew the desperation in which it was shrieked as I threw myself in its direction. Through the trees appeared a red blur. As my mind worked to construct its shade, it's texture, it's movement I was reminded of the dress Cora wore as she left the house not long ago.

As I approached, the dress and its wearer were tossed to the ground and I had no time to take in the frame that loomed over her until it was too late. Until my body collided with it and it fell to the floor beneath me.

All the world fell still.

The body beneath me did not struggle, did not fight to escape the cage as I straddled it's chest, my palm at its shoulders.

A gasp was all it mustered.

As my eyes raised, the air within me all but escaped but for one solitary, patient breath that whispered the word it seemed intended to as I took in she that lay beneath me.

"Mom!"


	37. Epilogue

**Well it's been fun folks. I'm happy to see this story at its resolution but also very sad. I will miss you all and your wonderful reviews! But if any of you wish to keep in touch don't be shy and let me know. I'll give you my email. There's no such thing as too many people to talk to!**

**Gina.**

**

* * *

Epilogue**

"How about now?" He laughed; that wonderful sound that would never be anything but youthful and pure to my ears, a laugh so deep it sent a tremor through the mattress beneath us.

He shook his head as he had done many times over the past couple of days,

"Nope. Still no." I sighed, rolled my head back over and shut my eyes. My nerves were irrational. They spouted from nothing …yet everything.

"I don't understand you. It's not natural." He laughed again, and it made me smile.

"_Natural? _Oh God, that's rich." I smiled wider, he had a point.

"Surely more reason to be nervous. This isn't exactly normal …what's about to happen," I still, despite myself, struggled to call what was about to happen as exactly what it was, "doesn't that scare you a little?"

He sighed,

"You're clutching at straws now." He was right. This felt more natural than anything in the world. It was wonderful and beautiful and magnificent. So much so I wanted to cry. But it was still scary and still took my stomach and wrung it with nerves.

"I know. I know I am believe me, I think …I think I'm just trying to save myself from going crazy. I can't put my finger on what's making me feel like this. I really don't know." I felt him roll over onto his side to face me, I rolled my head to meet his and opened my eyes; slowly, for I knew what they would meet would send a little shock through my spine.

Sonny's wide, emerald eyes gazed down into mine.

I focused on them, those which would never change while everything around them seemed to so quickly. It had been seven months; nothing, a drop in the ocean of time since my little brother had sat up in his hospital bed and wiped tears from my eyes.

Every day since seemed to change him in ways I was helpless to stop.

Far from the physical; the filling out that encompassed his tall frame once he was recovered, the new teeth that had broke through the very back of his gums and caused him to moan and writhe for days, and the goddamn facial hair that I would plead with him to clear on a now almost daily bases… far from that he in his very nature had changed.

Sonny had grown. He'd had to.

Seeing Oz almost disappear down the path of despair that he did would do that. Trying to understand the new vacancy that lurked behind Brice's eyes now would do that. What was about to happen in just thirty minutes would do that.

Thirty minutes. I swallowed hard.

Sonny smiled and with it lines appeared across his face. Lines which were gone as fast as they appeared but ones that scared me nonetheless.

He lifted the hand that was not scrunched into a fist supporting his head and ran the fingers across the scar above his right eye. He touched it a lot when he was thinking, ran his fingers over one of the only two traces of Victor's assault on him. The other; a loud snap he could coax from his arm when he moved it a particular way was more discouraged.

"I'm not scared." He bent his bottom lip as he said it and stared forward, his fingers still tickling the pale, silver scar. "Not even a little bit. I've never wanted anything more than I've wanted this. I don't want _anything _but this." His eyes met mine again and a wide smile spread across his face, "Forever and ever."

I smiled, swallowing the thought that he would never have that long.

"And I don't want _you _to be scared." He dropped his hand, fluffing the shoulders of my dress playfully. "I want you to have fun today. _So _much fun! You deserve it. And as for the long term … well you deserve it then too. We all do." He trailed off, and his fingers returned to the line above his eyes.

I breathed deep,

"He'd be so proud of you, y'know." Sonny's eyes shot up,

"You think?" Alvar wasn't an easy subject. Not with anyone else at least.

Less than a year since he was taken from us it was still raw amongst the others, that much was painfully obvious. But from day one Sonny and I were as we had always been; utterly open.

"I _know. _Because I am, and Oz is." Sonny sighed, returned to tickling the silky sleeves of my dress. "You're doing what they always wanted you to do. You're living your life and you're happy. Alvar would have loved that."

Sonny smiled sincerely and nodded.

I smelled them in the corridor and took a deep breath. With each of their approaching footsteps the clock on the bedside ticked louder. The time was almost here.

Sonny didn't hear them until three short knocks fell upon the door.

"Come in." I murmured.

"Oh for the love of God, Renesmee! Do you have a death wish!" Sonny laughed as Cora shot towards the bed, "Get up this instant! You crease that dress and there'll be hell to pay and you know it." I groaned as her hands seized mine and pulled me to my feet. He continued to chuckle as she span me around, slapping at my dress franticly to beat out any folds.

"Cora, quit it! It'll be fine." She rose before me and sighed. I couldn't help but smile as her face met mine. Her wild hair had been tamed and pinned loosely in an ordered mass of waves. At the back a big white carnation was pinned into the bun and she wore a long, loose blue dress.

"You look beautiful." She scowled and I just smiled wider. "Cora I promise, my dress is fine. No creases …look. I promise this wonderful day won't be spoiled by the _oh so_ tragic occurrence of any dishevelment on my part." Sonny snorted on the bed.

"You know it's not me you should be worried about." Behind her Oz, who had entered behind her with Brice barked,

"Sha, it's the goddamn Nuptial Nazi who'll be out for your throat if you get in a mess."

Cora rolled her eyes and turned to him,

"Oscar, what have I told you about calling her that." He shrugged as she moved towards him,

"What?I stopped saying it to her face. Isn't that enough?" I couldn't see Cora's expression, but when Oz's face fell into one of a restrained smile I assumed she'd let is gently slide.

Brice smiled and snaked his arm around Cora's waist, pulling her to him.

We were all silent.

My eyes travelled each of them. Sonny stayed on the bed, chewing his bottom lip and starring blankly.

_Not nervous, my ass. _

Cora and Brice swayed gently together in the corner, his head on her shoulder as they each watched him.

Oz was against the wall, looking quite blank.

I sighed and skipped forward,

"You did it wrong, Jackass." He squirmed when I reached for his neck, pulling at the thing he'd complained about for weeks.

"Argh, leave it, Smee. I hate this goddamn thing." I rolled my eyes, pulling the piece of thin blue material from around him and running it through my fingers.

"Now, now. You wouldn't want you-know-who on your case now would you?"

His eyes rolled to mine quickly before he growled,

"Fine."

Trust Aunt Alice to strike fear into Oscar.

I smiled as I pulled up his collar and re-did the bowtie slowly and carefully. When it was done I clapped my hands gently against his chest.

"There." He squirmed, put his finger inside his collar and tugged. "Ah, ah, ah! No, Oz."

"But it's_ uncomfortable!_"

"So are these ridiculous shoes but I'm not complaining. You can take it off later I promise, but for now, Oz, just play along." Sonny rose from the bed and strolled over.

"Yeah, Oz. For me?" Oscar growled and Sonny smiled. He didn't touch the bowtie again.

I took a step back and looked at them all. My heart swelled at the sight, at what was about to happen, about where we were and what we'd been through the past few months, what they'd come through and endured. For me.

With the sound of familiar footsteps approaching I released a deep, shaky breath.

Cora smiled, her eyes soft as she took me in.

Jake's head poked around the doorframe.

"Are we ready to get this show on the road?"

None of us responded, we just looked at each other for a moment before Brice took a deep breath.

"I suppose we are." He took Cora's arm and began to lead her from room; she leaned over to me first and kissed my forehead.

"You're so beautiful, Renesmee. We're going to have fun tonight." I smiled and released a breath. I hoped so. Brice shot me a wink as they passed Jacob and started down the corridor.

Sonny clapped his hands together,

"Come on, big brother. I guess it's time." Sonny threw his arms around me and hugged me close. He sighed, his head dropping against mine as his arms lingered around my back and I moved mine to his neck and squeezed.

I pulled away and straightened his already immaculate collar. His wide, emerald eyes watched my fingers go and smiled. I looked up at them and we both grinned.

"So I guess I'll see you at the top, Smee."

"Yup. That is if you haven't passed out by then."

"Don't you worry about me, you just try not to fall on your ass when all those people are watching you walk."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll manage." I giggled, "And you just try to keep a grasp of the English language, yeah? Remember _all _those words you have to say in front of _all _those people." I smiled as Sonny's eyes closed tight and his lips moved quickly, repeating each of the short sentences I'd helped him rehearse. "Sonny?" His eyes opened. "You'll be fine." He grinned and I leaned up and kissed his cheek, pushing him away. He turned away grinning and patting Oz's shoulder as he passed him and nodding at Jake who still lingered in the doorway.

Without saying anything Oscar went to follow his little brother, but I caught his hand before he could. He turned, looking down at where our hands were now joined instead of up at me. "And you will be too."

He looked up then, staring quietly. He smiled, it was only little and it wasn't quite sure; but it felt sincere.

Then, without saying anything he turned and left along with Sonny.

I stood and surveyed the room which suddenly felt so empty.

"You okay?" Jake leaned against the doorframe, his hands pushed into his pockets.

"I think so." He came towards me, wrapping his arms around my waste as mine came to his shoulders. "Yes."

"Nervous?" His warm breath tickled my face and I smiled.

"Yes." He chuckled,

"It _will _be interesting, even if nothing dramatic happens …just to look at it …" He continued to smirk, "everyone in the same marquee. Are we sure it's big enough?"

"Oh, Jacob I don't think one even _exists _that is big enough!" I smiled, for an event with a purposefully limited attendance it was going to feel quite crowded.

"It'll be fine. Everyone will be on their best behaviour I'm sure, and even those who …well, even those whose best behaviour isn't something to be thrilled about I'm sure will do great. They'll have me to deal with if they don't." I tried to smile as some of the more tumultuous moments of recent months passed across my memory. Yes, they had been difficult, but they could have been so much worse. "And if it's what Sonny said you're worried about …about you falling on your ass in front of everybody…" I laughed. Well, this dress _was_ a little difficult to manoeuvre. "Just remember who'll be beside you, whose arm yours will be in." I smiled up at Jacob, my fingers winding through his hair,

"You won't let me fall."

"Not ever."

{-}

Leah and Sonny were married on La Push beach as the red sun sank into the sea.

Whatever fear I had was washed away as they became husband and wife. Brice sat with his arm through Cora's, grinning proudly. Oz stood close beside me, his face almost expressionless as he held his looming position as best man.

Jacob watched me throughout, sat on the front row beside Seth, who'd proudly given his sister away.

Directly behind him was my Mother.

I'd almost pulverised the bouquet in my hands as I'd walked up the isle and saw her peering at me, my Father watching over her shoulder. I'd squeezed it so tight to keep from crying when I saw the love in her eyes.

My Grandparents were beside my Father, with Jasper and Alice and Rose and Emmett filling the row directly behind.

Naturally the guest list had been very strict. Only those who would not be completely shocked by the unaltered appearance of the Cullens were permitted.

As Sonny and Leah exchanged rings I glanced over at Charlie. He sat on the end of the front row besides Sue. He looked healthy and happy, they both did, and warm tears filled my eyes at the sight of them.

I ached with pride as Sonny spoke his vows clearly, confidently, and with the most sincere and unfaltering smile I had ever seen.

The minister spoke his final lines and as Sonny and Leah kissed the sound of applause and cheers spilled from the rows of people. I looked across at them all and met the eyes of my parents. They both smiled up at me as my lower lip crumpled and the warms tears began to stream down my cheeks. Oz tapped my shoulder gently and when I turned to him he pulled a tissue from his inside pocket,

"I figured you might need this." I took it and smiled, just as the claps fell quiet and one loud 'Whoo!' broke over them. Emmett.

I turned to see him punch his fist in the air and shout,

"It's party time!"

{-}

The marquee had been erected not far from the beach. By some miracle, Alice had located an expanse flat enough amidst a rocky cove and had the huge tent put up. A path of gentle, golden candles guided the way to its entrance. I passed through the opening and smiled, shaking my head.

My Aunt always was one for surpassing expectations.

Gentle music floated over the hum of the conversation of everyone who'd entered before me. Three gold chandeliers hung in a precise formation alone the highest point of the pointed ceiling. The tent walls were draped with lines of pale gold silk that matched exactly the dress Leah's two other bridesmaids and I wore. Around the room were round tables adorned with crisp, white sheets and centrepieces that held the same glorious flowers that were spread about the rest of the room and exploded at my senses.

"Nessie!" I grinned as Alice rushed towards me, Jasper following slowly behind. She seized my hands. "Well? Is it alright?" She buzzed before me, squeezing my hands for an answer.

"Alice, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Really?"

"Really!" I gave her hands a returning squeeze and she smiled gently. "It's not like you to be so anxious. It isn't like you haven't organised anything like this before."

"I know, I know." She bit her bottom lip. "It's just not being able to see anything is _so _frustrating. All these wolves! I have no idea if it's all going to go alright, if we have enough food!" I leaned my head back to observe the set of tables that lined the farthest wall. Each of them piled high with the most glorious looking selections.

"Alice, trust me, there's more than enough, regardless of the appetites of some of our shape-shifter guests." She smiled and I pinched her chin.

"Wonderful," exclaimed Jasper with a smile "that's just wonderful. I've been telling you for days how perfect everything is and it's made little difference. Yet a few words from Renesmee and I find you completely calmed." Alice giggled and placed her hand on his chest.

"It's all about taste, Jazz. And I'm afraid I have more faith in Nessie's than I do yours." Jasper's mouth fell open,

"I'm insulted! You owe me a dance for that remark, Alice Cullen." My aunt giggled as her husband seized her around the waist, both of them saying bye to me as they went towards the dancefloor.

I watched them go as others also descended on the open space at the room's centre. Beyond them Brice had taken Sue's arm and they were ascending the steps to the small stage that had been set up. I smirked at the sight of the wolf matriarch of Fork's walking arm-in-arm with a vampire.

They both took centre stage as the guests moved closer. I stuck where I was, from there I could see everyone.

"I promise we won't take much of your time," Brice spoke clearly over the people who fell silent to listen to him. "but on behalf of Sue and myself I would like to say just a few short words to mark this occasion." Sue just smiled and from where I was I could see the glistening trail making its way slowly down her cheek. Brice looked at her with a smile and continued. "We are of course, all here to mark the union of two people very much loved; Sonny and Leah." He extended his arm in the direction Leah and Sonny stood, at the centre of the crowd assembled before the stage. Everyone clapped. "But more than that, tonight we celebrate the union of each and every one of us. Be you human, shape-shifter or vampire you come here tonight in the celebration of love; one thing that unites us all eternally. The vampires and shape-shifters of Forks have, I have learned, stood side by side before, and though under vastly different circumstances it showed that it is possible, that we are not so different. We each of us only want to be loved, and to protect what it is we love; even if it is wrong, even if we do not necessarily go about it in the same or the right way. We are each of us alike. And tonight we become family. So, though I believe the custom is to propose we raise our glasses in a _toast, _I am afraid that glasses and alcoholic beverages are not exactly the forte of a vampire. So I shall just say; to family." Everyone echoed Brice's words and there was clapping again. I clapped along slowly, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Now, enough talk. Let's celebrate shall we!" Brice bowed and smiled at Sue before they both left the stage and music started slowly playing in the background for Leah and Sonny's first dance.

Jake emerged from the parting crowd and strode towards me, extending his arm silently. I took it with a smile.

The music changed into a piano rhythm as the couple arranged themselves with Sonny and Leah at the centre. Jake held me close as we slowly began to sway.

I watched as Leah giggled as Sonny span her gently across the floor and the song began to kick in.

"Jake… I know this song. Is this … is this _Journey?" _Jake grinned.

"Don't you dare, Cullen. It's a classic." I giggled,

"I never fancied Sonny for much of a Journey fan."

"Well who said it was his choice? You know rock infused power ballads are a vital part of growing up on the reservation." I dropped my head on his shoulder as I continued to laugh. "You're mocking Journey! I am appalled."

I raised my head at Jake's mocking,

"No, no, I'm not. It's a beautiful song."

"Damn right it is! _'right down the line it's been you and me!' _sing with me, Ness!"

"Uh, no way. You're on your own." Jake's eyes squeezed shut as he crooned quietly, still swaying gently.

"'_I'm forever youuurs. Faithfully.'"_

{-}

I dropped down in my seat with a huff. Leah looked across at me sympathetically, sliding her cool drink of water in my direction.

"Thanks. You know I miss the days where I could just stand on Emmett's feet when we danced and let him take me for a ride. It's far more exhausting now."

"I bet. I thought for sure after the third dance with him you'd give up. You're a trooper, I'll give you that." I smiled, then winced as I wiggled my feet in the tight shoes I'd been forced to wear. So far I'd danced with Jake, Sonny, Charlie, Brice, Emmett and Jazz. My feet were starting to feel it.

"Leah, will it totally ruin your wedding if I take these shoes off?" She gasped,

"I'm insulted you could even ask such a thing! You'll destroy my colour scheme." With a wink Leah laughed, "Yeah right, knock yourself out."

I threw the clasp open quickly, shaking the shoes from my aching feet. "Just don't let Alice catch you!"

"Oh, don't worry. I learnt that lesson long ago."

Leah returned her glance to the dance floor before snorting a laugh; the deep dimples I'd only recently come to know her possess appearing at her cheeks as she covered her grinning lips with her hand.

"What?" She continued to grin as I questioned her, and equal smile spreading across my face at the sight of hers. "What, Leah? What's so funny?"

"Nothing it's just…" she turned to me, shrugging, "all this. I mean, could you have _ever _guessed one day you'd be a bridesmaid at my wedding?" I laughed, shaking my head sternly.

"You have a point, a very good one. You never exactly liked me much."

"I never liked _anyone. _Don't take it personally." Leah smiled, turning back to watch her guests. "But all that's changed now …now I'm happy." I reached out and wrapped my hand over the top of hers. She looked down as her hand twisted round to squeeze mine back and smiled before playfully growling,

"Shut up, Cullen."

"Excuse me," we both turned to meet the voice that came from behind us, "but I was wondering if I may steal this beautiful young lady for a dance?" I grinned at the voice in question. His eyes met mine and he extended his hand, "That is, if she doesn't mind dancing with her old man?" I giggled as I dropped my hand into his and let him lead me to where the other couples were swaying across the dance floor waving at Leah as I went.

The ache in my feet was forgotten when I bent my arm and put my hand in my Father's.

For a moment we were just silent as we smiled at each other. With the rest of my family there had been a lot of talking, a lot of explaining and questions and pouring of words that seemed to attempt to rebuild the bridges we knew were never really broken. But with my parent's it was different, especially with my Dad, who of course, often needed no words or explanation. But my shield was still intact, and though I let him into my mind on occasion, it was not always open to him. It was like just being together again was enough for the three of us.

"What we you like when you were young, Daddy?" He smiled, but did not seem taken aback. It was like he was in my mind even when he was not.

"Well, I'm not entirely sure. It's hard for me to remember what it's like to be human, and therefore I struggle to remember the things that would have made me who I was. The way I thought, the way I saw things, how I felt about myself; those are things that can sculpt who a person is." I looked up into my Father's golden eyes and wondered what it would be like to look on them when they were green. I wondered if they would be the same emerald as Sonny's. "Why? What do you think I would have been like?" I smiled. It was something I'd given much thought in my life, so my answer was almost pre-prepared.

"Headstrong." He grinned,

"Oh?"

"Yes, definitely. And brave. You wanted to go to war after all, so I think you would have been those things."

"What else?"

"I think you were confident, you liked yourself very much." My father laughed, "It shows sometimes! I see it, especially when you're with Mom. She brings out a delicate little arrogance in you that I don't think can solely be blamed on your vampirism. But you were a good boy. I think …no, I'm _sure _you were a Momma's boy." I smiled as I looked over at Esme who stood beside my Mother and watched us dance. "I think you were a great son. That's why your Mother begged Grandpa to save you like she did." The song stopped, as did my Father who stared down into my eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure you were a great son. You're a wonderful Father after all."

{-}

"Renesmee Cullen, where are your shoes?" I grinned as Alice stood before me, her little hands rested firmly on her hips.

"They're here, Alice." Beside me my Mother raised them in her hand, "Relax, she's just taking a break." My Aunt rolled her eyes before sliding into in an empty seat at the table around which I sat along with my Mother, my Grandmother and Cora. My Mom sat close beside my, her fingers running aimlessly through my hair.

"You've really done an amazing job, Alice." Cora pressed her arm on Alice's shoulder with a smile as she spoke.

"Yes, Alice. I know I say this every time but you've really outdone yourself." Esme repeated Cora's sentiments and the two smiled at each other.

Esme had easily grown attached to Cora, just as she had with Oscar, Brice and Sonny. It was in her nature. And though Cora remained reserved, I knew she too enjoyed the company of most of my family members for a reason more than just to keep me happy.

Brice had eventually found an easy place in the fold too. He was even older than Carlisle and their shared interest in history had given them a lot to talk about. Once Jasper's hostility towards those who he felt had caused him pain was lessened he too seemed fascinated with Brice's knowledge.

Sonny had charmed everyone. I had expected no less.

And Emmett just seemed frustrated that he had not yet been able to coax Oscar into a wrestling match more than the one they'd both aggressively engaged in on the day I found my family in the woods outside the Mausoleum.

I squeezed my eyes shut at the memory and felt glad that time was passed.

That really only left two. I looked at them now. Rosalie was stood beside Grandpa Carlisle, though she was not involving herself in the conversation he was having with Sue and Seth. She stared in the direction of Emmett, who was tirelessly spinning Leah across the dance floor, but she barely seemed to be watching them.

Then, on the opposing side of the room, Oscar stood against the wall.

They were the two pieces that may never fit in this new puzzle. I didn't blame them, it was who they were. But I couldn't help the sadness it caused me to see them alienating themselves as they were.

"Mom, I'm gonna go get some air." She smiled across at me,

"You want me to come with you, sweetheart?"

"No, it's okay. I won't be long. I just want to see the beach, I don't know when I'll get to again."

{-}

I stared up at the stars and could not doubt that they were clearer now, clearer here than any other place in the world.

My strappy shoes swung in my hand as I purposefully dug my feet deep into the cool sand with each stride. I could still hear the music and the conversation and the laughter behind me as I strode further away. The sound of such joy wrapped the scene beautifully in warmth, making it all the more peaceful. The tide gently lapped against the shore like a motion of steady breathing as I approached it. Finally, with one exhale it reached my feet and the cold sent a tickle up my legs. I breathed in the ocean air, staring out on the horizon which was straight and clear but for the crooked cliffs of La Push which enclosed the picture.

I couldn't know when I might come back here, to Forks, the source of so many elements of my existence.

Sonny and Leah would stay here with Charlie and Sue.

Brice, Oz and Cora would return to the Mausoleum, but I don't know how long it would hold Oscar. There was no telling how far Al's ghost might drive him. I hoped it would not be too far.

The Cullen's would return to Juneau and start the new life that was so abruptly halted by my leaving. Jake and I had decided to go with them, but I was not even sure how long that would last. I felt unsure of a lot of things.

I smiled as a new, but unmistakably familiar scent crept closer on the breeze and stared back up at the sky.

I would always love this place. There would always be memories for me in Forks, and there would never be a feeling more appealing to me than that of the La Push sand beneath my feet. But these memories I could take with me anywhere. No matter where in the world I went I would carry with me Grandpa Charlie's love, I would smile as I recalled the sound of Sonny's laugh and the warmth of Cora's hugs would never be far if I just closed my eyes and thought of her.

I peered over my shoulder; Jake had stopped his approach a few yards from me. He stood now, his hands in his pockets and a smile at his lips as he watched me.

Yes, I would always love this place., just as I would always love the mausoleum.

But did I _belong _here? Did I truly belong anywhere or I would I just have to wander the world for my entire existence? I wasn't sure.

I peered back over at Jacob and smiled. I figure I had a while to figure it out.


End file.
